Noah argued that safe houses should be called something different because “every terrorist gets killed in a safe house.”
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Safety Not Guaranteed
On Monday, President Biden announced that an American drone strike killed the Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahri.
“What’s crazy is that America didn’t just kill him — they killed him with a razor blade missile,” Trevor Noah said on Tuesday, adding that he didn’t even know such things existed. “The weapons America has sound like things that kids just make up on the playground.”
“America clipped the world’s most wanted terrorist off of his safe house balcony? I mean, also, at this point maybe we should stop calling them ‘safe houses.’ No, every terrorist gets killed in a safe house. They should — they should call it a house that you think you’re safe in, but you never know.” — TREVOR NOAH
“I will say, you know, when you see stories like this, when you see stories about what America is capable of, this is where you realize there’s really no excuse for the amount of domestic terrorism in America, all right? Because al-Zawahri — al-Zawahri lived all the way in Afghanistan in some random safe house in the middle of nowhere, and America knew what time of day he liked to go out onto his balcony. But when a white supremacist posts on Facebook he’s going to murder everyone and buys an AR-15, everyone’s like, ‘There was no way to stop this. If only he liked balconies.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“Reportedly, the C.I.A. targeted him with a drone strike while he was on the balcony of his house at 6:18 a.m. on Sunday. That’s so early. He was drinking from a mug that said, ‘Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my hellfire missile.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“That’s right, they got him with a drone. His last words were, ‘Wait, did I order same-day delivery?’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yeah, they took him out with a drone. And if that didn’t work, they were just going to send him an envelope that Biden licked.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yeah, Biden took out al-Zawahri, Obama took out bin Laden, and Trump said, ‘OK, who wants to order takeout?’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Pelosi Takes Taiwan Edition)
“Well, everyone is talking about this, even though China said that there would be consequences, Nancy Pelosi ignored the warnings and decided to visit Taiwan. Poor Biden, he took out the top leader of Al Qaeda, and everyone’s like, ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nancy just landed in Taiwan?” — JIMMY FALLON
“Biden is like, ‘It’s a bold move that definitely could have waited until I was out of office!’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Pelosi has clearly stolen the headlines from Biden. Now, to get back on top, Biden is thinking about getting Covid a third time.” — JIMMY FALLON
“The threats from the Chinese government have not been subtle. Last week, the Chinese warned that, ‘Those who play with fire will perish by it.’ Have you seen California? That’s not the threat it once was, China.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The Chinese continue to rattle their flaming saber, warning, ‘The visit would trigger severe consequences,’ and warned that their military won’t sit by idly, with their government explaining, ‘no matter for what reason Pelosi goes to Taiwan, it will be a stupid, dangerous and unnecessary gamble.’ That’s ominous. Also a perfect slogan for White Castle.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The Chinese have also conducted live-fire drills in the South China Sea and scrambled jets as her plane landed in Taiwan. All of this for an 82-year-old woman with bones made of peanut brittle. Tensions are so bad the Defense Department has upgraded its readiness to Defcon: Mee-maw.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
The stand-up comic Ms. Pat talked about her Emmy-nominated sitcom, “The Ms. Pat Show,” on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Kevin Bacon will join Jimmy Fallon on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”
Also, Check This Out
The second season of FX’s “Reservation Dogs” deepens the show’s emotion and builds on its sense of place.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
