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    All Signs Point to Democrats Being Hopeless, Michael Kosta Says

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    During President Trump’s speech, Democrats held “little paddles as if they were ready to give Mike Johnson a naughty little spanking,” the “Daily Show” host said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Audience ParticipationPresident Trump’s 99-minute address to Congress was still providing fodder for late-night hosts on Wednesday. Michael Kosta was unimpressed with how Democratic lawmakers chose to express their opposition.On “The Daily Show,” Kosta said the speech was “a theatrical production where everybody has a role, and they slip right into it.”“Democrats showed up in full wardrobe, dressed in pink as a symbolic protest against people who wanted them to do something meaningful.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“They came with props, too, holding up little paddles like they were ready to give Mike Johnson a naughty little spanking, huh? Either that or a pickleball match.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Trump was confused by the paddles. He was, like, ‘We’re not auctioning off Greenland until later.” — JIMMY FALLON“What turned out to be an amazing night for America coincided with the worst night for Democrats since Republicans canceled slavery.” — GREG GUTFELD“Luckily, Democrats stood up to him the only way they know how: by writing about it later in their diaries.” — TAYLOR TOMLINSON”I really love that while Trump was saying the wildest [expletive] on earth, Democrats just sat there with their little paddles. Like, you really shouldn’t stand up to fascism the same way that we play ‘Is It Cake?’” — TAYLOR TOMLINSON“It was the longest presidential address in more than 60 years. Why is it that the orchestra can play off an Oscar winner but not the president?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump’s speech went on so long — his speech was 10 minutes longer than ‘The Lion King.’” And had twice as much lyin’ in it. — JIMMY KIMMEL“Stayed up late last night for a live show following Donald Trump’s address to Congress, which set the record for the longest address to a joint session of Congress ever. Felt longer.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I mean, so long you couldn’t bring in DOGE to make any cuts?” — SETH MEYERS“His speech was so long, Adrien Brody played him off.” — SETH MEYERSWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Is Underwhelmed by Trump’s Address to Congress

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      Jimmy Kimmel noted that the president’s speech started late: “I guess they were waiting for that last coat of shellac to dry on his face.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The White POTUS’President Trump addressed a joint session of Congress on Tuesday night. Jimmy Kimmel called it “a very special episode of ‘The White POTUS.’”“His speech started late. I guess they were waiting for that last coat of shellac to dry on his face.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Members of the Trump family were there: Eric was there, Lara, Don Jr., Jared, Ivanka, even Melania showed up. So Democrats weren’t the only people who hate him there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Things got off to a big start when Trump and JD Vance held hands and sang a medley from ‘Wicked.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He laid out his MAGA-genda for the next four years. They include wildly unpopular tariffs, abandoning our allies, buddying up to Russia, tax cuts for the rich and turning Gaza into Atlantic City — all the reasons blue-collar America voted for this man.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump said our momentum is back, our spirit is back, our pride is back. And not the gay kind, either: the regular pride.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What he’s talking about, I have no idea. The stock market’s down, consumer confidence is down, the dollar is down. The only things that are high are egg prices and Elon Musk.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In the end, Trump’s first address to Congress was much like his first six weeks: filled with useful lies, and applauded by useless idiots.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He told our farmers to have a lot of fun and said the days of unelected bureaucrats are over, with Elon standing right there clapping like an imbecile. Yay for unelected bureaucrats.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And the days of rule by unelected billionaires have just begun. Elon! Take a bow, Elon! You paid for it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It was quite a night. There were about 400 people in attendance — 300 were members of Congress, and 100 were Elon’s kids.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, the night was pretty much a welcome back party for Trump, Republicans and measles.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bad Neighbor Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Recaps Zelensky’s Casual Friday at the White House

