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    Stephen Colbert Pens Get-Well Card to Herschel Walker

    Colbert did not mince words in his greeting to the Senate candidate, who denied paying for a former girlfriend’s abortion, as was reported by The Daily Beast.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Thoughts and PrayersHerschel Walker, the Republican Senate candidate in Georgia and a noted opponent of abortion, denied reports from Monday that he paid for a woman’s abortion in 2009. Walker’s former girlfriend provided a receipt from an abortion clinic and a $700 check she received in a get-well card, The Daily Beast reported.On Tuesday, Stephen Colbert referred to the situation as “a disaster.”“So Walker went on the Fox News last night and was asked about this evidence by the most effective form of birth control known to man, Sean Hannity,” Colbert said.“Well, sure, all celebrities send cards to complete strangers. In fact, you know what? Herschel’s going through a tough time right now, so let me just get this down real quick: ‘Dear Herschel, get well — you know what? Get [expletive], Stephen.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I mean, this woman says that she has a receipt, a check, and a get-well card that he signed. The only way there could be more of a paper trail is if he bought a souvenir T-shirt from the abortion clinic’s gift shop.” — TREVOR NOAH“Imagine being so stupid you write a check for an abortion you want to keep secret. And that card, if you’re wondering where you can even get a card like that, you can find them right next to the ‘dads and grads’ section at CVS.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“A former girlfriend of Republican Georgia Senate candidate Herschel Walker claimed in a new interview that Walker paid for her to get an abortion in 2009. And the only way that will hurt him with Republicans is if some of that money went to pay down her student loans.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tainted Reputation Edition)“Former President Trump filed a defamation lawsuit yesterday against CNN and claimed that the network has made a ‘persistent association’ between Trump and Adolf Hitler. Yeah, come on, CNN. Can’t a guy hold a series of racist rallies in a country suffering skyrocketing inflation without being compared to Hitler?” — SETH MEYERS“This is true, the lawsuit takes issue with CNN’s use of the words ‘racist’ and ‘insurrectionist’ when discussing Trump. I don’t want to help Trump in this lawsuit, but CNN also called him a billionaire.” — JAMES CORDEN“Get this: Former President Trump is claiming that CNN is trying to hurt his image ahead of the 2024 election, and he announced that $475 million defamation lawsuit against the network. In response, CNN was like, ‘Hey, thanks for thinking we have that kind of money. Wow, we pay Anderson Cooper in Panera bucks, you know what I mean?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He sued CNN for defamation, charging the channel acted with ‘real animosity’ to cause him ‘true harm.’ True harm? They reported the facts! That’s like suing your mirror for giving you cankles.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Specifically, the suit claims that CNN tried to taint the plaintiff, which is not easy — the plaintiff is mostly taint.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But this is tricky territory for Trump. On the one hand, he thinks that CNN calling him racist hurt his chances for re-election. On the other hand, if he says he isn’t racist, that could also hurt his chances for re-election.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Tonight Show” guests Ralph Macchio, Jennifer Beals and Lea Thompson played a game of ’80s-themed charades with Jimmy Fallon on Tuesday.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightMaggie Haberman will sit down to dish on her new book “Confidence Man” with Trevor Noah on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutLoretta Lynn performing in 1976 in Rochester, N.Y. Her voice was unmistakable, with its Kentucky drawl, its tensely coiled vibrato and its deep reserves of power.Waring Abbott/Getty ImagesThe country music star Loretta Lynn died on Tuesday, leaving behind a legacy of fiery expressions of female resolve. More

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    Jimmy Kimmel: Superman Doesn’t Fit Trump

