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    Late Night Is Underwhelmed by Trump’s Address to Congress

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    Jimmy Kimmel noted that the president’s speech started late: “I guess they were waiting for that last coat of shellac to dry on his face.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The White POTUS’President Trump addressed a joint session of Congress on Tuesday night. Jimmy Kimmel called it “a very special episode of ‘The White POTUS.’”“His speech started late. I guess they were waiting for that last coat of shellac to dry on his face.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Members of the Trump family were there: Eric was there, Lara, Don Jr., Jared, Ivanka, even Melania showed up. So Democrats weren’t the only people who hate him there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Things got off to a big start when Trump and JD Vance held hands and sang a medley from ‘Wicked.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He laid out his MAGA-genda for the next four years. They include wildly unpopular tariffs, abandoning our allies, buddying up to Russia, tax cuts for the rich and turning Gaza into Atlantic City — all the reasons blue-collar America voted for this man.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump said our momentum is back, our spirit is back, our pride is back. And not the gay kind, either: the regular pride.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What he’s talking about, I have no idea. The stock market’s down, consumer confidence is down, the dollar is down. The only things that are high are egg prices and Elon Musk.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In the end, Trump’s first address to Congress was much like his first six weeks: filled with useful lies, and applauded by useless idiots.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He told our farmers to have a lot of fun and said the days of unelected bureaucrats are over, with Elon standing right there clapping like an imbecile. Yay for unelected bureaucrats.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And the days of rule by unelected billionaires have just begun. Elon! Take a bow, Elon! You paid for it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It was quite a night. There were about 400 people in attendance — 300 were members of Congress, and 100 were Elon’s kids.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, the night was pretty much a welcome back party for Trump, Republicans and measles.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bad Neighbor Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Stephen Colbert Would Like to Know Who’s in Charge Here

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      The “Late Show” host was taken aback by the White House’s claim that Elon Musk doesn’t run DOGE: “It’s literally named after his favorite meme!”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.SpatchcockedThe so-called Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE, continues to cut a swath through the Civil Service. Or as Stephen Colbert put it on Wednesday, “our government is getting spatchcocked by Elon Musk and his post-pubescent pink slip troopers.”“Naturally, the federal workers in their path of wanton destruction are experiencing anger, chaos and confusion, which, coincidentally, are also the Secret Service code names for Trump, Elon and Don Jr.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It turns out being an unelected donor running an unauthorized employee kill squad might get you sued at some point in the future. So in new legal filings, the White House claims that Elon Musk is not in charge at DOGE. What? It’s literally named after his favorite meme!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is the most confusing leadership structure since Ruth’s Chris Steak House. Who is Chris? Why does he seem to belong to Ruth?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Elon and the DOGE-bags have fired so many people so quickly, in so many critical areas, with so little thought beforehand, that the government is now scrambling to rehire the nuclear staff it fired on Friday. These are folks involved with designing, building and overseeing the U.S. nuclear weapons stockpile after concerns grew that their dismissal could jeopardize national security. I share those concerns.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But here’s the wrinkle and the rub: The government has struggled to reach the people that were fired after they were locked out of their federal email accounts. So now we got a bunch of [expletive] people with a lot of time on their hands who know how to build nuclear weapons.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Rehiring people on Tuesday that you fired on Friday does not scream ‘government efficiency.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (On Principle Edition)“And with Trump doing so much so fast, leave it to the Never Trumpers to do what little they can to make a fast buck. An event called the Principles First Summit convenes this weekend in D.C. What are their principles? Well, judging by the lineup, cashing in on whatever’s left of Trump envy.” — GREG GUTFELD“The biggest and most bitterest names in the anti-Trump world will be there: Adam Kinzinger, Michael Steele, Bill Kristol and George Conway. All that was missing was Joy Behar.” — GREG GUTFELD“There are a few Dems to shore up the list of yesterday’s pundits who’ve seen their audiences flee like Tim Walz hearing a car backfire.” — GREG GUTFELDWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Weighs in on Trump’s Cabinet Picks

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      Jimmy Kimmel called President-elect Trump’s choices thus far “a real cast of no character.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump Stocks His CabinetLess than a week after winning the election, President-elect Donald J. Trump has begun announcing members of his next cabinet.Jimmy Kimmel called them “a real cast of no character” on Monday, saying they would “soon be hired and then fired by Trump.”“President-elect Trump has named Susie Wiles as his White House chief of staff, making her the first woman in history to ever have that role. Yeah. She’ll also make history as the first female chief of staff to quit after three weeks and write a tell-all book.” — JIMMY FALLON“Wiles has Trump’s trust because she was his 2024 campaign manager. So she was the mastermind who put Trump in a garbage man costume and had him dance to ‘Ave Maria’ — and it worked. And I don’t know what anything means anymore.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The thing is, Wiles may not be the worst choice for this job, and not just because the worst choice was elected president. Reportedly, reportedly, during the campaign, Wiles worked to keep particularly divisive fringe conservatives out of Trump’s orbit. For instance, she lured Rudy Giuliani away from Trump using a bottle of Cabernet dressed up as a sexy lady.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Former Congressman Lee Zeldin of New York is Trump’s pick to lead the Environmental Protection Agency. According to the League of Conservation Voters, of 26 House representatives from New York, Lee Zeldin had the worst record on environmental issues by far — so he’ll be in charge of protecting the environment, of course.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In a new post to Truth Social, President-elect Trump said that he will not invite former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley to join his administration. Well, he did offer her the position of secretary. That’s it — just secretary.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (POTUS Confab Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More