Jimmy Kimmel joked that Donald Trump beat Nikki Haley by 11 points and that he’s “also leading Haley by double digits in felony charges, 91 to zero.”
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‘No Applause?’
Former President Donald Trump won the New Hampshire Republican primary on Tuesday, taking 54.3 percent of the vote to Nikki Haley’s 43.3 percent.
Jimmy Kimmel kicked off Wednesday night’s show by congratulating Trump on his win. “No applause?” he joked.
“He beat Nikki Haley by double digits. He’s also leading Nikki Haley by double digits in felony charges, 91 to zero.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Trump defeated Nikki Haley 54 to 43. It’s the very first time he’s ever been happy to see a woman in her 40s.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Trump cruised to victory, and just like most cruises, half the people partied while the other half felt really sick.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Meanwhile, before the votes even came in, Nikki Haley made it clear she wasn’t dropping out. Yep, her campaign released a memo that said, ‘We aren’t going anywhere.’ I’m not sure that slogan is going to work: ‘Nikki Haley: We aren’t going anywhere.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“But Nikki Haley has no plans to stop; she will not drop out. Last night, she told supporters that the race is far from over, she still has literally dozens of states to lose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Sore Winner Edition)
“That’s right, Former President Trump won yesterday’s New Hampshire primary, while Nikki Haley finished second. Haley gave a concession speech, while Trump gave a concussion speech.” — SETH MEYERS
“Trump was visibly upset Nikki Haley gave a speech as if she won. He reportedly spent the night seething about it, and I don’t blame him. Pretending you won when you actually lost, it’s his thing; not cool, Nikki.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“[imitating Trump] How dare she act like she won when she lost? I mean, what kind of maniac pretends they won when they really lost?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Stephen Colbert offered Gen Z a quick pep talk on the merits of giving blood amid a drop in donations.
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
Justin Timberlake will pop by to see Jimmy Fallon on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”
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Cindy Sherman’s photo-portraits of women assembled digitally from fragmentary parts make up her new show at Hauser & Wirth.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
