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      Stephen Colbert Is Thrilled to Have a President With a Plan

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightStephen Colbert Is Thrilled to Have a President With a Plan“Yesterday, President Biden announced a dramatic change to America’s Covid plan: There is one,” Colbert said on Wednesday.Stephen Colbert is optimistic that by Halloween, “the hottest costume is going to be sexy normal people saying hello. They’re sexy, because they can touch hands.”Credit…CBSJan. 28, 2021, 2:33 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Plan B(iden)“Yesterday, President Biden announced a dramatic change to America’s Covid plan: There is one,” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday night.Late-night hosts shared their enthusiasm about Biden’s promise that vaccination production and distribution will be ramping up.“That means February 2 — next week, Groundhog’s Day — Punxsutawney Phil can come out of his burrow and get vaccinated and stay within six feet of his shadow.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“On his first day in office, the president signed an order requiring masks in federal buildings and on federal lands. Then on his second day, Biden signed another order mandating masks in airports and on many planes, trains, ships and buses. And then on the third day, he just yelled ‘Let’s get loud!’ and took the rest of the day off.” — SAMANTHA BEE“The most exciting news: The federal government is buying enough additional doses to vaccinate 300 million Americans by the end of the summer. So next Halloween, you know the hottest costume is going to be sexy normal people saying hello. They’re sexy, because they can touch hands.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Fortunately, some states have recently changed their laws so more people are eligible to give shots. In New York, for example, that list now includes pharmacists, dentists and podiatrists. But still no-late night hosts, which is weird, considering how I’ve been consistently injecting giggles into the soul of America for five years now.” — SAMANTHA BEEThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Number Two Test Edition)“China has rolled out an anal swab coronavirus test, saying it’s more accurate than the throat method. It’s more accurate, but it’s still being called the number two test.” — JIMMY FALLON“So this is what they meant when they said the pandemic was finally starting to turn around.” — JAMES CORDEN“You know what? There’s a point at which I would rather just have the coronavirus.” — TREVOR NOAH“The plus side is with testing like this, you might not even need a vaccine. You just tell people, ‘Hey, we’re not having lockdowns, but every time you leave your apartment, some stranger’s going to shove a Q-Tip up your butt.’ We’ll be done with corona in, like, two weeks.” — TREVOR NOAH“They’re saying that the science shows that these swabs are more accurate than other forms of swab. The only trick is finding the right position to hang your butt out the window of your car.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And for even more accuracy, they do a nasal swab and an anal swab until they touch in the middle.” — JIMMY FALLON“We wanted to test people that way here at Television City, but CBS pooh-poohed it.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth Watching“Jimmy Kimmel Live” celebrated the 50th birthday of Guillermo, Kimmel’s beloved parking lot security guard turned onscreen sidekick.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightTerry Gross, the host of NPR’s “Fresh Air,” will appear on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe actress Cloris Leachman in 1974. She won accolades and an Academy Award for her dramatic work, but comedy was her forte.Credit…George Brich/Associated PressThe late Cloris Leachman will be remembered for a lengthy film and TV career, from “The Last Picture Show” to “Malcolm in the Middle.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Samantha Bee Welcomes America’s ‘Brand-New Very Old President’

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightSamantha Bee Welcomes America’s ‘Brand-New Very Old President’Bee and other hosts were relieved to see the Trump years finally end. “So that’s what it feels like when you’re not grinding your teeth,” Seth Meyers said.The Biden era has begun, and Samantha Bee couldn’t be happier. Credit…TBSJan. 21, 2021, 3:09 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘I Can See Colors Again’Late-night hosts were all too happy on Wednesday night to celebrate Inauguration Day, or what Seth Meyers referred to as “the catharsis of seeing a person who was not Donald Trump become the president of the United States.”President Biden received rave reviews from hosts like Samantha Bee, who was thrilled to announce, “We finally have a brand-new very old president!”