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    Late Night Is Underwhelmed by Trump’s Address to Congress

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    Jimmy Kimmel noted that the president’s speech started late: “I guess they were waiting for that last coat of shellac to dry on his face.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The White POTUS’President Trump addressed a joint session of Congress on Tuesday night. Jimmy Kimmel called it “a very special episode of ‘The White POTUS.’”“His speech started late. I guess they were waiting for that last coat of shellac to dry on his face.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Members of the Trump family were there: Eric was there, Lara, Don Jr., Jared, Ivanka, even Melania showed up. So Democrats weren’t the only people who hate him there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Things got off to a big start when Trump and JD Vance held hands and sang a medley from ‘Wicked.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He laid out his MAGA-genda for the next four years. They include wildly unpopular tariffs, abandoning our allies, buddying up to Russia, tax cuts for the rich and turning Gaza into Atlantic City — all the reasons blue-collar America voted for this man.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump said our momentum is back, our spirit is back, our pride is back. And not the gay kind, either: the regular pride.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What he’s talking about, I have no idea. The stock market’s down, consumer confidence is down, the dollar is down. The only things that are high are egg prices and Elon Musk.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In the end, Trump’s first address to Congress was much like his first six weeks: filled with useful lies, and applauded by useless idiots.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He told our farmers to have a lot of fun and said the days of unelected bureaucrats are over, with Elon standing right there clapping like an imbecile. Yay for unelected bureaucrats.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And the days of rule by unelected billionaires have just begun. Elon! Take a bow, Elon! You paid for it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It was quite a night. There were about 400 people in attendance — 300 were members of Congress, and 100 were Elon’s kids.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, the night was pretty much a welcome back party for Trump, Republicans and measles.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bad Neighbor Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Recaps Zelensky’s Casual Friday at the White House

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      “I don’t see you asking Elon Musk if he owns a suit,” Seth Meyers said of the reporter who questioned Ukraine’s president about his attire.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bad Fashion PoliceOn Friday, President Trump and Vice President JD Vance berated President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine during a tense televised meeting at the White House. Things went bad after a conservative reporter asked why Zelensky hadn’t worn a suit to the Oval Office and whether he owned one.On Monday’s “Late Night,” Seth Meyers noted that Zelensky hadn’t been the only casually dressed visitor to the White House lately: “I don’t see you asking Elon Musk if he owns a suit, even though he shows up to cabinet meetings.”“People care about the cost of groceries and health care, not whether the president of Ukraine has ever been to a Men’s Wearhouse.” — SETH MEYERS“The guy’s the leader of a country that was invaded by Russia, and you’re grilling him like a fop at a garden party: ‘I have a question — is your stylist legally blind or just farsighted?’” — SETH MEYERS“Oh, Zelensky, you’re so poor and war-torn, you’re down to one Brooks Brother.” — JON STEWART“You’re so war-torn, you’ve given up the meaningless protocols of business attire.” — JON STEWART“His nation was invaded, he’s — against all odds — held off a much bigger army for three years, and we’re like, ‘And would it kill you to smile more, dress a little nicer? You’re a beautiful country, nobody would know! Show off what you got, know what I’m talking about? Maybe some of those rare metals I’ve been hearing something about.’” — JON STEWART“This poor man. They’re bombing every hospital in his country, he’s sitting there with the half-wit fashion police talking about what he is wearing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Everyone knows Donald Trump prefers his leaders shirtless and on a horse.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Ukrainian President Zelensky was criticized for what he wore to the White House meeting on Friday, but, in his defense, most suits his size come with a sailor hat and a giant lollipop.” — GREG GUTFELD“So Friday, Zelensky entered the White House in his military fatigues and left with a boot up his [expletive].” — GREG GUTFELDThe Punchiest Punchlines (Real Housewives Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Colbert Has Little Sympathy for Trump Voters With Buyers’ Remorse

