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    Seth Meyers Is Tired of Republicans’ Playing the Victim

    “Do all these pundits whining about the leak really think this is what will shatter the integrity of the court?” Meyers said of the disclosure of a draft ruling from the Supreme Court overturning abortion rights.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Whose Choice?Right-wing politicians and television networks responded to the news of the leak of a draft Supreme Court ruling overturning Roe v. Wade this week by focusing not on the content of the leak, but on revealing the identity of the leaker.“How will they ever recover from this breach of their personal privacy?” Seth Meyers asked. “Maybe Samuel Alito can start wearing a shirt that says, ‘My judicial body, my choice.’”“And how do you know it’s a liberal? It could have just as easily been a conservative — [coughs] Ginni Thomas [coughs] — who leaked the opinion to freeze the majority in place and stop the chief justice, John Roberts, from trying to convince one of the other court’s conservatives to soften their stance. I have no idea, but the fact that they’re all freaking out about the leak instead of celebrating the victory is telling. It underscores yet again that even at the height of their powers, these people always have to play the victim. If they won a free car on ‘Wheel of Fortune,’ they’d immediately start whining: ‘But I already have two cars in my garage — I don’t have space for a brand-new Stingray. This is so unfair!’” — SETH MEYERS“Yes, a left-wing Antifa law clerk trying to sabotage the court, or a right-wing MAGA head trying to lock the decision in place. Or maybe it was the butler. It’s always the butler.” — TREVOR NOAH“Do all these pundits whining about the leak really think this is what will shatter the integrity of the court? Not the fact that Republicans stole a seat from President Obama or the fact that several of their nominees apparently lied to the Senate about their positions on Roe, or the fact that one of them called opposition to his nomination based on credible sexual assault allegations a smear campaign orchestrated by shadowy left-wing groups and the Clintons? I could go on, so I will.” — SETH MEYERS“Look, I can understand the argument that this leak is bad for the institution of the Supreme Court. But come on — did you think waiting to release it this summer was going to make it a hot beach read? ‘Your Body, His Choice.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Star Wars Day Edition)“Guys, today is May the 4th, also known as Star Wars Day — as in ‘May the fourth be with you.’ That’s right, Star Wars’Day, or for guys in their 30s celebrating it, Solo de Mayo.” — JIMMY FALLON“Ah, but Star Wars Day is interesting, ’cause it’s the one time of year when Tinder tries to match you with your sister, you know what I’m saying? You haven’t seen the movie? Don’t blame me; blame George Lucas. I didn’t write it.” — JIMMY FALLON“‘Star Wars’ is one of the only movie franchises with its own holiday. You don’t see anybody dressing up as Vin Diesel and wishing you a happy Fast 5th.’” — MIKE BIRBIGLIA, guest-hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live”The Bits Worth WatchingNorah Jones performed her hit “Don’t Know Why” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show” in celebration of her 20th anniversary super-deluxe edition of her Grammy-winning album “Come Away With Me.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Hacks” star Hannah Einbinder will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutDrag performers from Hell in a Handbag Productions shopped at Golden-Con, where vendors sold sundry items like “Golden Girls” fans.Evan Jenkins for The New York TimesThousands of “Golden Girls” fans gathered in Chicago for Golden-Con, a celebration of their favorite TV show. More

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    Stephen Colbert Reacts to the Supreme Court Leak

