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      Jordan Klepper Teases Trump for Shilling Bibles

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      “How does that thing not burst into flames immediately?” Klepper joked of Donald Trump’s “latest very classy business venture” on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.’Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump’s Latest Mash-UpOn Tuesday, former President Donald Trump released a video on Truth Social, plugging his “God Bless the USA Bible” for $60.“The Daily Show” guest host Jordan Klepper called the move Trump’s “latest very classy business venture.”“How does that thing not burst into flames immediately?” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Yes, Trump is mashing together the Bible and the Constitution like it’s a Pizza Hut-Taco Bell.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“I know people will say that you’re not supposed to mix the Bible and the Constitution, but what you have to understand is Trump has never read either of them.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“If we step back and look at this, Trump getting into business with God can only mean one thing: God is going to end up bankrupt and serving a three-month prison sentence for lying under oath.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“I mean, what’s amazing about this is that Trump just made $5 billion on his new stock. Buddy, you’re not supposed to be doing this embarrassing grifter [expletive] when you’re that rich. Just start a private space company like a normal billionaire sociopath.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Corinthian Leather Edition)“I like how they made the Bible the exact color of his skin. Yeah, that’s interesting. Corinthian — Corinthian leather.” — JIMMY FALLON“[imitating Trump] It’s my favorite book right after ‘Captain Underpants’ and the Cheesecake Factory menu.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump is just like Christ. The Pharisees despised Jesus because Jesus had all of that prime Dead Sea-front property. Jesus was a brilliant capitalist. He’s buying lepers at rock-bottom prices, healing them, then flipping them for big denarii. We all know how he got an initial round of funding: selling golden sandals.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingKristen Stewart gave Seth Meyers a lesbian makeover while day drinking on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightJerry Seinfeld will sit down with Jimmy Fallon on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJenny Slate in her new special, “Seasoned Professional.”Amazon Prime VideoSix comedy specials from seasoned comics — Tig Notaro, Jenny Slate, Dan Soder, Cara Connors, David Cross and Dave Attell — are now available on streaming. More

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      Late Night Doesn’t Think Trump’s Good News Is All That Good

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      “It’s the first time someone’s ever heard, ‘Good news, you only owe $175 million,’” Jimmy Fallon said after the ex-president’s bond was reduced.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The $175 Million LifelineOn Monday, a New York appeals court reduced Donald Trump’s bond in his civil fraud case — originally set at $454 million — to a mere $175 million. He has 10 days to come up with it.“It’s the first time someone’s ever heard, ‘Good news, you only owe $175 million,’” Jimmy Fallon said.“After his lawyers argued last week that he did not have the money for the $454 million bond in his civil fraud case, former President Trump posted in all caps on Truth Social, ‘I currently have almost $500 million in cash.’ Dude, they’re trying to help you. That’s like if O.J. tweeted, ‘The glove fits great.’” — SETH MEYERS“He’s not a real rich guy; he just plays one on TV. Donald Trump has a billion dollars the same way Patrick Stewart has a spaceship.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Having 10 days to come up with $175 million doesn’t sound like good news; it sounds like the plot to a Jason Statham movie.” — JIMMY FALLON“In addition to cutting the bond by more than half and giving him an extension, the appeals court paused restrictions on Trump running any New York company or obtaining a loan from a New York bank, as well as the restrictions on his adult sons, which means now Don Jr. and Eric can still open their hot dog and cocaine cart.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Golf Edition)“Now, with all this going on, yesterday Donald Trump kept laser-focused on what’s most important to this struggling nation: golf.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yesterday, he posted online about winning his own golf tournament. After winning, he was honored to receive a congratulatory phone call from himself.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, woke libs! You think Donald Trump’s a loser? Well, would a loser brag about winning a golf tournament at his own course? I don’t think so!” — JON STEWART“Although, obviously, Trump has an advantage playing golf: It’s difficult for his opponents to stay focused when they spend all that time staring at that ass.” — JON STEWART“He truthed, ‘It is my great honor to be at Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach tonight, Awards Night, to receive the club championship trophy and the senior club championship trophy. I won both!’ Wow, he won both. You know what that means: Somebody else won both.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe blues and rock musician Gary Clark Jr. performed his song “Habits” on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe comedy legend Carol Burnett will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe author Judith Butler ponders how gender became a scary topic in her latest book.Thirty-four years and 15 books after “Gender Trouble,” the theorist Judith Butler returns to familiar terrain with “Who’s Afraid of Gender?” More

