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      Wanda Sykes Kicks Off ‘Daily Show’ Stint by Panning a Eulogy From Trump

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      Sykes ribbed Donald Trump for forgetting a Black woman he met several times and who supported him at rallies, “setting the Black race back 50 years.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Tone-Def Comedy Jam’Wanda Sykes started her weeklong stint as host of “The Daily Show” with a look at former President Donald Trump’s awkward eulogy during a memorial for an unwavering supporters who died recently. The service was for Lynnette “Diamond” Hardaway, one of two sisters who Sykes noted “were always showing up at his rallies, praising him on TV, setting the Black race back 50 years.”“You know those two. Trump held meetings with them, he’d invite them to the Oval Office, he would point at them and say, ‘See, Black people love me!’” — WANDA SYKESIn his speech, Trump said he recalled Diamond but didn’t remember Silk, who asked the former President to eulogize her sister.“I mean, come on — to say you know Diamond but don’t know Silk is wild, because they are always together. That’s like saying, ‘I know Bert, but I never heard of this Ernie fellow.’” — WANDA SYKES“If you just learned about Silk, I’m going to go ahead and say you didn’t know much about Diamond. That’s like saying, ‘I’m a lifelong fan of Garfunkel, but who is this Simon I’m just hearing about? Did they do anything together?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Knowing Trump, he probably only has room for one Black woman in his brain at a time. If he turns on the TV right now, he’ll be like, ‘Wow, Diamond’s hosting “The Daily Show”!’” — WANDA SYKES“Trump appeared before a sitting room-only crowd. One hundred fifty mourners gathered to hear him speak about their beloved Diamond — and he almost did. He almost spoke about her.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was more of a ‘me-logy’ than a eulogy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This speech had all the sincerity and grace you could possibly expect from a man who buried the mother of his children at the 16th hole of his golf course. And the crazy thing is, I bet he thinks it went great. I bet he feels like he just won a Soul Train Award.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was a tone-def comedy jam.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Does Not Spark Joy Edition)“On Friday, the F.B.I. spent 13 hours searching President Biden’s house in Wilmington, Del., and they found more classified documents. You know what? At this point, just let us know when you stop finding them, you know what I’m saying?” — JIMMY FALLON“As if the documents weren’t crazy enough, they also found the script for the last season of ‘Stranger Things.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The Justice Department also took handwritten notes from when Biden was vice president. One was a piece of paper addressed to Obama that just said, ‘Do you like me? Check yes or no.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s crazy. First Trump, now Biden. Today, just to be safe, Obama burned his house down.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s interesting how Biden and Trump have handled their situations differently. Biden has new documents found every week, while Trump went for the Netflix-style, binge-all-at-once release.” — JIMMY FALLON“I mean, come on, the man has been in public office for 238 years. I bet you most of the [expletive] he has isn’t even classified anymore. You read his notes and it’s like, ‘Keep an eye on this Hitler guy!’” — WANDA SYKES“Those notes are ancient. One of them was, ‘Find out who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Most of them were Post-it notes that say ‘Remember: Return classified documents.’” — JAMES CORDEN“How could America be $31 trillion in debt and, apparently, no one in the executive branch has ever purchased a shredder?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Apparently, all politicians just hoard classified material. I’m starting to wonder how Jimmy Carter insulates all those Habitats for Humanity.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“At this point, the F.B.I. is just decluttering Biden’s house for him. They’re like Marie Kondo going around his rooms like, ‘This list of spies does not spark joy.’” — WANDA SYKESThe Bits Worth WatchingFreddie Gibbs performed “Blackest in the Room” and “Feel No Pain” with Anderson .Paak on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe longtime couple and “Seriously Red” co-stars Rose Byrne and Bobby Cannavale will appear on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutThe trauma of Lakecia Benjamin’s car crash anchors “Phoenix,” a labyrinthine set of arrangements.Sabrina Santiago for The New York TimesThe saxophonist Lakecia Benjamin turned a broken jaw from a car accident into inspiration for her new album, “Phoenix.” More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: George Santos Is a ‘Scooby-Doo’ Villain

