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    Desi Lydic Wants Trump to Leave the Troops Alone

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    Hosts ripped into his comment during a speech to troops about former President Joe Biden never having been “the sharpest bulb.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Two Tacos Short of a Happy Meal’President Donald Trump visited soldiers at Fort Bragg on Tuesday, where he delivered a speech to “his favorite men in uniform who aren’t in the Village People,” Desi Lydic said on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”“Oh, my God, give these troops a break already! They have to sit through your show, they have to invade Los Angeles, and now they have to parade for you?” — DESI LYDICDuring his speech, Trump attempted to criticize former President Joe Biden’s intelligence, saying, “He’s never been the sharpest bulb.”“He was there to commemorate the 250th anniversary of the army, so, of course, he ended up discussing Joe Biden.” — DESI LYDIC“What a wordsmith. See, see, most people would’ve gone with ‘brightest bulb,’ or ‘sharpest tool,’ but Donald Trump took half of both and smushed them together. That is what makes him the cream of the litter.” — DESI LYDIC“But that’s Trump — he’s not the brightest knife in the drawer. Some say he’s two tacos short of a Happy Meal.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He wasn’t the sharpest bulb, no. He wasn’t the brightest knife in the drawer.” — JIMMY FALLON“When Trump’s staff told him that he misquoted the idiom, he was, like, ‘Hey, who are you calling an idiom?’” — JIMMY FALLON‘Nothing $300 Million Couldn’t Fix’Elon Musk addressed last week’s tweets concerning President Trump on Wednesday, posting on X: “I regret some of my posts about President @realdonaldtrump last week. They went too far.”Jimmy Fallon said he was shocked: “I didn’t know Elon was programmed to feel human emotion.”“Yeah, apparently, Trump and Elon spoke over the phone on Monday night. Trump was very gracious. He was, like, ‘This is nothing another $300 million donation couldn’t fix.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Which ones went too far? Was it the one where you called for him to be impeached and replaced by JD Vance? Was it the one where you said his big, beautiful bill was a disgusting abomination? Was it the one that said he wouldn’t have won the election without you buying it for him? Or the one where you insinuated he is a pedophile on the Epstein list? I really would like to know.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Calls Trump an ‘Arsonist With a Hose’

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      The L.A.-based host said the city’s problem was the president, not the protests: “We have more so-called ‘unrest’ here when one of our teams wins a championship.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fake NewsOn Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel, who’s based in Los Angeles, mocked the idea that protests against immigration raids have turned the city into “some kind of totalitarian hellscape” — a notion pushed by President Trump (and some cable news outlets) as he sent in Marines and the National Guard.“He wants there to be a war going on here, and he doesn’t care who gets hurt in it. There’s no riot outside. We have more so-called ‘unrest’ here when one of our teams wins a championship.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Not only is it not an apocalypse, they’re having a Disney Pixar movie premiere right now, for ‘Elio,’ a movie about aliens. Don’t tell Trump, he’ll send the Green Berets in, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, when we had the wildfires that devastated big chunks of our city, he did absolutely nothing. Now that we’re in the middle of a nonemergency: ‘Send in the National Guard!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Putting out a fire you purposely start doesn’t make you a firefighter, it makes you an arsonist with a hose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yes, nothing calms down a situation like a military invasion.” — DESI LYDIC“You know, I’m beginning to wonder if Trump is intentionally trying to escalate this situation because more chaos allows him to portray blue states as centers of crime, while positioning himself as the strongman that the country needs to rally around. No, that’s silly. I’m sure he’s just doing what’s best for everyone.” — DESI LYDIC“Now, as we speak, Trump has sent thousands of troops into downtown L.A. to quell what historians will remember as the Battle of That Video of a Burning Waymo Car They Kept Showing on Cable News.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And to those of you in the National Guard who have been thrust into this: When Donald Trump orders you to do something that you know is immoral, try to get your dad’s podiatrist to write a note to say you have bone spurs.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The president of the United States has been tougher on L.A. than on Russia. Remember that two-week deadline he gave Putin to sit down for peace talks with Ukraine? As of tomorrow, it’s two weeks. But, by all means, send the Marines to The Grove.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump’s terrible policy has generated a huge backlash, which he’s responded to by overreacting, which is going to generate another backlash. We don’t know how this is going to end, but at least we know it’ll be a huge waste of money.” — DESI LYDIC“I just want to say, thank God for President Trump and the heroes at ICE for protecting us from these bloodthirsty fruit stand vendors, spreading their dangerous pineapple chunks and mangos with a squirt of lime all over the city.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Meanwhile on Fox News Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Revels in Trump and Musk’s Public Feud

