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      Jimmy Kimmel Has Questions About the Biden Impeachment Inquiry

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      Even Republicans don’t seem to know what it’s about, hosts said. “You can’t impeach someone for falling asleep during ‘Wheel of Fortune,’” said Jimmy Kimmel.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘You Always Remember Your First’House Republicans voted to formally open an impeachment inquiry into President Biden on Wednesday.“They managed to get the votes they needed for this, even though no one seems to know exactly what they would be impeaching him for,” Jimmy Kimmel said.“They have presented no evidence of any wrongdoing by Joe Biden. You can’t impeach someone for falling asleep during ‘Wheel of Fortune.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This headline tells you all you need to know about the Republican Party right now: ‘House Set to Approve Biden Impeachment Inquiry as It Hunts for an Offense.’ In other words, they don’t have a crime, but they do have an investigation. It’s like an episode of ‘CSI,’ but if there was no ‘C,’ just ‘SI.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Guys, guys, come on. That’s kind of step one!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Today, House Republicans held a vote on opening a formal inquiry into President Biden’s impeachment. Yep, when he heard, former President Trump said, ‘That’s nice. You always remember your first.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The whole thing is ridiculous. If you want to derail Biden, you don’t give him an impeachment — you give him a microphone.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Happy Birthday, Taylor Edition)“And then we have Time’s Person of the Year, who is celebrating a birthday today. Taylor Swift turned 34 today. And what an absolutely terrifying situation for Travis Kelce. I mean, getting your new girlfriend the right gift on the first birthday together is always a challenge. It’s even harder when there’s an army of 12-year-old girls ready to kill you if you screw it up.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s under a lot of pressure. He knows if he blows it, she’ll just give herself another gift and call it ‘Taylor’s Version.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Man, if you think your job is hard, try being the waiter who has to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Taylor Swift.” — JIMMY FALLON“I heard that Taylor celebrated her birthday with close friends here in New York City. I mean, that’s impossible, or else I would have been invited.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon and the pop star Meghan Trainor premiered their new holiday bop, “Wrap Me Up,” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightGreta Gerwig, the writer and director of “Barbie,” will appear on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutWu-Tang Clan performing in New York in August.Bennett Raglin/Getty ImagesThe hip-hop group Wu-Tang Clan will launch a Las Vegas residency on Super Bowl weekend. More

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      The End of Rudy Giuliani? Kal Penn Is Fine With That.

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      Giuliani’s lawyer told the jury in his defamation trial that awarding $43 million in damages would mean “the end of him.” Penn called that “a best-case scenario.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The End of Rudy GiulianiThis week saw the start of Rudy Giuliani’s defamation trial, with two Georgia election workers having sued him for $43 million in damages. In opening statements on Monday, Giuliani’s lawyer argued that owing such an amount would “be the end of him.”“The end of Rudy Giuliani? Oh, no, that sounds … awesome!” the “Daily Show” guest host Kal Penn said on Tuesday.“The end of Rudy Giuliani is, like, a best-case scenario. Why is Rudy’s lawyer threatening the jury with a good time?” — KAL PENN“The damages they award could be very damaging for Rudy. The plaintiffs are seeking up to $43 million, and Rudy doesn’t have that kind of cash. He can’t even afford full-length pants.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The election staffers that Giuliani spread these lies about are two Black women, one named Ruby Freeman and her daughter Shaye Moss, and because of what he said about them, they went through absolute hell. According to their lawyer, they were flooded with accusations of treason and threats laden with expletives and racial slurs. They were forced into hiding, and on at least one occasion, Giuliani directed Trump supporters to Freeman’s home. Now, luckily, Rudy’s always too drunk to give good directions.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Look, I might feel more sympathy for Rudy if during his defamation trial, he wasn’t outside the courthouse doing more defamation. Like, does he get that every time you do a crime, it’s, like, its own thing? This guy is committing defamation like he’s got the unlimited plan — your crimes don’t roll over to next month, Rudy.” — KAL PENNThe Punchiest Punchlines (Can You Spot Me? Edition)“Today, President Biden hosted Ukrainian President Zelensky at the White House. When he asked for money and support, Zelensky said, ‘Sorry, Joe, I got my own problem.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It got a little awkward. Apparently, for a minute, Biden forgot who he was meeting with and offered to zero out Zelensky’s student loan balance.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Zelensky met with all 100 U.S. senators today to ask for additional funding, more humanitarian aid, and to show Ted Cruz how to grow a beard.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At this point, the U.S. hasn’t agreed to give Ukraine any more funding. Then Zelensky saw the White House’s 98 Christmas trees and was like, ‘Yeah, I can tell money’s tight.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingSean Hayes popped by “Jimmy Kimmel Live” to deliver a message from the Gay Nutcracker, who is riling up some conservatives this holiday season.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightDanielle Brooks will sit down with Seth Meyers to discuss her Golden Globe-nominated performance in “The Color Purple” on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This Out“The Jinkx & DeLa Holiday Show” stars two of America’s most famous drag queens.Santiago Felipe“The Jinkx & DeLa Holiday Show,” a live production stopping by New York City and starring the “RuPaul’s Drag Race” alums Jinkx Monsoon and BenDeLaCreme, features dancing candy canes, glittery gowns and songs about seasonal trauma. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Calls Hunter Biden ‘the Son Donald Trump Never Had’

