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    Charity Lawson, a Former ‘Bachelorette’ Star, Attends NY Bridal Fashion Week

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    Charity Lawson earned a reputation of being a sweetheart after starring in the 20th season of “The Bachelorette,” which ended in August with her engagement to Dotun Olubeko, an integrative medicine specialist.Ms. Lawson, 28, seemingly always has a smile on her face. She knows what she likes and she does not put up with drama, a trait that was witnessed first hand this week amid the chaos that was New York Bridal Fashion Week — a chaos that this season was exacerbated by heavy rain and wind.The three-day event, from April 2 to 4, was an opportunity for bridal designers to show their latest collections to journalists, buyers and, in Ms. Lawson’s case, a bride-to-be who is starting to look for dresses for her 2025 wedding.She hopes to have a dress chosen by July for the wedding she is planning in California next fall, which will be followed by a traditional Nigerian celebration in Lagos, Nigeria, to honor her fiancé’s heritage.Before becoming a “Bachelorette,” Ms. Lawson, 28, was a contestant on the 27th season of “The Bachelor,” which premiered in January 2023. Later that year, she appeared on season 32 of “Dancing With the Stars,” finishing in fourth place with her dance partner Artem Chigvintsev.“It’s a lot,” Ms. Lawson, a former children’s therapist, said about appearing in back-to-back-to-back reality television shows broadcast last year. “I came into all of this quickly. I didn’t envision myself even being engaged.”We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      in Music

      Nadya Tolokonnikova of Pussy Riot Marries John Caldwell

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      Nadya Tolokonnikova, a founding member of Pussy Riot, and John Caldwell have always prioritized being “helpful,” he said, over being happy.When Nadya Tolokonnikova, one of the founding members of the anti-establishment punk collective Pussy Riot, reached out to John Caldwell on Discord, an encrypted messaging app, he asked if she was a bot.“She just said ‘haha,’” said Mr. Caldwell, who was already familiar with her work. “I was very suspicious.”Ms. Tolokonnikova had developed an interest in cryptocurrency and blockchain and had heard about Mr. Caldwell, a partner at a financial services company who specialized in crypto, from a friend. “I was jumping on Zooms with random people with no romantic intentions, just learning about crypto,” she said.They met for dinner a few days later, in mid-September 2021. “It ended horribly,” Mr. Caldwell said. “She faked a call to Europe and left.”Ms. Tolokonnikova, an activist, musician and artist, described herself as a “super introverted person,” and said she normally spaces out meetings with new people. But at the time, she was in the process of crash educating herself on a new topic, and had therefore scheduled several meetings in one day, and the dinner with Mr. Caldwell was last.“I was overwhelmed,” she said. So she left abruptly. But, she said, “it was not a reflection on John at all.” In fact, she had been intrigued by their conversation about reproductive rights and religion, and by Mr. Caldwell’s suggestion that she tap into the deep pockets of the crypto world to raise funds for causes she was interested in.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber?  More

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      A Wedding That’s Also a Rave? More Couples Say ‘I Do.’

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      As the popularity of electronic music at weddings grows, it’s out with the hotel ballrooms and in with the raves — grandparents included.When Stephen Le Duc posted on a Reddit forum proposing a meet-up at a music festival, he had no idea he would meet his future wife.In 2019, Mr. Le Duc, a mechanical engineer, was headed solo to the Electric Daisy Carnival in Las Vegas, an annual dance music festival. He met up with Olivia Le Duc, then Olivia Brents, who had responded to his post, and soon realized they shared not only a love of raves, but also swing dancing and retro culture. At the festival, they fell in love.Two years later, at that same festival, Mr. Le Duc, now 38, traded “kandi” — beaded bracelets typically exchanged at a rave — with Ms. Le Duc, a 28-year-old e-commerce merchandiser. The beads spelled out “marry me.”The couple, who live in Long Beach, Calif., knew from the start that they wanted an unconventional celebration; their families did not. When his wife’s grandmother suggested a church wedding, “I was like, ‘Oh, no, that can’t happen,’” Mr. Le Duc said, with a laugh.In recent years, many couples have swapped out more traditional receptions for raves and all night dance parties, prioritizing the music over (almost) all else. Celebrations can range from rave-themed after parties to million dollar, multiday productions that rival a music festival. On The Knot, a wedding planning site and vendor marketplace, searches for electronic dance music genre D.J.s jumped 156 percent in the first nine months of this year from the same period a year ago.“I think couples are really feeling empowered to reimagine tradition,” said Hannah Nowack, the senior weddings editor at the Knot. “Weddings aren’t one size fits all.” Décor like disco balls, neon lights and LED dance floors — things that make dancing “a focal point” — are popular, she said.At the Le Ducs’ wedding this March at the Ace Hotel in Palm Springs, Calif., a piano rendition of their favorite EDM song sound tracked the bride’s walk down the aisle. In addition to rings, they traded aquamarine- and garnet-studded kandi bracelets during the ceremony, which included a mention of “PLUR,” a mantra popular in the rave community that stands for “Peace, Love, Unity, Respect.”In addition to rings, the Le Ducs traded “kandi,” or beaded bracelets, that spelled out “PLUR,” a mantra popular in the rave community that stands for “Peace, Love, Unity, Respect.”Jeff ThatcherFor a certain demographic, a massive festival-like wedding has long been popular. “The average wedding I do has a $3 million budget,” said Vikas Sapra, a D.J. who works with 4AM, a management company for D.J.s and producers, in New York. “They are well-traveled, so they’re hitting all the international party spots: Ibiza, Mykonos, St Barts, St Tropez — that whole ecosystem. And obviously Burning Man, Coachella.”Many couples he has worked with host their weddings at estates in Mexico, Israel and Morocco where there are fewer limitations — often in deserts where they can “basically build structures from scratch to hold all the speakers and the lighting and the sound,” Mr. Sapras said. One wedding with more than 400 guests in Mexico that he D.J.’d went until 9:30 a.m. and involved pyrotechnics, a drone show and a replica of the Colosseum. “There’s also generally a lot of substances at some of these weddings — to go until 9 in the morning, to make it like a 15-hour day, it requires a little help,” Mr. Sapra said. “These days, psychedelics are much bigger.”In the United States, cities like Palm Springs are popular for more alternative outdoor weddings. Trish Jones, a wedding planner in Palm Springs, has organized parties with CO2 guns, cold sparklers and many neon lights. “I have friends that are planners in L.A. and Pasadena and Orange County and their weddings are all really basic,” she said. “They’re a lot of times in hotels, ballrooms — you can’t really modify those very much. You’re kind of working with the template. Out here, we have a lot more freedom.”For Michelle Phu, a wedding planner in Dallas with a primarily Asian American clientele, couples have requested EDM music for their receptions for years. “But lately it’s been like, hey, let’s just forget about the father-daughter dance, forget about all this stuff — it’s just a full-time rager from the beginning to the end,” she said.“I’m Asian myself, and I feel like we value our parents’ opinions a lot,” Ms. Phu said. “With that, you just want to make sure your parents are happy with it, listening to their guidance on how to plan your wedding. Lately, a lot of my clients are like, let’s just do what’s best for us versus what’s best for our parents — that’s the biggest shift I think so far.”“If you put on Pitbull, your laptop is being thrown into the Hudson,” said Alison Kalinowski.Rachel Rosenstein“For at least a few minutes,” she wanted her wedding to William Arendt, in suspenders, “to feel like a nightclub in Berlin,” she said.Rachel RosensteinAlison Kalinowski, 29, bought her first Tiësto CD when she was 10 — her brother and Polish parents exposed her to dance music early on. So when it was time for Ms. Kalinowski, who works in health tech, to plan her wedding to William Arendt, a 29-year-old engineer, music was the priority. She knew what she didn’t want: “If you put on Pitbull, your laptop is being thrown into the Hudson.”Ms. Kalinowski, however, acknowledged that “if I did four hours of straight rave music, no one will have fun except me.” So, for their April 15 wedding at Maritime Parc in Jersey City, N.J., she told the D.J. that “for at least a few minutes, I want my wedding to feel like a nightclub in Berlin.”Some couples go straight to the source by simply getting married at a dance music festival. Adrian Rudow, a 29-year-old accountant, and her husband, Adam Rudow, a 30-year-old games programmer, have attended E.D.C. in Las Vegas nine times together. In May, the couple, who also live in Long Beach, married at a chapel on the festival grounds in a ceremony that took 15 minutes.Ms. Rudow wore a custom sparkling outfit with platform heels and fluffy earrings, while her husband wore a white sequin suit. Her two younger sisters, who acted as her maids of honor, were each clad in rainbow print. “I feel like there’s no rule book anymore,” she said. When they held a larger reception in October, the music turned to “everything that we really like — trance, progressive house,” Ms. Rudow said. “Seeing my grandma dance to that was the funniest thing.”Adam and Adrian Rudow have attended the Electric Daisy Festival in Las Vegas nine times together. In May, they married on the festival grounds. “I feel like there’s no rule book anymore,” Ms. Rudow said. Cozza MediaAnd that is often the couples’ intention: to expose their broader communities to their passions. At the Le Ducs’ wedding reception in Palm Springs, Moses Samuel — a friend they had met at a rave who acted as officiant — performed a 30-minute fire spinning set. Ms. Le Duc danced with her LED hula hoop and Mr. Le Duc took out his light-up baton. They also handed out light-up crowns, mini-fiber optic whips and light sticks — party favors that even their parents’ friends enjoyed.“I was concerned about my mom because she’s in her 70s and this is not quite her cup of tea,” Mr. Le Duc said. But “she pulled me aside and she goes, ‘I’m having the most fun I’ve ever had.’” More