    Kimmel joked that aides couldn’t find the right size of Superman ‘Underoos’ for the former president, who wanted to pull a Clark Kent after leaving Walter Reed in 2020.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Just Like Superman Would Never Do’Maggie Haberman’s new book, “Confidence Man,” reveals that in 2020, President Donald Trump wanted to unbutton his shirt to reveal a Superman T-shirt upon his emergence from Walter Reed Hospital after being treated for Covid.“Unfortunately, they couldn’t find Underoos in a size triple-XL,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.“According to Haberman, the plan was Trump would be wheeled out of Walter Reed hospital in a chair, and, once outdoors, he would dramatically stand up, open his button-down dress shirt to reveal a Superman logo. Listen, the only thing Trump does faster than a speeding bullet is have sex. We know that from Stormy Daniels.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“When he was preparing to leave Walter Reed Medical Center in 2020 after being treated for the coronavirus, then-President Trump reportedly told aides he wanted to exit the hospital in a wheelchair and then stand up to reveal a Superman shirt. You know, just like Superman would never do.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punch Lines (Go Fish Edition)“At a fishing tournament in Cleveland on Friday, a duo that had been declared winners were caught cheating. Of course, this was fishing, so after they were caught, they were released.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, it’s a lakeside fishing scandal so explosive, many are calling it ‘Watergate.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I haven’t seen white dudes this mad about fish since Disney announced the ‘Little Mermaid’ thing.” — TREVOR NOAH“You 100 percent could’ve told me that was footage from Jan. 6, and I would have believed you.” — JAMES CORDEN“Honestly, in a million years, I would never be able to guess that professional fishermen’s trash talk would include the phrase, ‘Where’s your crown now?’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah looked into a new dating app for conservatives called The Right Stuff on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe national touring company of “Oklahoma!” will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJack Webb in “Dragnet” and Amanda Warren in “East New York.”From left: NBC, via Getty Images; Scott McDermott/CBSPolice procedurals date back to the dawn of television, but the genre has evolved over the years. More

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    After 7 Years on ‘The Daily Show,’ Trevor Noah Says ‘It’s Time’ to Depart

    “It’s not instant. I’m not disappearing. Don’t worry. If I owe you money, I’ll still pay you,” Noah joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Happy Anniversary, I’m Out of HereTrevor Noah announced his departure from “The Daily Show” on Thursday, almost seven years to the day since he took over from Jon Stewart.Noah expressed his gratitude to everyone who’d supported Comedy Central’s “crazy choice” to hire “this random African” whom “nobody knew on this side of the world.”“It’s been absolutely amazing. It’s something that I never expected. And I found myself thinking throughout the time, you know, everything we’ve gone through. The Trump presidency, the pandemic, just the journey of, you know, the more pandemic.” — TREVOR NOAH“And then I realized that after the seven years, my time is up. Yeah, but in — in the most beautiful way, honestly. I’ve loved hosting this show. It’s been one of my greatest challenges. It’s been one of my greatest joys. I’ve loved trying to figure out how to make people laugh even when the stories were particularly [expletive] on the worst days, you know? We’ve laughed together, we’ve cried together. But after seven years, I feel like it’s — it’s time.” — TREVOR NOAH“I’ve never been good at goodbyes. It’s not instant. I’m not disappearing. Don’t worry. If I owe you money, I’ll still pay you.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Frankie Lasagna Edition)“Frankie Lasagna sounds like a name you get from the Olive Garden witness protection program.” — JIMMY FALLON, on the name of the fan who missed the 61st home run ball from Aaron Judge on Wednesday night“[imitating Frankie] ‘Hey, I’m Frankie Lasagna. It’s Francis — it’s Francis Lasagna but my friends call me Frankie.’” Which is either the best name I’ve ever heard, or the worst alias in the history of the mob. ‘[imitating mobster] Hey, I’m Frankie Lasagna. These are my associates, Mikey Pizza, Sal Calzone, and his cousin, Bobby Unlimited Breadsticks.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Frankie Lasagna sounds like the name Robert De Niro checks into hotels to avoid paparazzi.” — JIMMY FALLON“Frankie Lasagna sounds like the name of Trump’s next lawyer.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOn the “Tonight Show,” Robert De Niro played a game of hot hands with Jimmy Fallon on Thursday’s cold open.Also, Check This OutLea Michele (with Ramin Karimloo) lights up like a light as the new Fanny Brice on Broadway. Matthew MurphyLea Michele is stupendous as Fanny Brice in “Funny Girl.” More

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    Late Night Reacts to Trump ‘Nearly Firing’ Ivanka and Jared

