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    Jon Stewart Supports Friend Stephen Colbert Through CBS Cancellation

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    Stewart admitted that he was “certainly not the most objective to comment on this matter” before sharing his feelings about the end of “The Late Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Too Little, Too Late?On Monday, late night hosts responded to the news that “The Late Show” will end next May. Stephen Colbert gratefully acknowledged the outpouring of support he’d received since the announcement last Thursday, while also lamenting the grief and anger fans have been expressing.“Folks, I’m going to go ahead and say it: Cancel culture has gone too far,” Colbert said, keeping a comical bent.“I want to thank everybody who reached out to me over the weekend, including one text from an unknown number offering a high-paying I.T. work-from-home job for only two to three hours a day. Yes, I am very interested, and I will be sending you my routing number in May. Daddy needs a job.” — STEPHEN COLBERTBoth Colbert and his friend Jon Stewart offered a similarly expletive-laden response to CBS, while the latter admitted he is “certainly not the most objective to comment on this matter.” Stewart reminisced about his shared history with Colbert on “The Daily Show” back before Comedy Central launched “The Colbert Report” as a successful spinoff.“We were two pretty good-sized fish in a reasonably small basic cable pond. Both of our shows reached an inflection point in 2015. Stephen chose to challenge himself by seeing if he could succeed the legendary David Letterman in, quite frankly, a much bigger pond than the one he and I had been swimming in, and I quit.” — JON STEWART“And, if I may, watching Stephen exceed all expectations in the role, and become the No. 1 late night show on network television, has been an undeniable great pleasure for me as a viewer and as his friend.” — JON STEWART“Now, I acknowledge, losing money, late-night TV is a struggling financial model. We are all basically operating a Blockbuster kiosk inside of a Tower Records. But when your industry is faced with changes, you don’t just call it a day. My God! When CDs stopped selling, they didn’t just go, ‘Oh, well, music, it’s been a good run.’ — JON STEWART“Well, over the weekend, somebody at CBS followed up their gracious press release with a gracious anonymous leak, saying they pulled the plug on our show because of losses pegged between $40 million and $50 million a year. Forty million’s a big number. I could see us losing $24 million, but where would Paramount have possibly spent the other $16 million … oh, yeah.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to the $16 million Paramount agreed to pay President Trump to settle a lawsuit“I believe CBS lost the benefit of the doubt two weeks prior, when they sold out their flagship news program to pay an extortion fee to said president. At that time, poor Andy Rooney must have been rolling over in his bed. That’s right, he’s alive. Andy Rooney is alive.” — JON STEWART“So here’s the point: If you’re trying to figure out why Stephen’s show is ending, I don’t think the answer can be found in some smoking gun email or phone call from Trump to CBS executives, or in CBS’s QuickBooks spreadsheets on the financial health of late night. I think the answer in the fear and pre-compliance that is gripping all of America’s institutions at this very moment — institutions that have chosen not to fight the vengeful and vindictive actions of our pubic hair-doodling commander in chief. This is not the moment to give in. I’m not giving in! I’m not going anywhere — I think.” — JON STEWART“And now, for the next 10 months, the gloves are off. Yeah! I can finally — I can finally speak unvarnished truth to power and say what I really think about Donald Trump, starting right now: I don’t care for him. Doesn’t seem to have, like, the skill set. Doesn’t have the skill set to be president. You know, just not a good fit. That’s all.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bawdy Birthday Card Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Stephen Colbert Laments the End of ‘The Late Show’ on CBS

