Jimmy Kimmel Wants Canada to Save Us, Eh?

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Oh, Canada

President Trump agreed to suspend his threatened tariffs on Canada’s exports after making a deal with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on Monday.

Trump said he considered Canada’s “concessions” a “big victory,” but Jimmy Kimmel noted on Tuesday that Trudeau had reiterated a border commitment that he’d already announced.

”That’s right, under President Trump, our allies will be reiterating in their boots from now on,” Kimmel said.

“Next, his plan is he’s going to force France to give us the Statue of Liberty. Won’t that be nice? The art of the deal.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“That’s nice, he decided not to break up with them till after Valentine’s Day.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Trump’s also doubling down on this idea that Canada would agree to become our 51st state — as if Drake hasn’t been through enough this week.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“But let’s just imagine for a second that somehow they do make this happen and Canada does become a state. Do they think it would be a red state? There are 41 million people living in Canada. They’re about the same number we have in California. California has 54 electoral votes. If Canada also had 54 electoral votes, forget MAGA — our next president will be a kindhearted lesbian moose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“I’m trying to say, I’m for it. Save us, Canada — you’re our only hope.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Punchiest Punchlines (Egg Edition)

“I never thought I’d live in a time where there’d be surge pricing on eggs. This is going to be a tough Easter, kids. Get ready to start hunting Swedish meatballs.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Can you imagine if Joe Biden was still president and there weren’t any eggs in the store? Trump would be screaming into an empty McMuffin right now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL