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Gridlocked and Goaded
Late night celebrated one month of Covid-19 quarantining by riffing on demonstrations this week in Ohio, Michigan and other states where locals protested state-based shutdowns.
One protester in Michigan misspelled “governor” on her sign, which Jimmy Kimmel said “showed us how important it is that we do get schools open ASAP.”
“If you’re curious what all that schmutz on the window there is,” Kimmel said, pointing to a photo of Ohioans screaming into the closed State Capitol, “that is the coronavirus. Yes, so well done.”
“The real problem is you can’t make Americans do anything. We just won’t. If you tell us to do something, we won’t do it. We only exist because someone tried to make us pay extra for tea once.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I’m sure that convinced the legislators. [imitating legislator] You know, the medical data doesn’t back up an early reopen, but I heard some sound policy ideas from Lady Flag Screamer and Guy in a ‘Purge’ Mask.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Angry Trump supporters were also at Michigan’s State Capitol, where they blocked traffic and honked their horns in a protest called ‘Operation Gridlock.’ Who are you gridlocking? There’s nobody else out there. Blocking empty streets is like streaking in your shower — it doesn’t count!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The event had the feel of a free-floating Trump rally. Protesters carried Trump flags, MAGA signs, even Confederate flags — because nothing says ‘Never surrender’ like a Confederate flag.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (New York Masks Edition)
“Big news in New York, where yesterday the governor announced an executive order that requires everyone in the state to wear a mask in public when not social distancing. It’s a big change for all New Yorkers, except Jets fans.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, alongside a photo of Jets fans covering their faces
“Yeah, everyone has to wear a mask. The players on the New York Jets said, ‘That’s OK, we’re used to hiding our identity.’” — CONAN O’BRIEN
“[imitating New Yorker] Hey, I’m breathing here. And don’t forget to wash your finger! Your mother — is high risk. Seriously, you’ve got to be good to your mom — like I was, last night.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on Governor Andrew Cuomo’s suggestion that New Yorkers will politely police one another
The Bits Worth Watching
Joe Biden popped up on “Desus & Mero” on Thursday night to talk about plans to beat Donald Trump and how Barack Obama came to endorse him earlier this week.
Also, Check This Out
Anyone can enjoy John Cassavetes’s oeuvre if you start with “A Woman Under the Influence,” his 1974 portrait of a marriage starring his real-life wife, Gena Rowlands.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