    “That would be an awful way to find out they’d lost their jobs as … handbag blondeface? Haunted scarecrow? His-and-hers towel racks?” Stephen Colbert joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘You’re Fired!’New reports of Maggie Haberman’s Donald Trump tell-all, “Confidence Man,” detail that the former president once “nearly fired” his daughter Ivanka and her husband, Jared Kushner.“That would be an awful way to find out they’d lost their jobs as … handbag blondeface? Haunted scarecrow? His-and-hers towel racks?” Stephen Colbert joked on Wednesday. “I don’t know what they did.”“In the end, the ex-president did what he’d done his whole life: He avoided his children. He never fired them, and as we all know, Jared went on to achieve Middle East peace.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He was going to fire them over Twitter, but his chief of staff, John Kelly, was able to stop him from doing it by waving a KFC drumstick in front of him and tossing it across the room.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Meanwhile, Eric and Don Jr. were like, ‘Wait a minute, he follows you guys on Twitter?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Music History Edition)“Last night at a concert in D.C., Lizzo played a never-used crystal flute that once belonged to President James Madison. No one had played it in 200 years, so it was ‘about damn time.’” — JIMMY FALLON, referencing Lizzo’s single “About Damn Time”“Yeah. That’s a really cool way to bring attention to American history. Yeah, because now students will know that James Madison was that guy who did a collab with Lizzo, you know?” — TREVOR NOAH“It was an amazing moment — even better than that time Guy Fieri ate chicken wings with George Washington’s wooden teeth.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingIdina Menzel addressed rumors regarding “Frozen 3” while on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe Yeah Yeah Yeahs will perform on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutMatthew Broderick in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” Paramount Pictures, via Associated PressStream “Schitt’s Creek,” “8 Mile” and “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” before they leave Netflix in October. More

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    Trevor Noah’s Take on Russia’s Sham Referendums in Ukraine

    “I mean, it is one thing to conquer a town and blow up their buildings but to make them do paperwork? There is evil and then there’s evil,” Noah said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Russian InterferenceIt’s been seven months since President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia ordered the invasion of Ukraine, or as Trevor Noah referred to it on Tuesday, “Putin went all Kool-Aid Man on Ukraine.” Noah also noted that Russia’s leader is “not hashtag-winning.”“Russian soldiers are going door to door forcing people to vote to join Russia and so because of that, 97 percent of the vote has been pro-Putin. Yeah, but I mean, let’s be honest — I mean, these voters have a ‘choice’ in the same way we have a ‘choice’ to not accept cookies on that website, you know? Yeah it’s like, what? So what, if I click ‘no’ can I not see how child stars have aged? What kind of a choice is that?” — TREVOR NOAH“You know my question is, who the hell is the 3 percent? No, I’m really impressed by this. Who had the balls to still vote against Putin while his soldiers watched them mark their ballots? Who was there and just like, ‘Yes, I have voted — for yo’ mama!’” — TREVOR NOAH“And honestly, like why do they even go through all of this, huh? Like going door to door, making everyone sign [expletive] just so you can do whatever are you already doing anyway. I mean, it is one thing to conquer a town and blow up their buildings but to make them do paperwork? There is evil and then there’s evil.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Big Bang Edition)“Last night NASA intentionally crashed a spacecraft into an asteroid to see if it could stop one coming toward Earth in the future. Go, NASA! Meanwhile, the Space Force was like, ‘Cool, cool, so what exactly is our role again? Like, what do we do?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Boom! Yeah. How you like that, asteroid? That was for the dinosaurs.” — TREVOR NOAH“And in case you are wondering, no, the asteroid was not heading for Earth, all right? We were just testing the system. It wasn’t heading toward us. But now the other asteroids, they know not to test us. You don’t mess with Earth, man; we’re loco, man.” — TREVOR NOAH“The asteroid, named Dimorphos, is part of a binary system with another larger asteroid named Didymos, which means twin in Greek. Neither Dimorphos nor Didymos posed any threat to Earth, but now they know not to get any ideas, and they’re telling their friends.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers flamed quiet quitting, Costco and Aaron Judge on this week’s “Ya Burnt” segment on “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightAnderson Cooper will chat with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutKevin Smith and Jason Mewes with the Buddy Christ figure featured in Smith’s 1999 film “Dogma.”Adam Powell for The New York TimesKevin Smith and Jason Mewes reflect on their decades-long partnership on screen and off. More