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      “The Late Show” host Stephen Colbert said that Trump voters keep coming back for the same unappetizing thing they’ve been served time and again.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bad BusinessA new poll indicates that some Americans feel buyer’s remorse about voting for President Donald Trump.On Thursday’s “Late Show,” Stephen Colbert pointed out that it’s mainly because, after more than a month in office, Trump has yet to eliminate inflation, as he promised during his campaign to do on Day 1.“That was his claim. He said it over and over again, and now, on Day 38, they still think things are too expensive. Somewhere in Delaware, Joe Biden is shaking his head, chuckling to himself, and thinking, ‘Why did I come into this room?’ ” — STEPHEN COLBERT“One thing that continues to make consumers anxious is the high price of breakfast. And with bird flu, there’s no end in sight. According to experts, egg prices could jump 41 percent, meaning this year’s Easter egg hunt is going to be The Purge.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s getting so expensive — this is true — that here in New York, some bodegas are selling individual eggs, known as ‘loosie’ eggs, to customers who can’t afford full cartons. Yum, loose egg! And if you can’t afford those, there’s a guy in the alley in the back.” — STEPHEN COLBERTColbert said he had limited sympathy for Trump supporters.“They ordered the turd soup and then said, ‘Waiter, there’s turds in my soup.’ Then they came back four years later and asked, ‘Y’all still have that turd soup?’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bad Sexist Jokes Edition)“So Jeff Bezos is launching a historic rocket mission in which Katy Perry, Gayle King and Lauren Sánchez will be the astronaut in an all-woman mission. They’re calling it the ‘Real Housewives of Mars.’ ” — GREG GUTFELD“The mission will last four hours, but the women are expected to take six weeks to get ready.” — GREG GUTFELD“Also, there will be a booster rocket following their spaceship carrying all their luggage — because they’re chicks.” — GREG GUTFELDThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actress Gabrielle Union talked about her role in the new all-star crime comedy “Riff Raff” on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This Out“This was the only way I could get invited,” O’Brien joked about his hosting duties.The comedian and former late night host Conan O’Brien feels nervous but excited about taking on the typically thankless role of hosting the Academy Awards. More

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      Desi Lydic: Trump Just ‘Put a Cover Charge on America’

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      “It’s $5 million to get in, but he’ll waive it if you bring in three hot girls with you,” Lydic said of President Trump’s “gold card” visa idea on the “Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Putting a Cover Charge on AmericaPresident Donald Trump announced his new “gold card” program on Tuesday, which would price American citizenship at $5 million.“Oh, green card privileges plus. See, I was still getting America with ads,” Desi Lydic said on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”“Quick question: If I’m unhappy with America, can I cancel my subscription after seven days?” — DESI LYDIC“Did this guy just put a cover charge on America? It’s $5 million to get in, but he’ll waive it if you bring in three hot girls with you.” — DESI LYDIC“I mean, I guess it beats the old way of becoming a citizen, which was to marry Donald Trump, but still.” — DESI LYDIC“I feel like immigrant stories are going to be a lot less inspiring in the future: ‘My grandfather came to this country with nothing but $5 million and the clothes in his custom Louis Vuitton five-piece trunk set.’” — DESI LYDICThe Punchiest Punchlines (Land of $5 Million Citizenship Edition)“One group that Trump embraced in the last 24 hours is immigrants. Well, rich ones, because yesterday, Trump announced he’s going to offer gold card visas for $5 million to rich foreigners, echoing the eternal words on the Statue of Liberty: ‘Give me your tired, your poor — psych! Gimme 5 million bucks, [expletive]! We buyin’ bottles in the clurb.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What a good idea. I’ve always said our immigration system should run more like the customer rewards program at a casino in Atlantic City.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is basically what he does at Mar-a-Lago. He’s selling memberships to a country club, but this club is actually our country.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The land of the free, and by ‘free,’ I mean, five million bucks.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingStephen Colbert asked Wednesday night’s “Late Show” guest Guy Fieri how he thought he’d fare as a contestant on his own reality cooking competition, “Tournament of Champions.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightBob the Drag Queen will appear on Thursday’s “After Midnight.”Also, Check This OutBob Dylan’s earliest demo tape, a reel-to-reel recording of a performance in Greenwich Village in 1961, is up for auction.via RR AuctionA reel-to-reel recording of a 20-year-old Bob Dylan performing a six-song set at a Manhattan coffeehouse in 1961 is now up for auction. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: ‘The Whole Country Is a Fyre Festival Right Now’

