Colbert, Stephen

“Thousands of people showed up, because there’s nothing to do in Florence, Arizona,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Rallying the TrumpersFormer President Donald Trump held a rally in Florence, Ariz., over the weekend, where Jimmy Kimmel joked, “thousands of people showed up, because there’s nothing to do in Florence, Arizona.”“He ranted for an hour and 35 minutes. Maybe it’s me, but the material doesn’t — it’s actually not working. It was kind of like watching the ‘Sex and the City’ reboot — it needed more Samantha or something.” — JIMMY KIMMELAt the rally, Trump falsely claimed that the left was forcing white people in New York State “to go to the back of the line to get medical help.”“White people are being sent to the back of the line? I guess Martin Luther King’s dream has been realized at last.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Where does he even get this stuff? This is a man who hasn’t waited in a line since, like, hot lunch in the fourth grade.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Ron Dull-Santis’ Edition)“Well, guys, former President Trump is in the news. Apparently he’s been trashing Florida governor Ron DeSantis behind his back, calling him a ‘dull’ guy who has no chance of beating him in a potential 2024 matchup. Trump was like, ‘I have to insult him behind his back ’cause I can’t tweet it to his face.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Former President Trump has reportedly been complaining to confidants about Florida governor Ron DeSantis and said he has a, quote, ‘dull personality.’ I’m sorry, that’s suddenly a concern of yours? Your vice president was like if a rice cake went to Bible school.” — SETH MEYERS“I feel like Trump is slipping. A few years ago, he would have had, like, 10 nicknames for this guy by now. He’s, like, ‘Ron Dull-Santis.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I think this is actually a nice change, ’cause usually when two Florida guys get into a fight, they’re drunk and shirtless.” — JIMMY FALLON“But DeSantis doesn’t seem fazed. He said that he’s going to handle the insult just like Covid and completely ignore it.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Kimmel reconnected Denzel Washington with a superfan whose video went viral after their meeting was caught on camera.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightSamantha Bee will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutMelanie Lynskey (with Jeff Holman) in the season finale of “Yellowjackets,” in which she plays a character who survived a plane crash 25 years before. Was there cannibalism? There was cannibalism. Kailey Schwerman/ShowtimeThe “Yellowjackets” star Melanie Lynskey shares her favorite fan theories at the end of Season 1. More

“Finally!” Colbert said. “Up until now, the most serious charge any of these guys has gotten is impersonating a Flintstone.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Just Like FredOn Thursday, the Justice Department charged 11 Oath Keepers with seditious conspiracy in connection with the Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the Capitol.“Finally!” Stephen Colbert said. “Up until now, the most serious charge any of these guys has gotten is impersonating a Flintstone.”“You know how your mother used to say if your friend jumped off a bridge, would you jump, too? These are people who answered ‘Yes.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is huge! Seditious conspiracy is no slap on the wrist — it’s a charge of inciting rebellion against the federal government that carries a maximum penalty of 20 years in prison. That’s pretty bad. That’s pretty bad, I’ve got to say, but somehow it feels like it should be more. Like, if you tried to take the government down, you should go away for longer than one Billie Eilish.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And hopefully, one day, the Feds will learn the identity of that shadowy figure who was the president who told them to do it.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Today in Joe Biden Edition)“President Biden had a bad day. You know that vaccine mandate he rolled out last year? The one that required companies with more than 100 employees to get their workers vaccinated or tested regularly? Well, that was struck down by the Supreme Court today. The conservative majority ruled that Biden’s mandate went too far, and our individual right to get Covid from the worst person at work has been preserved.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What the hell, Supremes? What — what do you know about large employers? You’re a small business with nine workers whose dress code is ankle-length Hefty bag.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Well, guys, big news from Washington today as President Biden finally delivered a major update on his administration’s Covid response. Yeah, just like most phone updates, Biden kept hitting ‘ignore’ until he had no choice.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, we’re all getting masks. Last year, we got 1,200 bucks; this year, cloth and a rubber band.” — JIMMY FALLON“The White House says N95 masks are the most protective, which is too bad, because I assumed the bedazzled ones I bought on Etsy were 100 percent Covid proof.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, the N95 masks should be helpful. Unfortunately, out of habit, whenever somebody says, ‘N95,’ Biden calls out, ‘Bingo.’”— JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon and Questlove played Thursday’s Wordle on “The Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutMaren Morris was one of the first country singers to see success on streaming platforms.Kristine Potter for The New York TimesMaren Morris is a pop-curious country star who’s finding success as a crossover artist. More

