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      Chelsea Handler Chides the Supreme Court

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      “At this point I’d probably have more rights if my vagina was an AR-15,” Handler mused on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Speaking From ExperienceChelsea Handler kicked off four nights of guest hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Monday night, saying, “I will be here all week long, or at least until Republicans make it illegal for women to talk.”“Jimmy is off right now doing whatever the [expletive] he wants with his body.” — CHELSEA HANDLERHandler dedicated her monologue to the Supreme Court’s Friday decision to overturn Roe v. Wade.“Remember like five days ago when Fox News told us the biggest threat facing America was drag queens? That was cute.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“At this point I’d probably have more rights if my vagina was an AR-15.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“And by the way, I’m speaking from experience on all of this as someone who had three abortions in high school. And if that sounds too extreme, let’s pretend I had two. Because here’s the thing: This planet is a much safer place without me polluting it with my children. I’m responsible enough to know that we don’t need any more pothead molly-loving alcoholics running around topless.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“Not only has this decision further divided our country, most families now have two separate group texts going: one with relatives who support the rights of women and one with the relatives who live in Florida.” — CHELSEA HANDLERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Supreme Court Edition)“Everyone is talking about the Supreme Court after they made some pretty major decisions over the last few days, and let me just sum it up for you: They basically said whether it’s a gun or a baby, you’re carrying something.” — JIMMY FALLON“So, reproductive rights in America lasted for less time than ‘The Young and the Restless.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“People just want things done. No one cares about Kente cloth or singing on the Capitol steps and especially not poetry, all right? I feel like any moment now Chuck Schumer is going to throw on a fake pregnant belly, and just take a knee in the Capitol and be like ‘We are all pregnant now and we’re standing together.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth Watching“The Daily Show” correspondent Michael Kosta investigated vasectomies on Monday’s show.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightRepresentative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutAnnie Hardy, left, and Angela Enohoro in “Dashcam.”Blumhouse ProductionsThis month’s picks for five new horror films available to stream now are scary, but not too scary. More

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      Stephen Colbert Taunts Ron Johnson for Faking It

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      Colbert said that the Wisconsin senator tried to avoid talking to reporters after Tuesday’s Jan. 6 hearing, “but like most things, he’s not very good at that.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bad FakeTuesday’s Jan. 6 hearings presented evidence suggesting that Senator Ron Johnson sought to hand-deliver fake elector votes from Michigan and his home state of Wisconsin to then-Vice President Mike Pence. Johnson acknowledged receiving the package but claimed he had no idea where it came from or what it contained.“It could have been anything in that envelope — he doesn’t care. Fake electors, angry bees, naked pictures of Mary Todd Lincoln. It don’t matter to Ron — he’s just a delivery boy,” Stephen Colbert joked on Wednesday.“You know those announcements in the airport when they say, ‘Do not carry onto the flight a package for someone you don’t know’? I’ve always wondered who those announcements are for. Turns out, it’s Ron Johnson.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“During yesterday’s hearing on the Capitol attack, committee members showed texts that indicated Republican Senator Ron Johnson wanted to hand-deliver a list of fake electors for then-Vice President Mike Pence to introduce on Jan. 6. You sent that over text? How do you send bribes — Venmo?” — SETH MEYERS“When this came out, Johnson tried to avoid talking to reporters, but like most things, he’s not very good at that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Everyone knows you put the phone on the same side as the reporter — that’s scam artistry 101.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Farewell to Juul Edition)“Finally, if you are one of those people who regularly likes to vape, first of all, congratulations on being basic, and second of all, you might want to stock up because your supply is about to run out.” — TREVOR NOAH“The F.D.A. just announced that they are banning all Juul e-cigarettes in the U.S. Yeah, no more Juul. No more Juul. That will explain tomorrow when you see a bunch of your co-workers sucking on a Glade plug-in.” — JIMMY FALLON“But this is a big move by the F.D.A., because you realize Juul is the iconic vaping brand. So by them doing this, it is like going after soda by banning Coke, or going after coke by banning Don Jr.” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s a big deal because if they also ban fedoras, your old college roommate is going to have a nervous breakdown.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s a tough day for everyone who loves ingesting chemicals, you know what I’m saying? Can’t even huff gas anymore — it’s too expensive.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” the guest host, Sean Hayes, revealed he was an original cast member of the hit Netflix show “Ozark” and shared scenes from the cutting-room floor.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightEvan Rachel Wood will appear on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutFrom left: Naomi McPherson, Josette Maskin and Katie Gavin of Muna. The band’s third album, “Muna,” moves in more pop-influenced directions.Tonje Thilesen for The New York TimesThe Indie-pop group Muna is back with a self-titled third album and a new label boss: Phoebe Bridgers. More