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      in Theater

      A Hairless Cat and Nickelback. What Could Be More Romantic?

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      When performers Kayla Pecchioni and Colin Barkell met at a Tonys viewing party, a kitten named Paw McCatney helped break the ice.On Sept. 26, 2021, Colin Ernest Barkell spotted Kayla Dianne Pecchioni stroking her hairless kitten at a screening of the Tony Awards. He was instantly attracted. Especially to the cat.In the lounge of the Chicago apartment building where theater fans had gathered for the show, “I was like, ‘I need to see this guy’,” he said of the creature. By the time “Moulin Rouge!” had racked up its final award that night, he was halfway in love with the blanket-swaddled kitten in Ms. Pecchioni’s arms. Three nights later, he fell fully in love with Ms. Pecchioni.Mr. Barkell and Ms. Pecchioni, who reside in Harlem, are performing artists. She is currently the swing role and an understudy for the character Sugar Kane in Broadway’s “Some Like It Hot.” Before he formed the rock band King Vaudeville last year, he was a professional Irish dancer.Their meet-up in the lobby of Marquee at Block 37 apartments was not random: That September, both had been cast in “Paradise Square,” a musical that started its run in Chicago before moving to Broadway in April 2022. Each had made their way to the lobby for the Tonys screening with their castmates 12 days into rehearsals.Colin Barkell, left, also performed in the show.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesKayla Pecchioni, in the coral-colored dress, performs in “Paradise Square.”Kevin BerneFor Ms. Pecchioni, 31, the viewing party had given rise to dueling instincts. “It was our first opportunity to hang out as a cast, which was great,” she said. But the gathering in an unfamiliar city with a roomful of newish faces was also anxiety producing. Paw McCatney, the kitten she had adopted four months earlier as an emotional support animal to help her through the stress and uncertainty of the pandemic, helped with that. A hairless cat, she said, is a reliable conversation starter.“It’s 50-50 for people,” she said. “They’re either, ‘I’m very intrigued!’ or ‘Get that thing away from me.’” That Mr. Barkell so instantly placed himself in the former category qualified him as new friend material right away.Ms. Pecchioni is from Louisville, Ky. Until she was 4, she lived with her maternal grandparents, Andrea and Frank Pecchioni, so her mother, Deedee Cummings, could finish her bachelor’s degree at Bennett College. “I had this fun hippie life with my grandparents,” she said. “We’d garden and listen to the Beatles. It was very, very lovely.”Soon after Ms. Cummings earned her diploma and returned to Louisville, she met Ms. Pecchioni’s stepfather, Anthony Cummings. She has two younger brothers, Anthony II and Nicholas.Binge more Vows columns here and read all our wedding, relationship and divorce coverage here.A love of musicals came early. “Chicago,” the 2002 movie, “rocked my world,” she said. But in high school at the Youth Performing Arts School of Louisville, she majored in dance. Later, at Northern Kentucky University, she focused on acting and singing, graduating in 2014 with a bachelor of fine arts degree in musical theater.The bride’s shoes and bouquet.Perri LeighTwo years of performing on Norwegian Cruise Line cruises followed, something she could have done forever, she said. “The only thing that broke me out of it was my mom kind of tapping me on the shoulder and saying, ‘You have bigger goals.’”In 2016, she moved to Inwood, in Manhattan, and days later booked her first gig as a singer with the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. A year later, she landed a leading role playing Nabulungi in “The Book of Mormon.”In lean times, before she was cast in “Paradise Square,” she worked retail jobs at stores including Lululemon. Her social life didn’t slip through the cracks. “I dated a lot” in New York she said. “But I always dated with the intention of finding my person, and nothing ever really stuck.”On Tonys night in Chicago, she didn’t see Mr. Barkell as a potential boyfriend. She had noticed him on day one of rehearsals, first because of his height — Mr. Barkell is six-foot-six — and then because of his baritone voice, which everyone else paid attention to, too. “It’s something the entire room took notice of, like ‘Who is this person?’” she said. But “I was like, he’s just a guy, you know?’” Once he had established his appreciation for Paw McCatney, he became just a guy she trusted enough to escort her on a sightseeing tour around Chicago.Mr. Barkell, 32, was born in Long Beach, Calif., and moved to Sterling, Va., with his parents, Leland and Nancy Barkell, and older sister, Erin, at the start of high school for his father’s career as lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Marines. Though the family is “barely Irish,” he said, he had taken a few Irish dance lessons before he left California. As a teenager, he picked it up again, enrolling in classes at the Maple Academy of Irish Dance in nearby Vienna.“It was something I really loved to do, even though it’s not necessarily something that comes naturally to a tall person because there’s balance and coordination involved,” he said.Kennedy Caughell, a “Paradise Square” castmate and wedding guest, said, “I watched their love grow from this kind of nervous affection for each other to falling head over heels.” As a couple, “they heat up a room.”Perri LeighAt first he struggled to find his footing. But by 2012, when he moved to Galway, Ireland, for two years to further his dance studies, he had won multiple regional championships. A year later, he placed eighth in the World Irish Dancing Championships. His 2016 bachelor’s degree in geography and geographical information sciences from George Mason University took him seven years to complete. “I kept leaving to do dance,” he said.Like Ms. Pecchioni, he performed on cruise lines after college and later bounced between New York and Nashville working as a dancer and singer. Then, in 2021, “I got this crazy opportunity to be in a Broadway show, which wasn’t on my radar as something to pursue,” he said. The opportunity landed because of his background: “Paradise Square,” set in the Civil War era, is about an intersecting community of free Black people and Irish immigrants in New York’s Five Points neighborhood.On meeting Ms. Pecchioni in Chicago, his first thought wasn’t that they should date. “It’s such a roller coaster,” he said of his career, that dating anyone with intention seemed nearly impossible. But he changed his mind quickly on Sept. 29, when he arrived at her temporary digs for their tour of the city.Mr. Barkell gets choked up at the memory of the music she was playing when he knocked. “No way,” he said, when she opened the door. “You’re playing Nickelback?” Ms. Pecchioni braced herself for what she thought would be a polarizing conversation. “For whatever reason, it’s always been fun for people to hate Nickelback,” she said. But “I frigging love Nickelback.” Same with Mr. Barkell: “I said, ‘These guys have had hit after hit. They’re bangers. They should be respected.’”Ms. Pecchioni describes herself as “a big music person.” Hence Paw McCatney, a nod to her lifelong love of the Beatles, introduced to her by her grandparents. Mr. Barkell is also a Beatles fan. But both consider the Nickelback moment a defining one.The 140 guests ate beef tenderloin and chicken piccata at dinner. The bride is from Louisville, Ky., where the wedding was held. Perri Leigh“That was the spark,” she said. “There was a quick switch where it went from getting to know each other to something else.” At Chicago’s Riverwalk, over beers at the Northman Beer & Cider Garden, they established that both were single. Before they walked home, he kissed her. Then “it was, I’m going to spend every day with her. I knew it and I very nearly said that,” he said.A week and a half later, he told her he was in love with her. “A day after that I said, ‘So, you want to be my girlfriend?’” Falling for Ms. Pecchioni had delivered him clarity. “For me it was, ‘Oh, so this is what it’s supposed to feel like.’” Ms. Pecchioni felt the same.“Paradise Square” ran in Chicago until early December. For the holidays, the couple road tripped to Nashville, where Mr. Barkell was performing with a band that predated King Vaudeville, and then to Louisville and Calumet, Mich., where Mr. Barkell’s parents had retired. Both had given their families a heads-up about the seriousness of their romance. A sense of instant acceptance greeted them in both hometowns. “Everything naturally fell into place,” Ms. Pecchioni said. “That’s the theme of our whole relationship.”When the show made its Broadway debut last year, Mr. Barkell moved into Ms. Pecchioni and Paw’s Harlem apartment. When it closed in July, he was already planning to propose. His parents knew a jeweler in Michigan who helped him design a diamond and blue topaz toi et moi ring; on Oct. 3, after a night spent performing Irish dance at a charity event at Chelsea Factory, he presented it in their living room.“He was crying and I was screaming,” Ms. Pecchioni said. Her excitement aside, it wasn’t the proposal she had imagined. In her fantasy version, she looked down at her suitor as he dropped to one knee. In real life, “he’s so tall we were still eye-to-eye.”Both bride and groom studied and made a career of dance, so, not surprisingly, dance — including an Irish dance session — was a big part of their reception.Perri LeighOn Oct. 8, Ms. Pecchioni and Mr. Barkell were married at Hazelnut Farm in Louisville. Derwin Webb, a Pecchioni family friend and a judge of the Jefferson County Court, officiated a traditional ceremony for 140 guests that included several former “Paradise Square” castmates.When Mr. Webb pronounced them married, they looked out on a sea of damp-eyed, cheering loved ones. With a double-fist bump and happy tears of their own, the couple recessed down the grassy aisle to what both considered the role of a lifetime: as partners for life.On This DayWhen Oct. 8, 2023Where Hazelnut Farm, Louisville, Ky.They’re the Tops At a cocktail hour steps from the altar, guests were shown Southern hospitality in the form of a grazing table piled with fresh fruit, cheeses and caviar. For dinner, they chose from beef tenderloin and chicken piccata. Dessert was a strawberry cake topped with a Polaroid picture of the couple in their wedding clothes (a Martina Liana gown for her; a black tuxedo for him). “We always wanted to look like the cake topper couple at our wedding,” Ms. Pecchioni said.Step Lively After the couple danced with their parents, a dance floor was cleared for an Irish dance session led by Mr. Barkell. More than a dozen guests joined in, with Ms. Pecchioni making a late entrance to dance her way into the heart of the group.From Day 1 Kennedy Caughell, a “Paradise Square” castmate and wedding guest, was there the night the couple bonded at the 2021 Tony Awards. Back in Chicago, “I watched their love grow from this kind of nervous affection for each other to falling head over heels,” she said. As a couple, “they heat up a room.” More

