Colbert said President Biden and China’s leader, Xi Jinping, had a lot to catch up on: “trade tensions, global flash points, who got hot over the summer.”
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
‘He Said, Xi Said’
President Biden met with his Chinese counterpart, Xi Jinping, in San Francisco on Wednesday.
Stephen Colbert pointed out that the two leaders last met a year ago, so they would “have so much to talk about: trade tensions, global flash points, who got hot over the summer. Spoiler alert: neither of them!”
“Now, before the meeting, both sides tried to play it cool, and set expectations low. In fact, both countries said that whatever happened, both Biden and Xi would not put out a joint statement after the meeting. So it’s just going to be a case of ‘He said, Xi said.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Ahead of their meeting, Biden said, ‘We’re not trying to decouple from China. What we’re trying to do is change the relationship for the better.” In other words, for those of you who don’t follow international affairs, we’re Chris Martin and China is Gwyneth Paltrow and we’re just trying to raise a TikTok kid together, you know?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“China has a good reason to want to talk to America, and it’s cash. For the past few years, China’s economy has been struggling, with anemic consumer spending and high youth unemployment. It’s gotten so bad that second-graders can’t get a job at the iPhone factory.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Things are shaky right now between the U.S. and China. This is the diplomatic version of a married couple dropping the kids at the in-laws to spend the night at a hotel, see if they can get things back on track. And I think these guys have known each other for a long time. President Xi is just happy to meet a president who doesn’t call his country ‘Gyna.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Congressional Fight Club Edition)
“Former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy denied claims yesterday that he elbowed Republican Congressman Tim Burchett in the back and added ‘If I would hit somebody, they would know I hit them.’ I assume ’cause his fist would bruise.” — SETH MEYERS
“[imitating Kevin McCarthy] If I hit him, he’d be on the ground. Then I’d kick him, and I’d take his bike, and his Pokemon cards, and his girlfriend would be my girlfriend, and then people would like me.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Listen, I know what it’s like to want to fight a co-worker. But don’t do that at work — you wait for them in the parking lot like a responsible adult!” — LESLIE JONES, guest host of “The Daily Show”
The Bits Worth Watching
The director Taika Waititi played a game with Jimmy Fallon inspired by his new film “Next Goal Wins” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
Comedian Maria Bamford will discuss her new memoir, “Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”
Also, Check This Out
In the new play “Scene Partners,” Dianne Wiest stars as a 75-year-old woman who sets out to be a star.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
