“I haven’t seen such a brutal attack on an elected official since Jan. 6,” Colbert said on Wednesday night.
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Motion Denied
A judge ruled this week that Donald J. Trump can’t prevent the release of files related to the Capitol attack, saying of Trump that “presidents are not kings, and plaintiff is not president.”
“Damn! I have not seen such a brutal attack on an elected official since Jan. 6,” Stephen Colbert said.
“The last time Trump got a spanking like that was with a copy of Forbes magazine by Stormy Daniels.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“That is the worst denial for the former president since any time he tried to hold his wife’s hand.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Now Trump’s legal team is going to have to figure out what to obstruct next. At this point Trump’s lawyers are, like, the losingest team in history, of any team ever. More than the Clippers. More than the Lions. More than the Washington Generals. And the Globetrotters beat them, like, 5,000 games in a row.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“You think anyone ever took notes in a meeting with Trump? When they finally subpoena those notepads, they’re just going to be filled with random doodles and inscrutable comments like, ‘Ingest bleach maybe?’” — SETH MEYERS
“And there’s no way Trump himself ever wrote anything down. He never even wrote any of his own books. They were ghostwritten, which I’m sure Trump took literally. [imitating Trump] ‘I didn’t write it — a ghost did, and I was pretty disappointed when I met the ghost. They said, ‘Donald, we’re getting you a ghostwriter,’ and I was hoping for a Slimer or, even better, a Patrick Swayze.” — SETH MEYERS
High Price to Pay
Inflation in America has reached a 30-year high. On “The Daily Show,” Trevor Noah looked for a silver lining.
“The only good part of inflation — I was always jealous of those old guys who would go, like, ‘Back in my day, you could buy a house with a dollar!’ It looks like now if inflation gets bad enough, we’ll get to be those old guys: ‘Oh, yeah? Back in my day, a million dollars could buy a whole lot more than just a haircut!’” — TREVOR NOAH
“I feel like a million bucks, and that’s not nearly enough, because everything is getting so expensive.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“All your favorite stuff is more expensive. Prices have gone up for autos, energy, furniture, rent and medical care. That is terrible! One of my favorite things is being mobile, warm, comfortable, dry and alive.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“This is a big danger to Biden politically, because inflation is the one economic concept that normal people actually care about. Like, the debt ceiling, the Federal Reserve, derivatives — that’s all just [expletive] we pretend to understand: [mocking] ‘The debt ceiling, the debt ceiling.’ But when you hear inflation is rising, you know it means you’re about to be a broke [expletive].” — TREVOR NOAH
“OK, how much more bad news is Biden going to get? At the end of the month, we’re going to find out the turkey he pardoned was at the Capitol on Jan. 6.” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines ($33.80 Edition)
“Yesterday, the N.F.L. fined Rodgers and the Packers for violating Covid-19 protocols. Phew. Now that Covid protocols are being enforced, we can get back to safely enjoying the beautiful game of 300-pound men crushing each other’s spines like a sleeve of Ritz crackers.” — STEPHEN COLBERT on the Green Bay Packers and their quarterback Aaron Rodgers
“Rodgers attended a Halloween party despite being unvaccinated, for which the N.F.L. fined him $14,650. Which sounds like a lot of money, but it’s the equivalent of fining an average American $33.80 — or one beer at a Packers game.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Just to put that in perspective, CeeDee Lamb of the Cowboys was fined more than $15,000 for having an untucked jersey. So once again, the league’s priorities are in perfect order.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
Samantha Bee celebrated the passing of the infrastructure bill on Wednesday’s “Full Frontal.”
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
Taylor Swift will perform on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”
Also, Check This Out
From “Get Out” to the recent “Candyman” sequel, Black horror has become America’s most powerful cinematic genre.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
