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    Jimmy Kimmel: Today Is ‘a Stupefying Day in the History of This Country’

    “Chuck Schumer said he called for the vote so we would know where Republicans stand. Turns out, they’re standing in the year 1865,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Stuck in the PastOn Wednesday, the Senate voted against legislation that would have guaranteed abortion rights nationwide.Jimmy Kimmel referred to the blocking of the bill as “a stupefying day in the history of this country.”“Even though a strong majority of American voters want those rights protected, every Democrat voted in favor of the bill except Joe Manchin, who voted with his fellow Republicans.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“With the Supreme Court likely to overturn Roe v. Wade, the Democrats wanted to get their counterparts on the record opposing it. Chuck Schumer said he called for the vote so we would know where Republicans stand. Turns out, they’re standing in the year 1865.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It almost feels like maybe we shouldn’t have let the host of ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ pick three Supreme Court justices, you know?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Put Out to Pasture Edition)“President Biden spoke today in Illinois about his administration’s plan to support farmers. Although I feel like he should be asking about their plan to support him: [imitating Biden] ‘You guys got one of those Charlotte’s Web spiders who can write something nice about me?’” — SETH MEYERS“Well guys, today President Biden visited a farm in Illinois, where he announced new steps to fight rising food costs and inflation. You know your presidency is in rough shape when your staff is like, ‘It’s time to drive you to a farm upstate.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, when Biden first arrived, a Secret Service agent was like, ‘Older McDonald is on the farm. E-I-E-I-O.’” — JIMMY FALLON“But this is strange: At one point Biden actually walked into a corn field and slowly disappeared: ‘If you build back better, votes will come.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Tonight Show” guest Florence Welch was joined by Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Buffett for a performance of “Margaritaville.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightAmy Sedaris will pop by Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutGeorge Carlin on “Saturday Night Live” in 1975. His fans include Joe Rogan and Jim Gaffigan.Herb Ball/NBCU Photo Bank, via Getty ImagesNearly 14 years after his death, the comedian George Carlin still has the power to make people across the political spectrum laugh. More

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    James Corden Calls Trump a ‘Scam Account’

    Corden joked that “banning Trump is like the one good thing Twitter has done in like a decade.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Scam LikelyElon Musk said that should his purchase of Twitter go through, he plans to lift the ban on Donald Trump’s account.“Tell you what: we are leaving this show in the nick of time, gang,” James Corden joked on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.” Corden announced in late April that he will leave the CBS show next year. .@elonmusk wants to end Twitter’s Trump ban pic.twitter.com/CmS52oaA00— The Late Late Show with James Corden (@latelateshow) May 11, 2022
    “Musk explained that permanent bans should be reserved for bots, scam or spam accounts. I could say it’s a scam. It’s a scam! Donald Trump is a scam account. It’s all a scam.” — JAMES CORDEN“Musk said banning Trump from Twitter was ‘a morally bad decision, to be clear, and foolish in the extreme.’ Oh, good. We have the part-time D.J. who makes flamethrowers and cars that fart in charge of morality now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The guy who names his kids Roman numerals will make sure they don’t do anything foolish.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Seriously, banning Trump is like the one good thing Twitter has done in like a decade. It’s that, the wheels versus doors debate, and the time that one guy said his cousin looks like a honey bun. That’s basically it.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Ciao Amico Edition)“Earlier today, President Biden met with the prime minister of Italy at the White House. It was Mario Draghi’s first trip to Washington. Italy’s prime minister, Mario Draghi — or as Joe Biden calls him, ‘Freddie Spaghetti.’” — JAMES CORDEN“It was a friendly meeting. Biden opened with, ‘Welcome, or as they say in your country, when you’re here, you’re family.’” — JAMES CORDEN“This is true: back at home, the prime minister is facing growing dissent, even from his own party. When Biden heard this, he was like, ‘Nice, man — me too.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers took his writers to task for their poorly penned monologue jokes on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightFlorence Welch will sit down with Jimmy Fallon and then perform as Florence and the Machine on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe 2022 Pulitzer Prize-winning books include Joshua Cohen’s novel “The Netanyahus” and Ada Ferrer’s “Cuba: An American History.” More

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    Jimmy Kimmel Finds It ‘Impossible to Believe’ Trump Ordered Protesters Be Shot