    “Congratulations, ladies, your decisions are being made by four dudes and a woman who thinks ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ is a rom-com,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Roe NoLate-night hosts reacted to the news of the Supreme Court leak on Tuesday, lambasting the court’s still-unofficial majority decision to overturn Roe v. Wade.“Congratulations, ladies, your decisions are being made by four dudes and a woman who thinks ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ is a rom-com,” Stephen Colbert said.“Personally, I got suspicious when Neil Gorsuch stopped wearing his ‘pussy hat’.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, it looks like the Supreme Court will overturn Roe v. Wade. Apparently, they decided masks aren’t mandatory, but Mother’s Day is.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, that means all across the country, women in places like South Dakota or Missouri or even Texas will have the exact same abortion rights as women in Afghanistan under the Taliban. Yeah, and just think about that: We just evacuated people out of Afghanistan, and now we’re going to have to evacuate them out of Tennessee?” — TREVOR NOAH“Most people thought the freedom to choose was just how America was. No one ever thought the G.O.P. could roll it back by playing a reverse Uno card.” — TREVOR NOAH“For perspective, consider this: It wasn’t until the year after Roe v. Wade that women in America got the legal right to have a credit card without a man. Think about that. Yeah. And I think we would all agree it would be a little weird if the court was suddenly like, ‘Look, if the founders wanted women to have credit cards, they would have said so. They would have.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Leak Edition)“Today, Chief Justice John Roberts condemned the leak and announced that there will be an investigation into how it got out. Americans are like, ‘Uh, the leak is not our main concern.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The conservative majority on the court has a fundamental right to choose when they want to release a decision into the world. Imagine having some random person violate your privacy and make that choice for you. Who would do such a thing?” — TREVOR NOAH“This leak is a clear violation of the court’s right to privacy. How dare someone make this decision for them.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s crazy how conservatives always manage to make themselves the victim in any situation. I mean, they have just accomplished this thing that they’ve been working toward for 50 years, and their first reaction is ‘It’s so unfair what’s happening to us!’ I’m sorry, what, you wanted your ruling to be a big surprise and now someone ruined it?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel reacted to the Supreme Court news with concerns about Democrats’ getting anything done.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSheryl Crow will talk about her new Showtime documentary, “Sheryl,” on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutEmma Galbraith as Angie Chen in “Inbetween Girl.”UtopiaMei Makino’s “Inbetween Girl” is a coming-of-age drama following an artsy, biracial high school student grappling with the guilt of sleeping with another girl’s boyfriend. More

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    Seth Meyers: Trump ‘Can’t Be Bothered’ to Endorse Republicans Correctly

    “You have to grovel and debase yourself to earn the endorsement of a guy who can’t even remember your name,” Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Ringing EndorsementFormer President Donald Trump mistakenly endorsed “J.D. Mandel” for Senate in Ohio at a rally on Sunday, conflating his intended Republican choice, J.D. Vance, with Vance’s opponent, Josh Mandel.“This guy can’t even be bothered to remember the names of the people he’s endorsing. He went from ‘J.P.’ to ‘J.D. Mandel.’ If he kept talking, he would have endorsed J.K. Rowling,” Seth Meyers said.“This is how much you have to forfeit your dignity to succeed in today’s Republican Party. You have to grovel and debase yourself to earn the endorsement of a guy who can’t even remember your name.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s bad enough, but then he said, ‘J.D. Mandel will win or my name isn’t Donald Vance.’” — SETH MEYERS“[Imitating Donald Trump] ‘Great guy. J.P. Morgan is great. Can’t say enough about J.C. Penney — I don’t think you can. We love you, J. Lo, we love you.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I’m not sure if it’s a ringing endorsement when you’re like, ‘I fully support what’s his face — he’s the best.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump said even the best leaders make mistakes sometimes, like our great President Abra-george Lincoln-ton.” — JIMMY FALLON“You could see even the crowd was looking like, ‘Ah, man!’ They look like parents watching their kid bombing in a spelling bee.” — TREVOR NOAH“I feel bad for J.D. Vance because now he’s gonna have to change his name to J.P.J.D. Mandel. Yeah, ’cuz if you’re a Republican, Trump is never wrong. At the G.O.P. Starbucks, whatever name Trump calls, that’s you: ‘J.J.J. — J.D.J.P Mandel? Yeah, that’s me. I’ll take it.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Things Are Looking Slightly Up Edition)“According to a new poll, President Biden’s approval rating has increased slightly over the last two months, and now the White House is scrambling like hell to figure out what he did: [Imitating White House staffer] ‘Did he change his hair? Different mask? What tie was he wearing?’” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, President Biden’s approval rating has increased to 42 percent. He now ranks slightly above leaf blowers.” — SETH MEYERS“Biden was like, ‘Thank God, inflation finally got to me.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Even Biden was surprised by the results. He triple-checked it like an at-home Covid test. He was like: ‘This can’t be right. This can’t be right. Honey, look at this — is this right?’” — JIMMY FALLON“I’m not even sure what caused the spike, really. Apparently a lot of Americans thought, ‘I like how he handled Easter.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s great news for Biden, although it’s hard to celebrate when your approval rating skyrockets and it’s still only 42 percent.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe creator and star of Showtime’s “Ziwe,” the mononymic Ziwe, sat down with Trevor Noah on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe “Euphoria” breakout Sydney Sweeney will appear on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutOscar Isaac has split his career between intimate dramas and mega-franchises. His latest, Marvel’s “Moon Knight,” wraps up on Wednesday.Erik Tanner for The New York TimesOscar Isaac has found satisfaction playing an unconventional Marvel superhero in “Moon Knight.” More

