Moderna’s chief executive said scientists anticipate Omicron is “not going to be good.” Stephen Colbert called the sentiment “not comforting.”
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Outlook Not So Good
In a recent interview, the C.E.O. of Moderna said scientists he’s spoken to about the new Covid variant, Omicron, agree “it’s not going to be good.”
“Like, not comforting, science. Reminds me of that famous sugar-free gum slogan: ‘Four out of five dentists agree: What’s the point of chewing gum? Death comes for us all,’” Stephen Colbert said.
“It’s kind of like when the trailer for the movie ‘Cats’ came out — the only thing we knew was ‘Well, it’s not going to be good.’ But we didn’t know the extent of how not good it would be.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“But no one knows for sure, so both Pfizer and Moderna are testing how well their vaccines protect against Omicron. Unfortunately, they won’t know the results for two weeks, at the earliest. Evidently, the scientists are stuck in a container off the coast of China.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Now look, I’m not saying the C.E.O. of Moderna is lying — I’m not saying that at all. I’m just saying I don’t think he’s the most objective source on this topic. I’ll wait to hear what neutral experts say about a new vaccine. People like public health officials, or the C.E.O. of Johnson & Johnson. I mean, he’s got nothing to gain ’cause nobody’s going to buy his vaccines either way, so I trust him.” — TREVOR NOAH
“And I wish they would hurry up, because I need to know what I’m doing in two weeks from now, you know? Should I be buying my ‘Spider-Man’ tickets or learning how to hunt and cook wild animals? Or should I split the difference and buy ‘Spider-Man’ tickets for the wild animals?” — TREVOR NOAH
The Punchiest Punchlines (Working on It Edition)
“Following the news on the Omicron variant, the C.D.C. is now saying that all adults should get a booster shot. Right now, Instagram is like, ‘Incoming booster selfies in three, two, one.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“And now for the bad news: Omicron does appear to be evading vaccines. It’s a scientific phenomenon known as Aaron Rodgers.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Well, guys, Pfizer and Moderna both say that they’re already working on vaccines for the Omicron variant, while Johnson & Johnson is cheering them on.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yeah, Johnson & Johnson is like, ‘Guys, I thought we promised we’re not doing vaccines this year — why would you embarrass me?’” — JIMMY FALLON
“How’d they start working on this so fast, too? It’s like when a team wins the Super Bowl, and the first commercial is, ‘Buy your Buccaneers championship hat now!’” — JIMMY FALLON
“And also if we do need a new vaccine for this new variant, it’s not a big deal, all right, people? I see people online being like, ‘We’re gonna get a new shot every year?’ Yeah, you know what? Maybe to not die you need to take 15 minutes out of your year. What, is your life so busy that you don’t have time for that? I guarantee you, at some point in the next year, you will walk by a CVS. Unless you live in the desert — then it’s gonna be like a five-minute walk to a CVS.” — TREVOR NOAH
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Source: Television - nytimes.com
