“He can’t even control an umbrella,” Seth Meyers said of the former president on Thursday.
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Get Ahold of Yourself
A judge threatened to remove Donald Trump from court on Wednesday after he could be heard muttering disparaging comments during E. Jean Carroll’s second defamation suit against the former president.
“A judge actually had to tell a former president of the United States, ‘You can’t control yourself,’” Seth Meyers said on Thursday. “He can’t even control an umbrella.”
“Things are so crazy right now. In a year, Trump is either going to be president again, or we’re going to see him in Times Square offering to take pictures with tourists next to Elmo and Spider-Man.” — SETH MEYERS
“Now, you’re probably saying, didn’t that trial already happen? Yeah, it did. We also already did Trump versus Biden. Get used to everything happening twice. Get used to everything happening twice.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Now, Trump doesn’t believe he should be held accountable for anything. At 2 a.m., he scream-posted ‘A president of the United States must have full immunity, without which it would be impossible for him/her to properly function.’ No, Trump doesn’t believe in any accountability. He believes the presidency should be like the movie ‘The Purge,’ which is why he’s always wearing that weird leather pig mask.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“It is nice to hear him being inclusive. [imitating Trump] ‘I believe the president, whether it be him or her, Hispanic or Her-spanic, should have a private kill squad to take out those who dare speak against him.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“This is not a man who has any moral limitations, so I can’t imagine what he means by saying he should be allowed to cross the line. What’s he going to do, imprison his political opponents? Chop off California and sell it to Russia? Outlaw umbrellas?” — SETH MEYERS
“This is the kind of thing that should end with Trump in prison or, best case, living alone in a motel by the racetrack. But every time he gets worse, his poll numbers get better, which explains his new 2024 slogan: ‘Welcome to Hell.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Kissing Cousins Edition)
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Source: Television - nytimes.com