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      CBS “will be ending ‘The Late Show’ in May,” Colbert told his audience on Thursday. He kept the announcement brief and light.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.End of an EraAt the top of Thursday’s “Late Night,” Stephen Colbert announced that CBS will bring the show to an end in May.The network says the cancellation was “purely a financial decision,” but there’s speculation that Colbert’s recent criticism of CBS’s parent company, Paramount, was a factor. Colbert kept the announcement brief and light. When the audience booed the news, he responded with a smile, “Yeah, I share your feelings. It’s not just the end of our show, but it’s the end of ‘The Late Show’ on CBS. I’m not being replaced. This is all just going away.”“I do want to say that the folks at CBS have been great partners. I’m so grateful to the Tiffany network for giving me this chair and this beautiful theater to call home. And of course I’m grateful to you, the audience, who have joined us every night in here, out there, all around the world, Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea. I’m grateful to share the stage with this band, these artists over here every night. And I am extraordinarily, deeply grateful to the 200 people who work here.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“We get to do this show — we get to do this show for each other every day, all day, and I’ve had the pleasure and the responsibility of sharing what we do every day with you in front of this camera for the last 10 years. And let me tell you, it is a fantastic job. I wish somebody else was getting it. And it’s a job that I’m looking forward to doing with this usual gang of idiots for another 10 months. It’s going to be fun. Y’all ready?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Epstein Edition)“Well, guys, President Trump’s handling of the Epstein files continues to dominate the news. Yeah, I wonder if we’re ever going to see the Epstein files. At this point, our best chance is if Coldplay shows them on the Jumbotron.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, the Epstein files won’t go away. Trump is so stressed, he’s like, ‘I need a vacation. What was the name of that fun island I used to go to?’” — JIMMY FALLON“President Trump said yesterday that he would rather talk about the success of his administration than the Jeffrey Epstein files. Yeah, I’m sure you would. That’s like Diddy saying he’d rather talk about his V.M.A.s — you don’t get to pick.” — SETH MEYERSWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Fact-Checks Trump on His Uncle and the Unabomber

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      Jordan Klepper and other hosts poked holes in the president’s claim that his uncle had been the future terrorist’s professor at M.I.T. Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Weird Flex, BroAt an A.I. conference in Pennsylvania on Tuesday, President Trump said his uncle, John Trump, had been the “longest-serving professor in the history of M.I.T.” and held “three degrees in nuclear, chemical, and math.” Trump added that his uncle’s students had included Ted Kaczynski, who he described as being “seriously good.”“Wow, we went from zero to Unabomber like that,” Jordan Klepper said on Wednesday’s “Daily Show,” snapping his fingers.Klepper pointed out that while the president’s uncle had indeed been a well-known M.I.T. professor, he was not the longest-serving one, nor did he have degrees in “nuclear, chemical and math” (he had a Ph.D. in electrical engineering). He said it was also highly unlikely that he had told his nephew Donald a story about teaching the Unabomber, “because nobody knew who Kaczynski was until 1996, and Trump’s uncle died in 1985.”“Kaczynski did not go to M.I.T. He went to Harvard. [imitating Trump] ‘Yes, but sometimes old Ted would take the crosstown bus over to M.I.T, then he would go around correcting people. He’d say, ‘I actually didn’t go to school here, you know, you don’t actually know me. I’m a figment of the imagination of your dumbest nephew.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So the whole thing we just heard wasn’t just a small lie, it was like a full hallucination.” — SETH MEYERS“Now, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe Trump just misspoke, made a slip. I mean, who among us hasn’t accidentally told people that our uncle taught the Unabomber?” — JORDAN KLEPPER“What I’m saying is, isn’t it great that we finally have a president whose brain works perfectly?” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Snoozefest Edition)“But the big story today is that Trump lashed out at his own supporters who are criticizing him over the Epstein files, calling them ‘weaklings who have bought into B.S. hook, line and sinker.’ Trump hasn’t been this mad at the people he loved since McDonald’s introduced salads.” — JIMMY FALLON“No, he’s right. The Epstein saga is a total snoozefest. I mean, the most powerful man in the world is blocking information about a cabal of the rich, the famous and the royal befriending a con man, who regularly flies off on his private plane to his private island to do super-illegal sex stuff. Then the con man is arrested, people are afraid he’s going to name names, but before he can, he mysteriously dies right after being taken off of suicide watch in a federal prison during the administration of the guy who is blocking the release of the information. Boring!” — STEPHEN COLBERTWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Seth Meyers Is Amused by MAGA’s Epstein Infighting

