More stories

  • in

    Late Night Frantically Tries to Keep Up With Trump’s Tariffs

    “I’d say he’s like a bull in a china shop, but at 104 percent, I can’t afford to say that,” Desi Lydic said of President Trump on “The Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Doing the MathPresident Trump’s latest tariffs — which, among other things, raised import taxes on Chinese goods to 104 percent — went into effect at midnight on Wednesday.Desi Lydic described Trump as “out of control right now” during Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”“I’d say he’s like a bull in a china shop, but at 104 percent, I can’t afford to say that.” — DESI LYDIC“OK, this is getting really serious. We’ll know exactly how serious once we ask China to do the math for us.” — DESI LYDIC“China said the tariffs are ‘a mistake on top of a mistake,’ which is also what Trump said when Eric was born.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“How is he coming up with these numbers, I don’t know. ‘What do you think about a tariff of 100 percent on China?’ ‘Not enough, make it 104.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump isn’t messing around with China. Now he’s threatened to not invite them to his birthday party.” — JIMMY FALLON“As a result of the tariffs, Americans are now racing to buy iPhones before prices increase. Yep, iPhones and toilet paper, our two most essential bathroom items.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Dodgers Edition)“At a White House event yesterday celebrating the Los Angeles Dodgers’ World Series championship, President Trump said that the team ‘showed America that it’s not about individual glory,’ adding, ‘but I decided to invite you anyway.’” — SETH MEYERS“President Trump praised star player Shohei Ohtani and added, ‘He’s got a good future, I’m telling you.’ Not exactly a bold prediction. ‘[imitating Trump] I think that guy who won three M.V.P. awards could turn out to be a pretty good ballplayer!’ Any other predictions you want to make, Nostradamus? ‘[imitating Trump] I think that Taylor Swift is going to sell some concert tickets someday!’” — SETH MEYERS“[imitating umpire] His brain is outta here!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Donald Trump met with the world-champion Los Angeles Dodgers at the White House, where Trump used the opportunity to deport Shohei Ohtani.” — GREG GUTFELDThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon and Ed Sheeran surprised fans by busking in a New York City subway station on “The Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe actor and comedian Bill Hader will appear on “Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney.”Also, Check This OutYoko Ono and John Lennon’s famed “Bed-In” for peace in 1969.Charlie Ley/Mirrorpix, viq Getty ImagesA new film and a biography offer more opportunities to assess Yoko Ono’s contributions to culture. More

  • in

    Jon Stewart Can’t Stomach Trump’s Stock Market ‘Medicine’

    The “Daily Show” host said America’s economy was “in the midst of a beautiful metamorphosis, turning from a simple caterpillar into a dead caterpillar.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bad MedicineStock markets have been hammered by President Trump’s sweeping tariffs, which he insists will eventually revitalize the American economy.Jon Stewart had a different take on Monday’s “Daily Show.” He said the economy was “in the midst of a beautiful metamorphosis, turning from a simple caterpillar into a dead caterpillar.”“[imitating Trump] Hey, Mom, look — no economy!” — JON STEWART“President Trump likened the U.S. to a sick patient and his trade policies to an operation in a Truth Social post last week and said, ‘THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED AND IS HEALING.’ Sounds great, until you remember that the surgeon didn’t go to medical school.” — SETH MEYERS“You’re all acting like the tariff regime is a tried-and-true remedy: ‘Oh, of course, this is the medicine that’s always prescribed!’ Except the last time it was tried, 100 years ago, we had a Great Depression.” — JON STEWART“And tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1929.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, guys, everyone is still talking about President Trump’s new tariffs and how they’re impacting the economy. Trump defended them by saying, ‘Sometimes you have to take medicine to fix something.’ RFK Jr. heard and was, like, ‘Then why did you hire me?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Trump thinks that he’s a medicine expert because he’s the same color as DayQuil.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Hole in None Edition)“After the White House reported that President Trump won the senior club championship at his Florida golf club, the Washington Post reported that he tied for first with another player. But in the end, the Supreme Court gave it to Trump.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s good to see him relaxing. Killing the economy can be stressful.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course he won. Anyone who beats him gets deported to El Salvador.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“[imitating Trump] What’s my handicap? I’d say a complete inability to empathize with my fellow human beings. That’s a big one.” — SETH MEYERS“Also, buddy, you won the senior club championship at a resort with your name on it. That’s like my kids bragging that they beat me in Uno. They win Uno for one reason only: I want the [expletive] Uno game to be over, and I’m sure people who golf with Trump feel the same way.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Monday’s “Late Show,” Stephen Colbert talked with Senator Cory Booker about his recent 25-hour speech on the Senate floor.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe “White Lotus” star Walton Goggins has some explaining to do on Tuesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutJasmine Amy Rogers brings charm to the title role, but “Boop! The Musical” leaves you wondering why it exists.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesBetty Boop, the flapper of early talkie cartoons, now has her own subpar merch grab of a Broadway show, “Boop! The Musical.” More

