“For those who don’t know, the strategic reserve is a series of caverns filled with fossil fuel and strategically located inside Rudy Giuliani’s head,” Colbert joked.
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President Biden announced that he would release 50 million barrels of oil from the strategic reserve in an effort to lower gas prices.
“For those who don’t know, the strategic reserve is a series of caverns filled with fossil fuel and strategically located inside Rudy Giuliani’s head,” Stephen Colbert joked on Tuesday night.
“This is great news for me. I was just thinking of getting my wife a barrel of oil for Christmas.” — JAMES CORDEN
“According to the president, this is the largest release from the reserve in U.S. history. And in response, a spokesman for the American Petroleum Institute released this statement: [Imitating an oil tycoon] ‘Oil! Black gold! Sweet dinosaur jelly! West Texas dirt milk, we’re rich! We’re richer than Jesus!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“It’s not clear if this is gonna work. Energy experts have consistently said such a release would do little to lower prices at the pump. It’s also not the best look right after you come back from a climate conference: ‘We must end our addiction to fossil fuels. What’s that? Gas is $3.50 a gallon? Let the rivers be choked with crude oil and the carcasses of pelicans!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Man in Nantucket Edition)
“President Biden traveled to Nantucket today for Thanksgiving, but only after Jill made him swear on the Bible: No limericks.” — SETH MEYERS
“That’s how bad Thanksgiving traffic is — even the president has to leave two days early.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Reminds me of the famous ‘There once was a man in Nantucket, whose poll numbers really did suck it.’ At least he is not that orange Pol Pot who ate all his meals from a bucket.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“I have a feeling Biden’s the only person who says, ‘I once knew a man from Nantucket,’ and then tells an actual story about that man.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yeah, once Biden left for Thanksgiving the Secret Service was like, ‘Human tryptophan is on the move.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“When Biden asked Obama if Martha’s Vineyard would be nice for Thanksgiving, Obama was like, ‘Uh, you should check out Nantucket.’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Jimmy Kimmel challenged viewers to share the weirdest thing in their mother’s house, inspired by the mom of one of his band members who collects clown figurines.
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Andy Samberg will catch up with his friend Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”
Also, Check This Out
Ridley Scott’s “House of Gucci” mostly consists of “Guccis yelling at other Guccis.”
Source: Television - nytimes.com