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      Kevin Hart Receives the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor

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      The prolific comic was honored at the Kennedy Center for a 25-year career that has included movies, TV series and many live events.The Kennedy Center honored the comedian, who said he “fell in love with the idea of comedy” as something he could do for the rest of his life.Paul Morigi/Getty ImagesKevin Hart stepped into the spotlight on Sunday night with his usual swagger to accept the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, occupying a stage lit up with his signature pyrotechnics.“Can I pee?” Mr. Hart said after a heartfelt tribute from his friend the comedian Dave Chappelle, before waddling offstage at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in Washington. He then reappeared to accept a bust of Mark Twain from David M. Rubenstein, the retiring chairman of the Kennedy Center.Mr. Hart, 44, is the 25th comic to receive the prize from the Kennedy Center, an honor given annually to the greatest humorists in American comedy. Mr. Hart was joined by his wife and four children, and grinned broadly even as he teared up at bitingly funny roasts and emotional tributes from friends and colleagues in the industry.“I played arenas with Chris Rock, and I would never play an arena before I saw you do it,” Mr. Chappelle said, crediting Mr. Hart with changing the business of stand-up comedy after a career selling out arena tours and even a football stadium in his hometown, Philadelphia. “You made me dream bigger, and you’re younger than me — it’s humiliating.”Over a roughly 25-year career — it was noted that he had been doing comedy since the inception of the Mark Twain Prize in the late 1990s — Mr. Hart has sold millions of tickets. He has built a loyal fan base through movies, TV series and many live events — some enhanced by fireworks — including eight comedy specials on relatable narratives, physical comedy and goofy re-enactments. But even when he rags on the cast of characters who file in and out of his life, he is usually the punchline of his own jokes.His peers also lauded him on Sunday for his work ethic, which includes appearing and casting friends in a slate of Hollywood movies, like the “Jumanji” sequels, dramedies such as “Fatherhood” and “Night School,” and a number of comedic action films.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Calls Trump’s V.P. Selection Process ‘The MAGA-pprentice’

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      Kimmel’s advice to Donald Trump’s potential running mates: “If he asks you to run, run!” Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The MAGA-pprentice’In his monologue on Thursday, Jimmy Kimmel talked about the speculation over who Donald Trump’s running mate will be. Supposedly, Trump plans to audition potential candidates at campaign rallies. “He’s turning this into ‘The MAGA-pprentice,’” Kimmel said.“The finalists for V.P. include Elise Stefanik, Tim Scott, Tulsi Gabbard and Dr. Ben Carson, even though Dr. Ben Carson died six years ago.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Ben Carson is literally a sleeper candidate. Can you imagine Vice President Carson sitting behind Trump at the State of the Union? This is a guy who falls asleep standing up.” — JIMMY KIMMELTrump is also said to be considering Senator Marco Rubio of Florida, despite the many insults the two have thrown at each other in the past. Kimmel found it funny that Rubio now says it would be an honor for anyone to be offered the position.“Oh, poor little Marco, he thinks he’s different,” Kimmel said. “He’s thinking, ‘I’m the one who’s going to ride this bull.’ No, no, you will wind up in the mud with all the other rodeo clowns.”“Think about all the people who thought they could domesticate Donald Trump: Chris Christie, Mitt Romney, Jeff Sessions, Kevin McCarthy, Rudy Giuliani, Ted Cruz, Ron DeSantis, Mike Pence, all his wives. I mean, you think this won’t be you, too? Destroying people like you — it’s the only thing Donald Trump is good at. If he asks you to run, run! Get those little legs moving like a toddler going into a Chuck E. Cheese.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Suggests Trump Take a Sip of His Own Medicine