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      “He’s been accused of stealing from a dog,” Kimmel said of the congressman on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.By Any Other NameGeorge Santos’s former roommate appeared on CNN this week after reports that the New York congressman had kept money raised on GoFundMe meant to help a veteran with a sick dog, and that he went by other names, such as Anthony Devolder.On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel said that it’s “always a bad sign when your former roommate is on CNN.”“Santos raised money for something called the Friends of Pets United. But, no surprise, the I.R.S. has no records of a charity with that name. OK, but have they checked for ‘Friends of Pets Devolder’?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He’s gone by a number of names, including George Santos, Anthony Devolder, Anthony Zebrowski, LL Cool G, Supreme Court Justice George Bader Ginsberg, George Costantos, Melania, Malala, Madonna, and King George Batman Santos-Clooney.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“His roommate says he conned a homeless veteran out of money intended to save his service dog, which had to be put to sleep. Well, you checked every box with that one, that’s for sure.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s been accused of stealing from a dog. He’s literally a ‘Scooby-Doo’ villain at this point, and he’s in Congress.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Because when the veteran finally got ahold of Santos to schedule his dog’s surgery, Santos refused to give him any of the donations, saying he would take the money and use it for ‘other dogs.’ Yes, ‘other dogs’ like Max and Skipper and Rover Devolder.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Double Life Edition)“When he heard this, even Kevin McCarthy said, ‘That’s it. George Santos has got to go … sit on two House committees!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Speaker Kevin McCarthy put him on the Science Committee and the Space and Technology Committee, which makes sense because he’s the only congressman who found a cure for cancer and successfully manned a mission to Mars all this year alone.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Small business and science. Well those two make sense. I mean, Santos said he has a degree from the Bill Nye School at the Shark Tank Academy of Business Science. He even played for their volleyball team, the Fightin’ Barbara Corcorans!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“A lot of people are saying that he’s not qualified and, I mean, just look at how he defined some simple space terms. For instance, when asked to define cosmos, Santos said, ‘That cocktail they love on ‘Sex and the City.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth Watching“The Menu” star John Leguizamo talked about his experience trying cobra blood on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightLily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, Rita Moreno and Sally Field will talk about their new film, “80 for Brady,” on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutLuis A. Miranda Jr. invested in the documentary “Going Varsity in Mariachi.”Sundance InstituteMore people of color are financing movies focused on elevating underrepresented voices at this year’s Sundance Film Festival. More

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      Stephen Colbert Is Charmed by Republican Concerns About Ron DeSantis

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      “It’s true. DeSantis is best on paper — specifically, that roll by the toilet,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.This Charming ManRepublicans are eyeing Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis as an alternative presidential candidate to Donald Trump for 2024, but G.O.P. insiders are struggling with DeSantis’s perceived lack of charm, saying he’s better on paper.“Oh, come on! You’re telling me this man lacks charm?” Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday. “He’s got the smooth style of a nonplayable character in a PlayStation 2 game.”“Hey, get out of my bank with your skateboard, Tony Hawk!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT, imitating a stiff DeSantis as a character in a video game“It’s true. DeSantis is best on paper — specifically, that roll by the toilet.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In a new episode of a podcast, former President Trump said that he heard Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis may challenge him for the Republican presidential nomination and added, ‘We’ll handle that the way I handle things.’ So, get ready, Ron — he’s gonna cheat on you.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Brady’s Big Loss Edition)“Last night, the Dallas Cowboys knocked Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers out of the playoffs. Yeah, and now fans want to know, will Tom Brady retire, or retire then immediately unretire?” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, after the game, Brady was thinking about retiring, but then he saw the price of eggs and was like, ‘I can’t retire now.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I don’t know what else Brady wants to accomplish, though. It’s kind of like Jeff Bezos playing Mega Millions. It’s like, you already have all the money.” — JIMMY FALLON“He was 7-0 against Dallas lifetime, now he’s 7-1. Brady was reportedly so upset after the game, he ate a carb.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“According to a new report, three N.F.L. teams are considering pursuing quarterback Tom Brady when he becomes a free agent. Not to mention about a dozen bocce leagues.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel returned for another segment of “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” on Tuesday.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe “Shotgun Wedding” star Jennifer Lopez will stop by “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Wednesday.Also, Check This OutBen WisemanBroadway has deepened its gayness of late with new plays and musicals exploring queer themes, characters and songs. More

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      Late Night Chides Biden Over Birthday Gaffe