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      Biden is accused of living extravagantly while evading taxes. Kimmel described his alleged spending as an “early 2000s Charlie Sheen-caliber performance.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Prodigal SonLast week, a federal grand jury charged Hunter Biden, the president’s son, with scheming to evade taxes on income from foreign businesses. The indictment accuses him of spending millions on “drugs, escorts and girlfriends, luxury hotels and rental properties, exotic cars, clothing and other items of a personal nature, in short, everything but his taxes.”On Monday night, Jimmy Kimmel said Biden was “like the son Donald Trump never had.”“They say Hunter made more than $1.6 million in A.T.M. withdrawals. He spent around $683,000 on payments to various women; over $237,000 on health, beauty and pharmacy, which, you thought you had a long receipt at CVS.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“One hundred and eighty-eight thousand on adult entertainment, and a little over $71,000 on rehab and re-rehab and re-rehab for a grand total of almost $5 million, which is, I mean, that’s like an early 2000s Charlie Sheen-caliber performance. It’s impressive.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“No presidential family member in recent memory comes with as much baggies — uh, I mean, baggage — as Hunter, and now the law has finally caught up with him. ” — KAL PENN, guest host of “The Daily Show”“It’s shocking to think the presidential race might come down to who goes to jail first: Hunter Biden or Donald Trump. Although, maybe if we’re lucky, the two of them might end up in a cell together? Like, you throw George Santos in there, and I am watching that show.” — KAL PENN“The White House has reiterated, which, they reiterated that President Biden will not pardon Hunter if he is convicted of any crime, although they didn’t say anything about not dressing him up as a turkey next Thanksgiving and pardoning him then.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines ($700 Million Investment Edition)“The L.A. Dodgers signed superstar Shohei Ohtani to the biggest contract in all of sports history, $700 million. Wild, right? That is $1 for every minute it takes to watch one single baseball game.” — KAL PENN“The Dodgers will pay him $700 million over the next 10 years. Hot dogs, from now on, will be priced at $500 apiece.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Ohtani is leaving the Angels organization, which was a tough decision, but, ultimately, he’s saying he just wanted to explore a different part of the freeway and now he’s coming here.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And also, let me just say, it is so great that Asian kids have another athlete to look up to, am I right? But let’s acknowledge it’s also a lot of pressure: [imitating child] ‘Dad, I got 100 on my chemistry test.’ [imitating parent] ‘But only 80 on your fastball — go outside and practice!’” — KAL PENNThe Bits Worth WatchingAfter three weeks off-air, Stephen Colbert told the story of his burst appendix on Monday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe pop singer Tate McRae will perform on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutMargot Robbie in “Barbie.”Warner Bros. (“Barbie”)“Barbie,” “Oppenheimer,” and “Succession” are among this year’s top Golden Globe nominees. More

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      Henry Kissinger, Often Impersonated and Skewered by Sketch Comics