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      “If Donald Trump wants immunity, he should drink bleach like he told us to do when we wanted immunity,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Has He Tried Bleach?On Tuesday, Donald Trump’s lawyers asked the Supreme Court to rule that he has absolute immunity from criminal charges stemming from his attempts to subvert the 2020 election.On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel joked that Trump “also wants immunity from chlamydia, just in case.”“His lawyers told the court, ‘Denial of criminal immunity would incapacitate every future president with de facto blackmail and extortion while in office and condemn him to years of post-office trauma at the hands of political opponents.’ Which sounds bad, right? And yet somehow, we’ve had 44 presidents before him — that never happened to any of them except for this one guy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“A president could make some seriously crazy stuff happen. If you’re dumb and arrogant, you commit the crimes yourself on television, then you have a problem. Then you have to beg the Supreme Court for something preposterous, like immunity. But if Donald Trump wants immunity, he should drink bleach like he told us to do when we wanted immunity.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Turns out the guy who bragged to Billy Bush he can do whatever he wants thinks he should be allowed to do whatever he wants.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (March Madness Edition)“My hope is that we get all the madness out in March, so we don’t have any left for November.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Gonzaga tomorrow plays McNeese State, which, not only do I not believe Gonzaga is a real place, I don’t think there’s any such place as McNeese State, either. I know for a fact there are 50 states, and McNeese is not one of them, OK? This is a game between two imaginary teams they’re putting on. The A.I. has finally taken over.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Today, President Biden posted his bracket, and he picked a favorite, UConn, to repeat as national champions. Yeah, Biden relates to UConn ’cause they both have a 38 percent chance of winning again.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, Biden has UConn, Houston, North Carolina and Tennessee in his Final Four, while Trump was able to identify all the mascots: [imitating Trump] ‘I see the duck, the bear, the lion.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Trump didn’t fill out a bracket ’cause he doesn’t have the 10 bucks to join the pool.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingKristen Wiig used an opera singer to answer Jimmy Fallon’s interview questions on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Shirley” star Regina King will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutA letter from Eric Clapton to Pattie Boyd, who inspired his song “Layla.” It begins, “Dearest L.”Christie’s Images Ltd.Pattie Boyd, who was at the center of one of rock’s most mythic love triangles, is auctioning love letters that Eric Clapton wrote her while she was married to George Harrison. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Thinks Hiring an Ex-Con Is the Right Move for Trump

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      Employing Paul Manafort, a former campaign adviser who was convicted of fraud, “will make Trump seem less fraudy by comparison,” the “Tonight Show” host reasoned.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Worst Best People’Donald Trump is said to be considering a new hire: Paul Manafort, one of his former campaign advisers, who went to prison for tax and bank fraud (and was pardoned by Trump in 2020). News outlets reported that he was in talks about helping with the Republican National Convention.On Tuesday’s “Tonight Show,” Jimmy Fallon said Trump’s team was hoping that “hiring someone who has been convicted of fraud will make Trump seem less fraudy by comparison.”“I think it’s actually a good idea. Trump needs an adviser like Paul Manafort to tell him not to hire guys like Paul Manafort.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump is bringing back all the worst best people.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump reportedly wants Manafort to help oversee the Republican National Convention, which I’m surprised he can do because, you know, when Manafort was being sentenced, he claimed he had too many medical problems to go to prison. But I guess he magically healed up. And who better to run your election campaign than a man who isn’t allowed to vote in that election?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Make America Kate Again Edition)“This week in the United States, there have been more Google searches for Kate Middleton than for Joe Biden or Donald Trump. We finally did it — we made America Kate again.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You could tell it’s the first day of spring ’cause, according to the royal family, Kate Middleton just came out of hibernation.” — JIMMY FALLON“Kate has not been seen in public since she had surgery back in January, which of course led to all sorts of rumors about her whereabouts and well-being. Everyone’s putting together clues to find the princess — it’s like an international game of ‘Zelda’ is happening right now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Maybe she got a bad perm and is waiting for her hair to grow out, you know?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This shows you how different it is in the U.K. Kate goes missing for a few weeks, the whole country goes berserk. Meanwhile, we haven’t seen Melania since 2021.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe hip-hop mogul Dr. Dre was joined by Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent and Eminem for his first late-night appearance in 30 years on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightKristen Wiig will appear on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutMost of the tracks on Shakira’s new album deal with romantic ups and (mostly) downs, honed into crisp, tuneful pop structures.Jose Breton/Invision, vía Associated PressShakira says her first album in seven years, “Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran,” helped her transform “pain into productivity.” More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Gets a Kick Out of Bothering Donald Trump

