Late Night Bids Adieu to G.O.P. Dropout Ron DeSantis

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DeSantis Is History

Days after finishing 30 points behind Donald Trump in the Iowa caucuses, Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida bowed out of the presidential race on Sunday.

“Yeah, DeSantis knew it was time to go four months after the rest of us did,” Jimmy Fallon joked on Monday.

“Florida governor Ron DeSantis announced yesterday that he was suspending his presidential campaign — and this only a few days after Iowa announced it.” — SETH MEYERS

“DeSantis met with his advisers, and they were, like, ‘Ron, how do we put this? There’s a better chance of you being a judge on “RuPaul’s Drag Race” than being president of the United States.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Yeah, when he saw the latest polls, DeSantis clicked his high heels together three times and said, ‘There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“It’s estimated that Ron DeSantis spent $2,263 per vote he got. It literally would have been cheaper to buy each of his supporters a Peloton bike.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“I don’t understand why Americans didn’t rally behind a guy who declared war on the Magic Kingdom, attacked trans kids, denied Covid, kidnapped migrants and flew them to Martha’s Vineyard, and ate pudding with his fingers.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“This is one of the most spectacular political crash-and-burns of all time. At least DeSantis doesn’t have to worry about banning history books anymore, because he won’t be in them.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“That’s right, it’s been a real roller coaster ride for DeSantis. But he said he’s happy, ’cause at least with this roller coaster, he was tall enough to ride.” — JIMMY FALLON

“So now the field has been narrowed down to Nikki Haley and nobody else, living every woman’s nightmare: being left alone with Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Punchiest Punchlines (Not Winston Churchill Edition)

“DeSantis posted a video announcing that he was dropping out, and during it he attributed a quote about failure to Winston Churchill, but Churchill never actually said it. See, this is what happens when you ban textbooks.” — JIMMY FALLON

“The International Churchill Society says on its website, ‘We can find no attribution for the quote, and it is found nowhere in his canon.’ Now, I know a lot of people are saying DeSantis could have fact-checked that in one of the books he banned, but that’s not fair. To quote Winston Churchill, ‘you can also just [expletive] Google it.’” — SETH MEYERS