Stephen Colbert Spoils Stephanie Grisham’s Tell-All Tidbits

Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.

Too Little Too Late

Stephen Colbert lamented having to drudge up Donald Trump again on Tuesday night.

“No matter how hard I try not to, sometimes the news forces me to talk about our former president, Scrooge McSchmuck,” Colbert said.

This week, the topic was Stephanie Grisham’s new tell-all about her time working in the Trump White House, and Colbert said he wanted to spoil all the juicy bits so as not to give her a sales boost.

“Stephanie Grisham worked in the White House for four years, and as press secretary, she famously never gave a single press conference. But now she’s spilling all the tea in her new book, ‘I Just Recently Grew a Spine.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“In the book, Grisham uses a lot of colorful language to describe the administration, calling it ‘a clown car on fire running at full speed into a warehouse full of fireworks.’ Or as Fox News would put it, ‘a brave band of flaming harlequins rushing patriotically into the explosive jaws of danger.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Yeah, just a reminder: She knew all about the fiery clown car and she still called shotgun for four years.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Grisham goes on to write, ‘I can give you endless metaphors: living in a house that was always on fire, or in an insane asylum where you couldn’t tell the difference between the patients and the attendants, or on a roller coaster that never stopped.’ Ooh, ooh, let me try: Being in his administration is like sliding blindfolded down a 50-foot razor blade into a tub of gin. It’s like walking through a minefield led by a baby trying to change his own diaper. Driving a manure truck over a cliff into a pit of other manure trucks. Deep-sea diving surrounded by sharks who won’t shut up about winning Wisconsin.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Punchiest Punchlines (Facebook Fallout Edition)

“Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you tonight from a room full of warriors. Heroes. Survivors. Forget World War II, this is the greatest generation, because yesterday, every single person in this room had to dig down deep within themselves and find the strength to make it through Facebook’s six-hour worldwide outage.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Facebook went offline yesterday for over six hours. Wow, they finally found something they couldn’t fix with horse paste.” — SETH MEYERS

“Everyone’s parents came this close to joining TikTok.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Besides Zuckerberg, it was also a rough time for conspiracy theorists because for conspiracy theorists, Facebook is basically their WebMD.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Well, in a statement, Facebook said the cause of the problem was, quote, ‘configuration changes on the backbone routers.’ Then they continued, ‘which caused the frontbone flexbox to dislodge the tungle switch and toggle the pixel dock florpcord, which then jolted the compshank’s codedox’s popknob causing a triple spanx zip-donk.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Facebook said that no user data was compromised during the blackout. It was not a hack, all your information is safe with them: your age, your height, weight, eye color, blood type, your birth date, your hopes, your dreams, your kidneys — all totally secure in the Facebook vaults.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“The blackout was followed by a devastating congressional panel investigation this morning. Democrats and Republicans in the Senate finally found something they can agree on: They both hate Facebook.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“That’s right, today, a Facebook whistle-blower testified for more than three hours in front of Congress and said some pretty damaging things. That’s right, the whistle-blower said Facebook has repeatedly misled the public and that is not OK. We already have an app for misleading the public — it’s called Tinder.” — JIMMY FALLON

The Bits Worth Watching

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