And they told us there wouldn’t be hosts!
The 2020 Oscars got off to a decidedly traditional start in Sunday night when, after Janelle Monáe’s musical opening number, Chris Rock and Steve Martin — two comedians who have hosted the ceremony before — took the stage and traded one-liners. Martin and Rock shouted out several nominees, made current events jokes and punched at the lack of representation for people of color. Martin closed out their bits with, “Well, we’ve had a great time not hosting tonight.”
Here is the full text:
CHRIS ROCK Wow. Janelle Monae. Incredible. That was incredible. That was incredible. While we were backstage watching it, Steve says to me, “J-Lo is killing it two weeks in a row!”
STEVE MARTIN You know, I was thinking today, Chris, that we both have hosted the Oscars before and this is such an incredible demotion. They don’t really have hosts anymore. Why is that?
ROCK Twitter. Everybody’s got an embarrassing tweet somewhere. I know I do.
MARTIN A couple of years ago, there was a big disaster here at the Oscars where they accidentally read out the wrong name, and it was nobody’s fault, but they have guaranteed that this will not happen this year, because the Academy has switched to the new Iowa caucus app. But what a night!
ROCK I don’t know, Steve. I’m a little conflicted, you know? I was driving here tonight and seeing the terrible homeless problem in L.A. —
MARTIN Thank you, Chris. So many stars! Oh my god, there’s Brad Pitt. It’s like looking in a mirror.
ROCK Mahershala Ali is here tonight. Mahershala has two Oscars. You know what that means when the cops pull him over? Nothing. Jeff Bezos is here.
MARTIN Oh, wow, great actor.
ROCK He’s got cash. When he writes the check, the bank bounces. Jeff Bezos is so rich, he got divorced and he’s still the richest man in the world. He saw “Marriage Story” and thought it was a comedy. Steve, do you have anything you want to add about Mr. Bezos?
MARTIN No, I like getting my packages on time. And Marty Scorsese is here, somewhere, where is he? Genius, wow.
ROCK Marty Scorsese. Marty, I got to tell you, I loved the first season of “The Irishman.”
MARTIN Oh, “The Irishman.” that’s that new Ray Romano movie. Such a great supporting cast.
ROCK Steve, did you see “The Joker”?
MARTIN I can’t wait to see it. It sounds so funny. I’m laughing already. Joker.
ROCK There’s so many — so many great directors nominated this year.
MARTIN I don’t know, Chris, I thought there was something missing from the list this year.
ROCK Vaginas?
MARTIN Yes, yes.
ROCK “Ford v Ferrari” is nominated. I’ve got to tell you. I’ve got a Ford. I’ve got a Ferrari. It ain’t even close. It’s like Halle Berry versus gum disease.
MARTIN Cynthia Erivo is here tonight.
ROCK Yes, Cynthia Erivo is here tonight. Cynthia did such a great job in “Harriet” hiding black people that the Academy got her to hide all the black nominees. Cynthia, is Eddie Murphy under this stage?
MARTIN Eddie, I loved you in “Dolemite.” Well, you know, Chris, think how much the Oscars have changed in the past 92 years.
ROCK Yeah, they’ve changed a lot, Steve.
MARTIN Yeah, they have. In 1929, there were no black acting nominees.
ROCK And now, in 2020, we got one.
MARTIN Yeah. Amazing growth! Well, we’ve had a great time not hosting tonight.
Source: Movies - nytimes.com
