Biden is accused of living extravagantly while evading taxes. Kimmel described his alleged spending as an “early 2000s Charlie Sheen-caliber performance.”
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Prodigal Son
Last week, a federal grand jury charged Hunter Biden, the president’s son, with scheming to evade taxes on income from foreign businesses. The indictment accuses him of spending millions on “drugs, escorts and girlfriends, luxury hotels and rental properties, exotic cars, clothing and other items of a personal nature, in short, everything but his taxes.”
On Monday night, Jimmy Kimmel said Biden was “like the son Donald Trump never had.”
“They say Hunter made more than $1.6 million in A.T.M. withdrawals. He spent around $683,000 on payments to various women; over $237,000 on health, beauty and pharmacy, which, you thought you had a long receipt at CVS.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“One hundred and eighty-eight thousand on adult entertainment, and a little over $71,000 on rehab and re-rehab and re-rehab for a grand total of almost $5 million, which is, I mean, that’s like an early 2000s Charlie Sheen-caliber performance. It’s impressive.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“No presidential family member in recent memory comes with as much baggies — uh, I mean, baggage — as Hunter, and now the law has finally caught up with him. ” — KAL PENN, guest host of “The Daily Show”
“It’s shocking to think the presidential race might come down to who goes to jail first: Hunter Biden or Donald Trump. Although, maybe if we’re lucky, the two of them might end up in a cell together? Like, you throw George Santos in there, and I am watching that show.” — KAL PENN
“The White House has reiterated, which, they reiterated that President Biden will not pardon Hunter if he is convicted of any crime, although they didn’t say anything about not dressing him up as a turkey next Thanksgiving and pardoning him then.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines ($700 Million Investment Edition)
“The L.A. Dodgers signed superstar Shohei Ohtani to the biggest contract in all of sports history, $700 million. Wild, right? That is $1 for every minute it takes to watch one single baseball game.” — KAL PENN
“The Dodgers will pay him $700 million over the next 10 years. Hot dogs, from now on, will be priced at $500 apiece.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Ohtani is leaving the Angels organization, which was a tough decision, but, ultimately, he’s saying he just wanted to explore a different part of the freeway and now he’s coming here.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“And also, let me just say, it is so great that Asian kids have another athlete to look up to, am I right? But let’s acknowledge it’s also a lot of pressure: [imitating child] ‘Dad, I got 100 on my chemistry test.’ [imitating parent] ‘But only 80 on your fastball — go outside and practice!’” — KAL PENN
The Bits Worth Watching
After three weeks off-air, Stephen Colbert told the story of his burst appendix on Monday’s “Late Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
The pop singer Tate McRae will perform on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”
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Source: Television - nytimes.com