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      Stephen Colbert indulged in schadenfreude as he described the back-and-forth as a “full-scale flame war” between “the world’s most famous besties.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Up in FlamesPresident Donald Trump addressed Elon Musk’s comments about his policy bill on Thursday while appearing alongside the chancellor of Germany. Trump expressed disappointment in the Tesla chief, stating that Musk was upset about the absence of a mandate for electric vehicles.Stephen Colbert described the back-and-forth as a “full-scale flame war” between “the world’s most famous besties.”“So now Donald Trump is a Tesla owner who hates Elon Musk? He’s never been more relatable.” — STEPHEN COLBERTTrump stoked the flames on social media, writing that Musk “went crazy” when he was asked to leave the White House.“Just so we’re clear, Trump thinks everything Elon did before this was not crazy?” — JIMMY FALLON“I can’t believe their relationship fell apart this fast. I mean, a week ago they were all over each other like Timothée Chalamet and Kylie Jenner at a Knicks game.” — JIMMY FALLON“But Trump didn’t stop there. He also said that the easiest way for the country to save money would be to terminate all of Elon Musk’s government contracts. Smart, now the future of space exploration rests on Katy Perry.” — JIMMY FALLON“Elon’s government contracts can’t be worth that much. Oh, it’s $6.3 billion last year? Elon, you idiot. This is why you always sign a prenup.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Meanwhile, Elon’s, like, ‘Come on, man, don’t do this. I have 100 kids to feed.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump said he’s very disappointed in Elon because he has ‘helped him a lot.’ Trump was, like, ‘[imitating Trump] Just last year, I let him give me $300 million, and he didn’t even say thank you.’” — JIMMY FALLONOn X, Musk dropped what he called “the really big bomb,” alleging that the president has not released the Jeffrey Epstein files because he is named in them.“I feel bad for Donald Trump. I mean, first, he lost Jeffrey Epstein, now, Elon. He’s running out of friends.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump’s going to have to get one of those bumper stickers for his Tesla that says ‘I bought this before Elon told everyone I was on Epstein’s plane.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Stephen Colbert Wonders if Elon Musk’s Ketamine Has Worn Off

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      It’s the only explanation the “Late Show” host can think of for the tech mogul’s apparent disenchantment with the Trump administration.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘I Have How Many Children?’The hosts got more monologue material on Wednesday from the presumed tensions between President Trump and Elon Musk, after the tech mogul and recently departed D.O.G.E. chief criticized Trump’s policy bill.“Apparently, the ketamine has worn off,” Stephen Colbert said.“That’s got to be a hell of a hangover. ‘[imitating Musk] Oh, my god. I spent $300 million to elect who? I have how many children? That can’t be their names.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’m starting to worry that two narcissistic megalomaniacs with a total inability to see value in other humans might have a hard time making friends.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Musk was reportedly ‘butthurt’ — and yes, they did use that word, it is a quote — about some of the stuff that’s in the bill. Usually when Elon’s butt hurts, it’s because of all the drugs he is trying to smuggle through White House security.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I keep waiting to see Musk on a one-way SpaceX to El Salvador.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“‘I hear he is furious’ is the safest bet anyone could make when describing Donald Trump’s reaction to criticism. Let me know when someone says, ‘Insiders reporting that Donald Trump looking inward; reflecting on what role he may have played in turning his friend against him.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Fine Print Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Hopes Trump and Musk Can Patch Things Up

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      “Oh, no, not my two favorite people fighting!” said the “Daily Show” host Michael Kosta. “Don’t make me choose who I love more.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Big, Beautiful and DisgustingOn Tuesday, Elon Musk expressed his displeasure on X over President Trump’s “big, beautiful” domestic policy bill, calling it a “disgusting abomination” and shaming House members who’d voted for it. On “The Daily Show,” Michael Kosta said it was sad that “two men who previously had never had a friend” were seeing their relationship get “D.O.G.E.’d.”“Oh, no, not my two favorite people fighting! Don’t make me choose who I love more.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“I’m not sure who to root for. It’s like Diddy versus R. Kelly.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But, yes, Elon is worried that Trump’s bill will raise the deficit too high. And when Elon is worried about something getting too high, you know it’s too high.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Boy, when he’s off the ketamine, he is a lot less fun.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And he may be right, but Elon has to be careful. You come out that hard against Trump’s central legislative achievement, and you’re going to be the first white person to get deported.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Shame on those who voted for it? Who bankrolled these people that voted for it? I want the name of whoever bankrolled — oh, wait, it’s his name.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Just days after leaving his official role at the White House, Elon Musk is now blasting President Trump’s ‘big, beautiful bill’ as a ‘disgusting abomination.’ And that’s coming from the guy who made the Cybertruck.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Elon called it ‘massive,’ ‘outrageous’ and ‘pork-filled.’ And Trump was, like, ‘[imitating Trump] I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’ll take two.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (New Portrait, Who Dis? Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Mines Laughs From Trump’s Biden Replacement Theory