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      in Theater

      An Accidental First Date Leads to Lifelong Partnership

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      Lily Ramirez and Michael Fasano were not looking for love … until they missed a few flights and attended a Denver Broncos game.When Lily Gene Ramirez and Michael Anthony Fasano attended the same December 2017 holiday party in Denver, both were nursing wounds from recent romantic woes.“I recall just saying hi to each other very quickly, and I didn’t really give him the time of day,” Ms. Ramirez said.The next day one of their shared personality quirks emerged, and the seeds of an accidental first date were planted.Mr. Fasano has a propensity to ignore boarding times for his flights, and on Sunday morning he skipped his departure to his home in New York City altogether. Ms. Ramirez, who tends to postpone travel plans depending on the situation, also decided to stay. She had planned to fly to Gainesville, Fla., for the holidays that day.Their friends had persuaded them to attend a Denver Broncos game later that Sunday.Both got tickets at the last minute and sat together, just the two of them (they took in a 23-0 thrashing of the New York Jets). For three hours, they got to know each other. Both liked what they saw and heard.“We weren’t looking for anything romantic,” Ms. Ramirez said. “We just went to the game and had a fun time together.”“I moved my flight again to Tuesday, and we ended up spending the day together on Monday,” Mr. Fasano said.They exchanged numbers, kept in touch, and quickly began to communicate every day.“It was super easy,” Mr. Fasano said. “There was never any conversation about ‘where we stood.’ We both just knew we wanted to be together.”The couple visited each other every other weekend. Their shared background as athletes also bore out a love of food, traversing the culinary scenes of Denver, New York and beyond. Mr. Fasano eventually moved to Denver where they briefly lived together. Then Ms. Ramirez passed the Florida bar exam and found a new opportunity in Miami, where they now reside.Ms. Ramirez, 33, was born and raised in Gainesville, Fla. She has a bachelor’s degree in criminology and was an all-American swimmer at the University of Florida, following in the footsteps of her father, Robin Ramirez, a member of the class of 1981 and Alumni Hall of Fame Honoree. She has a law degree from the University of Denver Sturm College of Law in 2016 and practiced law in Colorado until moving to Miami in 2022, where she is a senior associate with Kasowitz Benson Torres.Mr. Fasano, 36, was born in Bridgeport, Conn., and grew up in nearby Southport. He graduated with a bachelor’s degree in economics from Arizona State University and was a member of the rugby team. He is now a director at RIPCO Real Estate in Miami.Matt Wilson PhotographyThe couple’s bond deepened about two months into their relationship when Ms. Ramirez traveled to the Fasano family home in Vermont. She recognized another important facet of their personalities — love of family.“My parents are madly in love and have been together for more than 35 years,” Ms. Ramirez said. “They were a model couple for me to find the love of my life. I knew that night I had found him.”Their mothers echoed similar sentiments about their relationship.“They really ‘get’ each other,” Ms. Ramirez’s mother, Susan Ramirez, said. “I liked Mike immediately because Lily seemed so taken with him, and I could tell he was a good person.”Mr. Fasano’s mother, Laura Fasano, said: “There’s so much joyfulness when they’re together. There’s never any drama with them.”The couple flew to Portugal right after Christmas 2021 to ring in the New Year at a black-tie event, for which they purchased formal attire. The couple spent a great deal of time planning this trip only to realize after strolling up that night to the party in Cascais that they had not purchased tickets to the event.“We decided to make the best of it. We ordered a nice takeout dinner and had a great night exploring the city,” Ms. Ramirez said.[Click here to binge read this week’s featured couples.]Both knew the proposal was coming on this trip — Ms. Ramirez simply didn’t know when. In truth, Mr. Fasano didn’t either. Until the morning of Jan. 1, 2022.“Every time we were doing something romantic on the trip, I could see her looking at me to see if it was time,” Mr. Fasano said. “But I wanted to surprise her. So that morning we had just got back to the hotel with an amazing view of the sunrise on the Mediterranean Sea, and Lily was distracted. I knew that was the perfect time.The couple married Oct. 13 at the Addison of Boca Raton, in Florida, in front of 165 guests. Karen Steinhauser, a lawyer Ms. Ramirez used to clerk for who was ordained by Universal Life Church for the occasion, officiated.When it came to the moment of allowing anyone to object to this union, Ms. Steinhauser proclaimed, “To the many lawyers here, we know that motion should’ve been filed a long time ago.”Under the canopy of two gargantuan banyan trees in the Addison courtyard, the couple exchanged impromptu vows.“He’s always put me first and been there for me unconditionally,” Ms. Ramirez said. “He makes me a better person.”Mr. Fasano said in his vows, “I’m truly at my happiest when I can make her happy. And I’m going to chase that feeling for the rest of my life.” More

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      in Television

      ‘Indian Matchmaking,’ It’s Time to Break Up

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      The Netflix dating show claims that tradition can find love where modernity has failed. But all it does is reinforce age-old prejudices.“In India we don’t say ‘arranged marriage.’ There is ‘marriage’ and then ‘love marriage.’” Of all the platitudes — and she spouts a lot of them — issued forth by Sima Taparia, the self-anointed top matchmaker of Mumbai and breakout star of Netflix’s “Indian Matchmaking,” none land more true than this one. It’s not as if finding husbands and wives for unpaired offspring hasn’t been a fixation of anxious parents across centuries and civilizations, even if in Europe and the United States, love may have finally entered the chat and stayed long enough to become unexceptional. But for older generations in India, parents’ finding spouses for their children has been the norm for so long that the idea of those same adult children’s marrying for “love” is still alien enough for it to occupy an entirely separate category — now a reality-TV show.“Indian Matchmaking,” whose third season premiered on April 21, follows the immaculately coifed, highlighted and bejeweled Taparia as she steamrolls through the lives of unhappily single men and women of Indian origin mostly living in America. She promises to find them the spouses of their dreams, as long as they don’t dream for too much. The cast varies (with some fan favorites and villains occasionally brought back) but most are seemingly well-off young people, urbane and cosmopolitan, who run their own businesses and attend boutique workout classes. This season’s standouts include an emergency-room doctor named Vikash, whose god complex extends to referring to himself in the third person as Vivacious Vikash and performing solo dances to Hindi songs at his friends’ weddings (and allowing video of himself doing so to be broadcast on the show); he wants a tall Hindi-speaking girl because he’s really attached to Indian “culture.” There’s Bobby, the over-energetic teacher who performs a math-themed rap that ends with him snarling “mathematics, boiii” at the screen. Arti from Miami lists weekly visits to Costco as her hobby.The activities that these aspirant matchees choose for the dates they go on (wine tastings, yoga with baby goats) are straight out of gentrified Williamsburg. Interspersed in between these scenes are cameos from their stony-faced parents, astrologers dispensing sex advice, face readers, tarot-card readers and Taparia’s own peremptory admonishments reminding them that they’re never getting everything they want in a partner, so they better start lowering their expectations now.She promises to find them the spouses of their dreams, as long as they don’t dream for too much.That she has not yet made a single match resulting in marriage over the course of two seasons and 16 episodes has deterred neither Taparia herself nor the makers of the show from continuing this Sisyphean journey into a third. She is not one to suffer from impostor syndrome or even, apparently, introspection, so her matchmaking methodology remains resolutely unchanged. The only big departure this time around is the expansion of her hunting grounds to Britain, where she commences her reign of terror in London by telling a 35-year-old divorcee named Priya that she “should not be so much picky.”To people like me, who grew up in this third-party matchmaking milieu, Sima Taparia or Sima Aunty (a nickname she gives herself) is just that — an aunty, an archetype we’ve known and avoided all our lives: the obnoxious and overbearing relative, neighbor or acquaintance with zero sense of boundaries. But to the global audiences who eagerly lapped up “Indian Matchmaking” during the early months of the pandemic, Taparia was a delightful novelty, in one moment tossing bon mots of conjugal wisdom with the serenity of an all-knowing sibyl (“You will only get 60 to 70 percent of what you want; you will never get 100 percent”) and in the next moment ordering a female client to get rid of her “high standards” with the brusqueness of a guidance counselor breaking it to an overzealous student that they’re not getting into Harvard.In India, the business of parents seeking brides and grooms for their children is a cruel and cutthroat one, having originated as a way to preserve caste endogamy.Throughout history, the coming together of two people in matrimony (holy or otherwise) has never been just about the union itself — it is the broader institution that reveals the deepest anxieties (financial, religious or racial) undergirding a society. “Indian Matchmaking” bills itself as just any other show about the caprices of trying to find love in a hostile world. It is predicated on the idea that seeking the help of someone as quaintly old-fashioned as a matchmaker is superior to the travails of dating online, where one must undergo far worse indignities like being ghosted or breadcrumbed. Here, at least, relationship expectations are mutual, and after all, what is a “biodata” (a curiously-named document Taparia uses in her practice) if not the same exaggerated dating-app profile but in résumé form and with fewer wince-inducing mentions about loving tacos and pizza.But in India, the business of parents seeking brides and grooms for their children is a cruel and cutthroat one, having originated as a way to preserve caste endogamy, and it continues to be fraught with violence from every side, a reality that is at odds with the show’s portrayal of the process as a decorous, civilized exchange that takes place over tea and manners. The most pernicious aspects are hidden behind a flimsy veneer of fabricated gentility, apparent in the many euphemistic phrases in which Taparia, the singles she is matching and their parents communicate. The show’s title itself reads like an awkward, faux-anthropological translation, when in reality, the Indian here in “Indian Matchmaking” is merely a stand-in for outrageously wealthy, landed upper-caste Hindus (with an exception here and there).Caste, one of the most malicious forces still dictating India’s social fabric, is gingerly intimated by low-voiced mumblings of “same community.” Openly declaring that you want to marry someone filthy rich would be uncouth, so the words “good family, good upbringing” are uttered frequently. Women cannot afford to be “picky.” Women have to be “flexible.” They must also learn how to “compromise.” My personal favorite of these, though, is “adjust,” one of the hardest-working euphemisms in Indian English, whose meaning linguistically can range from the squeezed addition of a third backside on a bus seat meant to fit only two, to a man’s parents’ demanding that the girl foredoomed to marry their son give up her professional career to pursue full-time daughter-in-law activities. Curiously enough, the men are spared the brunt of such exhortations.“In marriage, every desire becomes a decision,” remarked Susan Sontag in 1956, a strikingly trenchant line that I recalled when watching the show’s participants being quizzed about their “criteria” for a potential spouse. Initially, they start out reciting millennial-speak straight out of the 2012 twee-internet era: the desire for someone “kind” with a “sense of humor.” But upon further prodding, out come tumbling the real demands, the decisions that display that their modernity hasn’t yet overcome the inherited prejudices that govern this entire phenomenon. Costco-obsessed Arti cannot help mentioning that her father would have really, really, really loved for her to marry someone from her “community.” Vivacious Vikash, meanwhile, for all his insistence on Indian “culture,” forgot to specify that he wanted a Hindi-speaking girl from America (a “same community” of its own) and not the “very Indian” woman with the Indian accent that Sima Aunty found for him.Source photographs: NetflixIva Dixit is a staff editor at the magazine. Her previous articles include an appreciation of eating raw red onions and an exploration into the continued popularity of “Emily in Paris.” More

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      Taylor Swift Fans Get Married at Her ‘Eras’ Tour