    Kimmel weighed in on a former defense secretary’s allegations about the president wanting paratroopers to fire on demonstrators outside the White House.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.That Son of a GunMark Esper, the former secretary of defense, said Sunday night on “60 Minutes” that former President Donald Trump suggested paratroopers begin shooting demonstrators during the George Floyd protests outside of the White House in June 2020. Esper referred to Trump’s request as “shocking.”Jimmy Kimmel called the anecdote “almost impossible to believe,” but later joked “In fairness, he said the same thing about Eric,” his son.“It is shocking. So shocking you should have told us about it at the time.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s also somehow not surprising to me that Trump would specifically request paratroopers, although it also wouldn’t surprise me if he doesn’t know what that word meant. I mean, maybe he knows it’s parachutes, or maybe he thinks it’s the two guys from ‘CHiPs.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (A Tale of Two Presidents: Mother’s Day Edition)“Meanwhile, this weekend was also Mother’s Day, of course. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there. And I saw that first lady Jill Biden spent the day in Ukraine and met with the Ukrainian first lady. Yeah, basically, Joe got her an Edible Arrangement for Mother’s Day and Jill was like, ‘You know what? I’m going to go to Ukraine — I’m good.’” — JIMMY FALLON“To be fair, it was the only place that still had an availability for brunch.” — JAMES CORDEN“This is when you really see the difference between our current president and the last one. So Joe Biden yesterday tweeted to his wife: ‘Happy mother @flotus. You’re the love of my life and the life of my love. You bring me joy and laughter every day, and I’m so grateful for everything you do for our family.’ Very sweet. So Trump, then — Trump chose more of a ‘Yo Momma’s Day’ message.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“On Truth Social, he wrote: ‘Happy Mother’s Day to all, including racist, vicious, highly partisan, politically motivated and very unfair radical left Democrat judges, prosecutors, district attorneys, and attorney generals, who campaign unrelentingly against you without knowing a thing, and endlessly promise to take you down.’ This is his Mother’s Day tweet, OK? ‘After years of persecution, even the fake news says there is no case or, at best, it would be very hard to bring. someday soon they will start fighting record-setting violent crime. I love you all!’ And yeah, it’s a harsh message, but you know, if you color it in a little bit, it’s actually quite sweet.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What do you think Trump did for Melania on Mother’s Day — offer her a bite of his McGriddle?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJack Harlow did his first interview on a talk show on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe reunited Kids in the Hall will appear on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This Out“A Strange Loop” received more Tony Award nominations than any other show.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesThis year’s Tony Award nominations include 11 nods for the new musical “A Strange Loop.” More

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    Jimmy Kimmel: Truth Social Versus Twitter

    “They will delete your account if you use the platform as a ‘tool for a crime or any unlawful activity,’ like, I don’t know, starting a riot at the Capitol maybe?” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Empty PromisesDonald Trump released a statement this week, praising the success of his app, Truth Social.On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel pointed out that while Trump promotes his app as a free-speech alternative to Twitter, Truth Social’s community guidelines aren’t so different.“And the biggest no-no, the one they actually call ‘Truth #1,’ they will delete your account if you use the platform as a ‘tool for a crime or any unlawful activity,’ like, I don’t know, starting a riot at the Capitol maybe?” Kimmel said. “Now what I’m wondering is maybe this is why Trump hasn’t been posting on Truth Social — he’s banned from that one, too.”“Truth Social is getting a boost from the news that Elon Musk is buying Twitter. Their app is now No. 1 on the Apple Store free app chart. We know this because Trump released a statement that said, ‘Truth Social is No. 1 in the Apple App store,’ a statement he did not bother to post on Truth Social, by the way, because no one would see it there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He still hasn’t posted on his own Truth Social app since the day it launched back in February. The last time he ignored something this much it was named Eric.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The truth about Truth Social is, of course, it’s No. 1. The reason no one’s downloading the Twitter app is because everybody already has Twitter.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Just a Phase Edition)“Finally, let’s talk about Covid-19, the only one of us that has seen Kamala Harris in like three months.” — TREVOR NOAH“As we all know, a little over two years ago a bat in China didn’t cover its mouth when it sneezed in a lab after visiting a food market, and that started a pandemic, and the world has never been the same.” — TREVOR NOAH“I don’t know if I believe it, seeing as how I know about 20 people who have Covid or have had it this month, but Dr. Fauci says we are no longer in the pandemic phase. We are transitioning from the pandemic phase to the awkward teenage phase. So instead of your hands, wash your face.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But Fauci warned the virus cannot be stamped out completely. The country may be totally over it, but it’s somehow still hanging around. Basically it’s like ‘American Idol.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Yeah, a phase, sort of like wide-leg jeans — they disappeared for 20 years and now suddenly everyone looks like they have to borrow a pair of jeans from Shaq, you know?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingAs Black Karen, “Daily Show” correspondent Dulcé Sloan called the cops on white people for their heinous crimes like eating bad barbecue and kissing their dogs on the mouth.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Yellowjackets” star Christina Ricci will pop by Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutSarah Silverman during a break from rehearsals of “The Bedwetter,” which centers on a 10-year-old Silverman who suffered from the embarrassing condition of the title.Mark Sommerfeld for The New York TimesSarah Silverman promises vulnerability and jokes in her new musical comedy “The Bedwetter.” More

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    Trevor Noah Backs Trump’s Returning to Twitter for One Reason Only

    Noah joked that he just “really wants to see” the former president’s Wordle scores.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.More Hot TakesLate night continued to weigh in on Tuesday night on Elon Musk’s deal to purchase Twitter.Trevor Noah joked that the news set off “a wave of takes so hot, they burned off my eyebrows and I had to draw them back on.”“But one of the biggest takes came from former Twitter C.E.O. Jack Dorsey, who gave Musk his stamp of approval saying, ‘I trust his mission to extend the lights of consciousness.’ And I’ll be honest, people, I have no idea what that means, but Jack’s clearly on that billionaire speak.” — TREVOR NOAH“Well, I feel a lot better knowing that Twitter wasn’t in great hands before.” — SETH MEYERS“All jokes aside, Jack Dorsey is a great guy, and I wish him a safe journey back to his home planet.” — TREVOR NOAH“Yep, Musk says he’s going to bring back free speech to Twitter. It’s a big deal, because if it’s true, it means we’ll finally be able to talk about Bruno.” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, some people are worried that Musk will have a negative impact on Twitter. Yes, compared to the absolute paradise it’s been all along.” — JIMMY FALLONHosts wondered if Donald Trump might rejoin the app now that Musk will be at the helm, despite the former president’s claim he’ll instead remain on his own platform, Truth Social.“You know, he claims he won’t go back on Twitter, but he 100 percent will go back on Twitter, and then this dumb new company he conned everybody out of their money for will become, I guess, the social media equivalent of a Radio Shack — a Radio Shack that is run by Devin Nunes.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, so Truth Social is competition for Twitter the same way that guy on the plane was competition for Mike Tyson.” — TREVOR NOAH“Also, it doesn’t bode well that Trump himself has only posted on Truth Social one time ever. Yeah, and that was two months ago. Think about how crazy that is, people — when he was on Twitter, Trump would send out, what, like 50 tweets every time he went to the bathroom? Now he hasn’t posted for two months. Somebody needs to get this guy prune juice fast!” — TREVOR NOAH“I’ll be honest, though, the only reason I would want Trump back on Twitter, the only reason, because — I know, yes, it would probably lead to another term and it would destroy the country — but I just, I just really want to see his Wordle scores.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Keep Them Separated Edition)“Today, it was announced that Vice President Kamala Harris has tested positive for Covid-19. Yeah, President Biden told her to take her time recovering. He was like, ‘When I was V.P., I was gone for two years and nobody even noticed.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Thankfully, Harris is feeling good and will remain isolated just like she has since taking office.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, the White House said that Harris has been nowhere near Biden for over a week, which pretty much tells you all you need to know about that relationship.” — JIMMY FALLON“I don’t know, did they have a fight over a jelly bean? Why haven’t they seen each other in eight days?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers tackled Tucker Carlson and Tom Brady in Tuesday’s “Back in My Day” segment on “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe B-52’s will perform on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” ahead of the band’s farewell tour.Also, Check This Out“I wanted to go out with a beautiful bang,” said Pamela Adlon, who co-created the FX series “Better Things.” The show draws heavily from her own life.OK McCausland for The New York TimesPamela Adlon bids a bittersweet adieu to her semi-autobiographical show, “Better Things.” More

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    Late Night Muses on Elon Musk’s Deal to Buy Twitter

