“Yeah, if you are fully vaccinated, you can go back to doing the things you did before the pandemic,” Fallon said. “Well, not everything — if you’re Trump, you still can’t tweet.”
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
‘Smiling Faces’
On Thursday, late-night hosts celebrated the C.D.C.’s new guideline stating that fully vaccinated Americans no longer had to wear masks in most places.
“Yeah, if you are fully vaccinated, you can go back to doing the things you did before the pandemic,” Jimmy Fallon said. “Well, not everything — if you’re Trump, you still can’t tweet.”
“Oh, man. Every bar in New York City is going to feel like St. Patrick’s Day fell on Cinco de Mayo.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Now I can tell all my friends, ‘Come over and hang out,’ instead of, ‘Come over and hang out, as long as we’re from no more than two different households and at least three of us are vaccinated, and also we’re just on Zoom.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“I think things are about to get crazy. Seriously, I just got invited to an orgy at Dr. Fauci’s.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Everyone is excited about the news while the adults who secretly got braces are like, ‘I thought I had more time.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“I think, with this announcement, you’re going to see a lot of smiling faces. They may have been smiling before, but now you’re going to see them.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Now that you don’t have to have a mask outdoors or indoors, now you know if you still have trouble dating it’s your personality.” — JAMES CORDEN
“Oh, hell yes! I’m finally going to watch ‘Godzilla vs. Kong’ the way it was meant to be seen — on a plane!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Million- Dollar-Idea Edition)
“To encourage people to get vaccinated, some governors are getting creative, like Ohio Governor and Stephen Old-bert Mike DeWine. DeWine took to the Twitters yesterday to announce a drawing for adults who have received at least their first dose of the vaccine. The winner will receive one million dollars. Wow, do you know what you could buy with $1 million in Ohio? Toledo. It’s a bit of a fixer-upper.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Sounds great, but you know somebody’s going to get vaccinated like 40 times to try to increase their odds.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“You know some idiot is out there, like, ‘Yeah, but after taxes it comes out to only $800,000, so it’s not really worth it.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“And I know some people will say, ‘But isn’t helping to save humanity enough of an incentive to get vaccinated?’ To which I say, ‘Hell, no!’ Have you seen humanity? It’s full of jerks who will only get vaccinated if there’s money in it for them.” — TREVOR NOAH
“Yeah, a million-dollar-vaccine lottery. And this is fun: Instead of drawing from a basket, they’re gonna pull numbered cotton swabs from someone’s nose.” — JIMMY FALLON
“And, by the way, the best part about this lottery is that you don’t have to worry about holding on to a ticket. Yeah, you see, if you win, they’ll just find you using the microchip in your bloodstream.” — TREVOR NOAH
The Bits Worth Watching
Thuso Mbedu, star of “The Underground Railroad,” made her late-night debut on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”
Also, Check This Out
Angelina Jolie is a daredevil smokejumper with a thinly veiled death wish in the new action thriller “Those Who Wish Me Dead.”
Source: Television - nytimes.com
