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      Seth Meyers Contemplates the 2024 Presidential Matchup

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      Meyers said a Biden-versus-Trump rematch would be “like a book club you feel obligated to attend.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Painful Re-pairingBefore the Hollywood writers’ strike was announced on Monday, Seth Meyers ruminated on the forthcoming 2024 presidential campaign, wondering who might be the Republican front-runner.“We’re still a year and a half away, so a lot could change,” Meyers said. “Like, I don’t know, the Republican nominee could be running while under house arrest.”“Ron DeSantis was supposed to help the G.O.P. move past the former president, but he has one big political liability: He’s Ron DeSantis.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“A Biden-versus-Trump rematch is like a book club you feel obligated to attend even though everyone there annoys the [expletive] out of you.” — SETH MEYERS“At this point, the Biden-Trump rematch just feels like your six-month checkup at the dentist. Like, when they ask you when you want to come back, you want to say ‘Never’ but, you know you just have to pick a random Tuesday in November and get it over with.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (White House Correspondents’ Dinner Edition)“Speaking of Biden, on Saturday night, he gave some remarks at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yep, Biden made jokes about his age, Ron DeSantis, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Fox News. Afterwards he called me up and said, ‘Jimmy, I’ve gotta say your job’s not that hard.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Biden took a few shots over the weekend at the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner, which, you know, Trump never went to this event when he was in office. Hard to believe he doesn’t have a great sense of humor about himself.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingSasha Colby, the most recent winner on “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” sat down with correspondent-turned-guest host Dulce Sloan on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What to Expect on Tuesday NightIt is unlikely that any late night shows will be taped on Tuesday because of the strike. Earlier, British singer-songwriter Arlo Parks had been scheduled to perform on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutCovers of some of the books out in May.The New York TimesTom Hanks’ debut novel and a landmark biography of Martin Luther King Jr. are two of 13 recommended new books coming in May. More

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      Late Night Laughs at Elon Musk’s SpaceX Explosion

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      “When people saw the rocket light up and start smoking, they were like, ‘All right, happy 4/20, everybody!’” Jimmy Fallon joked on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Light It UpSpaceX and its chief executive, Elon Musk, saw the company’s Starship rocket explode on Thursday, just four minutes after launch.“Yeah at first, when people saw the rocket light up and start smoking, they were like, ‘All right, happy 4/20, everybody!’” Jimmy Fallon joked.“SpaceX is now saying they triggered the explosion, but originally when it happened, they called it a ‘rapid unscheduled disassembly.’ That sounds like what celebrities say when they’re getting divorced: ‘Our marriage is going through a rapid unscheduled disassembly — please respect our privacy at this time.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I have to hand it to him — ‘rapid unscheduled disassembly’ is one hell of a way to describe your rocket blowing up. That’s up there with ‘wardrobe malfunction’ and ‘conscious uncoupling.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Right after the giant explosion, Elon was like, ‘Oh, crap, did we launch a Tesla by mistake?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Elon’s defenders were quick to point out that this was only a test and the rocket was actually supposed to explode, which is definitely what I would say if my $3 billion rocket exploded.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Expensive Overcompensation Edition)“And to the haters who said Musk couldn’t possibly destroy something faster than Twitter, joke’s on you.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“They’re calling this the most expensive penis overcompensation in American history.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, it took off fast, was flying high and then, all of a sudden, it exploded — kind of like Ron DeSantis’s presidential campaign.” — JIMMY FALLON“That disassembly cost SpaceX $3 billion, which, you could defame four different voting machine companies for that much money.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingDanny Trejo joined Stephen Colbert to make some recipes from his new cookbook, “Trejo’s Cantina,” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutLittle Richard in 1956. The rock ‘n’ roll trailblazer is the subject of the documentary “Little Richard: I Am Everything.”Pictorial Press Ltd/Alamy Stock Photo/Magnolia PicturesThe new documentary “Little Richard: I Am Everything” presents the early rock ’n’ roll performer as a man of many contradictions. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Chides Fox News for Not Covering Its Lawsuit Settlement

