The former president denied reports that he tried to use his office to keep late-night shows from poking fun at him. “Not only that, he wanted Guillermo to pay for the wall,” Kimmel said on Tuesday.
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
A Visit From the Goon Squad
Former President Donald Trump is denying reports that, in 2019, he asked advisers and lawyers what the Department of Justice and other federal institutions could do “to probe or mitigate ‘S.N.L.,’ Jimmy Kimmel and other late-night comedy mischief-makers.”
“I don’t want him probing me,” Kimmel said Tuesday night at the top of his show.
“The report goes on to say, ‘To those who heard it, Trump’s inquiries into what federal regulations could be used to bust the likes of Kimmel and “S.N.L.” was more of a nuisance than a constitutional crisis.’ To me, it feels more like a crisis than a nuisance, I don’t know. Little did I know, I’m up here goofing on him, he’s asking the feds to do who the hell knows what?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“And when he was told there was no legal case to be made, that you can’t stop comedians from making fun of you when you’re president, Trump asked, ‘Can something else be done about it?’ Basically, Trump wanted to turn the Department of Justice into — remember on the old ‘Batman’ show, the Penguin had those henchmen in the bowler hats and the tight black shirts? This is what Trump wanted — a goon squad, a bunch of tough guys to rough people up — because he can’t take a joke. He can make one. In fact, he’s made several: Eric, Ivanka, Don Jr.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“And by the way, they say this happened near the beginning of the year, that was right around the time he had a summit with Kim Jong-un. Maybe he got the idea from him. I could be dog food right now. I’d be like, ‘Alec Baldwin’s the one you want — he dressed up as you.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“President Snowflake asked to send the authorities in to stop us from making fun of him. Not only that, he wanted Guillermo to pay for the wall.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Stephen Colbert joked that he thought he should get a higher billing on Trump’s list of nuisances, saying, “My name should be in lights on the stadium where they’re executing us for our terrible impressions of him!”
“Folks, this is dangerous, disturbing, un-American — and why do I get lumped in with ‘other comedy mischief-makers’? I don’t get it! What’s a guy gotta do? All due respect to my dear friend James Tiberius Kimmel, but if the D.O.J. thugs are kicking down doors to round up the late-night chuckleheads to drag us off to Mar-a-Gulago to be assassinated, I should get more than ‘and the rest.’ I do not appreciate the ‘Mary Ann and Professor’ treatment here!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“It’s strange. There has not been a presidential overreaction like this since Nixon sent Navy SEALs to assassinate the Smothers Brothers.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (‘Squid Pro Quo’ Edition)
“Here in New York, the Manhattan D.A.’s office is putting pressure on his underlings to get them to flip on the boss. Now they’re turning the screws on his former bodyguard, a guy who looks like he’d be named Matthew Calamari, Matthew Calamari.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referencing a criminal investigation of the Trump Organization, including top executives
“‘Matthew Calamari’ sounds like a name a cop makes up when he’s undercover at Olive Garden: [imitating police officer] ‘Yeah, yeah, I’m Matthew — Matthew Calamari, and this is my buddy, Larry Unlimited Breadsticks.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“No word yet on Trump’s other bodyguards Johnny Meatballs, Vinnie Calzone and Sammy Shrimp Scampi.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Wait, giving Calamari perks in exchange for his loyalty? That is a clear ‘squid pro quo.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Calamari isn’t the only member of this breaded crime ring in trouble, because prosecutors are also investigating Calamari’s son, Matthew Calamari Jr. Like his father, Calamari Jr. hasn’t been officially charged yet, but prosecutors recently advised both men to hire lawyers. You know the world is upside down when the Calamari are ordering lawyers for the whole table.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Kristen Bell and Jimmy Fallon performed their optimistic duet, “I Might Meet a Dog Today,” on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Former President Bill Clinton will talk about his new novel with James Patterson on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”
Also, Check This Out
Ann Dowd, who plays Aunt Lydia on the Hulu series “The Handmaid’s Tale,” stars in Robert Icke’s contemporary solo adaptation of Henrik Ibsen’s “Enemy of the People,” at the Park Avenue Armory in New York.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