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      Trevor Noah Calls Out Rudy Giuliani for Being ‘Thirsty’

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      “Yeah, Rudy made so many unanswered calls, the iPhone started labeling him as spam,” Noah said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Spam LikelyThe Jan. 6 hearings continued on Tuesday, where reports of former President Trump’s attempt to flip the outcome of the election with state officials took center stage.“One of the people Trump depended on most in the pressure campaign was Rudy Giuliani, his personal lawyer and final boss in a Resident Evil game,” Trevor Noah said on Tuesday. “Unfortunately, it seemed like no one wanted to take Rudy’s calls.”“Yeah, Rudy made so many unanswered calls, the iPhone started labeling him as spam.” — TREVOR NOAH“Can we acknowledge what a fall this has been, huh? This man went from being an American hero to now sounding like a telemarketer selling a coup: [imitating Giuliani] ‘If you order now, I’ll throw in that chair Abraham Lincoln is sitting on.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And you know, this is another example of how historic President Trump really was. Any other time in U.S. history, if the president’s lawyer called someone, they would take that call. But when Trump’s vampire lawyer called people, everyone was, like, ‘Tell him I’m not here! Yeah, tell him I went camping and died!’” — TREVOR NOAH“Also, not that I’m encouraging it, because I’m not, but if you are going to try to overturn an election, maybe don’t leave voice mails? It’s a paper trail. Also it’s 2022 — text! Who leaves voice mails? You realize how thirsty you’re coming off? ‘Hey, it’s me again.’ Come on, Rudy, just hit ’em with a quick late-night ‘U Up? For subverting democracy? Eggplant emoji, red hat emoji, vampire emoji.’ Come on, Rudy, keep up with the times!” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Summer Solstice Edition)“Thank you for joining us on the first day of summer, which is wild. This is the day when both the sun and Jimmy Kimmel are said to be at their highest.” — SEAN HAYES, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“Today is also known as the summer solstice, which is the longest day of the year, which is funny, because I thought the longest day of the year was the time I saw Steven Seagal do Shakespeare in the park.” — SEAN HAYES“Out of all the days in the year, this is the one where we get the most sunlight, so if you were still sad today, I hate to break to it you, but your seasonal depression is just regular depression.” — SEAN HAYES“Of course I’m in a good mood today. It’s the first day of summer. Seriously, I heard so many White Claws crack open today I thought the — I thought the cicadas were back.” — JIMMY FALLON“You could tell it’s summer. This morning, my Uber driver drove around with the top down and by the top, I mean his shirt.” — JIMMY FALLON“But yeah, summer is here, which means that you’ve got about a week until it’s pumpkin season at Starbucks.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, today is the summer solstice, which means it’s the longest day of the year. So if today felt extra long, you’re either in our hemisphere or you own Bitcoin.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingDulcé Sloan broke down the commercialization of Pride on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightDavid Sedaris will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutGeorge Michael during his Faith World Tour in 1988. Michael Putland/Getty Images“George Michael: Freedom Uncut” details the singer’s life and career via interviews and previously unseen footage. More

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      Stephen Colbert Explains How His Staff Was Detained at U.S. Capitol