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      Countless depictions on “Saturday Night Live” and beyond cast light on the idiosyncrasies and vanities of this diplomatic hard liner.In a November 1976 episode of “Saturday Night Live,” Gilda Radner, in her recurring impression of Barbara Walters — a.k.a. Baba Wawa — interviews Henry Kissinger, played by John Belushi. After inquiring about his “silly, silly” accent, which she says “really, really irritates” her, Radner asks Belushi to repeat after her: “I am a really, really fat, roly poly diplomat.” He does.The sketch includes a joke about Kissinger’s German-Jewish background. In a 1987 episode of “S.N.L.,” his religion comes up again in a sketch called “The Assimilated Jew’s Hanukkah.” In it, Al Franken imitates Kissinger, who is selling an album of Jewish Christmas songs. “Dozens of your favorite Christmas songs with lyrics a responsible Jew can feel comfortable singing,” he says — songs like “Silent Eight Nights” and “White Yom Tov.”After Kissinger’s death on Wednesday at 100 years old, Franken posted a memory on social media that referred to an American bombing campaign in North Vietnam in December 1972: “Kissinger called SNL once late on a Friday night looking for tix for his son. The Stones were playing that week. I told him that if it hadn’t been for the Xmas bombing, he’d have the tickets.”It is of little surprise that Kissinger, a polarizing figure who advised 12 American presidents and was the most powerful secretary of state of the postwar era, has been skewered and caricatured by comics for decades. His pronounced accent and manner of speaking were primed for satire, as was how he would regularly make statements that he seemed to think were quite profound but many found trite or ingratiating. (“Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,” for instance.) He also appeared to be an irresistible target to those on the left in particular, who perceived him as an attention-seeking egotist and seemed to relish taking him down a peg by casting him as silly, albeit sinister.In the 1980s, the British comedy troupe Monty Python released a song titled “Henry Kissinger.” Among its lyrics: “You’re the doctor of my dreams/with your crinkly hair/and your glassy stare/and your Machiavellian schemes/I know they say that you are very vain/and short and fat and pushy/but at least you’re not insane.”In 1983, on “SCTV,” Eugene Levy took a drunken, stumblebum approach to Kissinger in a sketch that had him appear as a guest on a fictional late-night show hosted by Sammy Maudlin (Joe Flaherty). “I don’t want to talk about Watergate,” he says belligerently. “I don’t want to talk about Richard Nixon. He was a great president. He will go down as one of the great presidents in history. What do you know about Richard Nixon?” he yells, slamming his fist on the desk.At the start of the 2015 documentary “Call Me Lucky” about his life, the comedian and political satirist Barry Crimmins is seen giving a speech at an antiwar rally in Boston Common in 1990. “They tell us it’s not another Vietnam, and then they wheel out Henry Kissinger to tell us about it!” he yells before asking, “What, was Goebbels unavailable that day?” in reference to the Nazi propagandist Joseph Goebbels. Switching into a Kissinger voice, Crimmins says, “We must be very careful or war will be averted.”In 2015, Crimmins told The New Yorker that he was once in a green room with Kissinger, where he avoided being introduced. “I have a policy about not shaking hands with war criminals,” Crimmins said. Aside from being a guest in 2014, Kissinger himself made appearances in sketches (which drew pointed criticism) on “The Colbert Report,” Stephen Colbert’s satirical news program on Comedy Central in which he portrayed a conservative blowhard caricature for nine years. In 2013, Colbert danced to Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky” through various scenes that featured several stars and notable names, including Bryan Cranston, Jeff Bridges, the Rockettes and Kissinger, who picks up the phone and calls security.Years earlier, in 2006, Kissinger weighed in on a rock music contest in which Colbert and Peter Frampton competed against the Decemberists. In the episode, Kissinger said, “It’s time to rock,” and “I think the American people won.” In 2013, in an event at the New York Comedy Festival, Colbert said that Kissinger was also supposed to say, “Where are my pancakes? I was promised pancakes,” but he didn’t appreciate the line. “We have the tape of him reading the copy,” Colbert said, “and then he goes, ‘That is too much,’” quoting him with his accent.Jason Zinoman More

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      Stephen Colbert Cancels ‘Late Show’ Episodes After Rupturing Appendix

