Michael Cohen’s testimony gave the host plenty of fodder, especially when he described Donald Trump speculating about going back “on the market.”
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
‘Only One Way to Get Paid’
Donald Trump’s former lawyer and fixer, Michael Cohen, took the stand on Monday in the former president’s hush money trial.
“Now, you never want to be the middleman between your boss and a porn star,” Colbert said of Cohen. “Sure, it sounds titillating when they ask, but eventually it’s just a tangle of limbs, and you’re just kind of watching.”
“Michael Cohen testified today that former President Trump once said that he wouldn’t be single for very long if former first lady Melania Trump were to leave him. So, yeah, he wrote his own vows.” — SETH MEYERS
“That’s right, Michael Cohen testified today that Trump once asked him how long he’d be single if Melania were to leave him and said, ‘How long do you think I’d be on the market for? Not long.’ On the market? You’re a 78-year-old psychopath with massive debt. That’s not a market, that’s a lost-and-found bin.” — SETH MEYERS
“Coincidentally, ‘not long’ is how Stormy described it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“But it’s true — he would be off the market soon. I mean, he is clearly past his expiration date.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“During his testimony today, Cohen also said that he was never paid for early legal work he did for Trump. Of course not! He doesn’t pay his lawyers, he doesn’t pay his contractors. There’s really only one way to get paid by Donald Trump, and it is not worth it.” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (Hannibal Lecter Edition)
“At this rally, Trump talked about the ‘Silence of the Lambs’ character Hannibal Lecter and said he was a ‘wonderful man.’ First of all, Hannibal Lecter isn’t real. He’s a character played by Anthony Hopkins, a wonderful man who is real. Second, the character Hannibal is not a wonderful man, he’s a cannibal who murdered a bunch of people. And third, please tell me this is not your VP announcement.” — SETH MEYERS
“What is going on? I’m no political expert, but maybe don’t keep saying, ‘the late, great Hannibal Lecter.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Oh, I love ‘Silence of the Lamb.’ It’s one of my favorite movies right up there with ‘Star War,’ “Dance with Wolf’ and ‘Jaw.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“‘Late great’? In none of the stories does Hannibal Lecter die, and Sir Anthony Hopkins is very much still alive. Does Trump just think a character dies when he turns off the T.V.?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Snoop Dogg and Jimmy Fallon wore matching American tracksuits on Monday to celebrate the upcoming Paris Olympics.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
The “All Fours” author Miranda July will appear on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”
Also, Check This Out
The actress Sarah Paulson received a Tony Award nomination for her return to Broadway in “Appropriate.”
Source: Television - nytimes.com