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      “The Capitol Police are much more cautious than they were, say, 18 months ago, and for a very good reason,” Colbert said. “If you don’t know what that reason is, I know what news network you watch.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Puppet ShowMembers of “The Late Show” production team were detained while filming near the U.S. Capitol last week. On Monday night’s show, Stephen Colbert explained how his staff was in Washington to shoot Triumph the Insult Comic Dog interviewing members of Congress about the Jan. 6 hearings (“He’s a bipartisan puppy. He’s so neutral, he’s neutered.”), and that they were all detained, processed and released.“A very unpleasant experience for my staff, a lot of paperwork for the Capitol Police, but a fairly simple story — until the next night, when a couple of ‘the TV people’ started claiming that my puppet squad had ‘committed insurrection at the U.S. Capitol building,’” Colbert said in Monday’s monologue.“This was first-degree puppetry; this was high jinks with intent to goof; misappropriation of an old ‘Conan’ bit.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Capitol Police are much more cautious than they were, say, 18 months ago, and for a very good reason. If you don’t know what that reason is, I know what news network you watch.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, it’s predictable why these TV talkers are doing this — they want to talk about something other than the Jan. 6 hearings on the actual seditionist insurrection that led to the deaths of multiple people, and the injury of over 140 police officers. But drawing any equivalence between rioters storming our Capitol to prevent the counting of electoral ballots and a cigar-chomping toy dog is a shameful insult to the memory of everyone who died, and it obscenely trivializes the service and the courage the Capitol Police showed on that terrible day. But who knows? Maybe there was a vast conspiracy to overthrow the government of the United States with a rubber Rottweiler.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“After all, Thursday night, the night they were detained, was the 50th anniversary of the Watergate break-in. Are we supposed to believe that was a coincidence? Yes.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Joe Biden’s Bike Accident Edition)“The only thing falling faster is Bitcoin and Joe’s approval ratings.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I think we just found the new spokesperson for Life Alert.” — SEAN HAYES, guest hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“Poor Biden — even his bike was like, ‘I’m sorry, but I can no longer support you.’” — JIMMY FALLON“If you want to see that clip again, it’s airing on a 24-hour loop on Fox News.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, it’s — it’s shocking. Not the fall, that Biden looks kind of good in bike shorts.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingKristen Bell teased a third “Frozen” film while on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightElliot Page, star of “The Umbrella Academy,” will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutDrake’s “Honestly, Nevermind” is a clear pivot, an increasingly rare thing for a pop icon.Vivien Killilea/Getty Images “Honestly, Nevermind,” Drake’s seventh album, takes the rapper in a new direction — the dance floor. More

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      Late Night Delves Into Day 3 of the Jan. 6 Hearings