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      Colbert posted on social media that he was recovering from surgery and unable to host this week.Stephen Colbert canceled his “Late Show” episodes for the week as he recovers from surgery for a ruptured appendix, he announced on Monday.“Sorry to say that I have to cancel our shows this week,” Colbert, who is 59, wrote in a social media post. “I’m sure you’re thinking, ‘Turkey overdose, Steve? Gravy boat capsize?’ Actually, I’m recovering from surgery for a ruptured appendix.”“The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” had new shows scheduled for Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, with planned appearances from Barbra Streisand, Jennifer Garner, Baz Luhrmann, Patrick Stewart and Kelsey Grammer.Colbert has been hosting his late-night talk show on CBS since 2015. He canceled several shows last month while recovering from Covid-19.“I’m grateful to my doctors for their care and to Evie and the kids for putting up with me,” Colbert wrote. “Going forward, all emails to my appendix will be handled by my pancreas.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Mocks the Fox News Tradition of Blaming Biden

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      “Thanks to Joe Biden’s greed, it’s even more expensive than ever to buy a raw turkey, cover it in stamps, and send it to a relative,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Turkey InflationThursday’s holiday was the big topic on “Thanksgiving Eve.”Stephen Colbert focused on Fox News’s coverage of the rising price of raw turkey, saying the network has “a festive tradition over there, and it’s blaming everything on Joe Biden.” This year, it was the former Congressman Jason Chaffetz’s claims that inflation under the president has driven up the price of turkeys and postage stamps.“That’s right. Thanks to Joe Biden’s greed, it’s even more expensive than ever to buy a raw turkey, cover it in stamps and send it to a relative,” Colbert said. “Thanks a lot, Joe.”“I have no reason to doubt Jason Chaffetz other than the fact that I’ve met him. But according to the latest data from the Department of Agriculture, the average cost of a frozen turkey is $1.25 a pound. OK, so if Jason Chaffetz spent — if he spent $90, if he spent $90 at $1.25 a pound, that means he must have gotten … a 72-pound turkey. Jason, Jason, that wasn’t a turkey you put in the oven. For the love of God — for the love of God, where’s your niece?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Drinksgiving Edition)“Tonight is actually known as Drinksgiving, and a lot of people are going to reconnect with their high school ex. If you watch closely tomorrow, you’ll notice half the parade is just people doing the walk of shame.” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, the difference between Drinksgiving and Thanksgiving is drinking for fun versus drinking for survival.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, it’s nice to let loose on Drinksgiving, but it’s not good when your friend’s, like, ‘I also celebrate Drinksmas, Drinkakah, Drinkwanzaa, Drinko de Mayo.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, Thanksgiving is almost here. it’s one of my favorite holidays, but let’s be honest: It can be a little tense. I mean, that’s why for the turkey, I use a dry rub made of crushed Xanax.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingWednesday night’s “Daily Show” co-hosts Jordan Klepper and Desi Lydic investigated the War on Christmas at Fox News headquarters.What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night“Late Night” will be the only show airing on Thursday, with host Seth Meyers’ family as special guests.Also, Check This OutBradley Cooper as Leonard Bernstein and Carey Mulligan as his wife, Felicia Montealegre, in “Maestro.”Jason McDonald/NetflixBradley Cooper directs and stars in “Maestro,” an intimate portrait of the composer Leonard Bernstein. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Weighs in on Trump’s Health Report