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      René Hurtado was able to snag front-row seats to the second night of Taylor Swift’s tour — and it was there that she married Max Bochman.Ask René Maria Avalos and Maxwell P Bochman why they chose to get married on March 18, and their answer is simple: “Taylor chose for us.”In November 2022, when tickets (rather infamously) went on sale for Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour, the bride, a self-described “die-hard Swiftie” who goes by René Hurtado, got lucky, snagging four front row seats (for about $1,000 each) for the second show on March 18 in Glendale, Ariz. — about 20 miles from Tempe, Ariz., where the couple lives. Moments later, the Ticketmaster site crashed. (A Senate hearing and lawsuits followed.)Tickets in-hand, the couple thought they might elope during the day and then attend the concert as a kind of reception. A friend upped the ante: “She said, ‘Why don’t you just get married at the show?’” said Ms. Hurtado, 30. “I thought it was crazy at first, but then I thought, why not?”The couple first met in the summer of 2014. Ms. Hurtado was selling Ghirardelli chocolate chip cookies in the stands at the Stockton Ports baseball stadium (now known as Banner Island Ballpark) in Stockton, Calif., while earning her bachelor’s degree in geology at the University of the Pacific. Mr. Bochman, who goes by Max, was working in stadium operations, his first job after graduating from the University of Massachusetts Amherst earlier that year.“I remember when I first saw her working there — I talked to one of my co-workers and I was like, ‘I need to meet her,’” Mr. Bochman, 32, said.They hit it off over drinks with co-workers, and two days later, had their first official date at an Italian restaurant. “We knew immediately that we were very important to each other,” she said. Within three weeks, he was meeting her mother. Four months later, she flew to Taunton, Mass., to spend Christmas with his family.[Click here to binge read this week’s featured couples.]Rene HurtadoBoth love sports and rap music, and share a similar sense of humor. They also agreed that Northern California didn’t feel right to them, so in 2018, they moved together to Arizona. On the drive down, Mr. Bochman received a job offer as an account manager at Barton Associates, a medical staffing and recruiting company based in Massachusetts, where he still works today.On Sept. 6, 2021, after seven years together, Mr. Bochman proposed at sunset to Ms. Hurtado, who is a workplace operations manager at Flare, a client-attorney software start-up based in San Diego, on South Mountain in Phoenix.On March 17, the opening night of the Eras Tour and the eve of their wedding, Ms. Hurtado wrote down all the songs Ms. Swift played in preparation for the next night. “Right after ‘All Too Well,’ she goes to costume change,” Ms. Hurtado said. “So we knew that was the best moment.”When the next evening arrived, the couple was joined by two friends, Alicia Witmer and her fiancé, Josh Wineriter. Ms. Witmer, who was ordained for the occasion by the American Marriage Ministries, served as officiant and maid of honor.The groom wore a black tuxedo, and the bride wore a midi-length white satin dress and a mid-length veil. They both topped their outfits with a crucial accessory: an Eras Tour V.I.P. pass on a lanyard, which was included in the steep ticket price. (The V.I.P. package includes early entrance and separate merchandise stands.)When Ms. Swift disappeared from view mid-show for the costume change, as well as a set change from the “Red” era to the “Folklore” era. Ms. Witmer started reading the vows from her phone, and the couple exchanged rings and a kiss. The whole ceremony took about three minutes.“At first, none of the fans around us really knew what was going on, but after our first kiss, everyone burst into cheers,” Ms. Hurtado said. “They really did create that moment for us by their support.”Ms. Swift didn’t seem to know what had happened, but a couple of songs later, someone from the stage team came up and handed them one of the singer’s guitar picks. The next day, Ms. Swift liked an audience member’s TikTok video of the wedding. A “Good Morning America” appearance followed, and the bride’s own TikTok post has gone viral.The couple is planning a larger wedding for 2024, one you don’t need an impossible-to-get ticket to attend, with a soundtrack full of their favorite Taylor Swift tunes.Mr. Bochman said he has never considered himself a Swiftie, even though “it’s the music that is always playing in my house.” Is he a fan now? “Yes, I think I have to be after she sang at my wedding.” More

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      Songs to Add to Your Wedding Playlist

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      We asked our readers to weigh in on the songs they enjoy hearing the most. From classic to contemporary, here are recommendations from wedding guests and married couples.There is so much joy in a wedding, and music is a big part of it.Last month, we asked readers to submit their favorite wedding songs. As I read through hundreds of submissions, I could sense the emotion and joyful nostalgia from readers reminiscing on their own first dances or fun times on the dance floor.