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      President Trump’s most conspiracy-minded supporters can’t believe he wants them to forget about the Jeffrey Epstein conspiracy theories.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A MAGA MeltdownSome fans of President Trump have felt betrayed since he dismissed the conspiracy theories about Jeffrey Epstein’s death in a lengthy social media post, basically telling them to move on.On Monday, Seth Meyers called the MAGA infighting “a monster of their own making.”“They made the Epstein conspiracy a center of their worldview, despite the fact that Trump and Epstein were photographed together, and partied together, and Trump called Epstein a terrific guy, and Epstein called Trump his closest friend of 10 years.” — SETH MEYERS“In a post over the weekend on Truth Social, President Trump told his supporters to ‘not waste time and energy on Jeffrey Epstein, somebody that nobody cares about.’ Yeah, nobody cares about him! The guy only had, like, one friend.” — SETH MEYERS, referring to Trump“How dare you fixate on a story from the past, something Donald Trump has never done? He’s focused on the issues of today, not the 2020 election, or the Russia investigation, or Hunter Biden’s laptop, or Hillary Clinton’s email server, Joe Biden’s autopen, or Rosie O’Donnell making fun of him, or his ratings for ‘The Apprentice,’ which ended in 2015, or deceased golfer Arnold Palmer’s unusually large penis, which, by the way, we have yet to see definitive proof of.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, President Trump reprimanded his supporters on Truth Social for focusing on the Epstein files — and maybe some other stuff. I only made it through Chapter 1.” — SETH MEYERS“This is the most Trump’s written since Hooters got on Yelp. Look, I don’t know if Jeffrey Epstein killed himself, but I’m sure, after this, some of Trump’s advisers did.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Flat Earth Edition)“Oh, here’s a sentence I’ve never said: There’s some fun news involving Jeffrey Epstein.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Wait a second. If it was sitting on Pam Bondi’s desk in February and now it doesn’t exist, that can only mean one thing: Someone stole Pam Bondi’s desk.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to Epstein’s supposed client list“Yeah, everyone from Trump supporters to Democrats are asking to see the Epstein files, and everyone who isn’t is definitely in those files.” — JIMMY FALLON“You can’t take this away from your base — that is MAGA’s favorite conspiracy. What are we going to find out next? That immigrants aren’t eating cats? That if you sail to the horizon, you don’t fall off the world?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingElmo stopped by “The Daily Show” to explain his recent out-of-character X posts to Jon Stewart.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe “Too Much” star Megan Stalter will appear on “The Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe famous shower scene from “Psycho.” With so many cuts, you can only see a piece of the action.Peek behind the curtain to see what made Alfred Hitchcock the master of suspense. More

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      Late Night Ponders the Possibility of a Millennial Mayor of New York

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      Jimmy Fallon imagined Zohran Mamdani’s reaction to his surprising success in the primary: “My seven roommates are never going to believe this.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Young BloodA young state assemblyman, Zohran Mamdani, is likely to be the Democratic candidate for mayor of New York City after stunning former Gov. Andrew Cuomo in a primary election on Tuesday. “My seven roommates are never going to believe this,” Jimmy Fallon imagined the 33-year-old candidate saying on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”“Wow, that’s a good age, ’cause he knows the meaning of both the spending cap and ‘no cap.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Between his campaign and his billionaire-backed super PACs, Cuomo raised over $36 million, while Mamdani relied on volunteers and a relentlessly positive campaign based on issues that affect everyday New Yorkers, like freezing the rent, no-cost child care and free buses. Sounds pretty good. Sounds pretty good — and I, for one, cannot wait to get my free bus. I’m gonna paint mine like the Scooby-Doo Mystery Machine and then fight ghost crime.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“According to experts, with this message, Mamdani generated excitement among minority groups and electrified younger voters, while older voters still run on diesel.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Cuomo Edition)“Yesterday was New York City’s Democratic mayoral primary, and former Governor Andrew Cuomo conceded to state Assemblyman Zohran Mamdani. On the bright side for Cuomo, at least he doesn’t have to move to New York City.” — SETH MEYERS“Mamdani won decisively in Manhattan, Brooklyn and Queens, while Andrew Cuomo won Staten Island, the Bronx and the secret sixth borough of Groper’s Island.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“During his concession speech, Cuomo said that Mamdani put together a great campaign and added, ‘He touched young people and inspired them and got them to come out and vote.’ Cuomo’s mistake was waiting until after he was elected to touch young people.” — SETH MEYERS“Yes, that Andrew Cuomo, the same one who sentenced grannies to death in nursing homes during Covid. I guess the senior vote was important after all.” — DANA PERINO, guest host of “Gutfeld”“The same Cuomo who resigned in disgrace and blamed his groping tendencies on being Italian, like he was Super Mario popping Cialis instead of mushrooms.” — DANA PERINOThe Bits Worth WatchingDiego Luna, this week’s guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” and Guillermo Rodriguez tried to cash in on the surge in Americans moving to Mexico with a new business venture, Gring-Go.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” star Mariska Hargitay will talk about her intimate new documentary, “My Mom Jayne,” on “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutIllustration by Brian ReaModern Love listeners talked about how location sharing has affected their relationships with loved ones. More

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      Late Night Is Taken Aback by Trump’s Potty Mouth

