Noah joked that Brady’s leaving the N.F.L. was like Charlie Sheen’s leaving “Two and a Half Men”: “Yeah, there were still two and a half men but which men? Not men we cared about.”
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Don’t Call It a Comeback
Quarterback Tom Brady retired from the N.F.L. in February, but surprised fans on Sunday when he announced he would return to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers next season.
On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah joked that Brady had been going to Super Bowls for so long, “his first halftime show was a bunch of Gregorian monks chanting.”
“So, yeah, it was big news when Tom Brady retired,” Noah said. “But you know what’s even bigger news than retiring? Un-retiring.”
“I love it so much, because he is the most loved and the most hated athlete in the game. I love this guy. He is the main character. What’s the N.F.L. without Tom Brady, huh? Him leaving the N.F.L. is like when Charlie Sheen left ‘Two and a Half Men.’ Yeah, there were still two and a half men, but which men? Not men we cared about.” — TREVOR NOAH
“So with this move, Tom Brady has officially, officially, officially confirmed himself as the greatest of all time, because you see, this move right here is what all the greatest do — they retire, and they come right back. Yeah, Michael Jordan did it. Jay-Z did it. And the greatest of all time, Jesus. Yeah, that guy retired from life for three days before he was like, ‘Nah, the game needs me.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“Also some people are just not made for the retired life, especially Tom Brady. Think about it: For 22 years, he’s had men the size of little trucks trying to tackle him. That’s adrenaline. Yeah, can you imagine how boring his home life is right now. Even hiring his own commentators probably didn’t help.” — TREVOR NOAH
The Punchiest Punchlines (Un-Retiring Edition)
“Tom Brady is like your friend who announces she’s quitting Instagram and then posts something three hours later.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I guess he realized that if he retired, there wouldn’t be anybody around to make sure Gronk doesn’t eat a gallon of tide pods.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“That’s right, Tom Brady is back, and once again he made history as the first person to ever move to Florida and un-retire.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Brady’s retirement lasted 40 days. In other words, he pretty much gave up football for Lent.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yeah, he was only retired for six weeks. His kids were like, ‘Is it something we said?’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Of course, my dear friend Tom Brady’s not just returning for the love of the game. He’s also set to make $25 million next season, which is, coincidentally, what you’d have to pay me to go to Tampa.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
The “Succession” star Brian Cox crossed over into “Euphoria” while on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Kristen Stewart, star of the movie “Spencer,” will appear on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
Also, Check This Out
Dolly Parton wishes to remove herself from nomination for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, saying she doesn’t feel she has earned the right to be inducted.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