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    James Corden Announces He’s Leaving Late Night

    Corden made an emotional address on Thursday night, saying he never wanted to overstay his welcome.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.One More YearJames Corden announced on Thursday that he would be leaving “The Late Late Show” in 2023 after eight years.“When I started this journey, it was always going to be just that — it was going to be a journey, an adventure. I never saw it as my final destination, you know?” Corden said. “And I never want this show to overstay its welcome in any way. I always want to love making it, and I really think in a year from now, that will be a good time to move on and see what else might be out there.”“We still have a year to go, and we are all determined to make this the best year we have ever had making this show. We are going to go out with a bang; there is going to be ‘Carpools’ and ‘Crosswalks’ and sketches and other surprises.” — JAMES CORDEN“And there will be tears; there will be so many tears. Because this has been the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. It really has. I’ve never taken this job for granted, ever, not once. And if you — the fact that you watch us at home or you watch us online, wherever you are, all over the world, the fact that we get to try to entertain you and spend time with you is an absolute privilege for me and every single person who makes this show. Here’s to the next 12 months, and it’s going to be a blast, I promise you that.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Rotten Tomatoes Edition)“In newly released excerpts from a deposition taken last year, former President Trump said that he was worried that protesters might throw fruits and vegetables at him. This is just more proof that Trump only thinks in cartoons.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s like the homeland security threat level: red’s tomato, yellow’s for banana, and green is for avocado. And you know what they say if you get hit with an avocado: You’re toast.” — SETH MEYERS“I will say this — he’s not wrong about being hit with a pineapple being dangerous, you know? I mean that’s got spikes built in. And the banana, too. It might not seem dangerous, but remember, someone throws a banana, it comes right back at them.” — TREVOR NOAH“You know what I think is the worst fruit to get hit with? A honeydew. Yeah, no, not because it’s hard; just because you can get some of it in your mouth, and that [expletive] is disgusting. I hope it hits me in the head and kills me so I don’t have to taste it.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Thursday’s “Tonight Show,” Christina Ricci responded to fan theories about her Showtime hit, “Yellowjackets.”Also, Check This OutA scene from “Sheryl,” which arrives on Showtime on May 6.ShowtimeSheryl Crow tells her story of battling sexism in the music industry and personal darkness in the new Showtime documentary “Sheryl.” More

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    Jimmy Kimmel: Truth Social Versus Twitter