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      Kimmel joked the lack of coverage had to be an oversight: “Man, oh, man, is Rupert Murdoch going to be mad when he finds out about this!”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Willful IgnoranceFox News and Dominion’s settlement continued to dominate the news cycle on Wednesday — everywhere except on Fox News.Jimmy Kimmel joked the omission was surely an “oversight,” saying he was curious “how Fox News was going to cover the story about themselves” and was unable to find anything about it on their home page.“Nothing about the huge payment for lying to their viewers.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Man, oh, man, is Rupert Murdoch going to be mad when he finds out about this!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This massive settlement was the number one story on every single cable news network except one. Take a guess.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Dominion also has a defamation case against Rudy Giuliani, also for $1.3 billion. That’s a lot, man. They are suing Rudy for everything he’s got, which at this point, I believe, is a stolen CVS shopping cart full of empty merlot bottles and a jar full of spare teeth.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Look, I’m happy for Dominion, but Dominion was not the only injured party here. What about, you know, our faith in democracy? There are people who will not trust elections for the rest of their lives, and I have to talk to those people! I’m going to be arguing with them at Trump rallies every four years for the rest of my life. And you know what? I’m not naïve. I didn’t expect this lawsuit to restore this country’s faith in elections or even for me to get a little cashola, no. But I was at least hoping to get a couple of weeks of joy out of seeing Sean Hannity up there on the stand, sweating through his shirt like a beached manatee. Would that have saved democracy? I don’t know. But it would have been nice to see.” — JORDAN KLEPPER, guest host of “The Daily Show”The Punchiest Punchlines (Lie-ability Edition)“This is a huge hit to Fox’s bottom line, although it’s not clear if insurance will cover some of Fox’s liability. Of course, Fox has to have liability insurance to insure their ability to lie.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Although, I don’t know who would insure them. Maybe Frauders: [singing] ‘We are Frauders, insuring Fox was dumb, dumb, dumb!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Two hours after the settlement was announced he can’t confirm how much Fox News paid? If only this Fox News anchor had some source at Fox News!” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to Fox News host Howie Kurtz saying he couldn’t confirm the settlement amountThe Bits Worth WatchingMichelle Obama surprised patrons of a Midtown bookstore with Jimmy Fallon’s help on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightIndie rock trio boygenius will perform on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutFrank Ocean performing at The Parklife Festival in 2017. Ocean has backed out of his second Coachella performance this weekend.Visionhaus#GP/Corbis via Getty ImagesFrank Ocean pulled out of Coachella this weekend, citing a leg injury that led to a disappointing headlining performance last Sunday. More

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      Stephen Colbert Rues the Fox Settlement

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      “I wanted to see Rupert Murdoch put his hand on the Bible and burst into flames!” Colbert said of Fox News settling the defamation suit brought by Dominion Voting Systems.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trial and ErrorDominion Voting Systems settled its defamation lawsuit against Fox News on Tuesday, with the conservative news network agreeing to pay $787.5 million to avoid a trial.“I want my trial!” Stephen Colbert bemoaned on Tuesday.“I want it! You were supposed to provide me six weeks of delicious content! I wanted to see Rupert Murdoch put his hand on the Bible and burst into flames!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I guess it’s satisfying for Dominion that Rupey had to fork over a pile of cash, but that does nothing for our democracy. What we need is Fox News personalities to look straight into the camera, admit that they lied over and over again about the 2020 election, and then hurl themselves into Mount Doom.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I am glad that there is some accountability here. But still, I am pretty disappointed we are not going to get a trial, because all the Fox anchors would have been forced to testify. It would have been like the ‘Seinfeld’ finale, but instead of — instead of soup Nazis, it’s just Nazis.” — JORDAN KLEPPER, guest host of “The Daily Show”“Since Fox is going to have to pay nearly a billion dollars, they’ll need to implement cost-cutting measures. Sadly, they have to fire Brian Kilmeade’s reading tutor, Jeanine Pirro has to switch to the cheap box of wine, development on a third Doocy has been halted. They’re going to have to switch from Jesse Watters to tap waters. And of course, they’re going to have to put down Sean Hannity.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Settling Up Edition)“You could tell Fox was stressed about the trial ‘cause they spent the day chugging Bud Light.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s going to take a lot of reverse mortgage ads to pay that one off.” — JIMMY KIMMEL on the settlement“Immediately after the settlement, Fox issued a statement that said, ‘This settlement reflects Fox’s commitment to the highest journalistic standards.’ They’re already lying in their statement about lying.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s a fitting lesson for the world from the American justice system. Yes, it is — there’s a price to pay for lying to the American people, and if you can afford that price, go for it!” — JAMES CORDEN“Fox News has to pay Dominion nearly $800 million. It’s so much money, they’ve already started selling ad space on Tucker Carlson’s forehead.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingJordan Klepper took “Daily Show” cameras inside the world’s largest gun show.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightMichelle Obama will appear on “The Tonight Show” on Wednesday.Also, Check This Out“I wanted to be considered for a range of roles,” Chita Rivera writes in her new memoir, “and for the most part I succeeded.” Daniel Dorsa for The New York TimesThe 90-year-old singer-dancer Chita Rivera reflects on her life and career in “Chita: A Memoir.” More

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      Late Night Skewers Clarence Thomas for Not Disclosing Gifts

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      “The Daily Show” guest host Jordan Klepper joked that Thomas has “taken more free vacations than all the Bravo housewives combined.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Best of FriendsJustice Clarence Thomas is under fire for unreported gifts, trips and other financial transactions with the conservative donor Harlan Crow.On Monday, the “Daily Show” guest host Jordan Klepper joked that Thomas is “the Supreme Court justice who’s taken more free vacations than all the Bravo housewives combined.”“Last week, we learned that Thomas had secretly accepted luxury trips from right-wing billionaire Harlan Crow. And that’s his actual name, not his ‘Game of Thrones’ cosplay character.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Crow is an arch-conservative who’s known for his assorted Nazi memorabilia and garden full of statues of the 20th century’s worst despots. It’s so impressive that they put him on the cover of ‘Hitler Homes and Goebbels.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“On top of that, Clarence Thomas’s mom is still living in that house rent-free, and Harlan Crow is paying for thousands of dollars of renovations. All of which Clarence Thomas should have disclosed by law — although, in his defense, the law is complicated, and he is only a Supreme Court justice.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Justice Thomas claims that he did not have to report all these gifts because he and Crow are such close buds. But this must be one hell of a friendship because on Thursday we learned that, back in 2014, Harlan Crow bought property from Clarence Thomas, including the house where Thomas’s elderly mother was living. That might give him a little influence.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, Crow claims there’s nothing corrupt about this, saying, ‘My intention is to one day create a public museum at the Thomas home.’ Just a reminder, Harlan Crow has Hitler’s napkins and a statue of Stalin in his garden. So building you a museum? Not a huge compliment.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Love is Blind Edition)“Netflix is apologizing after last night’s ‘Love is Blind’ live reunion was delayed due to technical issues. Yeah, even though they couldn’t see the reunion, ‘Love is Blind’ fans still managed to fall in love with it anyway.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingFreddie Highmore, a guest on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” shared horror stories from previous talk show experiences (though he would not name names).What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightFresh from her Coachella performance, the rapper Glorilla will perform Tuesday on Jimmy Kimmel.Also, Check This OutJessica Hecht, left, said she and her “Summer, 1976” castmate, Laura Linney, right, share a “clarity of purpose.” She added: “I’m interested in plays that talk about intimacy.”Thea Traff for The New York TimesLaura Linney and Jessica Hecht play intensely intimate friends in David Auburn’s new play, “Summer, 1976.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Can Tell When Fox News Is Lying

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      A judge said he would probably appoint a “special master” to investigate whether Fox had misled the court. The “Late Show” host thinks he’s up to the job.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fox News NewsA judge sanctioned Fox News on Wednesday for withholding evidence relevant to Dominion Voting Systems’ lawsuit. He said he would probably appoint a “special master” — an outside lawyer — to investigate whether the network had misled the court.“So the job is to figure out whether Fox News lies?” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday. “Hold on, hold on — am I a special master? Do I get a sash?”“Over in Fox News News, today they began jury selection in Dominion’s $1.6 billion defamation suit against Fox, and this trial’s gonna be juicy. For instance, the judge has ruled that Dominion can compel testimony from Fox News personalities Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity and Jeanine Pirro. And to make sure Jeanine Pirro tells the truth, they’re swearing her in on a box of wine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So the judge is furious because Fox withheld the tapes. Although to be fair to Fox, they might not have known which embarrassing Rudy Giuliani tape they were being asked for. The one where the oil was leaking from his head or the one where he’s farting in court? The one where he’s unbuttoning his pants for Borat’s daughter? Or could it be the one where he held a press conference outside a dildo shop? How are they supposed to keep track of them all?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Solitary Confinement for Dummies’ Edition)“This afternoon, the FBI arrested a 21-year-old Massachusetts Air National Guardsman in connection with the leaking of classified documents that were posted online. The leaker is described as a lonely young man who is part of a chatroom group that shares a love of guns and military gear. You know how sometimes — you know you find yourself going, ‘It’s always who you least suspect, isn’t it?’ This isn’t one of those times.” — JAMES CORDEN“Teixeira was taken into custody in Massachusetts, where just moments before, he was seen from a helicopter reading a book on his porch. That book: ‘Solitary Confinement for Dummies.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, for taking these classified documents home, Teixeira could face charges under the Espionage Act and could get up to 10 years in prison per document. So he’s in trouble unless he declassified them with his mind.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to a Donald Trump declassification technique“As a 21-year-old, he’s devastated that this mistake may cost him his future, but he’s also thrilled that he’s posted something online and it totally went viral.” — JAMES CORDEN“He posted some of the documents in a chatroom for gamers, and I don’t even know how this works. Does someone like write, ‘Hey guys, how do I win in Fortnite?’ and you respond like, ‘I don’t know, but here’s some satellite images of Ukraine.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingBen Affleck revealed a secret from his youthful past on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This Out“Hilma” is about Hilma af Klint, who believed that spirits guided her to paint.Juno FilmsLasse Hallstrom’s biopic “Hilma” follows the life and career of the mystical artist Hilma af Klint. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Skewers Trump for Tucker Carlson Interview

