Late Night Hosts Address the Hamas Attacks on Israel

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Late night hosts addressed the Hamas attacks on Israel during Monday night’s monologues. On “The Late Show,” Stephen Colbert said his writers “didn’t even attempt to write jokes about this.”

“The human mind simply refuses to do it. Even A.I. refused to do it,” Colbert said, adding that ChatGPT responded to a request by stating that “making jokes about such matters can easily be seen as insensitive, disrespectful, or offensive to those who are suffering as a result.’”

“I, for one, want to commend our future robot overlords. That is a rare show of humanity from something that can’t identify which photos contain a traffic light.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

Seth Meyers kept things serious but vague, saying that he wouldn’t “pretend to have any answers as to how to respond to a crisis like this.”

“I will only say that in the moments when we are confronted with such evil, inhumane acts, we are most at risk of losing our own humanity. When we are justifiably blind with rage and sadness, we can make choices that will have massive, irrevocable impacts on the lives of our fellow man. It requires the absolute best of us, to think clearly in times like this. And I hope with all my heart the best of us can emerge in this time of unthinkable loss.” — SETH MEYERS

Jimmy Kimmel called it a “nightmare situation” earning condemnation from world leaders, including “our super-duper, pro-Israel former President Donald Trump,” who, Kimmel said, “immediately found a way to make it about himself.”

“He wrote, ‘The horrible attack on Israel, much like the attack on Ukraine, would never have happened if I were president. Zero chance!’ That’s right, if he was president, we’d all be blissfully downing jiggers of bleach. There’d be no war anywhere.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

Kimmel recapped statements Trump made at a Saturday rally in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where he compared his physical prowess to President Biden’s.

“On the day one of our closest allies is hit by a devastating terrorist attack, Trump is onstage talking about how much better his body is than Joe Biden’s.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Maybe instead of an election next year, we just have a wet T-shirt contest and end it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Punchiest Punchlines (Subpar Edition)

“After leaving the White House, former President Trump reportedly shared details about the capabilities of U.S. nuclear submarines with an Australian billionaire, including how close they can sail to Russian vessels without being detected. Said Trump, ‘Oh, come on, I’m not an idiot — I told Putin first.’” — SETH MEYERS

“Yes, he heard that the guy came from down under and he thought, ‘Well, that’s where the submarines are, down under. He should know. If anyone should know, I should tell the down under guy.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Trump was just sealing the deal, OK? Following the old sales mantra: A.B.C. — always be compromising national security.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“OK, that’s not right. You can’t just give away our classified secrets without trading for some of Australia’s classified secrets, like how they make the Bloomin’ Onion.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

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