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      Seth Meyers said that even with “zero standards of expectations for Trump,” he was shocked to see the president use profanity on the White House lawn.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.F-Bombs AwayPresident Trump dropped the F-bomb on live television on Tuesday, while talking to reporters in front of the White House about Israel and Iran violating their previously announced cease-fire. “We basically have two countries that have been fighting so long and so hard that they don’t know what the [expletive] they’re doing,” he said.Seth Meyers said that even though he has “zero standards of expectations for Trump, it’s still surprising to see the president drop an F-bomb on the White House grounds.”“Wow, based on that language and that level of analysis, I’m surprised that they didn’t give him the local news chyron.” — SETH MEYERS“Remember when Biden whispered it to Obama and everyone on the right lost their [expletive] minds?” — SETH MEYERS“Nothing says ‘Everyone remain calm’ like dropping an F-bomb on live TV.” — JIMMY FALLON“Meanwhile, C-SPAN was like, ‘It’s OK. Nobody’s watching anyway.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fake News Edition)“Last night, President Trump announced that Israel and Iran agreed to a total cease-fire and declared that the war has ended. Yeah. And for about 59 minutes, he was right.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Trump announced yesterday in a post on Truth Social that Israel and Iran have agreed to a cease-fire and added, ‘CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE!’ Congratulations to everyone? Are you brokering a cease-fire or hosting the Tonys? ‘Congratulations to all our winners tonight, get home safe!’” — SETH MEYERS“In another post on Truth Social, President Trump defended his recently-announced cease-fire between Israel, Iran and the U.S. and said, ‘THE CEASEFIRE IS NOW IN EFFECT. PLEASE DO NOT VIOLATE IT!’ Well, that oughta do it. This reminds me of the time my bodega put up a ‘No shoplifting’ sign. You know what happened? Someone took it.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingDiego Luna brought his immigration lawyer to his second night hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Tuesday.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe “Bridgerton” star Jonathan Bailey will appear on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutReneé RappMario Anzuoni/ReutersReneé Rapp and Ethel Cain are two of eight rising pop singers you should be listening to this summer. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Wonders What Trump Will Launch Next

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      The “Tonight Show” host said it was crazy that the president had “launched an attack on Iran, his own parade and a cellphone in the same week.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Hard LaunchPresident Trump authorized military strikes on three Iranian nuclear facilities over the weekend.“Remember when we were scared he was going to invade Canada?” Jimmy Fallon said on Monday. “I miss that.”“Yep, the strike came as a total surprise. Apparently, Trump had all the planes fly out of the abandoned Newark airport.” — JIMMY FALLON“The U.S. on Saturday launched strikes against three Iranian nuclear sites in a surprise attack. Well, ‘surprise’ to everyone who’s not on Pete Hegseth’s text chain.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s crazy to me that the president launched an attack on Iran, his own parade and a cellphone in the same week.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump claimed Iran’s nuclear program was totally obliterated. As evidence, he held up a satellite photo showing Iran’s nuclear facility is now a Spirit Halloween.” — JIMMY FALLON“Now, were we facing an imminent threat? I don’t know. On one hand, Iran’s slogan isn’t ‘Life to America,’ but it’s hard to trust Donald Trump to be the one making these kinds of decisions. It kind of feels like we’re all in the back seat while the Uber driver goes on a road rage.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fainting Elmo Edition)“New York governor Kathy Hochul yesterday declared a state of emergency amid a heat wave that’s expected to break 125-year-old records. Which means it’s time for my favorite hobby, going down to Times Square to watch the Elmos faint.” — SETH MEYERS“This weekend was the official start of summer, as my audience knows all too well. Thank you, thank you, you brave souls, for waiting outside in the humidity that the Weather Channel has described as ‘the devil’s trouser chili.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s not wearing a suit that makes me feel sticky. It’s the two layers of Spanx underneath it.” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, it is brutal out there. You know it’s bad when the heat map looks like Elmo’s colonoscopy.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe Mexican actor and director Diego Luna spoke out on behalf of immigrants during his first night as guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe pop music prodigy Lorde will promote her new album, “Virgin,” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutMore than 500 influential directors, actors and other notable names in Hollywood and around the world voted on the best movies of the 21st century so far. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Isn’t Shocked by Trump’s Silence on Juneteenth