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      “You’re saying that the Joe Biden who doesn’t even know where he is, is actually an incredibly advanced cloned robot? How much ketamine are you on?” Jon Stewart asked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Joe-boCop?On Saturday night, President Trump amplified a conspiracy theory on social media about former President Joe Biden that posited falsely that the former president had been replaced by a robot clone. While mindful to note that this was likely meant “to distract us,” as Jon Stewart said on “The Daily Show,” late night hosts couldn’t help but tackle the topic like the sci-fi movie it needs to be — with incredulity.“You’re saying that the Joe Biden who doesn’t even know where he is, is actually an incredibly advanced cloned robot? How much ketamine are you on?” — JON STEWART“You can’t be a robot and a clone, OK?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“How is this not on the front page of everything? The president of the United States is spreading deranged stories about his predecessor being a robot.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was a perfect plan with only one flaw: The Joe Bot couldn’t recognize George Clooney.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Hey, Republicans. Remember when you were very concerned Joe might not have the mental acuity to be president? Come get your guy, because he thinks Biden was executed and replaced by a clone, a ‘robotic clone.’ I mean, if your dad was saying stuff like this, you’d start looking for an assisted-living facility.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The media needs to stop being polite when they report this stuff. This is the headline from NBC: ‘Trump Shares Unfounded Conspiracy Theory Claiming Biden Was “Executed” in 2020.’ Never mind ‘unfounded,’ this is not even a theory. That headline should be ‘Convicted Felon Posts Insane Fairy Tale About Cancer Patient While Constipated on Toilet.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And, by the way, whoever built that Joe Biden robot is very bad at building robots. I mean, if anyone was replaced by a robotic clone, it’s Melania, right?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Side Effects Edition)“Trump was effusive in his praise for Musk. He thanked him for working ‘tirelessly.’ Well, yeah, of course he was working tirelessly. They say he was gobbling down 20 different kinds of uppers every day when he was there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Over the weekend, The New York Times published a crazy story about Elon Musk, claiming, among other things, that he was taking ecstasy, psychedelic mushrooms, pills believed to be Adderall, and so much ketamine it was affecting his bladder control, which is a delightful detail. Between him and Trump, that Oval Office has got to smell like an abandoned nursing home.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Digests Trump’s Crypto Dinner

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      “Listen, he’s only corrupt in his free time, guys,” Kimmel said of the president. “When he’s in the Oval Office, he’s by the book. This is all completely on the up and up.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Guess Who’s Coming to DinnerOn Thursday, President Trump hosted a dinner for the biggest investors in his personal cryptocurrency. Protesters gathered outside the golf club where it was held, denouncing what they called “crypto corruption,” and late-night hosts lodged their own form of protest in their monologues.“Tonight, President Trump hosted a private dinner for the top 200 holders of his memecoin,” Jimmy Fallon said. “Yep, over 200 crypto bros in one room. Even Satan’s like, ‘Now, that’s hell.’”Several of the dinner guests told The New York Times that they were hoping to influence Trump and, ultimately, U.S. financial regulation. Jimmy Kimmel was not reassured by Karoline Leavitt, the White House press secretary, who told reporters it was a private dinner and that it was “absurd for anyone to insinuate that this president is profiting off of the presidency.”“It is absurd to say it’s absurd for anyone to insinuate that the president is profiting off of the presidency,” Kimmel said.“As far as I know, he’s the only president I’ve ever heard of who sells his own Bible and watch.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Listen, he’s only corrupt in his free time, guys. When he’s in the Oval Office, he’s by the book. This is all completely on the up and up.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“These people gave Trump’s business a combined $394 million for this dinner in one night. Seats went for from $55,000 to $37 million a pop. And no plus ones. That’s just by yourself.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Thinks Trump’s ‘White Genocide’ Video Was a Bit Much