    “They will delete your account if you use the platform as a ‘tool for a crime or any unlawful activity,’ like, I don’t know, starting a riot at the Capitol maybe?” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Empty PromisesDonald Trump released a statement this week, praising the success of his app, Truth Social.On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel pointed out that while Trump promotes his app as a free-speech alternative to Twitter, Truth Social’s community guidelines aren’t so different.“And the biggest no-no, the one they actually call ‘Truth #1,’ they will delete your account if you use the platform as a ‘tool for a crime or any unlawful activity,’ like, I don’t know, starting a riot at the Capitol maybe?” Kimmel said. “Now what I’m wondering is maybe this is why Trump hasn’t been posting on Truth Social — he’s banned from that one, too.”“Truth Social is getting a boost from the news that Elon Musk is buying Twitter. Their app is now No. 1 on the Apple Store free app chart. We know this because Trump released a statement that said, ‘Truth Social is No. 1 in the Apple App store,’ a statement he did not bother to post on Truth Social, by the way, because no one would see it there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He still hasn’t posted on his own Truth Social app since the day it launched back in February. The last time he ignored something this much it was named Eric.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The truth about Truth Social is, of course, it’s No. 1. The reason no one’s downloading the Twitter app is because everybody already has Twitter.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Just a Phase Edition)“Finally, let’s talk about Covid-19, the only one of us that has seen Kamala Harris in like three months.” — TREVOR NOAH“As we all know, a little over two years ago a bat in China didn’t cover its mouth when it sneezed in a lab after visiting a food market, and that started a pandemic, and the world has never been the same.” — TREVOR NOAH“I don’t know if I believe it, seeing as how I know about 20 people who have Covid or have had it this month, but Dr. Fauci says we are no longer in the pandemic phase. We are transitioning from the pandemic phase to the awkward teenage phase. So instead of your hands, wash your face.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But Fauci warned the virus cannot be stamped out completely. The country may be totally over it, but it’s somehow still hanging around. Basically it’s like ‘American Idol.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Yeah, a phase, sort of like wide-leg jeans — they disappeared for 20 years and now suddenly everyone looks like they have to borrow a pair of jeans from Shaq, you know?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingAs Black Karen, “Daily Show” correspondent Dulcé Sloan called the cops on white people for their heinous crimes like eating bad barbecue and kissing their dogs on the mouth.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Yellowjackets” star Christina Ricci will pop by Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutSarah Silverman during a break from rehearsals of “The Bedwetter,” which centers on a 10-year-old Silverman who suffered from the embarrassing condition of the title.Mark Sommerfeld for The New York TimesSarah Silverman promises vulnerability and jokes in her new musical comedy “The Bedwetter.” More

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    Late Night Muses on Elon Musk’s Deal to Buy Twitter

    Trevor Noah joked that owning Twitter would give Musk “more power than the drugstore employee with the key to the deodorant shelf.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Elon Musk Is VerifiableAfter initially being denied, Elon Musk reached a deal to buy Twitter on Monday for roughly $44 billion.“It’s the hottest and messiest relationship drama this side of ‘Riverdale,’ and it looks like after weeks of flirtation and fighting, the new couple has officially done the deed,” Trevor Noah joked on Monday’s “Daily Show.”“That’s right, people. Twitter said it would never sell to Elon Musk, and then he produced the cash and they’re like, ‘All right, we’ll sell.’ Yeah, I guess they found that edit button after all.” — TREVOR NOAH“I honestly don’t know why Elon would want to own Twitter, all right? It just doesn’t feel like a fun place to supervise. It’s like buying Jurassic Park after the power went down and the cages are open.” — TREVOR NOAH“So you see, by buying Twitter, Elon Music gets to own one of the most culturally influential publishing platforms in the world. I mean, remember this; think about it: Twitter is how the Arab Spring took off, all right? Black Lives Matter blew up on Twitter, the Me Too movement started on Twitter, Trump used Twitter to turn himself from a reality show joke into the 45th president of the United States and a joke. So owning Twitter gives you more power than the drugstore employee with the key to the deodorant shelf.” — TREVOR NOAH“He said he wants to transform Twitter as a platform for free speech around the globe. Yeah, that’s the problem with Twitter — no one can say what they think. They’re holding back.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Twitter’s an odd thing to buy, you know? It’s like buying YouTube and saying, ‘Forget the videos — I’m just here for the mean comments.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, the richest man in the world bought Twitter. Right now Bernie Sanders is so mad he just turned into the Hulk.” — JIMMY FALLON“Imagine having so much money that you think it’s a good idea to buy hell.” — JAMES CORDEN“Yeah, everything that happens on Twitter from now on is up to him — and also whatever strain his weed guy gives him that day. I’m just saying: He gets the wrong Sativa, there could be a race war, people; prepare yourselves.” — TREVOR NOAH“He sees something impossible and he makes it happen: building the most sought-after electric car, blasting off into outer space and, now, somehow making Twitter even worse.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Whose Truth? Edition)“Yeah, Musk has said that he’s pro-free speech, so a lot of people think that he’ll let former President Trump back on the platform. Yeah, not exactly what we meant when we asked for a return to prepandemic vibes.” — JIMMY FALLON“The caps lock key on Trump’s phone was like, ‘I’m back, baby.’” — JIMMY FALLON“But listen to this, today Trump told Fox News that he will not return to Twitter and will instead join his own platform, Truth Social. Wait, so not even Trump is on Truth Social yet?” — JIMMY FALLON“He’s not on his own app? If you’re keeping track, Twitter and Truth Social are like the Four Seasons and Four Seasons Total Landscaping.” — JIMMY FALLON“That is the name of his latest failure. Trump lies so much he can’t even say the word ‘truth.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingBill Hader, star of “Barry,” told Jimmy Kimmel how his young daughter pranked him in public in front of Chris Pratt.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightElisabeth Moss will talk about her new Apple TV+ series, “Shining Girls,” on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutAlice Walker, Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist and poet, with her dog, Ede, at her home in Litho, Calif., on April 4. Marissa Leshnov for The New York TimesThe celebrated author Alice Walker opens up to readers with “Gathering Blossoms Under Fire,” a collection of her diaries spanning 1965 to 2000. More

