The “Late Night” host joked that Santos’s campaign fund-supported spending looks like “the shopping list of a 98-year-old oil tycoon’s 20-year-old wife.”
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Not George Santos!
A House ethics investigation into George Santos found that the Republican representative spent campaign money on personal items like Botox, lavish trips to Atlantic City, and purchases on OnlyFans.
On Thursday, Seth Meyers joked that Santos has “the shopping list of a 98-year-old oil tycoon’s 20-year-old wife.”
“Is he a congressman or a lesser Kardashian?” — SETH MEYERS
“Even his fellow Republicans are calling for his expulsion, including the few who stuck by him before this report. He alienated his only fans by spending money on OnlyFans.” — SETH MEYERS
“Not the man that prevented 9/11!” — LESLIE JONES, guest host of “The Daily Show”
“Santos got caught spending campaign money on Botox and OnlyFans. And this is on top of him stealing credit cards, wire fraud and identity theft. When he goes to jail, and they ask him, ‘What are you in for?’ he’s going to be, like, ‘Everything!’” — LESLIE JONES
“How do you spend money on lavish trips to Atlantic City? Have you been to Atlantic City? A lavish trip there just means that you don’t go home with bed bugs.” — LESLIE JONES
“I got to say, that’s the first time I’ve ever heard a trip to Atlantic City described as lavish. Drunk, terrifying, or grounds for divorce — but never lavish.” — SETH MEYERS
“The halls are closing in on George. The long-awaited ethics report on Santos came out today. Investigators found what they call ‘substantial evidence’ of criminal wrongdoing. The report claims that, among other things, Santos used campaign funds on personal items like Sephora cosmetics, trips to Atlantic City, and even OnlyFans. Turns out they don’t sell fans at all. The name of the site is very misleading.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“The report dropped this morning and reveals that Santos ‘sought to fraudulently exploit every aspect of his House candidacy for his own personal and financial profit,’ and declares that he ‘warrants public condemnation, is beneath the dignity of the office, and has brought severe discredit upon the House.’ That is not easy to do. That is — that’s quite an accomplishment. That is a high chalk mark, because these days, the dignity of the House is slightly below a Golden Corral that just ran out of steak.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (President on President Edition)
“President Biden and Chinese President Xi Jinping agreed yesterday to re-establish military communications. It’s what Biden is calling the greatest U.S.-China collaboration since ‘Rush Hour.’” — SETH MEYERS
“Both men met for over four hours and, by all accounts, they really hit it off. That’s great news for Biden, because usually when something lasts for over four hours, he has to immediately call a doctor.” — JIMMY FALLON
“President Xi said China wants to be a ‘partner and friend’ to the United States. Even said he’d send us new pandas for our national zoo. They’d taken our pandas back, now we’re getting the pandas — and, in return, we’ve agreed to send China two of the lesser Kardashians. I think it’s Rob and one of the cousins that lives in Topeka, or something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Biden wished President Xi’s wife a happy birthday, and President Xi was reportedly embarrassed because he had forgotten about his wife’s birthday. And that’s why we call him ‘President Steal Your Girl.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
On her last night guest hosting “The Daily Show,” Leslie Jones challenged New Yorkers to say nice things about public figures like Ron DeSantis, Vladimir Putin and Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Also, Check This Out
Nicole Newnham’s documentary, “The Disappearance of Shere Hite,” charts the life and times of a pioneering feminist researcher.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