    Trevor Noah joked that owning Twitter would give Musk “more power than the drugstore employee with the key to the deodorant shelf.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Elon Musk Is VerifiableAfter initially being denied, Elon Musk reached a deal to buy Twitter on Monday for roughly $44 billion.“It’s the hottest and messiest relationship drama this side of ‘Riverdale,’ and it looks like after weeks of flirtation and fighting, the new couple has officially done the deed,” Trevor Noah joked on Monday’s “Daily Show.”“That’s right, people. Twitter said it would never sell to Elon Musk, and then he produced the cash and they’re like, ‘All right, we’ll sell.’ Yeah, I guess they found that edit button after all.” — TREVOR NOAH“I honestly don’t know why Elon would want to own Twitter, all right? It just doesn’t feel like a fun place to supervise. It’s like buying Jurassic Park after the power went down and the cages are open.” — TREVOR NOAH“So you see, by buying Twitter, Elon Music gets to own one of the most culturally influential publishing platforms in the world. I mean, remember this; think about it: Twitter is how the Arab Spring took off, all right? Black Lives Matter blew up on Twitter, the Me Too movement started on Twitter, Trump used Twitter to turn himself from a reality show joke into the 45th president of the United States and a joke. So owning Twitter gives you more power than the drugstore employee with the key to the deodorant shelf.” — TREVOR NOAH“He said he wants to transform Twitter as a platform for free speech around the globe. Yeah, that’s the problem with Twitter — no one can say what they think. They’re holding back.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Twitter’s an odd thing to buy, you know? It’s like buying YouTube and saying, ‘Forget the videos — I’m just here for the mean comments.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, the richest man in the world bought Twitter. Right now Bernie Sanders is so mad he just turned into the Hulk.” — JIMMY FALLON“Imagine having so much money that you think it’s a good idea to buy hell.” — JAMES CORDEN“Yeah, everything that happens on Twitter from now on is up to him — and also whatever strain his weed guy gives him that day. I’m just saying: He gets the wrong Sativa, there could be a race war, people; prepare yourselves.” — TREVOR NOAH“He sees something impossible and he makes it happen: building the most sought-after electric car, blasting off into outer space and, now, somehow making Twitter even worse.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Whose Truth? Edition)“Yeah, Musk has said that he’s pro-free speech, so a lot of people think that he’ll let former President Trump back on the platform. Yeah, not exactly what we meant when we asked for a return to prepandemic vibes.” — JIMMY FALLON“The caps lock key on Trump’s phone was like, ‘I’m back, baby.’” — JIMMY FALLON“But listen to this, today Trump told Fox News that he will not return to Twitter and will instead join his own platform, Truth Social. Wait, so not even Trump is on Truth Social yet?” — JIMMY FALLON“He’s not on his own app? If you’re keeping track, Twitter and Truth Social are like the Four Seasons and Four Seasons Total Landscaping.” — JIMMY FALLON“That is the name of his latest failure. Trump lies so much he can’t even say the word ‘truth.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingBill Hader, star of “Barry,” told Jimmy Kimmel how his young daughter pranked him in public in front of Chris Pratt.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightElisabeth Moss will talk about her new Apple TV+ series, “Shining Girls,” on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutAlice Walker, Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist and poet, with her dog, Ede, at her home in Litho, Calif., on April 4. Marissa Leshnov for The New York TimesThe celebrated author Alice Walker opens up to readers with “Gathering Blossoms Under Fire,” a collection of her diaries spanning 1965 to 2000. More

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    Jimmy Fallon Mocks Rudy Giuliani’s ‘Masked Singer’ Appearance

    Fallon joked that “the C.D.C. reinstated the mask mandate” after seeing the performance.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Put the Mask Back On!Rudy Giuliani appeared on Wednesday night’s episode of Fox’s “Masked Singer,” belting out a rendition of “Bad to the Bone.”Jimmy Fallon joked that after seeing Giuliani’s performance, “the C.D.C. reinstated the mask mandate.”“They finally get a Republican to wear a mask and that’s how it goes.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, it actually takes talent not to hit any notes.” — JIMMY FALLON“I mean, that is just unbelievable — somebody famous was on ‘The Masked Singer.’” — SETH MEYERS“There is a good chance Rudy genuinely did not know where he was, and was just as surprised as everyone else when they opened that box. He was probably thrilled, by the way: [Imitating Giuliani] ‘A singing competition? I just assumed I was going to jail.’” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, Rudy Giuliani just got voted off ‘The Masked Singer,’ which means he is about to spend the next five years claiming that he actually won ‘The Masked Singer.’” — TREVOR NOAH“I guess history was made last night because for the first time in ‘The Masked Singer’’s history, a contestant took off their mask and everyone was like, ‘No, no, put it back on, put it back on!’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Explosive Interview Edition)“Meanwhile, our royal pain in the [expletive], his MAGAsty Donald Trump, is at it again. Trump squatted down for what appears to be a contentious chat with Piers Morgan, who used to be his friend. He was on the — as close to a friend as Donald Trump has, I guess.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“After a clip was released yesterday of former President Trump storming out of an interview with journalist Piers Morgan, a spokesman for Trump called the preview a, quote, ‘pathetic attempt to revive the career of a failed television host.’ Buddy, you’re going to have to be more specific.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, Piers Morgan released a clip from an interview with former President Trump that he claims will be, quote, ‘the most explosive interview of the year.’ Well, it’s certainly going to be the sweatiest. I mean, look — he looks like Jigsaw just told him he has an hour to name all the state capitals.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Thursday’s “Full Frontal,” Samantha Bee skewered Tucker Carlson’s latest docuseries, “The End of Men.”Also, Check This OutBarbara Gustern, shown here at Joe’s Pub in 2020, found her metier as a vocal coach after her career in musical theater didn’t turn out as she had hoped.James GavinThe singers Debbie Harry, Kathleen Hanna and Justin Vivian Bond remember their late vocal coach Barbara Gustern. More