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      Stephen Colbert and other hosts poked fun at the president for seeming to forget the name of Martin Luther King Jr.’s daughter-in-law while singing her a birthday tune on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Forget-Me-NotLate night hosts poked fun at President Joe Biden on Monday after he seemed to forget the name of Martin Luther King Jr.’s daughter-in-law while singing her happy birthday at an event honoring the civil rights leader.“People are accusing him of forgetting her name,” Stephen Colbert said. “That’s not fair — he clearly never knew her name.”“Or maybe they’re just such good friends that he’s calling her by her nickname: ‘Lar-lurh.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“First rule: Don’t start singing ‘Happy Birthday’ unless you know the person’s name.” — JIMMY FALLON“There’s a reason why the birthday song at TGI Fridays doesn’t have the name in it.” — JIMMY FALLON“Rookie move, Joe. Every singer knows that when you forget the lyric, that’s when you point the mic towards the crowd.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Clue Edition)“The White House announced over the weekend that a third batch of classified documents was found at President Biden’s Delaware home. You know, finding new ones every few days isn’t helping. What are you guys doing over there? Searching one drawer at a time? Did he hide the documents in an advent calendar?” — SETH MEYERS“Over the weekend, five more classified documents were found at his home in Delaware, along with 9,000 stolen packets of Sweet’N Low” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At this point, they’ve found documents in so many places, it’s like we’re playing Clue. It’s like, ‘North Korea’s nuclear codes in the garage with the Corvette!’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yup, the scandal has gotten so big, today Hunter Biden told his dad, ‘I can’t be seen with you right now.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Joe’s making me do something I swore I would never do: care about what happens in Delaware.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This might not even be the end, because sources say there are multiple additional spots that could be searched and it’s possible additional documents could still be found. Well, if this goes on till the spring, they can kill two birds and combine the search with the White House Easter egg hunt.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingNatalie Portman, Stephen Yeun, Danny DeVito, and several other actors performed a dramatic re-enactment of a NextDoor thread on Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightLeslie Jones will kick off a weeklong guest-hosting residency on “The Daily Show” on Tuesday.Also, Check This OutA selection of designer sunglasses owned by the late Andre Leon Talley are among his possessions to be auctioned by Christie’s.Christie’s“The Collection of André Leon Talley” is a 448-lot estate auction that will go on a three-city tour this winter, with proceeds benefiting Black churches. More

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      Stephen Colbert: ‘Say It Ain’t So, Joe!’

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      Late night hosts lamented that more classified documents were found, this time in President Biden’s Delaware garage.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Car-a-Lago’Late night hosts ribbed President Biden on Thursday after additional classified documents were uncovered in his care, this time in the garage of his Delaware home.“No!” Stephen Colbert cried at the top of his monologue. “Say it ain’t so, Joe!”“I know you’re retirement age — are you starting a collection? They’re classified documents, not spoons from the Delaware Train Museum!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The White House announced today that President Biden’s aides found classified documents at several locations inside his Delaware home. And he’s had them for a while, because a lot of them have to do with the Louisiana Purchase.” — SETH MEYERS“You’ve heard of Mar-a-Lago — this is Car-a-Lago.” — JAMES CORDEN“Good Lord, apparently presidents lose classified documents the way we lose AirPods.” — JIMMY FALLON“Which is more dangerous: Joe Biden having classified documents in his garage, or Joe Biden having the keys to a Corvette?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He calls it ‘Stud Force One.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL[imitating Biden] “It’s in a locked garage. You think I might leave my sweet cherry Vette out on the main drag where some street thugs could scuff it with their switchblades? No sirree. I keep that baby locked up tight in my garage. Sunday afternoons, I go in there and buff it with a handful of missile maps.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (No Shame in His Blame Edition)“Back in 2017, Trump floated the idea of nuking North Korea and blaming the attack on another country. The old ‘Canada did it’ routine.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“According to a new book, then-President Trump discussed in 2017 the possibility of striking North Korea with a nuclear weapon and then blaming it on another country. Even weirder, he wanted to blame it on Belgium.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, Trump discussed the possibility of striking North Korea with a nuclear weapon and then blaming it on another country. Oh, my God. Seriously? It’s nuclear war, not a fart.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingThe Property Brothers performed a cover of The Righteous Brothers’ hit “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJoni Mitchell, in 2022.Frazer Harrison/Getty ImagesJoni Mitchell has been named this year’s recipient of the Gershwin Prize for Popular Song and will be honored with a tribute concert on March 1 in Washington. PBS will air the special on March 31. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Jokes About Biden Aides Finding More Classified Documents