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      Kimmel imagined the Trump base’s reaction had the president acknowledged the holiday: “We’re the ones who stopped enslaving — they should have a holiday for us!”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Another Day at the OfficeOn Thursday, the United States celebrated Juneteenth, four years after it became a federal holiday honoring the end of slavery. But President Trump didn’t acknowledge it, except by complaining on Truth Social that there were too many “non-working holidays.”Jimmy Kimmel joked that while it might be “hard to believe, from a president who has done more for Blacks than Abraham Lincoln, Trump is not a fan” of Juneteenth.“I don’t know, to me, it seems like a holiday that celebrates the end of slavery is one we should all be for.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If Trump were to acknowledge Juneteenth, he would risk upsetting his not-at-all-racist-and-how-dare-you-say-we-are base. They’re like, ‘We’re the ones who stopped enslaving — they should have a holiday for us!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But then, a miracle happened. Trump did post about Juneteenth. He wrote, ‘Too many non-working holidays in America. Soon, we’ll end up having a holiday for every once working day of the year.’ Says the guy who just had a birthday parade for himself. Says the guy who has been in office for 150 days and has golfed 37 times that we know of.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Two Weeks Edition)“I saw that today the White House said Trump will make a decision on the U.S. involvement in Iran within the next two weeks. All good. No rush. Just take your time.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s always two weeks. For a guy whose catchphrase was ‘You’re fired,’ no one has ever given more two weeks’ notice than Donald J. Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If Trump thinks about this decision for two weeks, it’ll beat his previous thinking record by two weeks.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump understands that starting a war in the Middle East is a lot like quitting your sales job at Best Buy. It’s just polite.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian and actor Mike Birbiglia talked about an intriguing offer he’d gotten for a film role on “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutUnraveling family mysteries for her documentary left Mariska Hargitay at peace: “It’s like a miracle to me to feel this way. I never thought I could.”Kobe Wagstaff for The New York TimesThe “Law & Order: SVU” star Mariska Hargitay’s documentary “My Mom Jayne” offers a candid portrayal of her family history and the mother she hardly knew, Jayne Mansfield. More

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      Seth Meyers Wishes Tucker Carlson and Ted Cruz Could Both Lose

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      The clash of conservative titans had Meyers feeling like a Roman emperor: “I just want someone to feed me grapes while I say, ‘Let them fight.’”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Rooting for a Sinkhole’In a heated exchange on Tucker Carlson’s show, the host grilled Ted Cruz about Iran’s population and ethnic makeup, suggesting that the Republican senator was ignorant about the country whose government he wanted the United States to help overthrow.Seth Meyers was amused by the standoff, saying he’d never “felt more like a Roman emperor.”“I just want someone to feed me grapes while I say, ‘Let them fight.’” — SETH MEYERS“It’s like watching a sequel to ‘Alien vs. Predator’ called ‘I Can’t Believe I’m Saying This, but the Predator is Making Some Very Salient Points.’” — SETH MEYERS“Oh, damn, Ted Cruz. Are you a pair of $800 Ferragamo boat shoes? Because Tucker Carlson owned you, buddy.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“And Ted Cruz was like, ‘I know the population, just give me a second to count, OK? Let’s see, there’s the ayatollah, that’s one. Uh, the Iron Sheik, two. Is Aladdin one? No? No?” — JORDAN KLEPPER“It’s so wild to see these two fighting. But I gotta say, in an argument between Tucker Carlson and Ted Cruz, I’m rooting for a sinkhole.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Flagpole Edition)“Not now, dude! This is like your boyfriend getting down on one knee and saying, ‘Kelly, will you make me the happiest man in the world and look at these two beautiful flagpoles?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on Trump’s announcement that new flagpoles would be installed at the White House“What’s going on here? It feels like someone told him, ‘Sir, you’re not doing well in the polls.’ And he was like, ‘I hear you, I’m on it.’” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Now personally, I think it’s cool that Trump found a new use for the 50-foot pole that Melania refuses to touch him with.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Wow, ‘tall, tapered, rustproof’ flagpoles. You know he must love them ’cause that’s the same way he describes his son Barron.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What a president. He spent 48 minutes yammering about flagpoles. He spent more time raising these flags than he did raising Eric and Don Jr. combined today.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth Watching“Jimmy Kimmel Live” timed how long it took fans to start eating from a bowl of nachos left on top of a garbage can at the N.B.A. Finals.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightPaul Simon will discuss coming out of retirement on “The Late Show.”Also, Check This OutSteven Spielberg, holding the camera, and his cinematographer Bill Butler during the filming of “Jaws.”Peacock/Universal Pictures, via Associated PressFifty years ago, “Jaws” established a template that blockbuster movies have been following ever since. More