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      “I don’t see you asking Elon Musk if he owns a suit,” Seth Meyers said of the reporter who questioned Ukraine’s president about his attire.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bad Fashion PoliceOn Friday, President Trump and Vice President JD Vance berated President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine during a tense televised meeting at the White House. Things went bad after a conservative reporter asked why Zelensky hadn’t worn a suit to the Oval Office and whether he owned one.On Monday’s “Late Night,” Seth Meyers noted that Zelensky hadn’t been the only casually dressed visitor to the White House lately: “I don’t see you asking Elon Musk if he owns a suit, even though he shows up to cabinet meetings.”“People care about the cost of groceries and health care, not whether the president of Ukraine has ever been to a Men’s Wearhouse.” — SETH MEYERS“The guy’s the leader of a country that was invaded by Russia, and you’re grilling him like a fop at a garden party: ‘I have a question — is your stylist legally blind or just farsighted?’” — SETH MEYERS“Oh, Zelensky, you’re so poor and war-torn, you’re down to one Brooks Brother.” — JON STEWART“You’re so war-torn, you’ve given up the meaningless protocols of business attire.” — JON STEWART“His nation was invaded, he’s — against all odds — held off a much bigger army for three years, and we’re like, ‘And would it kill you to smile more, dress a little nicer? You’re a beautiful country, nobody would know! Show off what you got, know what I’m talking about? Maybe some of those rare metals I’ve been hearing something about.’” — JON STEWART“This poor man. They’re bombing every hospital in his country, he’s sitting there with the half-wit fashion police talking about what he is wearing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Everyone knows Donald Trump prefers his leaders shirtless and on a horse.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Ukrainian President Zelensky was criticized for what he wore to the White House meeting on Friday, but, in his defense, most suits his size come with a sailor hat and a giant lollipop.” — GREG GUTFELD“So Friday, Zelensky entered the White House in his military fatigues and left with a boot up his [expletive].” — GREG GUTFELDThe Punchiest Punchlines (Real Housewives Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Desi Lydic: Trump Just ‘Put a Cover Charge on America’

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      “It’s $5 million to get in, but he’ll waive it if you bring in three hot girls with you,” Lydic said of President Trump’s “gold card” visa idea on the “Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Putting a Cover Charge on AmericaPresident Donald Trump announced his new “gold card” program on Tuesday, which would price American citizenship at $5 million.“Oh, green card privileges plus. See, I was still getting America with ads,” Desi Lydic said on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”“Quick question: If I’m unhappy with America, can I cancel my subscription after seven days?” — DESI LYDIC“Did this guy just put a cover charge on America? It’s $5 million to get in, but he’ll waive it if you bring in three hot girls with you.” — DESI LYDIC“I mean, I guess it beats the old way of becoming a citizen, which was to marry Donald Trump, but still.” — DESI LYDIC“I feel like immigrant stories are going to be a lot less inspiring in the future: ‘My grandfather came to this country with nothing but $5 million and the clothes in his custom Louis Vuitton five-piece trunk set.’” — DESI LYDICThe Punchiest Punchlines (Land of $5 Million Citizenship Edition)“One group that Trump embraced in the last 24 hours is immigrants. Well, rich ones, because yesterday, Trump announced he’s going to offer gold card visas for $5 million to rich foreigners, echoing the eternal words on the Statue of Liberty: ‘Give me your tired, your poor — psych! Gimme 5 million bucks, [expletive]! We buyin’ bottles in the clurb.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What a good idea. I’ve always said our immigration system should run more like the customer rewards program at a casino in Atlantic City.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is basically what he does at Mar-a-Lago. He’s selling memberships to a country club, but this club is actually our country.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The land of the free, and by ‘free,’ I mean, five million bucks.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingStephen Colbert asked Wednesday night’s “Late Show” guest Guy Fieri how he thought he’d fare as a contestant on his own reality cooking competition, “Tournament of Champions.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightBob the Drag Queen will appear on Thursday’s “After Midnight.”Also, Check This OutBob Dylan’s earliest demo tape, a reel-to-reel recording of a performance in Greenwich Village in 1961, is up for auction.via RR AuctionA reel-to-reel recording of a 20-year-old Bob Dylan performing a six-song set at a Manhattan coffeehouse in 1961 is now up for auction. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: ‘The Whole Country Is a Fyre Festival Right Now’