“That’s right — Donald Trump is no longer the president of the United States. And look, this isn’t going to solve all our problems, but it will remove a big one. If you’re addicted to heroin, gambling and prostitutes and you only quit heroin, that’s still a huge step.” — SETH MEYERS“Wow, all right. So that’s what it feels like when you’re not grinding your teeth. I forgot, and I think — yeah, I can see colors again.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s a little like getting rid of the last guy at a party. You spent four years yawning and stretching, and hinting that he should get out, and when he finally leaves, it is a relief, until you remember you still have to clean up all his puke and he, like, puked everywhere.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s so nice to have a president with a soul again. The previous one sold his to the devil and didn’t even get Georgia out of the deal.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s like we’ve been on a ship that’s been in a storm for four years, and we just stepped onto dry land. I want to kiss the ground, but, you know, Covid, so I’m just going to — I’m just going to fist-bump it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And I’ll tell you something, I don’t know about America yet, but I feel great again.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“After four years of struggling just to slow down Trump’s malicious agenda, Democrats are in an unimaginable position: We can finally do things that help people.” — SAMANTHA BEE“To paraphrase Michelle Obama, ‘When they go low, we go J. Lo’ — and we did.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Today this country showed the world that there is no MyPillow large enough to smother our democracy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, I remember going back to the day Trump was inaugurated, such a terrible day, and wondering, can our country even survive four years of this? And now we know the answer: not really. Just barely.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was a bright sunny day in Washington, and now we have a president who knows not to stare directly at the sun.” — JIMMY FALLON“Right before the Bidens came out, something very auspicious happened: It started snowing. It’s an inauguration miracle! [singing to the tune of ‘Let It Snow’] Oh, the last guy in charge was frightful, but the new one seems delightful. And now there’s four years to go; President Joe, President Joe, President Joe.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I have to imagine this is what it feels like when the oncologist calls and tells you the tumor is benign.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Seriously, anyone else feel like they just lost 280 pounds?” — JIMMY FALLON“It feels like the country is back. Sure, the GPS took us on some crazy back roads for the last four years, but now we’re back on Main Street, and we can tell people we were lost.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Have a Good Life Edition)“I know a lot of you were expecting Trump’s speech to be weird and inappropriate. Well, you were 100 percent right.” — JIMMY FALLON“‘Have a good life?’ That’s not a presidential farewell. That’s what your high school crush writes in your yearbook as a final twist of the knife: ‘I guess we won’t be seeing each other with me going to Bryn Mawr and you staying here to chase your kickboxing dreams so, have a good life.’” — SETH MEYERS“Former President Trump concluded his remarks at this morning’s send-off at Joint Base Andrews by telling the crowd, quote, ‘We’ll see you soon.’ ‘We were about to say the same thing,’ said the Southern District of New York.” — SETH MEYERS“Although I do like how he said he’ll ‘be back in some form,’ because my man knows you gotta leave on a cliffhanger.” — TREVOR NOAH“That’s ominous. What form? A Demogorgon? A Horcrux? Maybe he’ll come back as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“‘In some form?’ What does that mean? [imitating Trump] ‘Whenever you see a black plastic bag stuck in a tree, or a vulture on the shoulder of the highway pulling the guts out of a dead raccoon, that’ll be me.’” — SETH MEYERS“OK, well at least he made it sound as creepy as possible.” — JAMES CORDEN“This is like the end of a bad movie where the villain says he will return, and you are like, ‘I don’t think this one is getting a sequel.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Who wrote this speech, Voldemort?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingA few friends helped Bee with a socially distanced crowd surf to mark the inauguration, including Jane Fonda, Cynthia Erivo and Catherine O’Hara.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSenator Bernie Sanders, whose wool mittens quickly got their own hashtag, will talk to Seth Meyers about his Inauguration Day experience on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutMatthew Teague in Fairhope, Ala.: “I wanted my wife’s legacy and memory to be one of enormous respect.”Credit…Akasha Rabut for The New York TimesAfter Hollywood optioned his devastating essay about his dying wife, the journalist Matthew Teague vowed the movie would do right by her. The reviews landed like a gut punch.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More