“All this time we’ve been listening to the C.D.C., we should have been eating CBD,” Kimmel said of research showing that cannabis compounds can prevent Covid-19.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Waiting to InhaleIn a new study, researchers found that cannabis compounds can prevent Covid-19 from penetrating human cells.Jimmy Kimmel shared the news on Wednesday night, joking that cannabis compounds are “also what Willie Nelson calls his house.”“This would be interesting. All this time we’ve been listening to the C.D.C., we should have been eating CBD.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, it’s funny — all these crazy cures, I’m like ‘Oh, that’s ridiculous.’ Ivermectin, the horse dewormer; bleach. And then somebody says marijuana prevents Covid, I’m like ‘Oh, really? Do tell.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Great news for all the teenagers whose parents find weed in their room: ‘Oh, Mom, I see you found the Covid-stopping compounds that I hid in my sock drawer. Those aren’t mine. no, no. Those aren’t mine. I’m just holding them for my friend, Tony Fauci.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In other words, the pot enters the body and asks Covid, ‘Are you a cell? You have to tell me if you’re a cell.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, if you’re skeptical about the science here, let me remind you, this study has been reviewed by the C.D.C.’s stoner nephew the THC.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, technically, these are compounds that have to be extracted from the plant and not smoked. But there’s anecdotal support for the Covid-fighting properties of weed itself, because as of today — and this is true — three people who have yet to get Covid are Seth Rogen, Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg. That’s why Snoop’s teaming up again with trusted epidemiologist Dr. Dre for their new album, ‘The Omichronic.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Expiration Date Edition)“We have some good news from a source not known for it: Florida.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Speaking of Covid tests, the state of Florida let a million Covid tests expire in a warehouse, but now the F.D.A. has decided to extend the expiration dates. When they heard that, every New York hot dog vendor was like, ‘Is that really safe to do that?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Nothing good ever happens in a Florida warehouse, unless you placed your bets on the right coked-up snapping turtle.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, the F.D.A. just extended the expiration dates. When they heard that, the C.D.C. said, ‘Hey, making up rules as you go is our thing.’” — JIMMY FALLON“This is great for folks down in Florida who need tests, but even better for me, because the F.D.A. is finally confirming what I’ve known for years: Expiration dates are a myth, a mere suggestion.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Meanwhile, Florida was like, ‘You can put any date on them if you want, we’re still not going to use them. We don’t care.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon challenged two “Tonight Show” audience members to create new original songs about being scared of a Roomba and buying an off-brand rapid Covid test.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightFortune Feimster, a comedian and actor, will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutJonny Greenwood’s film scores at first seemed like a side hustle, but they have blossomed into a true career.Colin GreenwoodJonny Greenwood was first famous for playing lead guitar in Radiohead, but he is now gaining recognition for his scores in films like “The Power of the Dog” and “Spencer.” More

“I mean, all the other late-night hosts are doing it,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Catch Me if You CanSeveral news outlets have discouraged people from trying to purposely get infected with Omicron to “get it over with.” On Tuesday’s “Late Show,” Stephen Colbert wondered if he should deliberately try to catch the Covid strain.“I mean, all the other late-night hosts are doing it,” he said, referring to James Corden, Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers, who have all contracted Covid over the last two weeks. “I’m starting to think they had a secret sleepover, and I wasn’t invited.”“Yes, getting Omicron is superpopular. I hear it’s dating Pete Davidson.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He’s got that B.D.E. — that big Delta energy.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And now, I don’t know what’s going on because the United States reported 1.5 million new infections yesterday. That is terrible, but kind of sweet that we all gave each other the same thing for Christmas.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Covid Continued Edition)“Soon, there’s going to be almost as many people in hospitals as there are TV shows about hospitals.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The C.D.C. is reportedly considering updating its coronavirus guidance to recommend that people wear N95 or KN95 masks — or barring that, just 95 masks.” — SETH MEYERS“The C.D.C. also issued a do-not-travel advisory yesterday for Canada, due to an increase in coronavirus cases there, which is kind of like Keith Richards telling you not to hang around with that pothead from school.” — SETH MEYERS“The White House just announced that insurers will have to cover eight at-home virus tests per month. Eight per month, so, one for every new variant.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe standup comic Raanan Hershberg made his “Tonight Show” debut on Tuesday.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightIsla Fisher will talk about her new Peacock dramedy “Wolf Like Me” on “Late Night” on Wednesday.Also, Check This OutJohn Powers is returning to work with paper collages in his studio on Oscawana Lake, near Beacon, N.Y.Jasmine Clarke for The New York TimesThe sculptor John Powers saw his art change after losing several fingers in a table-saw accident. More