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      Trevor Noah joked that Donald Trump “lives his entire life as if he is the bad kid in one of those antismoking P.S.A.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Peer Pressuring Mike PenceThe Jan. 6 committee hearings continued on Thursday, focusing largely on Donald Trump’s attempts to persuade Mike Pence to overturn the election.Trevor Noah joked that such peer pressure was on brand for Trump, who “lives his entire life as if he’s the bad kid in one of those antismoking P.S.A.”“Like, [imitating Trump] ‘Come on, Mike, just try overturning the election. I thought you wanted to be cool.’ Also, by the way, if there is one person who you can’t entice with cool, it’s Mike Pence. He’s the least cool man in the world. The man won’t even watch the Teletubbies because they don’t wear pants.” — TREVOR NOAH“Trump and Pence have reportedly not spoken since last summer. I guess they haven’t really been hanging since the attempted hanging.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And this is what we learned: All the lawyers knew that overturning the election was a crime. They all told each other that they knew it was a crime. They all told everybody in the White House it was a crime, including the president. They told him, ‘Sir, it’s a crime’ and he said, ‘Thank you for clearing that up. Now, let’s go do that crime.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Some of the crimes — some of the crimes described today were procedural and constitutional — a little light sedition among friends. Some of them were more straightforward, like, what’s the word? Trying to murder Mike Pence.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Covid Finally Caught Up to Fauci Edition)“Dr. Anthony Fauci tested positive yesterday for a breakthrough case of the coronavirus. Wow, Fauci is like Covid’s final boss. This is — this is like hearing that the coyote caught the roadrunner.” — SETH MEYERS“Also, you caught it now? You made it through all that time in the maskless Trump White House and you caught it now? That’s like running a triathlon with no problems and then throwing your back out petting a dog.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, Dr. Fauci has Covid, which feels a little like finding out Smokey Bear got trapped in a forest fire.” — TREVOR NOAH“I will say though, what a big moment for Covid as well, huh? To finally infect Dr. Anthony Fauci? I bet Covid was really star-struck when it got in his body.” — TREVOR NOAH“And you know the saddest part, Dr. Fauci, and yes I’m talking to you, Dr. Fauci, I know you watch the show, is the fact that you didn’t come to the White House Correspondents Dinner, yeah. The president was there, Kim Kardashian was there, but you didn’t come because you said you didn’t want to catch Covid and then you caught Covid anyway. Yeah, probably from some boring government meeting.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingTom Hanks and Stephen Colbert posed as TikTok dads delivering a lecture on social media use.Also, Check This OutDaryl McCormack and Emma Thompson in “Good Luck to You, Leo Grande.”Searchlight PicturesThe accomplished actress Emma Thompson bares all in her new movie, “Good Luck to You, Leo Grande.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Is Proud to Upset Joseph Biggs of the Proud Boys

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      The lawyer for the Jan. 6 defendant said his client can’t get a fair trial based on “negative” media coverage by the likes of “The Late Show.” “I feel so seen,” Colbert said. “You hate me, you really hate me!”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Proud to Be BadThe lawyer for Joseph Biggs, a Jan. 6 defendant and Proud Boys leader, argued that his client cannot receive a fair trial in the United States, due in part to “increased and unquestionably spectacular 24/7 negative press and media coverage” of the group, specifically citing Stephen Colbert and “The Late Show.”“You know, ladies and gentlemen, I do a lot of jokes about these violent fascists, but to hear that even one of them noticed?” Colbert said on Wednesday, pretending to choke up. “I feel so seen. You hate me, you really hate me!”“Biggs’ attorney argues that they need to move his trial because shows like mine ‘continue to saturate the jury pool of media-obsessive Washington D.C.’ They want to move the trial to someplace where the Proud Boys have a better reputation, like 1930s Berlin.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, after we got the shoutout, the article says Newsweek contacted Colbert’s representatives for comment: [imitating Newsweek reporter] ‘Well, Mr. Colbert, do you have a comment?’ Why, thank you, Steve, I do. ‘Want to share it with the people?’ Certainly. while this is a very high-profile case, in our system of justice, the accused is innocent until proven guilty. So I want everyone in the potential jury pool to hear me when I say, ‘You are going to jail, you neo-numbnut! And if you don’t like it — and if you don’t like it, you can come and get me. My name is Joe Scarborough, and I love coffee! Welcome to the monkey house, brother.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Love, Joe Edition)“According to a new poll, President Biden’s approval rating is at 40 percent. Meaning that his approval rating is the only thing inflation hasn’t touched.” — SETH MEYERS“President Biden sent a letter today to oil companies and called on them to produce more in order to alleviate high prices. So if you needed more proof that he’s an old man, he still thinks you can get things done with a letter.” — SETH MEYERS“Mr. President, I think we’re past the pen pal stage.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The K-pop group BTS announced yesterday that they are going on an indefinite hiatus. Said President Biden, ‘Aw man, they’re gonna blame me for this, too!’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingFormer President Bill Clinton sat down to talk about gun violence with James Corden on Wednesday night’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe hip-hop artist 070 Shake will perform on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutRaphaelle MacaronLeïla Slimani, winner of the Goncourt Prize, France’s top literary award, describes her Paris and recommends books that reveal hidden facets of the city. More