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      After the discovery of a new batch of documents tied to President Biden, Kimmel joked that America is “one episode of ‘Storage Wars’ away from finding out who killed J.F.K.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.What’s Up, Docs?After finding a stash of classified documents earlier this week, aides for President Biden discovered another batch of them at a second undisclosed location on Wednesday.Jimmy Kimmel joked that America is “one episode of ‘Storage Wars’ away from finding out who killed J.F.K.”“So staffers for Joe Biden are now searching everywhere he could’ve possibly left documents — his knapsack, his pill organizer, under the arch at the 1904 World’s Fair.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They could be in a birthday card he sent to his grandkids next to a crisp two-dollar bill. No one knows.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And, of course, any time documents are mishandled, top-secret documents, it needs to be taken seriously. That’s something Republicans and Democrats believe, although Republicans have only believed it since Monday.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Major F.A.A.-il Edition)“Early this morning, all flights across the U.S. were grounded due to a failure with the F.A.A.’s computer system. Yeah. Zero flights took off, but somehow everyone’s luggage still ended up in Pittsburgh.” — JIMMY FALLON“Their system went down, resulting in an awful morning for travelers, and a great morning for Southwest Airlines. They were like, ‘Wasn’t our fault this time!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Well, this is what happens when you run your entire aviation system off a Boingo hotspot.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, no one could fix the computer glitch. One guy at the F.A.A. said, ‘I don’t know, maybe unplug it, plug it back in?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Meanwhile, the outage happened while some planes were in the air. If there’s one thing you don’t want to hear from your pilot, it’s ‘Attention, passengers: Do yourselves a favor and stay off Twitter for a little bit.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan came by to direct Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSigourney Weaver, star of “Avatar: The Way of Water,” will sit down with James Corden on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutValeria Golino, left, and Giordana Marengo in a scene from “The Lying Life of Adults,” a six-episode adaptation of Elena Ferrante’s 2019 novel.Eduardo Castaldo/Netflix Netflix’s new adaptation of Elena Ferrante’s novel “The Lying Life of Adults” follows two young women coming of age in Naples. More

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      Prince Harry Engages in ‘Group Therapy’ With a Glass of Tequila

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      “This is the other side of the story,” the prince said of his new memoir, “Spare,” while chatting with Stephen Colbert on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Other Side of the Story’Prince Harry discussed his new memoir, “Spare,” on “The Late Show” on Tuesday, with Stephen Colbert offering Harry a cocktail at the start.“I hear you like tequila,” Colbert said, pouring each of them a glass.Keeping a comfortable and friendly rapport, Prince Harry answered Colbert’s probing but respectful questions about his life and family.“This feels a little bit like group therapy,” Harry said at one point with a laugh.Colbert asked Harry about early leaks of the memoir that were published in the British tabloids. The prince cautioned people to be wary of the stories, stressing the importance of context.“Context is everything, and unfortunately, due to those leaks, the British press, which are central to so much of my story in my 38 years up until this point, and after spending two years focused on context, what I am going to share, how I am going to share it and being able to piece it all together, they intentionally chose to strip away all the context and take out individual segments of my life, my story and every experience that I’ve had and turn it into a salacious headline.” — PRINCE HARRY“This is the other side of the story. There’s a lot in here that perhaps makes people feel uncomfortable and scared.” — PRINCE HARRY“Look, I’m not going to lie — the last few days have been hurtful and challenging and not being able to do anything about those leaks that you refer to. Perhaps — well, not perhaps, without doubt — the most dangerous lie that they have told is that I somehow boasted about the number of people that I killed in Afghanistan.” — PRINCE HARRY“My words are not dangerous, but the spin of my words are very dangerous.” — PRINCE HARRYPrince Harry also spoke about leaving the royal family and Britain with his wife, Meghan Markle, and his assumption that they would be left alone.“That was a real eye-opener for me. I never thought that they would be away from it completely, but I did think that we would get some form of peace. But that is when I realized that actually our mere existence outside of that institutional control was more of a threat. And you know, there’s a similar thing that happened to my mom as well. And, look, they always knew that my wife was going to leave because of the way they were abusing her, but I think the most embarrassing thing was that I decided to leave with her.” — PRINCE HARRY“I have never seen the level of abuse and harassment that I witnessed over my wife. Other members of the family, they have experienced different forms of that, but to see it happen the way it happened, I was naïve going into it and I didn’t realize that the British press would be so bigoted. But even if I had, I wouldn’t have accepted or understood that they could get away with it. But here we are, and I’ve created — or we have created — a fantastic life here in California.” — PRINCE HARRYColbert asked Harry what his mother, Princess Diana, would have thought about the current family dynamic, especially between Harry and his brother, Prince William.“It is impossible to say where we would be now, where those relationships would be now, but there is no way that the distance between my brother and I would be the same.” — PRINCE HARRY“I’ve really felt the presence of my mom, especially the last couple of years. I detail in the book my brother and I talking at her grave and how he felt as though she had been with him for a long period of time and helped set him up with life and that he felt she was moving over to me. And I have felt her more in the last two years than I have the last 30.” — PRINCE HARRYHarry admitted that he has watched “The Crown.” Colbert asked if he fact-checks the series while he watches.“Yes, I do, actually. Which by the way, by the way — another reason why it is so important that history has it right.” — PRINCE HARRYThe Punchiest Punchlines (What’s Up, Docs? Edition)“Today, Obama was like, ‘Nothing to worry about. If Joe had access, it wasn’t important.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Biden was shocked and said he had no idea how the documents got there. Then Hunter Biden was like, ‘OK, so don’t get mad.’” — JIMMY FALLON“There are said to be just under a dozen documents related to Ukraine, Iran and the U.K., and for the MAGA crowd, this was like Christmas and the McRib coming back at the same time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Is this just what every president does now, just scatter a trail of intelligence like Johnny Document-seed?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Wow, it’s alarming when you realize how much of our national security relies on old men keeping track of loose pages.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingLeslie Jones teased her upcoming gig as a “Daily Show” guest host on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe rapper and actor Common will visit Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutSimona Tabasco broke through to American audiences in the second season of “The White Lotus.” Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty ImagesThe “White Lotus” star Simona Tabasco shares her love of “Titane,” the Tate Modern and other cultural touchstones in this week’s My Ten. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: McCarthy Won After Near-Knockout Punches