“That clip was like watching one of those dumb cable news segments where a reporter willingly gets Tasered just to show everyone how bad it is,” Meyers joked of Cruz’s recent appearance on ‘Tucker Carlson.’Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Grovel GrovelTed Cruz appeared on Tucker Carlson’s Fox News show last week, apologizing for referring to the events of Jan. 6 as terrorism. Seth Meyers, who hosted “Late Night” from home on Monday after a Covid diagnosis, took Cruz to task for his backpedaling.“Wow, I knew Ted had a thing for self-humiliation, but that is next-level,” Meyers said. “Imagine begging for forgiveness from a cable news host while he sits there with that look he always has on his face like he’s trying to remember the name of the other guy from Wham.”“That clip was like watching one of those dumb cable news segments where a reporter willingly gets Tasered just to show everyone how bad it is.” — SETH MEYERS“I also like how Cruz finds a way to mention in that clip that he texted Tucker like they’re good pals. Unfortunately for Ted, any time he tries to text or call someone, it comes up as ‘Spam likely’ — or, in his case, ‘Likely made of Spam.’” — SETH MEYERS“And yet, this debacle keeps getting worse for Cruz because he proudly tweeted out the clip of himself groveling, which is a little like posting a video of yourself landing nards-first on a handrail during a skateboard fail with the caption, ‘Check out how epic this is.’” — SETH MEYERS“And look, we all know Ted Cruz has a thing for self-humiliation. He slinked back from Cancún after escaping a blackout in his state. He endorsed Donald Trump after Trump insulted his wife and his father, and took that infamous photo where he made campaign calls for Trump, looking like Jack Lemmon in ‘Glengarry Glenn Ross.’ And he keeps showing up in public with that facial hair looking like a Chewbacca who shaved everything but the beard.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Deltacron Edition)“Speaking of breaking records, thanks to Omicron, the seven-day average for newly reported cases in the U.S. topped 700,000. Seven hundred thousand! That’s the population of Denver, and you know you’re in trouble when you’re higher than the people of Denver.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Well, guys, today, the C.E.O. of Pfizer said that its vaccine for the Omicron variant will be ready in March. So get ready for the craziest St. Patrick’s Day in the history of the world.” — JIMMY FALLON“It feels like this March Madness, we’ll be filling out brackets to predict which of the 68 variants will become the dominant strain.” — JIMMY FALLON“But Omicron could be over by Groundhog Day, which would be just in time because scientists in Cyprus have found 25 cases of a strain of the coronavirus that they say combines elements of the Delta and Omicron variants, that they’re calling ‘Deltacron.’ Deltacron, also the name of the disappointing Transformer who turns into a delayed flight for Atlanta.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Scientists are currently disputing a new study that claims to have discovered a so-called Deltacron strain of the coronavirus. It combines the Delta and Omicron variants, and the only thing that can stop it is the Pfizerna vaccine.” — SETH MEYERS“Pretty soon the C.E.O. of Pfizer is going to be on Instagram Live like, ‘New vaccine just dropped, sound off in the comments!’” — JIMMY FALLON“I honestly have no idea how I haven’t been infected with this. I’m starting to feel like before I lost my virginity: Everyone else had, I know I probably will eventually, and when I finally do, I hope it goes as fast as losing my virginity did.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Kimmel paid a teary tribute to his friend Bob Saget, who died Sunday.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightMaggie Gyllenhaal, writer and director of “The Lost Daughter,” will return to “The Tonight Show” on Tuesday.Also, Check This OutBritney Spears onstage in 2011.Max Morse/Getty ImagesBritney Spears has always used the power of dance to assert her power and connect with her audience. More