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      Trevor Noah Tricks His Audience Into Singing ‘Happy Birthday’ for Trump

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      After the boos ceased, Noah joked that “the haters can’t even give the poor man a day off.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Birthday WishesDonald Trump turned 76 on Tuesday, and Trevor Noah tricked his “Daily Show” audience into singing “Happy Birthday” to the former president before saying whom they were signing it for. After the boos ceased, he remarked that “the haters can’t even give the poor man a day off.”“All week long the Jan. 6 committee has been riding his ass just because he tried to overthrow the government. And now — and now — they’re even accusing him of fraud, just because he asked his supporters for money to set up an election defense fund and didn’t set up an election defense fund,” Noah said.“Former President Trump turned 76 today, so now he’s really asking everyone to stop the count.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, today was former President Donald Trump’s 76th birthday. Pretty impressive — 76 and he can still get an insurrection.” — SETH MEYERS“Trump took some of the money he said he’s going to use to fight election fraud and paid his son’s fiancée $60,000 for a two-minute introduction speech, which is such a scam, I don’t care what anyone says. That’s an even bigger scam than tai chi. Yeah, oh I’m sorry who are you going to fight, an army of slow butterflies?” — TREVOR NOAH“They also skimmed off over $200,000 for the former president’s hotels — and that was just Giuliani’s bar tab.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“During yesterday’s congressional hearing, it was revealed that Donald Trump Jr.’s fiancée, Kimberly Guilfoyle, was paid $60,000 to speak at the rally before the Capitol attack. Well, technically, $20,000 to speak and then $40,000 to please stop.” — SETH MEYERS“This does prove that Donald Trump is a proud feminist ally. Yeah, that’s right, I said it. Everyone’s always complaining women get paid less for more work, but Trump, no, he is doing everything to close the wage gap. He paid Kimberly Guilfoyle for two minutes’ work. He paid Stormy Daniels for two minutes’ of work. Yeah, Trump isn’t breaking the law, he is breaking the glass ceiling.” — TREVOR NOAH“So he duped $250 million from his most passionate supporters and then watched as they all go to prison while he sat in Mar-a-Lago double-fisting coconut shrimp. And these aren’t wealthy people. You can always tell when they’re wearing nothing but giveaway merch from the losing team.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“As much as people want to be angry at Donald Trump, I feel like this is one of the instances where he is the black light on America’s democracy. Because he didn’t invent this scam — politicians from every party use their campaign funds to enrich their friends, it’s just Trump does it so egregiously that everyone notices it. All politicians are, like, ‘Donate, it’s for the fund, but nobody looks where the money goes. Yeah, it’s just something you pay attention to because of how he does it. It’s the same way all of us have eaten a grape or two at the grocery store, but Trump’s the guy who walks into Whole Foods with a fork and knife, you know? He’s like [imitating Trump] ‘You guys have the best raw chicken. So good. So good.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Sobering Advice Edition)“Rudy Giuliani is firing back on reports from the Jan. 6 hearings that he was inebriated on election night. He tweeted, ‘I refused all alcohol that evening. My favorite drink … Diet Pepsi.’ So, just to be clear, Rudy’s defense is that he gave the dumbest, most unethical advice in the history of America while stone-cold sober, got it.” — JAMES CORDEN“It can be very hard to tell, because sometimes he’s drunk, and sometimes he’s pretending he’s not.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What an endorsement that is. You just know the people at Pepsi were like ‘Uh, he must mean Diet Coke. He means Coca-Cola, right? You mean Coca-Cola? Any brand of cola, really, RC Cola, Shasta, maybe a generic grocery store brand cola.’“ — JAMES CORDEN“[imitating Giuliani ] I love Diet Pepsi, especially a robust, red Diet Pepsi, or, in the summer, a diet Pepsi rosé. I also enjoy boxed Diet Pepsi.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingDakota Johnson played a game of “Mad Lib Karaoke” with Jimmy Fallon on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightPhoebe Bridgers will perform on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe actor Cheech Marin.Carlos Jaramillo for The New York TimesThe personal art collection of the actor Cheech Marin now has a public home at the Cheech Marin Center for Chicano Art and Culture in Riverside, Calif. More

