Colbert showed off his “Countdown to Sentencing Advent Calendar,” which contained a bottle of bourbon.
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‘Convicted Felon Trump’
Most late night hosts were off last week after the Memorial Day holiday, which meant Monday was their first chance to discuss how Donald Trump had been found guilty on 34 counts in his hush money trial.
Stephen Colbert continuously referred to the former president as “convicted felon Trump” and wheeled out his “Countdown to Sentencing Advent Calendar,” complete with Judge Juan M. Merchan’s face on each one of the 38 days until July 11, and a bottle of bourbon inside.
“It’s going to be the R.N.C. live from Cell Block B with a keynote speech from his warden, his cellmate Spider, that one guard who smuggles in cellphones up his butt, and, for the cocktail hour, enjoy complimentary toilet wine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Former President Trump has been found guilty on all 34 charges in his criminal hush money trial and faces up to four years in prison. Well, for what it’s worth, all your friends are already there, you know? It’s like what my wife tells me on our way to a dinner party: ‘Don’t worry — you’ll know people.’” — SETH MEYERS
“That’s right, Trump was found guilty. They were going to put him in an orange jumpsuit, but it felt redundant.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Just because there’s ample evidence and a jury believes it, anyone could now be found guilty. Do we really want to live in an America where the law is applied equally regardless of how rich you are?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“We might now be facing a situation where if you can’t do the time, and I can’t believe I’m saying this: Don’t do the crime.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The big question now is whether Trump will get jail time or house arrest. If he’s sentenced to jail, Melania will be inside the courtroom chanting, ‘Four more years!’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Trump will be sentenced on July 11, and his lawyers told him, ‘You should get your affairs in order.’ Trump was like, ‘That’s what got me in trouble in the first place.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“That’s right, former President Trump was found guilty last week on 34 counts of falsifying business records and faces up to 4 years in jail and a $5,000 fine. And I think I speak for all of us when I say, you can waive the fine.” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (Lock Her Up Edition)
“The people said ‘Lock her up?’ That was your whole campaign — stop it! We remember; we were there. It’s like if Arby’s said ‘We never said we had the meats — the people said we had the meats.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“[imitating Trump] Folks, I was talking about Hilary Swank, OK? No baby is worth a million dollars.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
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Source: Television - nytimes.com