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    Jimmy Fallon Mocks Rudy Giuliani’s ‘Masked Singer’ Appearance

    Fallon joked that “the C.D.C. reinstated the mask mandate” after seeing the performance.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Put the Mask Back On!Rudy Giuliani appeared on Wednesday night’s episode of Fox’s “Masked Singer,” belting out a rendition of “Bad to the Bone.”Jimmy Fallon joked that after seeing Giuliani’s performance, “the C.D.C. reinstated the mask mandate.”“They finally get a Republican to wear a mask and that’s how it goes.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, it actually takes talent not to hit any notes.” — JIMMY FALLON“I mean, that is just unbelievable — somebody famous was on ‘The Masked Singer.’” — SETH MEYERS“There is a good chance Rudy genuinely did not know where he was, and was just as surprised as everyone else when they opened that box. He was probably thrilled, by the way: [Imitating Giuliani] ‘A singing competition? I just assumed I was going to jail.’” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, Rudy Giuliani just got voted off ‘The Masked Singer,’ which means he is about to spend the next five years claiming that he actually won ‘The Masked Singer.’” — TREVOR NOAH“I guess history was made last night because for the first time in ‘The Masked Singer’’s history, a contestant took off their mask and everyone was like, ‘No, no, put it back on, put it back on!’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Explosive Interview Edition)“Meanwhile, our royal pain in the [expletive], his MAGAsty Donald Trump, is at it again. Trump squatted down for what appears to be a contentious chat with Piers Morgan, who used to be his friend. He was on the — as close to a friend as Donald Trump has, I guess.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“After a clip was released yesterday of former President Trump storming out of an interview with journalist Piers Morgan, a spokesman for Trump called the preview a, quote, ‘pathetic attempt to revive the career of a failed television host.’ Buddy, you’re going to have to be more specific.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, Piers Morgan released a clip from an interview with former President Trump that he claims will be, quote, ‘the most explosive interview of the year.’ Well, it’s certainly going to be the sweatiest. I mean, look — he looks like Jigsaw just told him he has an hour to name all the state capitals.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Thursday’s “Full Frontal,” Samantha Bee skewered Tucker Carlson’s latest docuseries, “The End of Men.”Also, Check This OutBarbara Gustern, shown here at Joe’s Pub in 2020, found her metier as a vocal coach after her career in musical theater didn’t turn out as she had hoped.James GavinThe singers Debbie Harry, Kathleen Hanna and Justin Vivian Bond remember their late vocal coach Barbara Gustern. More