“September” by Earth, Wind and Fire was the most popular song, with 5.6 percent of submissions including it.Disco was perceived to be the best genre for cross-generational enjoyment, with songs that everybody knows, even people who were born well after the ’80s. Among them are “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge, “Staying Alive” by the Bee Gees and “Celebration” by Kool & the Gang. (Although David Williams, from Boston, said that when the DJ plays “Celebration,” he “heads for the exit.”)For a first dance song, readers love “Can’t Help Falling In Love” by Elvis Presley and “At Last” by Etta James.And what is the most popular song (so far) at a 2023 wedding? “I Just Wanna Rock,” by Lil Uzi Vert. It’s inescapable, and with good reason.Here are 22 wedding songs recommended by readers from around the world — from New York to the Netherlands.Davido, ‘Fall’This is one of those special songs that immediately washes you over with a feeling of peace and merriment. “Fall” is a staple African wedding/party anthem that celebrates spoiling your lover, and recognizing the changes you need to make to meet them halfway.Jephtha Prempeh, the Bronx, N.Y.Ben E. King, ‘Stand By Me’Our first dance at our wedding reception. Every time I hear it I want to hold my wife close and dance.Guy Valentine, OttawaParliament, ‘Flash Light’You’ll see the 50-plus break out their best moves for this.Dana Duffy, Bloomington, Ind.Beyoncé, ‘Virgo’s Groove’“Virgo’s Groove” was the anthem of my summer of 2022. It’s the modern interpretation of a feel-good disco song that everyone can enjoy, whether they’re bopping in their seats or kicking it out on the dance floor.Rebecca Kim, Brooklyn, N.Y.Jesse Powell, ‘You’“You” is a beautiful love song about a man sharing how much he loves his bride-to-be. Powell is also a underrated R&B artist who did not receive enough flowers before he died last year.Keisha Clark, ChicagoBabyface, ‘Every Time I Close My Eyes’The lyrics capture the beauty of Black love, which is often trivialized but rarely articulated in a way that captures my understanding of it. I can’t envision “jumping the broom” without hearing, “And every time I close my eyes I thank the Lord that I’ve got you.”Katherine Tinsley, ChicagoToploader, ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’It’s really catchy and the lyrics are easy to follow.Sandra Tan, Brooklyn, N.Y.Rihanna, ‘We Found Love’This song was also in our wedding movie when we were wandering the old Utrecht streets, it was a nice contrast between the modern upbeat music and the classic buildings.Firdaus Mohamed Hoesein, Utrecht, the NetherlandsBritney Spears, ‘Toxic’It’s a throwback for us ’90s kids (throwbacks are always great for getting people on the dance floor), and the song is old enough that our parents still know it.Hannah Rivers, Lincoln, Neb.Etta James, ‘At Last’We were married in Ravello on the Amalfi Coast. A relatively small affair (50 people), but attendees from around the world. A year previous we heard a lounge singer in London and finally encouraged her to sing at our wedding. Stepping out of the shadows, she sang “At Last” by Etta James and had everyone in tears.Rodney Conlon, TorontoElvis Presley, ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’Our wedding song was “Can’t Help Falling in Love.” It is one that has truly stood across time, place, and culture. A song written in 1961 is constantly rerecorded in fresh new ways — the most popular version among my friends is not the Elvis original, but the Kina Grannis cover. What other song has such cachet across disparate demographics like white boomers and Asian American millennials like me and my wife? And if this does not sound impressive, consider — despite his well-deserved place on the Mount Rushmore of American rock ’n’ roll, how many other Elvis songs have the instant recognition among millennials today that “Can’t Help Falling in Love” has?Andrew Min, New YorkEarth, Wind and Fire, ‘September’It’s special because it came out when I was in high school. I’ve danced to it at so many weddings. Everyone knows it, no matter what age, and it gets everyone on the dance floorKathryn Watson, WashingtonBarry White, ‘My First, My Last, My Everything’For me and my boyfriend, if we decided to marry, this would be the perfect song to get the party started! We met as 17 and 18 year olds in the fall of 1971 our freshman year in college, fell in love as we knew it, then broke up when he left for a year in France at the end of summer before our junior year. A lifetime later in 2016 we reconnected on social media and fell head over heels in love with the adults we grew up to be.Constance Malone, Roswell, Ga.Wacka Flocka Flame, ‘No Hands’“Giiirl, drop it to the floor, I love the way yo’ booty go!”Evelina Kurayeva, Queens, N.Y.Elvis Crespo, ‘Suavemente’A staple for every Latino event, party, wedding — anything. And everyone will go crazy with their best merengue steps.Elizabeth Ortiz, Queens, N.Y.“Michael Jackson, ‘The Way You Make Me Feel’I’ve DJed over 600 weddings. Favorite fast song: “The Way You Make Me Feel,” Michael Jackson. Favorite slow song: “Easy” by The Commodores.Steve Rader, Milwaukee, Wis.Natalie Cole, ‘This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)’Walking down the aisle to “This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)” by Natalie Cole is one of my favorite memories of my wedding — my husband was crying up the front, I walked down arm in arm with both my parents, my brother and sister in law walked ahead as my bridal party and all of our friends and family were clapping and dancing and laughing in surprise at such a happy song to open the day! One of our friends still texts every time this song comes on the radio, remembering that happy moment, and it always makes me smile. I love the optimism and joy of the song for a wedding! And for me it has been an everlasting love.Bethany Sullivan, Sydney, AustraliaStevie Wonder, ‘My Eyes Don’t Cry’Here in metro Detroit, every wedding includes “the hustle” done to Stevie.Cheryl Voglesong, Troy, Mich.MGMT, ‘Electric Feel’I worked as a wedding DJ in 2010s, and the best approach for a crowded dance floor was to vary beats, genres and artists to keep people guessing on what I would play next. Halfway through the event, when people are a bit tired but still want to dance, I would play either Daft Punk or MGMT to have them take a little breather and yet enjoy these mellow beats.Anastasia Bannikova, PhoenixJagged Edge, ‘Let’s Get Married’It’s is clear and specific — celebrating the occasion and the idea of weddings.Reba Liverman, SeattleWhitney Houston, ‘I Want to Dance With Somebody’Oh — are your feet starting to hurt in those heels? If you sit down and this song comes on, you have no choice but to get right back up.Jessie Palatucci, WashingtonLuther Vandross, ‘Never Too Much’It’s a song that makes your heart fill, and then melt, with love.Jeremiah Feather, Brooklyn, N.Y. More

