Stephen Colbert called the new House speaker “the most generic-sounding congressional leader since the election of Speaker James Kirkland Brand.”
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Who is Mike Johnson?
After three weeks of Republicans struggling to agree on a nominee, Representative Mike Johnson of Louisiana was voted speaker of the House on Wednesday.
“Our long national nightmare is finally different,” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday. He called Mr. Johnson “the most generic-sounding congressional leader since the election of Speaker James Kirkland Brand.”
Jimmy Kimmel joked that the House “swiped way right” on Johnson, who he remarked couldn’t be definitively “the best Mike Johnson they could have chosen.”
“There’s Mike Johnson from Louisiana. He’s a Republican state representative who may have been a better Johnson overall. Mike Johnson might not make the list of the top 10 Mike Johnsons. You have quadruple Olympic gold medalist Mike Johnson, you’ve got Canadian bodybuilder Mike Johnson, you’ve got Swedish chef Mike Johnson, who would made everyone little meatballs every day. You could’ve given the gavel to any one of the at least five Mike Johnsons from the N.F.L., or even country music’s No. 1 Black yodeler Mike Johnson would have been great.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“You could go to the middle of the phone book and pick any of the hundreds of Mike Johnsons — each one would be a better choice for speaker, because not one of them tried to overthrow the presidential election in the House he now represents.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Wow, the speaker race was so embarrassing, they’re not even giving their real names any more. Mike Johnson is the name you give when you check into a motel with your mistress. That’s what Spirit Halloween calls their Michael Jackson costume.” — SETH MEYERS
“But what we do know is that he wants nationwide limits on abortion, he wants to criminalize gay sex, and he even wants to ban reggaeton. All right, I’m lying on the last one, but that seems like his vibe.” — DESUS NICE, guest host of “The Daily Show”
“Johnson was just elected this afternoon, getting votes from all 220 Republicans. Finally, a man who appeals to all factions of the Republican Party: the MAGA faithful, the social conservatives, the white nationalists, and the horny Beetlejuice goblins.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (More Mike Johnson Jokes Edition)
“The House of Representatives voted today to elect Louisiana Congressman Mike Johnson speaker of the House. And apparently, this election result he will accept.” — SETH MEYERS
“Now, if you don’t know Mike Johnson, don’t worry — nobody else does.” — DESUS NICE
“That’s right, the new speaker of the house is Mike Johnson, and if that name sounds familiar, it’s ’cause it’s on every fake ID.” — JIMMY FALLON
“That’s right, Republicans said Mike Johnson is their first choice, after the first 10 choices lost.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Let’s just say if speaker nominees were Halloween candy, this guy’s a Necco Wafer.” — JIMMY FALLON
“It’s like being at a restaurant and hearing, ‘Do you have Coke?’ ‘No.’ ‘Pepsi?’ ‘No.’ ‘Sprite?’ ‘No.’ ‘Fine, I guess I’ll have the Mike Johnson.’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Sydney Colson, a two-time W.N.B.A. champion, talked about her team, the Las Vegas Aces, and her unscripted comedy series, “The Syd + TP Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
The horror filmmaker John Carpenter will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Thursday’s “Late Show.”
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Source: Television - nytimes.com
