Colbert said Putin sought to keep the peace, and imitated Russia’s president: “I keep this piece of Ukraine. I keep that piece of Ukraine. I keep all the pieces of Ukraine.”
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Putin, the Piece-Keeper
Russia’s imminent invasion of Ukraine was the talk of late night on Tuesday, when Stephen Colbert sought to answer why Vladimir Putin planned to send troops into another country.
“He claims it’s to carry out ‘peacekeeping functions,’ and it’s true,” Colbert said. “I keep this piece of Ukraine. I keep that piece of Ukraine. I keep all the pieces of Ukraine. I am piece-keeping,” he said, imitating Putin.
“Putin appears to be inching toward a full-scale attack on Ukraine. Trump, of course, called him a genius and called the idea ‘wonderful’ today. What kind of hotel room hidden camera video does that Putin have? We want to see it already.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Putin sent what he and Trump refer to as a ‘peacekeeping’ force into Ukraine on today — which is 2/22/22 — because he invaded Georgia, Putin did, the country, not the state on Aug. 8, 2008 — 08/08/08. Can that be a coincidence? Oh, yeah, it can? Oh, it can? OK.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Biden gave a speech today at the White House and said that Russia’s invasion of Ukraine has officially begun. Biden didn’t mean to say that, but Putin invaded his teleprompter, too.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yeah, Biden also used his speech to announce a bunch of new sanctions against Russia. Yeah, nothing stops a dictator in his tracks like raising his A.T.M. fees.” — JIMMY FALLON
“So, that means no Russian money in the U.S. There goes Tucker Carlson’s sponsors.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“From now on, Russia doesn’t get the new Wordle until noon.” — SETH MEYERS
“It’s not just the president — the Senate is preparing its own list of sanctions and, reportedly, Republican lawmakers are itching to sanction Putin’s romantic partner. Putin’s romantic partner? So, the horse?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Yeah, Biden said, ‘We will not put up with Russian aggression, especially on such an important national holiday, Twosday.’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Twosday Edition)
“Yeah, ‘Twosday’ because it’s Tuesday 2-22-22. Yeah, this only happens once every 100 years. President Biden was like, ‘I didn’t care then, I didn’t care now.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“As you just heard, tonight is 2/22/22, also known as the day the calendar maker fell asleep on his keyboard.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Tonight we honor the most underappreciated number — two. The number it takes to tango. The number of scoops in Kellogg’s Raisin Bran. Without two, there would be no movie sequels. ‘E’ would equal MC nothin’.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“The last time an all two date happened was Feb. 22, 1922. American women had just recently won the right to vote, Amelia Earhart bought her first plane. Now President Joe Biden just passed his first gallstone.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
On “The Tonight Show,” Jimmy Fallon played Good Name, Bad Name, Great Name with the famous monikers of bands, movies, video games and snacks.
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Billie Eilish will chat with Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”
Also, Check This Out
Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer say goodbye to “Killing Eve” after four seasons together.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