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      The “Tonight Show” host questioned the checkup results, saying that “Trump’s the only guy who gets his cardio in by storming out of courtrooms.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Picture of HealthOn Monday, former President Donald Trump released a statement from his doctor that declared him to be in “excellent health.” The vague report declared that Trump had lost weight through “an improved diet and daily physical activity” and that his “physical exams were well within the normal range and his cognitive exams were exceptional.”Jimmy Fallon questioned the report on Tuesday, joking that “Trump’s the only guy who gets his cardio in by storming out of courtrooms.”“[pretending to read the note] Donald is in excellent health, the most health a man can ever have, that I can tell you. Doctor.” — JIMMY FALLON“In a newly released letter, former President Trump’s physician said his overall health is excellent and his physical exams are within normal range. But take that with a grain of salt, because the letter also said his coat is shiny and he’s negative for heartworms.” — SETH MEYERS“Sure, we all know Donald Trump is the picture of health — specifically, the “before” picture.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They also said that Trump’s cognitive exams were exceptional. All I know is when your friend is, like, ‘Guys, I took a cognitive exam, and everything’s fine,’ that usually means the opposite.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Remixed Edition)“During the White House turkey pardon yesterday, President Biden appeared to mix up Taylor Swift and Britney Spears, and, just like that, lost 30 million votes.” — SETH MEYERS“Wow, that’s almost as bad as the time former President Trump called Tim Cook ‘Tim Apple,’ thought Frederick Douglass was alive, called Second Corinthians ‘Two Corinthians,’ called Kevin McCarthy ‘Steve,’ called Paul Ryan ‘Ron,’ walked out of an executive order ceremony after forgetting to sign an executive order, and suggested injecting bleach to kill Covid.” — SETH MEYERS“Fortunately for all of us, Biden apologized immediately. Here’s what he said. He said, ‘I want to apologize to Taylor Swift and Britney Spears for my little mix-up. I obviously know who they are. Taylor, I’ve been a fan ever since you said you ‘Ain’t No Hollaback Girl.’ Seriously, not to quote your own songs back at you, but your music sets ‘Fire to the Rain.’ Britney, you touched all of our hearts in ‘Evita’ when you sang ‘Don’t Cry for Me Argentina.’ I love your work so much it hurts. I guess you could say I have a ‘Bad Romance’ with it. So I hope you accept my apology, Saylor and Tritney, two of the people I am definitely aware of.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.We are confirming your access to this article, this will take just a moment. However, if you are using Reader mode please log in, subscribe, or exit Reader mode since we are unable to verify access in that state.Confirming article access.If you are a subscriber, please  More

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      David Letterman Reclaims His Desk at ‘The Late Show’

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      Eight years after retiring from the CBS show, the former late-night host sat down with his successor, Stephen Colbert.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Better Late Than NeverDavid Letterman returned to the Ed Sullivan Theater on Monday night for the first time in eight years.“My guest tonight certainly needs no introduction,” Stephen Colbert said before bringing Letterman out. The former “Late Show” host received extended cheers and enthusiastic chants of “Da-vid!” from the crowd.“I will say this is the most enthusiastic audience I have been near since the night I announced I was quitting,” Letterman said.Colbert asked Letterman if there was anything he missed, and the former host answered, “everything.”“Mostly, it’s fun. Very few things in life provide one the opportunity — and I can’t speak for you on this topic — but for me, if you muck one up, 24 hours later, you get to try again. And that’s a pretty good device.” — DAVID LETTERMANThey both recalled a meeting before Letterman handed over the reins to Colbert in 2015, and the former “Late Show” host shared his admiration for Colbert and his team’s tenure thus far, saying they made the job look easy.“I will pass that on to the entire staff, but you and I both know it’s really the host,” Colbert joked.At the end of the interview, Letterman asked if he could take a photo behind the old desk, and Colbert acquiesced before snapping a selfie of the two, who shared both a handshake and a hug by the end.“By the way, in my day, I never would have let this happen,” Letterman said, assuming his former seat. “I’m sorry. Thank you.”The Punchiest Punchlines (HBD, President Biden Edition)“President Biden turned 81 today despite his campaign staff specifically advising him not to.” — SETH MEYERS“Every time Joe Biden has a birthday, it feels like a — like a political misstep. It’s like, why would you do that? You’re old enough!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, President Biden today celebrated his 81st birthday, but not as much as Republicans did.” — SETH MEYERS“Joe Biden’s 60th birthday is now old enough to drink.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“There were so many candles on his cake, I thought it was another Canadian wildfire.” — DULCÉ SLOAN, guest host of “The Daily Show”The Bits Worth WatchingThe security-guard-turned-sidekick Guillermo Rodriguez took on the red carpet and the racetrack at the Formula 1 Las Vegas Grand Prix for a segment on Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe fashion designer and “Real Housewives of New York” star Jenna Lyons will appear on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutDanielle Brooks, left, and Sam Jay.Daniel Terna“The Color Purple” star Danielle Brooks and the comedian Sam Jay discussed impostor syndrome and women in comedy for T: The New York Times Style Magazine. More