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    Stephen Colbert Details Tidbits From a Forthcoming Trump Book

    “The real presidency is the rich friends we made along the way,” Colbert said in response to Trump’s remark that he has “so many rich friends, and nobody knows who they are.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Ask No Questions, Hear No LiesIn her new book, “Confidence Man: The Making of Donald Trump and the Breaking of America,” Maggie Haberman, a reporter for The New York Times, writes about the end of Trump’s presidency.On Monday night, Stephen Colbert detailed some tidbits from the forthcoming tell-all, including the former president’s denial that he was watching television on Jan. 6 as rioters stormed the Capitol.“Really? Really? You’re accused of inciting an angry mob to storm the Capitol to prevent the peaceful transfer of power for the first in our nation’s history, and that’s the part of the testimony you’re taking issue with?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The former president also said other things to Haberman, including this anecdote about running for president: ‘The question I get asked more than any other question: If you had it to do again, would you have done it?’ OK, that’s clearly a lie. The question he gets asked more than any other is ‘Do you want fries with that?’ The answer is yes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He continued: ‘The answer is, yeah, I think so. Because here’s the way I look at it — I have so many rich friends, and nobody knows who they are.’ Yep, the real presidency is the rich friends we made along the way.” — STEPHEN COLBERT[Imitating Trump] “A lot of times I’m asked what’s the main question I get asked is. That’s a good question. Well, I tend to ask myself the thing people are asking the most, which is ‘What question which gets questioned of me gets asked of me by me.’ Any questions?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Father Figure Edition)“Hold on — I’ve felt a great disturbance in the force, because we just learned that James Earl Jones is retiring from the role of Darth Vader in ‘Star Wars.’ He will now be playing Baby Yoda.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You see? The Little Mermaid becomes Black and they take away James Earl Jones! I told you there would be backlash! I told you!” — TREVOR NOAH“Instead of trying to find someone else to voice the part, Disney has said they are gonna use artificial intelligence to replicate Darth Vader’s voice. Yeah, I don’t know, people, this makes me a little nervous. Yeah, we think A.I. is going to take over the world, and now we’re going to teach it to use the dark side of the force? No one thinks this is a bad idea?” — TREVOR NOAH“That voice is iconic. It belongs in Darth Vader’s body — or announcing CNN promos — but that’s it.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon announced his new bilingual children’s book, “Con Pollo,” co-written with Jennifer Lopez, on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightDavid Letterman will pop by Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutAndres sketching a piece.Elliott Jerome Brown Jr. for The New York TimesPaintings by Andres Valencia, a 10-year-old fifth grader, have sold for more than $125,000. More

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    Jimmy Kimmel Jeers at Trump for Claiming to Declassify Documents With His Mind

