“Things got off to a rough start when Trump offered the probation officer $130,000,” Jimmy Fallon joked.
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First Impressions
On Monday, former President Donald Trump met with his New York probation officer for the first time after his conviction last month.
“Things got off to a rough start when Trump offered the probation officer $130,000,” Jimmy Fallon joked.
“Unlike the vast majority of felons out there, Trump was allowed to do his interview at Mar-a-Lago over a video conference call. Must make the mandatory drug test kind of difficult — hard to get the pee right into the USB port.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Trump met with his probation officer over Zoom, which was great because Trump’s lawyer could hit mute whenever he started talking.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Let’s make something clear: If a probation officer is basing their sentencing guidelines on remorse, mental state and character, and the recommendation is a day less than 1,000 years, Donald Trump is getting off easy. And if the probation officer meets with Trump and their takeaway is, ‘He seemed really sorry, supersharp and an all-around good person,’ that should be their last day at work.” — SETH MEYERS
“The final probation report will remain sealed, but one thing probation folks usually ask convicts is about their employment. [imitating probation officer] ‘OK, Mr. Trump, it says here you got fired from your last job for being, uh, terrible at it and for — is this correct? This is right here — and for trying to kill a Mr. Mike Pence? Oh, but I see down here you are actually currently applying for a new job, which is the same job. OK. Have you thought about learning to code?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Hot in Vegas Edition)
“Former President Trump held an outdoor rally yesterday in Las Vegas, and temperatures exceeded 100 degrees. It was so bad, Trump began exhibiting symptoms of heat stroke 10 years ago.” — SETH MEYERS
“It was, by his own report, 110 degrees, so, naturally, Trump held an outdoor rally at noon.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
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Source: Television - nytimes.com