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      “I think it might be time to give the planet to the apes, because we’re finished,” Kimmel said on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fired FestFederal employees have been getting mixed messages about whether to respond to a mass email from Elon Musk, threatening to fire them if they didn’t justify their employment.On Tuesday, Jimmy Kimmel said the nation’s civil servants were “as confused as Elon’s kids were when they realized their father named them after a phone number.”“Elon and his musketeers — they sent an email to all federal employees ordering them to list five things they did at work last week. Trump loved this idea — he said it was ‘genius,’ and he said anyone who didn’t respond to the email would be ‘fired or semi-fired.” Which, what if that was his catchphrase on ‘The Apprentice’? ‘Meat Loaf, you’re fired. Or semi-fired.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“OK, now I understand. It’s somewhat voluntary, but if you don’t respond, he guesses you get fired. Thanks for clearing that up.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At this point, how is anybody supposed to know what to do with all this confusing information? Forget running the government; these clowns couldn’t get 10 bridesmaids to a paint-and-sip.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This email created chaos throughout our government. Some agencies, like the F.B.I., told their employees just to ignore it; others, like the V.A., demanded that employees respond. At H.H.S., employees were told they could respond if they wanted to but should assume that what they write will be read by malign foreign actors. What? Russell Brand’s going to get these?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Kash Patel told the F.B.I., ‘Don’t respond to that email.’ Tulsi Gabbard said, ‘Don’t respond to that email.’ Pete Hegseth responded to that email at 2 a.m., saying, ‘U up?’” — DESI LYDIC“And maybe the craziest part of all of it is Elon Musk has no official authority to fire anyone. He’s not an elected official — he wasn’t appointed, he wasn’t confirmed. Who knew you could fire people at a place you don’t even work? I might try it at Chipotle sometime just to see what happens.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s confusing. When you walk in the White House and say ‘Who is in charge?’ everyone just shrugs like they’re working at Lids.” — JIMMY FALLON“I think it might be time to give the planet to the apes, because we’re finished.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The whole country is a Fyre Festival right now, and Elon Musk is soaking the mattresses.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fyre Fest: The Sequel Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Laughs at DOGE’s Work Force Demand

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      “It’s like the government is being run by BuzzFeed,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday about Elon Musk’s work-tracking request to federal employees.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Return to SenderOn Saturday, Elon Musk emailed federal employees and asked them to respond with their top five accomplishments during the previous workweek or risk being fired.“It’s like the government is being run by BuzzFeed,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday.“It’s not just that they’re firing thousands of federal workers; it is the glee with which they’re firing. Ordinarily, you have some compassion when you lay people off — you wish them well, you thank them for their work. Not MAGA. Not the DOGE Bros.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Federal workers who got this email had no idea what to do, and their Trump administration bosses didn’t seem to know, either. New Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard told personnel at spy agencies not to respond. F.B.I. Director Kash Patel told F.B.I. staff to pause any responses, and Health and Human Services Secretary RFK Jr. sent out an email saying, ‘Free roadkill in the break room!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Our federal work force is in the clutches of a heartless billionaire who wants to colonize Mars with vehicles shaped like his penis, by which I mean Cybertrucks. He should see a doctor.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I mean, seriously, if that guy walked into your office and told you he was there to start making cuts, everybody would jump on him and put him in a headlock, right? You’d zip-tie him and hold him until the cops showed up.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Five Things I Did Last Week Edition)“Well, guys, I’m having an odd day. This morning I got an email from NBC asking what I accomplished last week.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, they need to respond with five accomplishments from the last week. Federal workers wrote back: ‘I received this email, I opened this email, I read this email, I laughed at this email, and I deleted this email.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He followed up by tweeting, ‘Failure to respond will be taken as a resignation.’ Now, obviously, the only proper email response to that is: ‘What did I do last week? Your mom, your mom, your mom, your mom, and your mom.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, the workers were furious, mostly about getting a work email on a Saturday.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJon Oliver scrutinized Facebook’s new posting policies on Sunday’s episode of “Last Week Tonight.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe “St. Denis Medical” star Wendi McLendon-Covey will sit down with Desi Lydic on Tuesday’s “The Daily Show.”Also, Check This Out“Leigh Bowery,” by Fergus Greer (1988), from the exhibition “Leigh Bowery!” at Tate Modern in London.Fergus Greer. Courtesy of The Michael Hoppen GalleryA new Leigh Bowery exhibition at Tate Modern will introduce the artist’s work to a broader audience. More

