“Despite vaccines becoming more available, there’s still one thing holding Americans back: Americans,” Colbert lamented on Tuesday.
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Calling Trump
Stephen Colbert gave an update on the Covid-19 vaccination campaign on Tuesday night, lamenting that progress has been slow with a certain group of people.
“Despite vaccines becoming more available, there’s still one thing holding Americans back: Americans,” Colbert deadpanned before launching into reports that Republicans were refusing vaccines in high percentages.
“Because in a CBS poll, a third of Republicans said they would not be vaccinated. Come on, Republicans! Not everything is political. How do we convince you that you want it? Would it feel safer if the vaccine was administered by an AR-15?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Many of the Republicans polled cited ‘distrust of government’ as a reason to not be vaccinated. They worry the vaccines were produced too quickly. Duh! It was produced quickly because all of science dropped everything because your president wanted them to, and they did everything right with clinical trials! You wouldn’t stand in front of your burning house and tell the Fire Department, ‘Hold on, there, hold on — you fellas got here suspiciously fast.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“One potential side effect of the coronavirus vaccine is that people are exposed to the idea that government can get things done.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
There have been suggestions that Donald Trump, who did not appear with the four other living former presidents in a recent ad promoting the vaccines, should do more to encourage his supporters to get inoculated.
“I don’t know why Trump isn’t promoting the vaccine. I mean, maybe he doesn’t want to help Joe Biden end the pandemic. You know, maybe he’s still trying to unload all that hydroxychloroquine that he bought last summer. The question is, why are Republicans so hesitant to get the vaccine in the first place? Well, it might be because their most trusted friends are telling them it can’t be trusted.” — TREVOR NOAH
“And I can’t say that I’m surprised that Trump isn’t making an effort to get people vaccinated. I mean, the man barely did his job when he had his job; you think he’s going to start working now? For free?” — TREVOR NOAH
The Punchiest Punchlines (Sister Act Edition)
“But President Biden has been trying to reach out to North Korea for weeks. Kim Jong-un isn’t having it. I don’t know if he’s tried sending a love letter — I hear Kim is really into those.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“At first I thought the reason for the lack of response might be that Kim Jong-un uses a fax machine, but then I remembered Biden does, too, so.” — JIMMY FALLON
“After a long period of silence, Kim Jong-un’s sister, Khloé Jong-un — or, I mean, is it Kourtney? Kourtney Jong-un lashed out.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“She warned the Biden administration that if it wants peace it had better, quote, ‘refrain from causing a stink at its first step. We take this opportunity to warn the new U.S. administration trying hard to give off powder smell in our land.’ I’m sure it sounds more threatening in Korean.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“You don’t need to ask the ‘No malarkey’ guy to not cause a stink. He’s got it covered.” — JAMES CORDEN
“That’s not how you talk to another country, is it? That’s how you talk to a spouse right before you go to a dinner party. You’re like: ‘Please avoid talking to Hank about politics. I don’t want you causing a stink.’” — JAMES CORDEN
“Also I like that Kim Jong-un had his sister deliver the message. It’s like North Korea’s version of ‘I heard a noise in America; go check it out.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“By the way, it’s rare that a dictator’s sibling speaks out. I don’t remember reading about any stern warnings from Lois Hitler.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“It’s funny because North Korea thinks these statements they make are sick burns but they always sound like riddles instead. It’s like: ‘If you wish to cross the bridge, be wise not to anger us like the cat who swallowed mushrooms unwashed.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Yeah, nice try, North Korea, but we’re America — we haven’t slept well for the past five years.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
The “Late Night” writers Jenny Hagel and Amber Ruffin poke fun at the Utah Black History Museum and myths that vaccines can turn people gay in Tuesday’s return of “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell.”
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
The actress Laverne Cox will pop by Wednesday’s “A Little Late With Lilly Singh.”
Also, Check This Out
The singer Demi Lovato opened up to The New York Times about her queerness, her near fatal overdose and her journey to living her truth. “I’m ready to feel like myself,” she said.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