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      “I think it might be time to give the planet to the apes, because we’re finished,” Kimmel said on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fired FestFederal employees have been getting mixed messages about whether to respond to a mass email from Elon Musk, threatening to fire them if they didn’t justify their employment.On Tuesday, Jimmy Kimmel said the nation’s civil servants were “as confused as Elon’s kids were when they realized their father named them after a phone number.”“Elon and his musketeers — they sent an email to all federal employees ordering them to list five things they did at work last week. Trump loved this idea — he said it was ‘genius,’ and he said anyone who didn’t respond to the email would be ‘fired or semi-fired.” Which, what if that was his catchphrase on ‘The Apprentice’? ‘Meat Loaf, you’re fired. Or semi-fired.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“OK, now I understand. It’s somewhat voluntary, but if you don’t respond, he guesses you get fired. Thanks for clearing that up.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At this point, how is anybody supposed to know what to do with all this confusing information? Forget running the government; these clowns couldn’t get 10 bridesmaids to a paint-and-sip.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This email created chaos throughout our government. Some agencies, like the F.B.I., told their employees just to ignore it; others, like the V.A., demanded that employees respond. At H.H.S., employees were told they could respond if they wanted to but should assume that what they write will be read by malign foreign actors. What? Russell Brand’s going to get these?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Kash Patel told the F.B.I., ‘Don’t respond to that email.’ Tulsi Gabbard said, ‘Don’t respond to that email.’ Pete Hegseth responded to that email at 2 a.m., saying, ‘U up?’” — DESI LYDIC“And maybe the craziest part of all of it is Elon Musk has no official authority to fire anyone. He’s not an elected official — he wasn’t appointed, he wasn’t confirmed. Who knew you could fire people at a place you don’t even work? I might try it at Chipotle sometime just to see what happens.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s confusing. When you walk in the White House and say ‘Who is in charge?’ everyone just shrugs like they’re working at Lids.” — JIMMY FALLON“I think it might be time to give the planet to the apes, because we’re finished.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The whole country is a Fyre Festival right now, and Elon Musk is soaking the mattresses.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fyre Fest: The Sequel Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Laughs at DOGE’s Work Force Demand

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      “It’s like the government is being run by BuzzFeed,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday about Elon Musk’s work-tracking request to federal employees.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Return to SenderOn Saturday, Elon Musk emailed federal employees and asked them to respond with their top five accomplishments during the previous workweek or risk being fired.“It’s like the government is being run by BuzzFeed,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday.“It’s not just that they’re firing thousands of federal workers; it is the glee with which they’re firing. Ordinarily, you have some compassion when you lay people off — you wish them well, you thank them for their work. Not MAGA. Not the DOGE Bros.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Federal workers who got this email had no idea what to do, and their Trump administration bosses didn’t seem to know, either. New Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard told personnel at spy agencies not to respond. F.B.I. Director Kash Patel told F.B.I. staff to pause any responses, and Health and Human Services Secretary RFK Jr. sent out an email saying, ‘Free roadkill in the break room!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Our federal work force is in the clutches of a heartless billionaire who wants to colonize Mars with vehicles shaped like his penis, by which I mean Cybertrucks. He should see a doctor.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I mean, seriously, if that guy walked into your office and told you he was there to start making cuts, everybody would jump on him and put him in a headlock, right? You’d zip-tie him and hold him until the cops showed up.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Five Things I Did Last Week Edition)“Well, guys, I’m having an odd day. This morning I got an email from NBC asking what I accomplished last week.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, they need to respond with five accomplishments from the last week. Federal workers wrote back: ‘I received this email, I opened this email, I read this email, I laughed at this email, and I deleted this email.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He followed up by tweeting, ‘Failure to respond will be taken as a resignation.’ Now, obviously, the only proper email response to that is: ‘What did I do last week? Your mom, your mom, your mom, your mom, and your mom.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, the workers were furious, mostly about getting a work email on a Saturday.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJon Oliver scrutinized Facebook’s new posting policies on Sunday’s episode of “Last Week Tonight.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe “St. Denis Medical” star Wendi McLendon-Covey will sit down with Desi Lydic on Tuesday’s “The Daily Show.”Also, Check This Out“Leigh Bowery,” by Fergus Greer (1988), from the exhibition “Leigh Bowery!” at Tate Modern in London.Fergus Greer. Courtesy of The Michael Hoppen GalleryA new Leigh Bowery exhibition at Tate Modern will introduce the artist’s work to a broader audience. More