    “Like Harry Whodummy,” Jimmy Kimmel quipped on Thursday night.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Magical ThinkingIn an interview with Sean Hannity on Wednesday, former President Donald Trump said he could declassify documents with his mind.“Like Harry Whodummy,” Jimmy Kimmel joked in his Thursday night monologue.“He couldn’t even read documents with his brain — how does this happen?” — TREVOR NOAH“If Trump actually had the power to change things just by thinking about them, Don Jr. would have turned into a Big Mac 30 years ago.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I felt like he was this close to using the word ‘abracadabra.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump’s argument is that you can just declassify things in your mind, it’s officially declassified as long as you believe it’s declassified. That’s according to Trump’s newest legal adviser, Tinkerbell.” — SETH MEYERS“So Trump is saying that he declassified these documents just by thinking about it, which I don’t even believe, because that would be the first time in his life that Trump has thought something and not said it out loud. Think about it. This is a man who thought to himself, ‘Ooh, if I wasn’t related to my daughter, I would date her,’ and then he told everyone on TV. He said it out of his mouth!” — TREVOR NOAH“Hannity was like, ‘Oh, I get it, you’re going to plead insanity.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I really hope that ‘I can make things happen with my mind’ is going to be the actual argument at the trial. That would be great: ‘Your Honor, the defendant pleads Jedi.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (But Her Emails Edition)“The F.B.I. came to his house looking for Hillary Clinton’s emails that were deleted, which, how could there even be emails if they were deleted, and how would they get into his house? Did Hillary sneak in after midnight and stuff them under his pillow like the email fairy or something?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“So is Trump saying the F.B.I. raided his house to find Hillary’s emails? So they didn’t want the documents he declassified with his mind? No, they wanted the emails he couldn’t find but that he actually had the whole time at his house? Because Donald Trump is Hillary Clinton?” — TREVOR NOAH“That’s so crazy, he confused Sean Hannity — and Sean comes pre-confused.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“At that point, even QAnon people were like, ‘OK, that conspiracy seems a little nuts.’” — JIMMY FALLON“You’ve got to give Trump credit, though. He knows how to say something so crazy that it actually makes the last crazy thing he said seem normal.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingDulcé Sloan challenges New Yorkers on their beliefs about education on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutSinead O’Connor in the documentary “Nothing Compares,” directed by Kathryn Ferguson.Andrew Catlin/SHOWTIMEA new documentary about Sinead O’Connor highlights her career highs and lows as well as her genuinely incomparable voice. More

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    Trevor Noah Feels for Trump as He Sits on the Sidelines

    Ron DeSantis is stealing the ex-president’s thunder, Noah says — “he’s slowly becoming the Republican Party now.” Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Twice the TrumpFormer President Donald J. Trump is reported to have expressed anger over the attention Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida is getting for sending migrants to Martha’s Vineyard — because Trump claims it was his idea.Trevor Noah said the Republican Party had “two Donald Trumps now.”“Oh man, poor Donald Trump. He is just sitting at home like, ‘You stole my idea! And by the way, stealing stuff is also my idea. Read the news!’” — TREVOR NOAH“Can you imagine being such a despicable creep, you’re mad at someone for being a despicable creep sooner than you? That’s like taking credit for being the first guy to put pineapple on pizza.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But you know what’s really telling here is that, in a way, Trump has a point, all right? He is the guy who came up with the idea of turning all politics into a series of stunts. That is what he did — the Muslim ban, ‘build the wall.’ That [expletive] didn’t solve anything but got the people going, and now pulling stunts has become the driving force of the Republican Party, but Trump is stuck watching out on the sidelines.” — TREVOR NOAH“And I feel bad for you, Mr. Trump. But the fact is, Ron DeSantis, you see what he’s doing — he’s slowly becoming the Republican Party now, stealing your tricks, making it his own.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Just a Phase Edition)“Speaking of America, land that I love, President of America Joe Biden made big news on the ‘60 Minutes’ this weekend when he maybe kind of prematurely declared that the pandemic is over, which marks the first time that Joe Biden has ever moved too fast.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“President Biden claimed in a new interview that the coronavirus pandemic is over. Easy for him to say — he just had it. Of course it’s over when you’ve got the antibodies: ‘I’m off to Burning Man, then London for the Queen’s funeral. No masks, baby!’” — SETH MEYERS“Lawmakers and public health officials are concerned his comment could undermine the rollout of new booster shots, as well as funding from Congress. The White House says their Covid-19 policy is unchanged, despite Biden’s comments. It’s never a good sign when even the White House is trying to distance itself from the president, is it?” — JAMES CORDEN“Biden’s announcement took the White House by surprise, and they’re now trying to backpedal, saying ‘Sure, the president could have been more nuanced — he was simply saying we’ve hit a different phase.’ OK, saying something is over, kind of a misleading way to declare a new phase.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel took on Black hobbits and lesbian rom-coms for Tuesday night’s “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightOlivia Wilde, the director of “Don’t Worry Darling,” will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutXavier Collin/Image Press Agency and Sipa USA, via AlamyColin Hanks is inspired by tacos, shaving his head and “What We Do in the Shadows.” More