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    Late Night Celebrates 4/20

    “Time for all you doobie-lovin’ potheads to get up to your usual smoky high jinks: folding laundry and hoping half a gummy will help you fall asleep,” Stephen Colbert joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Total Smoke ShowLate Night celebrated 4/20 on Wednesday, or what Stephen Colbert referred to as “the unofficial holiday for marijuana.”“Time for all you doobie-lovin’ potheads to get up to your usual smoky high jinks: folding laundry and hoping half a gummy will help you fall asleep,” Colbert joked in his monologue.“This year is a big one for 4/20, because new polling shows 37 percent of Americans say they use weed, while the remaining 63 percent say they were just holding it for a friend.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“According to a new poll from CBS News, a vast majority of Americans want the federal government to legalize cannabis for recreational purchases. Sixty-six percent are in favor, 34 percent no. Sixty-six percent of Americans don’t agree on anything. We can barely get 66 percent of Americans to agree that horse medicine is for horses.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If you smoke, obviously, you want it to be legal. But even among those who say they never use marijuana, a majority favor legalization. Well, that makes sense. Marijuana is tame compared to other controlled substances — its most dangerous side effect is making hacky sack seem like a sport.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Oddly enough, tomorrow, the sale of recreational weed will begin in New Jersey, one day after 4/20. I mean, really? That’s like Chipotle offering free guac on Seis de Mayo, you know what I’m saying?” — JIMMY FALLON“That is exciting news, but it means New Yorkers will have to do the unthinkable: Drive to New Jersey on purpose.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Just be careful, people from New Jersey, because if you smoke too much weed, you might accidentally ‘fuhgeddaboud’ a bunch of important stuff you need to do.” — JAMES CORDEN“The move is overwhelmingly supported by state residents, who can now look forward to Jersey-specific strains like Jon ‘Bong’ Jovi, Bruce ‘Springstrain,’ ‘Joint’ Stewart and, of course, ‘Stoney’ Soprano’s ‘Ganjagool’.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Are You Still Watching? Edition)“Netflix just announced that for the first time in over a decade, they lost subscribers, and now their stock is crashing. Yeah, not only did their stock plummet, but it turns out that all the cash they had in the bank was just cake.” — JIMMY FALLON“Today, their stock price dropped over 35 percent after they announced they had lost 200,000 subscribers. That’s a lot. Explains why they’ve changed their pop-up message from ‘Are you still watching?’ to ‘Come back, please! I can change! Do you want DVDs again?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Damn, Netflix is in trouble, which is so surprising because me and the 43 people I share my account with, we’re still watching it all the time.” — TREVOR NOAH“Now, now, there are many reasons why Netflix subscriptions are down, all right? Password sharing, inflation, Regé-Jean Page leaving ‘Bridgerton.’ Yeah, I’m sorry, you want us to pay 15 bucks a month without that [expletive]? I don’t think so.” — TREVOR NOAH“Right now Netflix is so desperate for money, they’re now Googling ‘Is there a real-life “Squid Game”’?” — JIMMY FALLON“Netflix is blaming their losses on fierce competition, inflation and Russia. When he heard that, President Biden was like, ‘Hey, get your own excuses.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Netflix is losing money — you can tell it’s having an effect on all of their shows. For instance, ‘Emily in Paris’ is now ‘Emily in Pittsburgh.’ It’s still good. Also, ‘The Crown’ is now ‘The Hat.’”— JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingRonny Chieng, “The Daily Show” correspondent, gave the public the task of convincing him of Earth Day’s worth in this week’s “Prove Me Wrong.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightChloë Sevigny, star of “The Girl From Plainville” and “Russian Doll,” will sit down with Seth Meyers on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutNicolas Cage as “Nick Cage” in “The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.” He said, “I feel closer to my muse and my instrument now than I ever have.”Sinna Nasseri for The New York TimesNicolas Cage plays a meme-ified version of himself in “The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.” More