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    Late Night Celebrates 4/20

    “Time for all you doobie-lovin’ potheads to get up to your usual smoky high jinks: folding laundry and hoping half a gummy will help you fall asleep,” Stephen Colbert joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Total Smoke ShowLate Night celebrated 4/20 on Wednesday, or what Stephen Colbert referred to as “the unofficial holiday for marijuana.”“Time for all you doobie-lovin’ potheads to get up to your usual smoky high jinks: folding laundry and hoping half a gummy will help you fall asleep,” Colbert joked in his monologue.“This year is a big one for 4/20, because new polling shows 37 percent of Americans say they use weed, while the remaining 63 percent say they were just holding it for a friend.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“According to a new poll from CBS News, a vast majority of Americans want the federal government to legalize cannabis for recreational purchases. Sixty-six percent are in favor, 34 percent no. Sixty-six percent of Americans don’t agree on anything. We can barely get 66 percent of Americans to agree that horse medicine is for horses.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If you smoke, obviously, you want it to be legal. But even among those who say they never use marijuana, a majority favor legalization. Well, that makes sense. Marijuana is tame compared to other controlled substances — its most dangerous side effect is making hacky sack seem like a sport.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Oddly enough, tomorrow, the sale of recreational weed will begin in New Jersey, one day after 4/20. I mean, really? That’s like Chipotle offering free guac on Seis de Mayo, you know what I’m saying?” — JIMMY FALLON“That is exciting news, but it means New Yorkers will have to do the unthinkable: Drive to New Jersey on purpose.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Just be careful, people from New Jersey, because if you smoke too much weed, you might accidentally ‘fuhgeddaboud’ a bunch of important stuff you need to do.” — JAMES CORDEN“The move is overwhelmingly supported by state residents, who can now look forward to Jersey-specific strains like Jon ‘Bong’ Jovi, Bruce ‘Springstrain,’ ‘Joint’ Stewart and, of course, ‘Stoney’ Soprano’s ‘Ganjagool’.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Are You Still Watching? Edition)“Netflix just announced that for the first time in over a decade, they lost subscribers, and now their stock is crashing. Yeah, not only did their stock plummet, but it turns out that all the cash they had in the bank was just cake.” — JIMMY FALLON“Today, their stock price dropped over 35 percent after they announced they had lost 200,000 subscribers. That’s a lot. Explains why they’ve changed their pop-up message from ‘Are you still watching?’ to ‘Come back, please! I can change! Do you want DVDs again?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Damn, Netflix is in trouble, which is so surprising because me and the 43 people I share my account with, we’re still watching it all the time.” — TREVOR NOAH“Now, now, there are many reasons why Netflix subscriptions are down, all right? Password sharing, inflation, Regé-Jean Page leaving ‘Bridgerton.’ Yeah, I’m sorry, you want us to pay 15 bucks a month without that [expletive]? I don’t think so.” — TREVOR NOAH“Right now Netflix is so desperate for money, they’re now Googling ‘Is there a real-life “Squid Game”’?” — JIMMY FALLON“Netflix is blaming their losses on fierce competition, inflation and Russia. When he heard that, President Biden was like, ‘Hey, get your own excuses.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Netflix is losing money — you can tell it’s having an effect on all of their shows. For instance, ‘Emily in Paris’ is now ‘Emily in Pittsburgh.’ It’s still good. Also, ‘The Crown’ is now ‘The Hat.’”— JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingRonny Chieng, “The Daily Show” correspondent, gave the public the task of convincing him of Earth Day’s worth in this week’s “Prove Me Wrong.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightChloë Sevigny, star of “The Girl From Plainville” and “Russian Doll,” will sit down with Seth Meyers on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutNicolas Cage as “Nick Cage” in “The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.” He said, “I feel closer to my muse and my instrument now than I ever have.”Sinna Nasseri for The New York TimesNicolas Cage plays a meme-ified version of himself in “The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.” More