“Senator Paul has been a bit of a skeptic of how bad Covid really is, which is probably why he got Covid,” Colbert said on Monday.
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
‘Randsplained’
Stephen Colbert announced on his show that it would return to the Ed Sullivan Theater next month. The audience will be fully vaccinated, he said, so that means at least one U.S. senator will not be welcome: Rand Paul. Colbert said that Paul had “Randsplained” his decision not to be vaccinated, citing his “natural immunity” after contracting Covid-19.
“Senator Paul has been a bit of a skeptic of how bad Covid really is, which is probably why he got Covid,” Colbert said on Monday.
Paul also said health officials needed to “prove that the vaccine is better than being infected” and producing antibodies.
“No, they don’t. They don’t have to prove that seatbelts are better than accidents, or that wearing a parachute is better than hitting the earth at terminal velocity, or that having hot spikes driven into your ears is better than listening to Rand Paul — it’s self-evident. Thankfully, most people are not Rand Paul.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“He’s just gonna keep gelling his hair with Purell. He believes that protects him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“No, what he actually said is he said something to the effect of ‘I won’t get the vaccine, but I may reconsider,’ which is just the kind of decisive leadership we need right now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“The good news is everyone in Rand Paul’s life stays at least six feet away from him anyway.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Look, if you’re comfortable getting by with what your body produces on its own, then you should take off that regional theater wig of yours.” — SETH MEYERS
Majorly Bad Take
Several Republicans in Congress have spoken out against Nancy Pelosi’s mask mandate. But “by far the worst take,” said Seth Meyers, came from Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, “whose every utterance sounds like it is coming from someone being dragged backward out of a Costco grabbing at the DVD rack.”
Meyers noted that Greene, “who has a history of anti-Semitism, used an absolutely insane and grotesque analogy” when she compared Pelosi’s mandate to the Holocaust on a recent podcast.
“You just compared having to wear a mask to prevent transmission of a highly contagious respiratory illness to the Holocaust. I’d say you should be wearing a straitjacket, but with you I’m guessing a normal jacket put on backward would probably do the trick: [imitating Majorie Taylor Greene] ‘How do I get out of this? The antifa Democrats have trapped me in a windbreaker! This is just like Nazi Germany.’” — SETH MEYERS
“She’s like the lady at the P.T.A. meeting who argues that math violates the Constitution: [as Greene] ‘According to the First Amendment, two plus two equals whatever I say it does.’ ‘Ma’am, do you even have a child at this school?’ ‘Oh, I guess I need children to have an opinion on the curriculum for a school two towns over from mine. I didn’t know I was living in Soviet Russia.’” — SETH MEYERS
“Where the hell are those Jewish space lasers when you need them?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“What is wrong with this woman? Go home! Go back to keying other parents’ cars at soccer games, you monster.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy immediately condemned her comments. He said they were reprehensible and totally inconsistent with the values of the Republican Party. No, just kidding — he said nothing. He did nothing, and he said nothing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (‘Low Death Summer’ Edition)
“Covid cases in the U.S. have dropped to the lowest level in almost a year. Pretty soon the only place you’ll see Dr. Fauci is popping out of a costume on ‘The Masked Singer.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“As of yesterday nearly 50 percent of all Americans have gotten at least one dose, and Covid deaths are as low as they’ve been since last summer. Yes, ‘Low Death Summer,’ my favorite Beach Boys album.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“So now we can do whatever we want to do. We can travel. We can go outside and be swarmed by cicadas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“If it keeps getting better at this rate, they say that by July 1 of this year, we’ll need a new excuse to not want to see people.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Covid’s at a low. It’s out, it’s getting drunk at lunch, wearing a bathrobe in public — that’s how low it’s gotten.” — JAMES CORDEN
The Bits Worth Watching
Lil Nas X explained his “Saturday Night Live” wardrobe malfunction to Jimmy Fallon and his co-host, Dave Grohl, on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
The “Master of None” co-writer and star Lena Waithe will talk about the new season on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
Also, Check This Out
The stand-up comic Mae Martin talked about the return of their autobiographical Netflix show, “Feel Good.”
Source: Television - nytimes.com