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      Late Night Blames It on the Alcohol

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      Rudy Giuliani’s intoxication on election night was the focus of Monday’s Jan. 6 hearings and late-night monologues.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.How Could They Tell?During the House committee hearing Monday on the Jan. 6 assault on the Capitol, Jason Miller, former aide to Donald Trump, told the panel that Rudy Giuliani was “definitely intoxicated” on election night when he told the former president that the election had been stolen.“You know, when you think about it, it makes sense that Trump would listen to a drunk person, because that’s the one time people probably sound like him,” Trevor Noah said.“The House committee investigating the Capitol attack today held its second public hearing. They weren’t going to, but then Rudy Giuliani said, ‘Make it a double!’” — SETH MEYERS“So we’re just going to blame this entire thing on the alcohol?” — JAMES CORDEN“Yeah, according to a former Trump aide, Rudy Giuliani was wasted on election night when he told Trump that the election was stolen from him. And I am just curious about how you even know when Rudy Giuliani is drunk. No, because when a normal person is drunk, they say crazy things, they yell, they sweat a lot. So how does that work with Rudy — does it work in reverse? Does he start talking normally, his hair dye sucks back into his hair? How does it work?” — TREVOR NOAH“They were all telling him, ‘You lost this election, sir,’ but Trump was like: ‘Yeah, yeah, whatever. Drunk vampire, what do you think?’” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s a bit of a leading question. They followed up by asking, ‘Do you notice anyone that night who was maybe farting while leaking hair dye and ranting in front of a dildo shop? Anyone like that? Could be anyone. Take your time — think back.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on Miller’s being asked if anyone was drunk on election night.“It’s so funny to me how in all these depositions, Trump aides are all hemming and hawing, pausing and taking their time to use the most precise legal language possible because they’re under oath, but then as soon as someone asks, ‘Was anyone drunk at the White House?’ they all immediately buzz in like the overeager uncle on ‘Family Feud’: ‘Rudy! It was Rudy!’” — SETH MEYERS“Let me help you out here. There are five levels of intoxication on the Rudy breathalyzer: over the legal limit, rooting around the dumpster for empties, rooting around in his pants in ‘Borat,’ planning coup in a blackout and ‘The Masked Singer.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I can’t believe this. A drunk Rudy Giuliani told Trump to claim he won the election. And then he said, ‘I love you, man’ six times and dropped his phone in the toilet.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Reality Show Ratings Edition)“Today was Episode 2 of the hot new reality show ‘The Jan. 6 Committee Hearings.’ We’re all waiting to find out if the former president gets to go to the fantasy suite with Lady Justice. She’s blind, so he’s got a shot.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Episode 1 was a huge hit, because at least 20 million people watched Thursday’s hearing. We were live, OK? That’s the kind of audience usually reserved for ‘Sunday Night Football.’ Makes sense because Thursday’s hearing featured even more guys with brain damage.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“For the first hearing on Thursday, over 20 million people tuned in, which is higher than this year’s N.B.A. finals. Trump was torn — he didn’t know whether to worry about the hearing or brag about the ratings.” — JIMMY FALLON“Fox News today also aired coverage of the House Jan. 6 committee’s second hearing. Said viewers: ‘Babe! I’m on TV!’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth Watching“Jimmy Kimmel Live” hosted another segment of “Mean Tweets” featuring N.B.A. players like Andre Drummond and Russell Westbrook on Monday’s show.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightBonnie Raitt will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJennifer Hudson accepting a Grammy in 2009.Lucy Nicholson/ReutersJennifer Hudson, a producer of “A Strange Loop,” became an EGOT on Sunday when the musical won big at this year’s Tony Awards. More