  • in

    Stephen Colbert Likens Trump’s Tariffs to an Economic Infection

    “Has anyone thought about injecting our money with bleach?” Colbert said after President Trump’s new tariffs tanked the stock market on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Downward SpiralThe stock market had its worst day in five years on Thursday, the first day of trading on Wall Street since President Trump announced his new tariffs.“So, worst day for our economy since Covid,” Stephen Colbert said. “Just a little reminder: This time, he’s the disease.”“Has anyone — and I’m just spitballin’ here — has anyone thought about injecting our money with bleach?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Everyone’s wondering how Trump decided on a tariff rate for each country. Well, it turns out a very precise mathematical formula was created. And then Trump just said, ‘Forget that — we’re doing it Plinko style.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Trump’s tariffs went all the way from 54 percent to 10 percent, and today, so did his approval rating.” — JIMMY FALLON“But, you know what, I’m not too concerned about Donald Trump not understanding how his tariffs work, because he’s Donald Trump — he doesn’t understand how to make money running a casino.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Now, one bit of good news comin’ out of all this: It’s all pretty solid proof there is no deep state, ’cause if there was, they would’ve stopped this [expletive], OK? But if they do exist, I just want to say to the cabal of financial and governmental elites who pull all the strings behind the scenes, maybe put a pause on your 5G-chip JFK Jr. adrenochrome chemtrail orgy and jump in here, ’cause we’re [expletive] dying.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Mr. Worldwide Edition)“Yesterday, Donald Trump announced sweeping tariffs across the entire globe: Asia, South America, Narnia, Arendelle, Wakanda, Bachelor Nation.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“President Trump yesterday announced a base line tariff affecting more than 180 countries, including a group of uninhabited islands near Antarctica. So, let that be a warning to you, great Pacific garbage patch.” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, we put a 10 percent tariff on an island that only has penguins? Trump would have been better off tariffing that island Tom Hanks got stranded on. At least it had one guy and that li’l volleyball he was [expletive].” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Is this a mistake? Look, I know old people butt-dial strangers all the time, but this is the first time I’ve heard of someone butt-tariffing an entire country.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Yep, Trump put tariffs on almost every single country, and as you would expect, the world is pretty mad at us. Right now, Epcot is down to two countries.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThursday’s “Tonight Show” musical guest Perfume Genius performed “It’s a Mirror” from his new album “Glory.”Also, Check This Out“‘The Lost Albums’ were full records, some of them even to the point of being mixed and not released,” Bruce Springsteen said in a statement.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesBruce Springsteen announced a new boxed set featuring 83 songs, including 74 that have never been released. More

  • in

    Late Night Debriefs After a ‘Tariff-fying’ Day at the White House

    Stephen Colbert said that, thanks to President Trump, “America is finally free from the tyranny of being able to buy stuff from other countries.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Just ‘Tariffic’On Wednesday, President Donald Trump held an event at the White House to announce new international tariffs during what he referred to as “Liberation Day.”Stephen Colbert said that, thanks to Trump, “America is finally free from the tyranny of being able to buy stuff from other countries.”“Who’s ready to learn how to make their own iPad from scratch?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Right, ‘Liberation Day. That sounds like the fake holiday your friends make up after you get dumped: ‘No, man. Who needs that beautiful, smart, independently wealthy woman in your life, when you can die alone? This is your liberation day, bro!’” — MICHAEL KOSTA“OK, so Liberation Day is just the day that Trump announced new tariffs. I kind of doubt this day will be remembered for all of history, but if you give me a day off from work, you can call it whatever you want.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Now, you might be thinking, ‘What am I even being liberated from? The ability to afford goods and services?’” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Reportedly, Trump was still weighing tariff options until late yesterday. Now, if you’re not steeped in the wonky language of Beltway insiders, that basically means they were spitballin’ ideas through the bathroom door at 3 a.m.: ‘[imitating Trump] Tell you what: What if Ireland has to pay extra to be, uh — to be on the Lucky Charms box? What about that? I’m just spitballin’ here. We stop Count Chocula at the border.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, in his speech, Trump said, ‘[imitating Trump] We’ll make America wealthy again, like it was at the start of my presidency. Six months ago.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, Trump announced tariffs on aluminum, steel and several other items that popped into his head mid-speech.” — JIMMY FALLON“He also expanded the tariffs on aluminum to include canned beer. Even Kid Rock was, like, ‘Um, what are we doing here, man?’” — JIMMY FALLON“The tariffs will raise prices for Americans, and costs could go up by $3,000 per year. Netflix was, like, ‘Game recognize game.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Holding It Edition)“Democratic Senator Cory Booker delivered a 25-hour, four-minute speech yesterday on the Senate floor, shattering Adrien Brody’s record.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, Senator Cory Booker broke the record last night for the longest speech ever delivered on the Senate floor. The previous record was held by Joe Biden after somebody asked, ‘What was it like growing up in Scranton?’” — SETH MEYERS“What an amazing day for Cory Booker. Not so great for the C-SPAN cameraman, who missed the birth of his first child and kindergarten graduation.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“After his speech, Booker said he hadn’t eaten since Friday and stopped drinking fluids on Sunday so he wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom. Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders went to the bathroom three different times during this joke.” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