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      Late Night Braces for the Reign of R.F.K. Jr., Health Czar

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      “Bobby Brainworm is on the job,” Jimmy Kimmel said after President Trump’s nominee for health secretary was confirmed and sworn in.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bobby BrainwormOn Thursday, the Senate confirmed Robert Kennedy Jr., known to late night viewers for his vaccine skepticism and strange encounters with animals, as the secretary of health and human services. Jimmy Kimmel urged Americans not to worry about the rise of measles now that “Bobby Brainworm is on the job.”“Mitch McConnell was the only Republican to vote no. Mitch McConnell is 82 years old. He survived polio as a kid, and thanks to R.F.K. Jr, polio might get another run at him.” — JIMMY KIMMELAfter being confirmed, Kennedy Jr. proceeded to the Oval Office “to be sworn in and to suck up,” Kimmel said. The new head of health and human services described President Trump as a “man on a white horse” sent by God.“Next, God is going to send us diphtheria.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Melania couldn’t turn him on like that the first night they met. But happy Valentine’s Day to Don and Bob.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (OMG Edition)“The Senate today confirmed Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as secretary of health and human services. He was actually Trump’s second choice, but the Wuhan bat withdrew his nomination.” — SETH MEYERS“R.F.K. Jr. is now in charge of the F.D.A., N.I.H. and C.D.C., to which Americans said, ‘OMG,’ ‘WTF’ and ‘FML.’” — JIMMY FALLON“They said it couldn’t be done. Excuse me, they said it shouldn’t be done.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“But now it has happened, so you can now add ‘employment’ to the list of things he’s tested positive for.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Bits Worth WatchingThe filmmaker Brady Corbet discussed his Oscar-nominated move “The Brutalist” on “The Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutSly Stone’s music, especially from the 1960s, is celebrated as sui generis polymathic synthesis and as hip-hop’s bedrock in “Sly Lives!”Stephen Paley/Sony/Onyx CollectiveQuestlove details Sly Stone’s life, career and musical legacy in a new documentary, “Sly Lives! (aka the Burden of Black Genius).” More

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      It’s Bring a Kid to Work Day on ‘The Tonight Show’