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      “The guy who couldn’t find South Africa on a map of Africa” subjected its leader to an extremely dubious video about his own country, Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lie, the Beloved CountryOn Wednesday, President Trump lectured the visiting president of South Africa, claiming that genocide was being carried out against white farmers in his country (and subjecting him to a dubious video on that subject). In turn, Trump got a lecture from late-night hosts, who dismantled his false claims.“There’s a right-wing conspiracy theory bubbling right now that says they’re killing all the white people in South Africa,” Jimmy Kimmel explained on Wednesday night. “Trump apparently has seen this online, so he brings the president in, he turns the lights down and makes him sit through a multimedia presentation about his own country titled ‘White Genocide.’”“I mean, seriously, does anyone at the White House — does anyone around him ever say, ‘Oh, Mr. President, this one is wrong, this is not real, this one makes you look demented and dumb’? Nobody does.” — JIMMY KIMMELOn “The Daily Show,” Ronny Chieng said Trump had turned the White House meeting “into a murder podcast.”“Trump is convinced that there is white genocide going on in South Africa, which of course means there is no white genocide happening in South Africa. It’s not even mathematically possible. I mean, you’ll never run out of white South Africans when one of them is making 5,000 kids a week.” — RONNY CHIENG, referring to Elon Musk“But still, Trump thinks there is one, and you know he cares about it because he said ‘white genocide.’ It’s like someone told him, ‘Hey, it’s not just a genocide, it’s a white genocide. You know, the bad kind.’” — RONNY CHIENG“During the meeting, this is real, things got pretty heated, and the president of South Africa actually said, ‘I’m sorry I don’t have a plane to give you.’ And then, to mess with Trump even more, he gave him tickets to see a Springsteen concert in New Jersey.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump asked some tough questions, like, ‘How did you get rid of Elon? I’ll tell you what I did. How did you do it?’ — JIMMY FALLON“If you really want to impress Trump, you should have given him one of your golf courses. Then Trump would be like, ‘Hell, yeah! Sorry, white South Africans, if that’s even a real thing. Thoughts and prayers.’” — RONNY CHIENGThe Punchiest Punchlines (Golden Dome Edition)“President Trump has unveiled plans for a ‘Golden Dome’ missile defense shield that could cost tens of billions. Here is a schematic of what the golden dome would look like. The best part about the defense shield? He says the Klingons will pay for it.” — GREG GUTFELD“We’re fine. Gold doesn’t melt. It’s the strongest metal on earth.” — GRACE KUHLENSCHMIDT of “The Daily Show”“Yes, gold. Because when I think impenetrable, I think of stuff that pirates can bend with their teeth.” — STEPHEN COLBERTWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Celebrates the First American Pope

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      “We have an American pope and a Russian president,” Jimmy Kimmel said, calling it “an historic era.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘New Pope, Who Dis?’Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost was elected pope on Thursday, becoming the first American pope.“We have an American pope and a Russian president,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “Isn’t it incredible?”“We have the first American pope. And let me just say, as an American, are you sure about this? We don’t really have the gravitas that you associate with pope-iness. We’re less ‘somber procession’ and more ‘monster truck rally.’” — DESI LYDIC“I just think it’s just a little bit weird that the holiest man in the world probably knows all the words to the Chili’s ‘Baby Back Ribs’ song.” — DESI LYDIC“The Pope Mobile is now a Ford F-250 with truck nuts.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You can tell he’s American ’cause he stepped out on the Vatican balcony and said, ‘New pope, who dis?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Another Leo Edition)“They make him pick a name. He chose Leo XIV, which is a shame because there have been 13 other Leos. We’ve never had even one Pope Bob, which would have been pretty great.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“How have there been so many popes named Leo? Leo doesn’t even sound like a Pope name. Sounds more like the altar boy who got high and ate all the communion wafers.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, he may be the new pope, but to his friends back in Chicago, he’ll always be ‘Bobby Bratwurst.’” — JIMMY FALLON“From now on, the pope is going to sound like this. [imitating Chicago accent] Hey, dere, it’s yer buddy Leo, the deep dish papa. Just talked to God, and not even he can help da White Sox. Sorry. First order of business, I will be canonizing Michael Jordan. Now let’s end by saying daaa prayers.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe Colombian superstar Shakira played “Box of Lies” with Jimmy Fallon on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutLovie Simone in “Forever,” a new adaptation of the Judy Blume novel created by Mara Brock Akil for Netflix.Elizabeth Morris/NetflixAn all-Black cast stars in the new Netflix series “Forever,” adapted from Judy Blume’s 1970 novel of the same name. More