“It’s the first time someone’s ever heard, ‘Good news, you only owe $175 million,’” Jimmy Fallon said after the ex-president’s bond was reduced.
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The $175 Million Lifeline
On Monday, a New York appeals court reduced Donald Trump’s bond in his civil fraud case — originally set at $454 million — to a mere $175 million. He has 10 days to come up with it.
“It’s the first time someone’s ever heard, ‘Good news, you only owe $175 million,’” Jimmy Fallon said.
“After his lawyers argued last week that he did not have the money for the $454 million bond in his civil fraud case, former President Trump posted in all caps on Truth Social, ‘I currently have almost $500 million in cash.’ Dude, they’re trying to help you. That’s like if O.J. tweeted, ‘The glove fits great.’” — SETH MEYERS
“He’s not a real rich guy; he just plays one on TV. Donald Trump has a billion dollars the same way Patrick Stewart has a spaceship.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Having 10 days to come up with $175 million doesn’t sound like good news; it sounds like the plot to a Jason Statham movie.” — JIMMY FALLON
“In addition to cutting the bond by more than half and giving him an extension, the appeals court paused restrictions on Trump running any New York company or obtaining a loan from a New York bank, as well as the restrictions on his adult sons, which means now Don Jr. and Eric can still open their hot dog and cocaine cart.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Golf Edition)
“Now, with all this going on, yesterday Donald Trump kept laser-focused on what’s most important to this struggling nation: golf.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Yesterday, he posted online about winning his own golf tournament. After winning, he was honored to receive a congratulatory phone call from himself.” — JIMMY FALLON
“That’s right, woke libs! You think Donald Trump’s a loser? Well, would a loser brag about winning a golf tournament at his own course? I don’t think so!” — JON STEWART
“Although, obviously, Trump has an advantage playing golf: It’s difficult for his opponents to stay focused when they spend all that time staring at that ass.” — JON STEWART
“He truthed, ‘It is my great honor to be at Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach tonight, Awards Night, to receive the club championship trophy and the senior club championship trophy. I won both!’ Wow, he won both. You know what that means: Somebody else won both.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
The blues and rock musician Gary Clark Jr. performed his song “Habits” on Monday’s “Daily Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
The comedy legend Carol Burnett will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”
Also, Check This Out
Thirty-four years and 15 books after “Gender Trouble,” the theorist Judith Butler returns to familiar terrain with “Who’s Afraid of Gender?”
Source: Television - nytimes.com