  • in

    Late Night Is Expecting Tariffs With a Side of Drama

    New tariffs will be unveiled at the White House Rose Garden — because “when you elect a reality TV star, you get all your economic policy via rose ceremony,” said Stephen Colbert. Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Pack Your Lederhosen’President Trump plans to announce yet more tariffs in the White House Rose Garden on Wednesday (he’s calling it “Liberation Day”).“Like everything, he’s got to make it a spectacle,” Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday.“Because when you elect a reality TV star, you get all your economic policy via rose ceremony.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“[imitating Trump] Germany, I enjoyed our time in the fantasy suite, but your home visit left me cold. Thirty percent tariffs across the board. Pack your lederhosen, Fräulein.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yes, ‘Liberation Day.’ I’m reminded of the immortal words of Patrick Henry: ‘Give me liberty or charge me an extra $10,000 for a Hyundai Elantra.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“President Trump is set to announce a new set of tariffs tomorrow in what he said will be ‘Liberation Day.’ Ah, yes, the day we’ll all finally be liberated from our 401(k)s.” — SETH MEYERS“Yep, Trump’s calling tomorrow ‘Liberation Day,’ while every stockbroker is calling it ‘Inebriation Day.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Right now, everyone who has invested their savings in Beanie Babies is like, ‘Well, well, well, who’s the idiot now?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Administrative Error Edition)“On Sunday night, President Trump deported more gang members to El Salvador, including child rapists and convicted killers. It’s all part of a bigger plan to make El Salvador more like Times Square.” — GREG GUTFELDWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

  • in

    Jon Stewart: Trump Is ‘Trying to Order Off-Menu From the Constitution’

    President Trump says there are “methods” by which he could get a third term. “I think you tried one a few years ago,” the “Daily Show” host quipped. Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Animal StyleIn an interview on Sunday, President Trump said he was considering his options for pursuing a third term in office, even though the Constitution forbids it. (He said there were “methods” by which it could be done.)“I’m sorry — ‘considering the option?’” Jon Stewart said on Monday’s “Daily Show.”“What, are you trying to order off-menu from the Constitution? ‘Oh, yeah, I see you got, uh, what do you got, two terms here — but can I get it animal style?’” — JON STEWART“Yes, there are other methods. I think you tried one a few years ago.” — JON STEWART“Although maybe Trump has something more creative in mind with the Vance thing. Have you guys heard of the movie ‘Face/Off?’” — JON STEWART“So aside from the president saying, ‘I’m not leaving,’ is there any other image of the shambolic state of our democracy? Perhaps something that looks like what you might get if you fed ‘the destruction of democracy’ into an A.I. meme generator? Oh, right. Elon Musk. OK.” — JON STEWARTThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Donstitution Edition)“If you don’t like Trump tariffs, and not many people do, don’t you worry: One day he won’t be president — maybe.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“President Trump said in a new interview that he is ‘not joking’ about seeking a third term and added, ‘There are methods.’ In response, Senate majority leader Chuck Schumer announced that Democrats will have a plan in place to stop him by 2032.” — SETH MEYERS“In fact, he’s already working on some slogans for another run. I’m going to show you what I mean. First, there’s ‘Trump ’28: I Edited the Constitution With a Sharpie, and the Donstitution Says It’s Legal.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Up next, there’s ‘Trump ’28: Remember How Awesome It Was to Have a President in His 80s?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Here’s another one: ‘Trump ’28: Greenland Is Now Worth 300 Electoral Votes.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Then there’s ‘Trump ’28: It’s Totally Legal, According to New Supreme Court Justices Jake and Logan Paul.” — JIMMY FALLON“And, finally, ‘Trump ’28: If You Vote for Me, I’ll Add You to the Top-Secret Group Chat.’”— JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Monday’s “Late Night,” the comedian Amber Ruffin addressed the White House Correspondents’ Association’s cancellation of her planned performance at its black-tie dinner.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightMichelle Williams will discuss her new FX dramedy “Dying for Sex” on “The Late Show.”Also, Check This OutUsing footage the residents had filmed on a tiny camera, “Secret Mall Apartment” places their stunt in the context of the rapid gentrification that was happening at the time.Michael TownsendA new documentary, “Secret Mall Apartment,” recounts how eight artists managed to live in a shopping center from 2003 to 2007. More

