There’s nothing wrong with Big Brother that an invasion of famished French bedbugs wouldn’t cure.
Aside from AJ’s costumes – which are hotter than a Luton airport carpark – the show makes Keir Starmer’s conference speech seem almost entertaining. Launch night felt like a satirical spoof as ITV signalled more virtues than the fashion-crazed FA.
First in was obese Bridgend bingo-caller Jenkin, saying: “I’m not the only gay in the village, I’m the best one”.
Then came “very proud Muslim” Farida, last seen on Blankety Blank, followed by a giant woman from south London who, to nobody’s surprise, soon revealed: “If I win, I’m going to get a vagina”.
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Box after box was ticked, no doubt to the simmering fury of sacked GB News presenters everywhere. Trish, 33, is “very left-wing, a feminist, I hate the Tories” (big deal, even Tories hate these Tories).
Then came Dylan, a DJ with one foot; ditzy Welsh blonde Chanelle, and foul-mouthed Olivia (“I hate men… I find they’re all arseholes”).
When Kerry, 40 (stone), a senior NHS manager arrived whooping in a mobility scooter, half the viewing public probably shouted “house”. Celebrating diversity is all well and good, but Big Bruv needs needle and real characters to work.
Jenkin, who snores like a wounded warthog, is certainly annoying. And hot-headed Scot Olivia is an agent of chaos. Kerry v Farida though? I’m out.
I like Yinrun. And Jordan, a council estate kid who nicked his accent from Downton Abbey and palled up with Tory-voting Henry who, surprisingly, is getting on with Trotsky Trish.
We haven’t seen much of Scouse Paul, Noky, handsome Zak, or hippy doc Matty. But we know butcher Tom doesn’t like the feel of meat. Unlike Jenkin. Welcome to Dullsville, UK.
● On subtitles, Noky was introduced with a cry of “It’s nookie”. The girl has a lot to live up to.
● Top 10 Big Bro greats: Jade, Brian Belo, Aisleyne, Victor, Kate Lawler, ex-nun Anna, Nasty Nick, Makosi, Nadia, Alison Hammond.
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Source: Celebrities - dailystar.co.uk