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      Stephen Colbert Crowns Trump the Troll King

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      President Trump referring to himself as a king “is the thing presidents are not supposed to do,” Colbert said on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.King of the RoadOn Wednesday, President Donald Trump pre-emptively announced on social media that New York City’s congestion pricing “IS DEAD, Manhattan and all of New York is SAVED. LONG LIVE THE KING!”Referring to himself as a king “is the thing presidents are not supposed to do,” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday.“Yes, the classic domain of an all-powerful king. Yes, it’s what all kings do: regulate local toll roads. [imitating a king] ‘Behold! Camelot has been saved, for I have pulled Excalibur from the median strip of the Cross Bronx Expressway.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But you know he’s trolling us, and we shouldn’t take the bait. But with this guy, every troll is a trial balloon. So, here we go. Mr. Trump, America will never bow before any king not named ‘Burger,’ for he hath made us all part of the royal family.” — STEPHEN COLBERTColbert remarked that even though Trump has been “busy cosplaying as the czar of the Lincoln Tunnel,” congestion pricing has significantly reduced traffic and increased support for Broadway shows and local businesses.“Now, obviously, this seems like a good thing, so Donald Trump ruined it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Governor Hochul immediately said congestion pricing wouldn’t end, posting, ‘The cameras are staying on.’ Governor, I love your defiance, but you know Trump loves cameras. This just means he’s going to do his next press conference strapped to the hood of a Camry.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (DOGE Dollars Edition)“DOGE-head Elon Musk says he’s considering giving 78 million Americans $5,000 per household. Half of these households will be benefiting from a DOGE dividend; the other are just his child support.” — GREG GUTFELD“I mean, the Dems are already floundering against DOGE, but DOGE plus a dividend? It’ll be more popular than that mall tour I did with Menudo.” — GREG GUTFELD“Perhaps it’s not exactly right. ‘Right’ would be all the cuts go to preventing a full default on the debt; otherwise, we’ll face an economic crisis that would make the Depression look like a trip to Sandals with Trace Gallagher.” — GREG GUTFELDThe Bits Worth WatchingTaylor Tomlinson explored the social media trend of mostly shirtless men doing meal prep on Thursday’s “After Midnight.”Also, Check This OutKenturah Davis, an artist in Altadena, is continuing the legacy of her parents, Keni Arts and Mildred Davis, who are also artists in Altadena, a community in Los Angeles County.Phylicia J.L. Munn for The New York TimesThis year’s Frieze Los Angeles highlights Altadena’s Black art legacy in the wake of the Eaton Fire. More

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      Stephen Colbert Would Like to Know Who’s in Charge Here

