“So that includes Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Flo, the Progressive Insurance lady,” Jimmy Fallon joked of the billionaires’ tax.
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Champagne Problems
On Wednesday, Senate Democrats introduced a tax proposal targeting America’s 700 richest people: billionaires.
“So that includes Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Flo, the Progressive Insurance lady,” Jimmy Fallon joked.
“It’s tough for billionaires. If you’d like to sponsor one, you can make a difference for just $34 million a day.” — JIMMY FALLON
“You know cash is tight for billionaires when their flights in space have to lay over in Cleveland.” — JIMMY FALLON
“But by this afternoon, Democrats scrapped the tax on billionaires and now they might tax millionaires instead. When they heard that, Kim and Kylie were like, ‘Yes!’ while Khloe, Kourtney and Kendall were like, ‘No.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Senator [Ron] Wyden wants to pay for the Biden agenda with something called the billionaires’ income tax. Now the details are a little complex. Let me try to explain it: Billionaires, there’s this thing called taxes, and you should pay any.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The proposal affects only people with a billion dollars in assets or those earning more than $100 million in income three years in a row. OK, here’s a simple way to see if it affects you: Take your spare super yacht to your third house that’s on the private island shaped like your own head; look in your garage. If there isn’t a spaceship in there, you’re fine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Calling it a ‘billionaire income tax’ was smart branding by the Democrats, because Republicans are going to sound pretty out of touch if they oppose it, which they immediately did.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Shots for Kids Edition)
“Last night, an F.D.A. panel gave the green light to the Pfizer vaccine for kids between the ages of 5 and 11. That’s right. That’s right, kids’ vaccines are the best way to prevent the two things parents fear the most: Covid and home-schooling.” — JIMMY FALLON
“In a few weeks, you’re going to see bouncers outside Chuck E. Cheese checking vaccine cards.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Hey, kids, guess who gets to go to the doctor twice in the space of three weeks? And, don’t worry, he will stab you!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Kids could get the shot as soon as next week. Great timing, right after they go door to door on Halloween.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Now kids can forget about Covid and worrying about that and go to spreading every other disease known to man.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Here’s how the vaccine will work: Older kids can get Pfizer, younger kids can get Moderna, and the middle child can get Johnson & Johnson.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Some parents said that they aren’t sure if they’re comfortable giving their kids the vaccine, then they went back to feeding them Dunkaroos for breakfast.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Samantha Bee touched on the big business of death and funerals on this week’s “Full Frontal.”
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
John Leguizamo will catch up with Stephen Colbert on Thursday’s “Late Show.”
Also, Check This Out
After 40 years, Abba is releasing a new album, which all four original band members somehow made in secret.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