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      “Donald Trump has said I’m not talented so many times, Eric is starting to get jealous,” Kimmel said after the ex-president bashed him (again) on Fox News.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.They’re All Going to Laugh at YouDuring a Fox News appearance over the weekend, Donald Trump discussed Jimmy Kimmel’s jab at him during the Oscars. Trump expressed amazement that Kimmel had read Trump’s insulting posts about him on the air (“All he had to do was keep his mouth shut”). The ex-president also insisted that his posts had gone viral, not Kimmel’s on-air response to them: “Isn’t it past your jail time?”“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” Kimmel said on Monday. “I mean, Donald Trump has said I’m not talented so many times, Eric is starting to get jealous.””What he doesn’t realize is that I love this. I love that this bothered him so much. I love that Fox picked a news guy nobody knows to interview him, and I especially love when he tries to spin the fact that everyone was laughing at him into a positive.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Barbie was laughing at you. Not only were they laughing at you on Oscar Sunday, there are now dozens of ‘Past Your Jail Time’ shirts for sale. There are mugs. There are tank tops. There is an ‘Isn’t It Past Your Jail Time’ backpack. People are writing it outside the Trump Hotel. There are billboards. There are billboards in Pennsylvania, in Florida, and there are a lot more to come.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But if only I’d kept my mouth shut. Imagine him telling anyone they should’ve kept their mouth shut? I mean, that should be on his tombstone: ‘Should have kept his mouth shut.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (His Word Is His Bond Edition)“Trump’s lawyers today told the court they can’t find anyone to put up the $454 million bond he needs to cover what he owes the state of New York. They say they approached around 30 bond companies and none of them would do business — gee, I wonder why.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In his defense, how is a billionaire ever supposed to come up with half a billion dollars, you know?” — JIMMY FALLON“Can you imagine that call? ‘Hi, we represent Donald Trump. We were wondering if you could — hello?’ I mean, who would have ever guessed that a hard-earned reputation for not paying your bills would make it difficult to get credit?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump is pretty desperate for the money. Right now, if you go on Airbnb, you can rent Trump Tower, Mar-a-Lago and Eric.” — JIMMY FALLON“And what’s the problem, anyway? Didn’t you say Mar-a-Lago is worth at least $1.8 billion? Just get a reverse mortgage on that. I’m sure Tom Selleck could help you.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Isn’t Shocked to See Trump Back in Court

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      ”What’s still a mystery is why a bunch of top secret documents were taken by a president who, by all accounts, does not read,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Another Day in CourtFormer President Donald Trump appeared in a Florida courtroom on Thursday, where a federal judge rejected his motion to dismiss charges of mishandling classified documents against him.“The fun thing about these hearings is you don’t know if Trump is going to show up,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “He doesn’t have to come, but he sometimes — it’s like when you go on a boat, sometimes you see a whale, sometimes you don’t.”“Even when he’s not required to be there, just scowling at the defense table, storming out of the courtroom, and holding impromptu press conferences while he’s penned in by barricades like a balloon before the start of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.” — SETH MEYERS“You’re not supposed to love being in court this much. The only person I can think of who spent this much time in court is Judge Judy, and look how mad she is.” — SETH MEYERS“This is a historic case. Not only is it the first time a former president has been charged with illegally removing and withholding classified documents; it’s also the first time a former president used classified documents to decorate his bathroom.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump claims the documents were his to do with as he pleased. But his claim is complicated by the fact that they were not. They were not his to do with. What’s still a mystery is why a bunch of top secret documents were taken by a president who, by all accounts, does not read.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Badly Edition)“Yes, in terms of badly, Trump has been treated the badliest. Although maybe Lincoln was treated a little bit worse, what with being shot in the head and all? But I doubt he was on his deathbed saying, ‘At least I didn’t have a pee tape rumor.’” — DESI LYDIC of “The Daily Show,” on Trump saying that of all the presidents, “nobody’s been treated like Trump, in terms of badly” “Nobody’s been treated like Trump, in terms of badly, and Trump should be treated in terms of goodly.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, he said no president’s been treated worse. Yeah, even John Wilkes Booth is like, ‘Hold on.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Totally normal way to say that. Reminds me of my favorite Michael Jackson album, ‘In Terms of Badly.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Presnell interrupted Questlove and Tariq’s re-enactment of his tense moment from the “Love is Blind” reunion on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJoy Woods, left, and Ryan Vasquez as the young adult incarnations of Allie and Noah in the musical “The Notebook” at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theater in Manhattan.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesAttendees of the new stage musical based on the 2004 movie “The Notebook” can buy a box of tissues in the lobby for $5. More