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      The “Late Show” host was taken aback by the White House’s claim that Elon Musk doesn’t run DOGE: “It’s literally named after his favorite meme!”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.SpatchcockedThe so-called Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE, continues to cut a swath through the Civil Service. Or as Stephen Colbert put it on Wednesday, “our government is getting spatchcocked by Elon Musk and his post-pubescent pink slip troopers.”“Naturally, the federal workers in their path of wanton destruction are experiencing anger, chaos and confusion, which, coincidentally, are also the Secret Service code names for Trump, Elon and Don Jr.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It turns out being an unelected donor running an unauthorized employee kill squad might get you sued at some point in the future. So in new legal filings, the White House claims that Elon Musk is not in charge at DOGE. What? It’s literally named after his favorite meme!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is the most confusing leadership structure since Ruth’s Chris Steak House. Who is Chris? Why does he seem to belong to Ruth?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Elon and the DOGE-bags have fired so many people so quickly, in so many critical areas, with so little thought beforehand, that the government is now scrambling to rehire the nuclear staff it fired on Friday. These are folks involved with designing, building and overseeing the U.S. nuclear weapons stockpile after concerns grew that their dismissal could jeopardize national security. I share those concerns.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But here’s the wrinkle and the rub: The government has struggled to reach the people that were fired after they were locked out of their federal email accounts. So now we got a bunch of [expletive] people with a lot of time on their hands who know how to build nuclear weapons.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Rehiring people on Tuesday that you fired on Friday does not scream ‘government efficiency.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (On Principle Edition)“And with Trump doing so much so fast, leave it to the Never Trumpers to do what little they can to make a fast buck. An event called the Principles First Summit convenes this weekend in D.C. What are their principles? Well, judging by the lineup, cashing in on whatever’s left of Trump envy.” — GREG GUTFELD“The biggest and most bitterest names in the anti-Trump world will be there: Adam Kinzinger, Michael Steele, Bill Kristol and George Conway. All that was missing was Joy Behar.” — GREG GUTFELD“There are a few Dems to shore up the list of yesterday’s pundits who’ve seen their audiences flee like Tim Walz hearing a car backfire.” — GREG GUTFELDWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Stephen Colbert Laughs Off New York Mayor’s Staffing Woes

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      This week, Colbert said, Eric Adams’s problems “stopped being funny and started becoming hilarious.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Rat RaceNew York City’s mayor, Eric Adams, has had a challenging start to his week, with four of his eight deputy mayors announcing their resignations. Stephen Colbert called it the moment when “Adams’s controversies stopped being funny and started becoming hilarious.”“The resignations were from the first deputy mayor, deputy mayor for health and human services, deputy mayor for operations, and deputy mayor for public safety. So, at this point, the city is evidently being run by the remaining deputy mayor: 100 rats in a trench coat.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe resignations came after several federal prosecutors in the Southern District of New York quit, having come under pressure from the Trump administration to drop charges in the mayor’s corruption case.“That takes courage. Thankfully, all these lawyers found jobs at the new firm of Wegot, Balls & Howe.” — STEPHEN COLBERTColbert reminded viewers that Adams has “been involved in controversy for years now.”“For instance, while he was running to be the mayor of New York, no one could tell if he lived in New York or New Jersey; once he became mayor, he appointed, and later had to remove, his brother as deputy police commissioner. He announced a personal war on rats, introduced a Times Square RoboCop that failed as a police officer but thrived as a public urinal, and claims that the Big Apple is littered with unique crystals that give out a special energy. Yes, in fact, I saw a gentleman enjoying some of those unique crystals in the Port Authority bathroom yesterday. He definitely radiated a ‘special energy.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Reality Bites Edition)“This is the worst ad I have ever seen. It’s a virtual support group for singles, but it looks like an A.A. meeting for ‘Animal Crossing’ villagers.” — TAYLOR TOMLINSON on Meta’s new ad for its VR game, “Horizon Worlds”“CGI has gotten very good — ‘Avatar,’ ‘Planet of the Apes,’ ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ — get it together! You’re telling me this is the best you can do? It looks like an animated show for children made by even younger children.” — TAYLOR TOMLINSONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More