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      Elon Musk took his son to the Oval Office, so Jimmy Fallon saw no reason not to walk onstage with a child, too.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Don’t Touch My Chicken NuggetsOn Tuesday, Elon Musk brought his 4-year-old son to the Oval Office for an appearance with President Trump. So on Wednesday, Jimmy Fallon walked onto the “Tonight Show” set with a little boy on his shoulders.“Daddy has to do a monologue,” Fallon said as he let the boy down.“Elon Musk and President Trump held a press conference in the Oval Office, and they were joined by Elon’s 4-year-old son. Don Jr. was, like, ‘Wait a minute, my dad said there’s no such thing as Take Your Son to Work Day.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump was looking at him like, ‘[imitating Trump] Don’t you dare touch my dinosaur chicken nuggets.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Eventually they bonded, though. While Elon was talking, they both watched an episode of ‘Bluey’ on an iPad.” — JIMMY FALLON“I mean, that poor kid. His dad literally runs Space X, and Elon took him to a meeting on federal spending.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Punchiest Punchlines (From Russia With Love Edition)“President Trump spoke today with Russian president Vladimir Putin on the phone. And, bad news, you guys, we gotta change the name of the gulf again.” — SETH MEYERS“In a post on Truth Social today, President Trump said that he spoke with Russian president Vladimir Putin and discussed Ukraine, the Middle East, energy, artificial intelligence, the power of the dollar, Moo Deng, Sydney Sweeney, the return of the Shamrock Shake and this season of ‘The Traitors.’ ‘[imitating Trump] We got off track towards the end of the call. We got a little off track.’” — SETH MEYERS“President Trump said that he had a nice phone call with Vladimir Putin. Putin was like, ‘[imitating Putin] I told you I wouldn’t forget Valentine’s Day.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The only awkward part of the call was when Putin said, ‘Is the president there?’ and both Trump and Elon said, ‘Yes?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Kimmel’s sidekick Guillermo pitched his exciting new crypto venture on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightHarper Steele, the former “Saturday Night Live” writer and star (with Will Ferrell) of “Will & Harper,” will appear on “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutAn undated photograph of Amy Tan, from her days in the literary-world supergroup the Rock Bottom Remainders.via Amy Tan/Bancroft Library at the University of CaliforniaThe Bancroft Library at the University of California, Berkeley, has acquired the archives of Amy Tan, author of “The Joy Luck Club,” who’s changed her mind about having her papers destroyed posthumously. “My 22-year-old mind is thrilled: Accepted into Berkeley!” she said. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Pokes Fun at Trump’s Paper Straw Ban

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      “Listen, the fact of the matter is Trump loves plastic,” Kimmel said. “Most of his wives are made of plastic.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Most Important Stuff’On Tuesday, Jimmy Kimmel noted that President Trump had been signing a flurry of executive orders, often on TV. “It’s like the Jerry Lewis telethon with this guy,” he said. One presidential edict canceled a government effort to replace plastic straws with paper ones. “All day, reporters in there — he’s taking questions, having meetings, he’s tackling all the most important stuff. He did the same thing yesterday, all day. He canceled the penny, he changed the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America, and he finally got tough on paper straws.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course, the reason we switched to those admittedly terrible paper straws in the first place is because plastic straws wind up in the ocean, and they kill marine life, which I guess is another argument Trump, a well-known hater of sharks, doesn’t buy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That degree in marine biology is really coming in handy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Listen, the fact of the matter is Trump loves plastic. Most of his wives are made of plastic.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Remember when Trump said he would make the day after the Super Bowl a national holiday? When is that executive order coming down the pike? Let’s whip out that fat little presidential Sharpie and deliver on what might be the only good thing you ever do. Do it.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Brotherly Love Edition)“The Philadelphia Eagles are set to hold their Super Bowl victory parade this week on Valentine’s Day in what’s being called the ultimate test for Philadelphia boyfriends. ‘[Imitating Philadelphia Eagles fan:] Babe, what if I go for just an hour or so?’” — SETH MEYERS“It’s also Valentine’s Day, so while couples will be enjoying an edible arrangement, Eagles fans will be enjoying an arrangement of edibles.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, that’s right, the Eagles’ parade is this Friday. It’s great for fans ’cause there’s no work the next day, but bad because they can’t see a judge till Monday.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJesse Eisenberg discussed his film “A Real Pain” on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightJon Hamm will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutSandra Bezic, Carolyn Taylor and Kurt Browning hit the ice in “I Have Nothing.”PeacockThe Canadian comedian Carolyn Tyler tries to fulfill a lifelong dream by choreographing a figure skating routine in “I Have Nothing,” a new six-part series on Peacock. More