  • in

    Jimmy Kimmel Updates the Never-Ending Story of the Signal Leak

    “There are many books and stories to come,” Kimmel said of the Trump administration’s leaky-group-chat scandal, comparing it to the Harry Potter saga.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Incredibly TransparentThe Trump administration’s high-level Signal group chat to which a journalist was somehow invited continued to dominate late night on Thursday.Jimmy Kimmel called the scandal “the never-ending story” and compared it to the Harry Potter saga, saying, “There are many books and stories to come.” News outlets found some of the key players’ personal information online, including the Venmo contacts of Michael Waltz, the national security adviser.“You know how some people feel the need to share their Venmo transactions with everyone they know? Michael Waltz is one of them. He shares his name, there’s a picture of him, and all of his contacts up on Venmo. Even Matt Gaetz was, like, ‘How could you be so careless?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And security issues aside, isn’t it a little bit disturbing that a guy overseeing our national defense, our weapons — our nuclear weapons — is still in the ‘Dude, you owe me $14 for tacos’ phase of his life?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s Venmo-ing his doctor? My man, if your doctor takes Venmo, that ain’t a doctor.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This story won’t be going away anytime soon, because Mike Waltz has made a key strategic error: being an idiot everywhere at all times.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Because of how incredibly sloppy they are, a German newspaper, Der Spiegel, was able to find personal email addresses, phone numbers and passwords — some of which seem to be still in use — for Mike Waltz, Tulsi Gabbard and Pete Hegseth. What a group. We have a national security adviser who doesn’t know how to secure, a defensive secretary of defense, a pro-measles secretary of health, and a secretary of education who wants to close the Department of Education.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt, she’s standing firm. She said today the administration has been ‘incredibly transparent about this entire situation.’ Yeah, that’s the problem — they’ve been so transparent, we’ve seen all their information.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Pete Hegseth and Mike Waltz have said and done so many stupid things this week, Trump might have to start calling them Eric and Don Jr.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (McRib Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

  • in

    Late Night Can’t Quit the Group Chat

    “This operation was about as secretive as a Fortnite Twitch stream,” Jimmy Kimmel said of U.S. officials’ leaked discussion of a plan to attack Yemen.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.War Plans or Nah?On Wednesday, The Atlantic published more material from the Signal group chat in which Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth and other officials discussed an imminent attack on Yemen, unaware that The Atlantic’s editor had been added to the group.Jimmy Kimmel called it the “‘Oops, who did I add to this text chain?’ heard ’round the world.” President Trump and others in his administration have denied that the details shared in the chat amounted to “war plans.” “Let’s see. ‘F-18’s launch.’ ‘Target terrorist.’ ‘Strike drones launch.’ ‘More F-18s launch!’ ‘First bombs will definitely drop.’ ‘First sea-based Tomahawks launched.’ Now, I’m not an expert on war — these don’t seem like peace plans to me.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This operation was about as secretive as a Fortnite Twitch stream, OK?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Who could have ever guessed that the host of ‘Weekend Fox and Friends’ would be bad at running the military?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I mean, imagine how lifelong military professionals must feel. If this was the ’90s, this would be like suddenly having to take orders from Kathie Lee.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Thank God we got rid of D.E.I. Now you can rest assured that the idiots in charge were not chosen for their race or gender. They were chosen purely based on being idiots.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Declassified Edition)“This is an unprecedented failure of national security protocols and a grotesque disregard of the safety of American service members. Or, as Donald Trump would say: ‘No it isn’t.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“One defense official said, ‘It is safe to say that anybody in uniform would be court-martialed for this. My most junior analysts know not to do this.’ Yes, everyone understands this. The characters in ‘Fight Club’ understand this. It’s why the first rule of ‘Fight Club’ is ‘Don’t send out an e-vite for Fight Club.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More