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      “It got so out of control, I thought I was watching the Oscars,” Kimmel said of Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s 15-round ordeal.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘A Full Ali-Frazier’After 15 rounds of voting, Kevin McCarthy was sworn in as speaker of the House of Representatives early on Saturday morning.Jimmy Kimmel called it “a full Ali-Frazier,” saying “it was the political equivalent of handing your kid an iPad to shut him up.”“Things really started to spin out on the floor of the House. It got so out of control, I thought I was watching the Oscars.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Ahead of the last round of voting for House speaker, Alabama Congressman Mike Rogers appeared to charge at fellow Republican Representative Matt Gaetz. And, out of habit, Gaetz yelled ‘I’ve never even met your daughter!’” — SETH MEYERS“That’s a face mask violation — 15 yards. It was really the most exciting hour of cable news in quite some time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oh, my God. I don’t know if men should hold political office. They’re just too emotional!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s one thing to hold a dude back by his shoulders, but by his face? Is this the House of Representatives or a Long Island wedding?” — SETH MEYERS“Republicans resorting to violence on the House floor? What a perfect way to honor the two-year anniversary of Jan. 6.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (New But Not Improved Edition)“After 15 rounds of voting, McCarthy pulled off the impossible — he got people to watch C-SPAN for an entire week.” — JIMMY FALLON“I can’t even imagine what McCarthy was going through. It must have felt like sitting outside Applebee’s and waiting four days for your disc to buzz.” — JIMMY FALLON“McCarthy was like, ‘I’m just glad it didn’t go to a 16th vote. That would have been humiliating.’” — JIMMY FALLON“We have a new, not improved, but we have a new speaker of the House.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They chose McCarthy the same way you choose Thai food on New Year’s Day: ‘You guys want Thai? Well, nothing else is open!’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actress Gwyneth Paltrow offered some post-divorce dating advice on Monday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightPrince Harry will pop by Tuesday’s “Late Show” to discuss his new memoir, “Spare,” with Stephen Colbert.Also, Check This Out“M3GAN,” about a robot doll programmed to befriend and protect a young girl (Violet McGraw), riffs on some of the classic conundrums that arise when a machine develops humanlike qualities.Universal PicturesIn the scary movie “M3GAN,” the titular robot doll’s dancing is part of the horror. More