Bob Mortimer has revealed he wants to die in a fight to death with a bear, reincarnate as a bench overlooking the River Wye and then haunt pal Paul Whitehouse every time he goes to the toilet.
The comedian said he’d go nude and oil himself up against a four foot bear so it couldn’t get a grip of him, but admitted he thought it would still ‘destroy’ him.
Having succumbed to the animal, Bob admitted he would like his lifetime achievements on his gravestone – including that he can peel a hard boiled egg in one go.
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He also admitted he would be obliged to come back and haunt fellow comedian Whitehouse, who co-stars in the pair’s ever popular therapeutic fishing show Gone Fishing.
(Image: Nils Jorgensen/REX/Shutterstock)
Despite ‘getting on his t**s’ while filming, Bob recognised the sacred status of fishing and declared he would leave his co-host ‘in peace’ while angling.
Speaking about how he wanted to kick the bucket on the Where There’s A Will, There’s A Wake podcast, the 64-year-old said: “First off I thought I’d like it quick, and then I thought ‘no, be brave – make your last deed on earth a bit special’.
“So, I thought I’d have a fight with a bear, not the great big one, about a four footer, a Romanian.
“Have a fight to the death, it would be terrifying but I’ve always fancied my chances against a smaller bear, not a big lad.
(Image: Getty Images/500px Prime)
“I’d go nude, oil myself up a bit so it couldn’t get a grip and I’d just fly at it.
“But I’m imagining it would destroy me.”
Having decided on a being buried rather than cremated so that his family had somewhere to visit, Mortimer said he wanted his greatest achievements on his headstone.
“My main two achievements are little achievements which I’m proud of,” the father of two continued.
“Is that I can split an apple in half with my bare hands and peel a hard boiled egg with a shell in one piece.
(Image: Getty Images)
“I think that would be interesting to read on a gravestone.”
After his funeral, Bob admitted he would come back to haunt funnyman Paul.
“It seems lazy, but it’s the right thing to do, which is to haunt Paul, because I get on his tts – I really do,” he added.
“And I think he’d miss it.
“Me and Paul, it’s a nice thing about our friendship, it’s a nice thing about any proper friendship, is that you can be grumpy with each other, you can pick at each other a bit and it’s fine.
“I think he’d miss not having me to pick on, I just laugh when he picks on me.
(Image: BBC/Owl TV)
“And he knows it’s just nice and he’d miss it.
“He might have other friends that do it, I don’t know but in case he doesn’t I’ll come back and haunt him so he can have a go at me.
“If I haunted him every time he went to the toilet, that zipper sound would become like Pavlov’s dog.
“Sht himself literally every time he opens his zipper. I wouldn’t haunt him when he’s fishing although I should.
(Image: BBC/Owl TV/Marianne Wie)
“You know, when we’re doing that fishing show, he’s desperate to just sit there and fish and for me to shut the f**k up.
“So, I think I would probably save him from that because sometimes he says ‘Bob, please I beg of you shut up, give me 10 minutes to fish’.
“I’ll leave him in peace with his fishing.”
Bob also requested to reincarnate as a bench in a tranquil setting overlooking the River Wye.
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Source: Celebrities - dailystar.co.uk