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      How Married ‘Bachelor’ Couples Make it Work. Yes, Some Are Still Together.

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      As “The Bachelor” franchise enters its 20th year, still-married couples who met on that show and “The Bachelorette” discuss how they’ve built lasting relationships.In the latest season of “The Bachelor,” Clayton Echard, the show’s 26th lead, said after a late-night rendezvous with a hopeful suitress, “If I ever need validation to know that this process works, I’m seeing it unfold before me.”But according to the numbers, perhaps unsurprisingly, that “process” — a weeks-long mass courtship in front of cameras that is meant to end with a proposal and, presumably, a marriage — is not very effective at yielding long-term relationships.Since the “The Bachelor” debuted on ABC in March 2002 and “The Bachelorette” the following year, only six couples who met on those shows are currently married. A seventh is expected to wed in May. In this time, there have been 34 televised proposals in 44 seasons combined. Taking into account those who met on other spinoffs, the number of currently married couples jumps from six to 10. (Representatives from Warner Bros and ABC declined to comment for this article.)As the franchise enters its 20th year, what can be gleaned from some of those still-wed couples’ most dramatic story lines ever? Below, five of the six who met on “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” discuss how they’ve made it work since meeting on set. (The sixth couple, Rachel Lindsay and Bryan Abasolo, declined to comment for this article.)Catherine and Sean LoweCatherine and Sean Lowe.Craig Sjodin/Disney General Entertainment Content, via Getty ImagesThe Lowes met on season 17 of “The Bachelor,” which aired in 2013 and ended with Mr. Lowe’s on-camera proposal in Thailand. They were married the following year.The couple, who live in Dallas with their two sons, ages 5 and 3, and daughter, 2, have since built a life around what Ms. Lowe called “super chill” family traditions, including making homemade pizza.“Our happy place is at home with our kids,” said Ms. Lowe, 35, who runs a local gifting service and, with her husband, started a namesake furniture line, Home by Sean & Catherine Lowe.Mr. Lowe, 38, said that when people ask him how he found love on “The Bachelor,” his response is always the same. “I liken it to meeting 25 strangers on a dating app — you might connect with one of them,” he said.But “then you have to enter the real world, and it takes work,” he added.That he and Ms. Lowe, or any couple who married after meeting on the show, have managed to stay together still strikes him as somewhat improbable. “When you have girls racing in bikinis while driving lawn mowers it’s silly,” he said. “All the elements go against creating a long-term relationship.”Ms. Lowe, however, said she left the show feeling wiser about how to form a successful partnership. The accelerated courtship the contestants experience made her realize the importance of focusing on “non-negotiables” at the start of any romance, instead of worrying about “things that don’t matter, like leaving the toilet seat up.”She added that meeting Mr. Lowe on set with other people around helped her get a better understanding of his character, recalling a moment when she saw him speaking to the crew and “noticed that he knew everybody’s name.”“I took that as such an insight into who he really was when the cameras were down,” Ms. Lowe said.Molly and Jason MesnickMolly and Jason Mesnick.Kevin Casey, via Getty ImagesMr. Mesnick, the lead on “The Bachelor” season 13, which aired in 2009, stunned fans when he called off his engagement to Melissa Rycroft six weeks after proposing on air, and later proposed (off air) to his future wife, who was that season’s runner-up.“I think the challenge is that the public looks at that as a real engagement,” Mr. Mesnick, 45, said of the series’ televised proposals, which he considers more of a commitment to “see what happens over the next several months or a year or whatever.”Before the Mesnicks wed in 2010, they went through a bit of a get-to-know-you-again period, said Ms. Mesnick, 38.“You need to start over at square one and get to know each other,” she said, echoing Mr. Lowe’s sentiments that cast members do not behave on set as they would in real life. “They’re literally getting to know a totally different person when there’s not a camera or producer in your face.”On the show, Ms. Mesnick said, “I was really calm,” but in real life, “I’m very Type A and kind of crazy.” Mr. Mesnick, on the other hand, is “super go-with-the-flow.”“I think it’s taken us 10-to-12 years to finally get into a really good, easy groove on how to function in life,” Ms. Mesnick added.The Mesnicks, who live in Seattle, now say their contrasting personalities not only provide equilibrium in their relationship, but also in their work as brokers co-leading a real estate team in Kirkland, Wash. “She does the marketing, and I do face-to-face with our clients,” said Mr. Mesnick.When they met, Mr. Mesnick was a divorced father of one. Moving in with him and his then 4-year-old son in 2009, Ms. Mesnick said, at first “rocked their world.” But she and her stepson, now 17, eventually became “thick as thieves.”The couple, who have a 9-year-old daughter, say open and honest communication has been essential to making their relationship last. Ms. Mesnick said it has also helped that they got together before picking apart relationships from “The Bachelor” became a sport of sorts on social media.