“Has Trump ever considered paying himself hush money?” Jordan Klepper asked on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”
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Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop
Attorneys representing former President Donald Trump argued that he did not violate his gag order during Tuesday’s hearing in his criminal trial.
“This guy is incapable of keeping his mouth shut for two minutes,” Jordan Klepper said on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.” “Has Trump ever considered paying himself hush money?”
“He violated the gag order during a hearing about whether he violated the gag order!” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Judge Merchan told Trump’s lead attorney — a guy named Todd Blanche — that his arguments didn’t make sense, that he ‘presented nothing’ and that he was losing ‘all credibility with the court.’ To his credit, Blanche fired back. He said, ‘Your honor, I lost all credibility when I agreed to represent Donald Trump! That is not an issue.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Fortunately, Trump didn’t hear any of it. He was sound asleep. Let One Rip Van Winkle is dozing off so often, they’re going to need one of those N.B.A. sweat-wiper kids to mop the drool puddles off his desk.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“On his way out of the courthouse, Groper Cleveland stopped to tell reporters how uncomfortably cold it is in the room and how very unhappy he is to be there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Eight hours a day, four days a week — it’s literally torture. Or, as the rest of the world calls it, a job.” — JORDAN KLEPPER
“I love hearing him complain about how cold it is. Someone should knit him a little pair of mittens to wear into court.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (National Enquirer Edition)
“The one and only witness today was Trump’s old pal and former publisher of the National Enquirer, a guy named David Pecker, who looks like if the man on the Pringles can was now dating your mom.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Pecker described what he called a ‘mutually beneficial relationship’ with Trump. It’s weird, the only faithful relationship Trump’s ever been in is with the National Enquirer.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“He testified that to help Trump win the 2016 election, he would buy scandalous stories about Trump and then bury them. And what a good job he did — I can’t think of a single Trump scandal.” — JORDAN KLEPPER
“But think about how insane it is that our president had a ‘mutually beneficial relationship’ with The National Enquirer. There are only two people on the planet who can say that: Donald Trump and Bigfoot.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
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Source: Television - nytimes.com