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      Kimmel called the interview “a 45-minute blabfest,” saying it made “one thing very clear: the fact that Donald Trump is a profoundly stupid person.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Together AgainFormer President Donald Trump sat down for a lengthy interview with Tucker Carlson on Fox News on Tuesday.Jimmy Kimmel called the interview “a 45-minute blabfest,” saying it made “one thing very clear: the fact that Donald Trump is a profoundly stupid person.”“It was quite a chat. Trump covered everything from World War III, which he seems to be rooting for, to wanting to take the president of China to a Broadway show, and also he — as he often does — managed to shoo in some thoughts about the N-word.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He does not have the best words. He is not a stable genius. That mental competency test he’s always bragging that he passed? This is something the average 7-year-old could pass, OK? — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Harsh Accurate Words’ Edition)“Last night, the former sat down with Tucker Carlson who, thanks to revelations from the Dominion lawsuit, we now know hates the president passionately, privately texting that he’s ‘a demonic force.’ Harsh, accurate words.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He’s terrified because three weeks ago, we found out he’d been texting his co-workers about Trump saying, ‘I hate him passionately,’ he’s ‘a demonic force,’ he’s ‘a destroyer, he’s not going to destroy us,’ ‘I’ve been thinking about this every day for four years.’ And then, after thinking about it for four years, Tuck sat down with the demonic force and slobbered all over his Christmas ornaments.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJoan Baez, visiting the “Late Show,” talked with Stephen Colbert about singing “We Shall Overcome” with Representative Justin Jones in Nashville this week.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightBen Affleck, star of “Air,” will pop by Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutOver the last two decades, Rita Indiana has become one of the Caribbean’s foremost cultural agitators.Luisa Opalesky for The New York TimesThe Novelist/musician Rita Indiana’s new show “Tu nombre verdadero” (“Your Real Name”) debuts in New York on Friday. More

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      Late Night Reacts to the Official End of the Covid Era

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      Jimmy Kimmel joked that President Biden declared the pandemic’s end “about a year after the rest of us did.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The End of an EraPresident Biden signed a congressional resolution into law on Monday, officially ending the U.S. national emergency response to the Covid-19 pandemic.Jimmy Kimmel called it “the dawn of a new era,” joking that Biden declared the pandemic’s end “about a year after the rest of us did.”“I’m not sure what it means for our health, but here this means that we here can finally get back to some of our favorite prepandemic ‘Late Show’ segments, like ‘subway blind taste test.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I have to say, I learned a lot during the pandemic. I learned that people who are most resistant to the government telling them what to do also happen to be the people who most need the government to tell them what to do and ironically are the same people who are most supportive of the government telling other people what to do.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But it wasn’t all bad. There were some positives. People helped each other. We found out who in our communities care about others, and maybe most importantly, we now have enough toilet paper to last the rest of our lives.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The end of the Covid era is surprisingly kind of bittersweet. This morning, I did something — I wiped down my groceries just for old-time sake. I actually bought a bottle of Purell and wiped it down with Purell.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Biden Goes to Belfast Edition)“Then this morning Biden was off to the emerald Ireland. The trip is part diplomacy and part homecoming, because Biden’s ancestors came to the U.S. from Ireland in the mid-1800s, when Biden was just a teen.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Biden is a proud Irish American. He’s planning to visit relatives over there from the Blewitt family — that’s his family’s name — and I really hope the visit goes well, because if Biden blows it with the Blewitts, Fox News is going to have a field day tomorrow.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Biden is making the trip to discuss Brexit, address Ireland’s parliament, and, if he’s got time later in the week, to meet with Brendan Gleeson and Colin Farrell to see if he can’t just patch up all of this silliness.” — JAMES CORDEN, referring to the plot and stars of “The Banshees of Inisherin”The Bits Worth WatchingTuesday’s “Late Show” guest Jennifer Garner recalled how she once landed Jennifer Coolidge’s dream role, playing a dolphin.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night“Mrs. Davis” star Betty Gilpin will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutAlison Goldfrapp in London. The singer, best known for her duo, Goldfrapp, is going solo in May.Rosie Marks for The New York TimesAlison Goldfrapp’s new solo album, “The Love Invention,” is a disco-tinged departure from her usual. More