“It would have been brutal,” she added of the backlash they might have received when she and Mr. Mesnick got back together after he broke off his engagement with Ms. Rycroft.Chris and Desiree SiegfriedChris and Desiree Siegfried.Francisco Roman/Walt Disney Television, via Getty ImagesAs two people who initially didn’t want to be on TV — Ms. Siegfried said she applied for “The Bachelorette” season nine, which aired in 2013, as a “skeptic joke,” and Mr. Siegfried said that friends convinced him to join the cast after he declined an initial offer to participate — neither envisioned the experience would have a fairy-tale ending.But Ms. Siegfried, 35, a fashion designer and the founder of Desiree Hartsock Bridal, said that “really natural” chemistry paved the way for them to fall in love on set.Mr. Siegfried, 36, a loan officer, said “she was definitely someone I would pursue outside of television.”“Our conversation was easy,” he added. “And when we were talking, she knew what she wanted and was looking for in someone, and that was important to me.”After filming their on-camera engagement, Ms. Siegfried, who was living in Los Angeles and said she was “broke as could be,” relocated to Seattle, where she and Mr. Siegfried, who had moved there in 2011, started living in a new home together.“It would be hard for one person to dive into someone else’s life across state lines,” she said. “It was nice to start afresh together.”They married in 2015 and now live in Portland, Ore., with two sons, 3 and 5. Though the couple has no plans to appear on television again, watching it remains a beloved pastime, said Ms. Siegfried. Recently, their favorite shows include “Yellowstone” and “1883,” she said.Their relationship also benefits from spur-of-the-moment workday dates. “He’s like, ‘Hey, I have a break. You want to grab lunch?’” Ms. Siegfried said. “It’s fun to have that spontaneous lunchtime.”Heartfelt compliments, or “words of affirmation” as Mr. Siegfried put it, go a long way, too. “While everyone loves flowers, that’s not necessarily what she’s looking for.”Lauren and Arie LuyendykLauren and Arie Luyendyk.Paul Hebert/Disney General Entertainment Content, via Getty ImagesMr. Luyendyk, 40, a real-estate agent and racecar driver, initially proposed to Becca Kufrin at the end of “The Bachelor” season 22, which aired in 2018.But he soon ended their engagement because he couldn’t stop thinking about Ms. Luyendyk, 30, a fashion designer and the founder of the line Shades of Rose. On a live episode filmed after the pre-taped finale aired, Mr. Luyendyk proposed to Ms. Luyendyk in front of a studio audience.“I want to do this in front of everyone, because I want to show you that I should have done this a long time ago,” he said at the time.In some ways, the Luyendyks credit their bond’s strength to the backlash they faced after their engagement. “There was a lot of animosity in the room,” Ms. Luyendyk said. “I could see people glaring at me when I walked out.”“We’ve always said, ‘It’s us against the world,’” she added.The couple, who live in Scottsdale, Ariz., married in Hawaii in 2019, while Ms. Luyendyk was pregnant with their daughter, now 2. In June 2021, they became a family of five when the couple had twins, a boy and a girl.Between work and parenthood, they say it has been harder to carve out time for themselves, making their home an ideal venue when they can fit it in. One recent activity: “Goat yoga in the backyard,” Mr. Luyendyk said. “It was messy.”Their morning coffee ritual is another opportunity to connect. “We love to be up early and have coffee together and make that little time for us before the babies wake up,” he said. Added Ms. Luyendyk, “Some nights, I can’t wait to have coffee in the morning.”Trista and Ryan SutterTrista and Ryan Sutter.Craig Sjodin/Disney General Entertainment Content, via Getty ImagesThe Sutters wed in December 2003 on a three-part televised special that followed their appearance on “The Bachelorette” season one, which aired earlier that year. They now live with their son, 14, and daughter, 13, in Vail, Colo., and their 18-year marriage is the longest in the franchise’s history.Ms. Sutter, 49, who has since written a book and hosted a podcast, was the runner-up on season one of “The Bachelor.” She said that appearing on both shows convinced her you can find love anywhere, including “on national television like we did.”Mr. Sutter, 47, a firefighter, said that though “there is pressure” for finalists like himself to propose at the end of a season, “I never felt it to the degree that I made any major decisions because of it.”But, he added, “If I’m being honest, I really didn’t know her as well as I probably should have prior to asking her to marry me.”Like other couples, acclimating to a regular life together after the show proved trying for the Sutters. Mr. Sutter said that a mental health professional whom he spoke to during the casting process told him that contestants’ lives could be affected for up to three months after their season ended. “She missed the mark by years,” he said.Making time for in-person conversations is something both have prioritized over the course of their marriage. “Throw your phones in your drawer once you come home from work,” said Ms. Sutter of a tactic they use to eliminate distractions during one-on-one time.Playing pickleball, taking camping trips with their children and sitting down at a table to eat dinner each day are other activities that enhance their relationship.While no relationship is always roses and Neil Lane diamond rings, the Sutters say theirs is one that people continue to cite as an example of marital bliss. Over the years, Mr. Sutter said that they have been asked how they make their relationship work “hundreds of times,” and that their reply has evolved along with their marriage.If they could sum up their answer in a song, Ms. Sutter would point people to “Legends,” Kelsea Ballerini’s 2017 single. “Basically it says no one believed in us, but we did.” More