Reality TV star Joey Essex has revealed turning 30 was the moment that made him finally seek help for the lasting trauma caused by his mum taking her own life.
Joey, who shot to fame 10 years ago when he appeared on The Only Way is Essex, also says taking part in last year’s Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins made him confront his demons.
“I’ve been dealing with this pain all my life behind closed doors,” Joey says.
“The day I hit 30, I knew that I had to grow up a little bit. I had to sort my life out. I felt like I was finally ready to dig deep, find happiness and deal with the grief.
“And when I did SAS, in my head that was my time to say something about it, and that was the first time I ever offloaded about it. It was like a weight was off my shoulders.”
(Image: joeyessex/Instagram)
Behind Joey’s luxury lifestyle and fame, he has battled panic attacks and anxiety, and also struggled to maintain romantic relationships after his family tragedy.
Joey’s mum Tina died when he was just 10, after she battled physical medical problems and depression. His sister Frankie, who also appeared on Towie, was 13 at the time.
Now, a new BBC documentary Joey Essex: Grief and Me, sees Joey undertake therapy sessions for his trauma, as well as explore the links between grief and mental health.
In the show, Joey watches home videos of his mother for the first time, and reveals this has helped bring back “happy memories”.
Joey says: “I watched the videos with my family – if I’d watched them on my own I would have got upset.
(Image: NEWSPICS LTD)
“I can’t look at pictures of her, because every time I do it brings back negative memories. All my memories are dark and depressing, I found out it was because of my trauma.
“I remember being at Mum’s funeral and the day I got taken to my Nan’s house with an ice cream in my hand thinking it was a beautiful sunny day and being told: ‘Mummy’s gone’.
“These are the memories I can visualise, but watching the home movies and hearing her voice brought back the happy memories.”
For the documentary, Joey started receiving counselling from clinical psychologist Dr Stephen Blumenthal, which he says is
“definitely helping” as it has encouraged him to feel more relaxed.
(Image: Daily Mirror)
However, Joey reveals he had unsuccessful courses of therapy in the past, and was even convinced one psychologist was covertly
recording him.
“When I was in my early 20s, my Uncle Tony sent me to a therapist, but I walked out without telling him anything,” Joey recalls.
“I was so paranoid and didn’t trust him at all. I wondered if he was secretly videoing me.
“I had anxiety and trust issues, massively, and I still live with that. I’m not fixed at all, but I’m now on the mend which is great.”
When he appeared on Celebs Go Dating earlier this year, Joey admitted that he is ready to become a dad and settle down with “the right person”.
(Image: BBC/Objective Media)
But he says that his trauma has meant maintaining romantic relationships has always been something of a struggle.
“I am single and looking for love,” says Joey, who has dated fellow Towie star Sam Faiers and Brazilian model Brenda Santos. “I was making wrong decisions, pushing people away.
“I’ve pushed girls away whether I trusted them or not. I don’t know why. I’m already thinking we’re going to break up before we’re together.
“One of the reasons why I’ve done this documentary is to find happiness in the end. All my life I’ve spent money to fill a gap and bought things such as my Lamborghini out of anger, because I was feeling pain.
(Image: BBC/Objective Media)
“I want to be able to have a family and kids, and think that’s maybe when I’ll feel like there’s a meaning to my life. I think now with the right relationship I will definitely get past the trust issues.”
In the documentary, Joey is seen talking at length with Frankie, as well as their cousin Chloe Sims who was looked after by Tina as a little girl. And he says opening up for the show has brought him closer to his family.
“It’s unbelievably difficult for everyone in this family,” says Joey. “I feel everyone’s pain because I know how much pain they’ve gone through.
“I know when it’s something like Mum’s birthday coming up, I’ll start to feel depressed and low because I subconsciously know in the back of my mind it’s that date. But now I’m opening up about my feelings more we’ve got a lot closer.
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“Recently my uncle, my mum’s brother, came round and we had a proper conversation about her for a couple of hours. I know it was hard for him to do that, but he did it for me.”
Ultimately, Joey says he hopes his documentary will help others who have been through a similar experience.
“I feel everyone has their own unique way of dealing with trauma, but mine was the most painful way you can possibly deal with it. The grief was normal to me and still is.
“But if I can help families and children out, and people who look up to me to see a light at the end of the tunnel and learn from my
experience, this would make me happy.”
- Joey Essex: Grief and Me is showing at 9pm on Thursday, BBC One.
- For emotional support, you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
Source: Celebrities - dailystar.co.uk
