It was only last week when I pleaded for Bonnie Blue and Lily Phillips to stay behind bars. But, in a shocking turn of events, I fear that we may need to enlist the nation’s most notorious sex workers in a Suicide Squad-style ensemble after all.
Why? Well, if you’ve been unlucky enough to be exposed to Virgin Island, then you’ll probably catch my drift. It’s a show that sounds like something you’d have to subscribe to to watch Bonnie Blue pop the cherries of young lads.
But in reality, Virgin Island is the Channel 4 programme that has been on the minds – unfortunately – of the nation brave enough to tune in to watch 12 virgins in their mid-to-late 20s pluck up the courage to do the deed.
(Image: Channel 4)
The sixth and final episode of the “erotic awakening” aired last night (Tuesday 27 May), coming to a cringe-worthy climax consisting of one contestant, Dave, managing to have sex with a ‘surrogate partner’.
I’m glad the lad got his happy ending, but I did not. Out of intrigue, I’ve watched on as the awkward individuals poorly attempted bum slapping, caressing the boobs of their much older ‘educators’ and brushing their heads against the sexologists’ palms like some oversized and equally hairy cat.
Honestly, it’s no surprise that more than 36% of those between the ages of 16-24 are virgins if we’re teaching people to practice having sex by collectively moaning in a yurt.
It’s giving too much of Peep Show’s ‘Rainbow Rhythms’ – and we all know how tragic Mark Corrigan’s sex life was. Instead, for season two, Channel 4 should bin off the ‘gap yah’ tents and the “Sexological Bodyworkers” and ship the contestants off to Benidorm with Bonnie Blue.
(Image: tiktok/bonniebluclips)
Imagine this, Danny Dyer hosting a show set in a bargain all-inclusive in Benidorm providing the contestants with some no frills attached pep talks. Bonnie Blue and Lily Phillips do what they do best – getting Brits to queue and embark on hours-long no-judgment bonking techniques.
And then the cast can let loose with 83p pints and finish the night with a Sticky Vicky 2.0 ping pong show. I might be bored of Bonnie and Lily’s desperate grabs for relevancy, but I’d much rather watch that than shoeless yurt people teach breathwork and ‘sensual’ straddling.
It would make for great viewing and let the virgins experience a British rite of passage – no-strings-attached boozy holiday bonking. What better way to get it out your system!
I mean, if I walked into a tent with more pillows than Bensons for Beds and was asked to consent to a random French bloke with his toes out to touch my knee, I too would want to remain a virgin for the rest of my life.
As the saying goes, ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ and if that means breaking Bonnie and Lily out of their ‘shackles’ to help Brits get their bonk on – then so be it!
Source: Celebrities - dailystar.co.uk
