Meyers said Florida’s governor was like “an old man who sees a bunch of innocent teens walking by and screams, ‘Hey, you kids get on my lawn!’”
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Front Row Seat
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis chastised a group of students wearing face masks on Wednesday, saying, “Honestly, it’s not doing anything and we’ve got to stop with this Covid theater.”
“How much of a [expletive] do you have to be to yell at a bunch of high school students who are just trying to be safe?” Seth Meyers said. “They’re actually doing the right thing and you’re scolding them for it you’re like an old man who sees a bunch of innocent teens walking by and screams, ‘Hey, you kids get on my lawn!’”
“Also, what the hell is Covid theater? Those plays where all the actors have to stand six feet apart? [imitating theatergoer] ‘I just saw the Covid theater production of “Les Mis” — the stage was the size of a football field!’” — SETH MEYERS
“Although for people who moved from New York to Florida during the pandemic, that’s the only theater they have left.” — SETH MEYERS
“Students like, ‘Somehow you make our principal seem chill.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“When the parents asked how their day was, they’re like, ‘I got bullied — by the governor?’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Putin’s Punishment Edition)
“Ikea has announced it will temporarily pause manufacturing and retail operations in Russia and Belarus due to the invasion of Ukraine, while Ikea in Ukraine is opening their doors to Russian soldiers and hoping they can’t find their way out.” — SETH MEYERS
“Ikea said they’ll do whatever it can to throw a useless tiny wrench into Russia’s economy.” — JIMMY FALLON
“This will go into effect as soon as they can find that little Allen wrench to take the stores apart.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“They’re saying that the shutdown of Ikea could dramatically affect Russia’s supply of flardfulls, dagstorps and gronkulas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“And it’s not just business distancing themselves: I read that the International Cat Federation has banned Russian cats from all competition. I’m just going to go ahead and say that’s the biggest news that’s ever come out of the International Cat Federation. Meanwhile, the silence from the International Dog Federation is deafening.” — JIMMY FALLON
“I’d be worried about pissing off the cat people. You think Putin is scary? Imagine Carole Baskin!” — TREVOR NOAH
The Bits Worth Watching
The “Daily Show” correspondent Desi Lydic dug into the “hist-HER-y” of bras on Thursday’s show.
Also, Check This Out
The photographer and performer Kia LaBeija, who was born H.I.V. positive in 1990, documents her life in an autobiographical show at Fotografiska New York.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
