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      Stephen Colbert Has a Backup Plan for Parents in the Pandemic

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      With the return of remote learning, Colbert says to bring in the mothers-in-law.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Back to Home-SchoolStephen Colbert reported on the latest Covid surge on Tuesday night, pointing to the rise of major cities with schools returning to remote learning.“I long for the good old days, where our kids could safely go to school to butt-chug Tide pods,” Colbert joked.“Parents need emergency child care help now. I am calling on the federal government to release our strategic reserve of mothers-in-law. You know their motto: ‘I see you’re too busy to empty the bathroom trash can.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Stuck in Traffic Edition)“I saw that because of a huge winter storm, a 50-mile stretch of I-95 in Virginia was shut down, and drivers were stranded on the Interstate for more than 24 hours. Meanwhile, there was a dad sitting there like, ‘If I could just get over the one lane.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The only happy person was the cabdriver whose fare got up to $14 million.” — JIMMY FALLON“Twenty-four hours in standstill traffic — I’m pretty sure there’s 50 miles of highway just covered in yellow snow.” — JIMMY FALLON“And right now, there’s probably no better place on the planet to quarantine than I-95 in Virginia, where cars have been trapped in a traffic jam for nearly 27 hours. Holy never-getting-to-Toledo!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In fact, Virginia Senator Tim Kaine was one of the commuters trapped on the Interstate, causing him to tweet this: ‘I started my normal 2 hour drive to DC at 1pm yesterday. 19 hours later, I’m still not near the Capitol.’ But his commute wasn’t done. It took him 27 hours to get to work. Twenty-seven hours! The stakes were high too because it only takes 24 hours for anyone to forget who Tim Kaine is.” — JAMES CORDEN“One minute you’re about to be vice president of the United States, the next you’re talking about your fluid intake.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Late Show” guest Lily Collins recalls meeting Princess Diana and throwing a toy at Prince Charles’s head.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe “Scream” stars Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox and David Arquette will talk about reprising their iconic roles in the fourth film of the horror franchise on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe “Star Trek: Exploring New Worlds” exhibition at the Skirball Cultural Center includes a navigation console from the U.S.S. Enterprise, the first script from the first episode — and tribbles.Alex Welsh for The New York TimesA new exhibition at the Skirball Cultural Center in Los Angeles traces the Jewish roots of “Star Trek.” More

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      Late Night Is Happy Twitter Booted Marjorie Taylor Greene

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      Seth Meyers said that living in a world with the Republican congresswoman’s “insane” screaming was “like trying to have a conversation with a friend on the street next to a jackhammer.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Five Strikes and You’re OutMajorie Taylor Greene, the Republican congresswoman from Georgia, was permanently kicked off Twitter on Sunday for violating a policy against spreading misinformation about the coronavirus.On Monday’s “Late Night,” Seth Meyers pointed out how Greene had repeatedly lied about vaccines and called for a “national divorce.” “Which is, I guess, the sequel to ‘National Velvet’?” Meyers joked.“How would a national divorce even work? Who would get the White House? Who would pay alimony? Who would get custody of Eric? It would probably just be the two sides pushing him back and forth: ‘He’s a Republican, so he should go with you.’ ‘But he’s a New Yorker, so he should go with you!’” — SETH MEYERS“Looks like you finally got that divorce you wanted.” — SETH MEYERS“And regardless of how you feel about the ethics of kicking politicians off Twitter, it’s just a huge quality-of-life improvement. Like when Trump got kicked off Twitter. Trying to live in a world where people like Trump and Greene are constantly screaming insane [expletive] on Twitter is like trying to have a conversation with a friend on the street next to a jackhammer.” — SETH MEYERS“Now to spread the word about Jewish space lasers, she’ll have to use Mormon carrier pigeons.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They only banned her personal account, not her congressional account, which is also known as her crazy-lite account.” — JAMES CORDEN“Greene had been temporarily suspended in the past for spreading Covid misinformation, but her latest online lie violated Twitter’s five-strike policy. Yes, five strikes. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you only get two more foolins’ after that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“On the bright side, she is still a full-fledged member of the United States Congress.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (C.D.C. Edition)“Meanwhile, the C.D.C. has cut their recommended isolation time in half, and now it says you only need to quarantine for five days. Yeah, a lot of Covid regulations keep changing the longer the pandemic goes on. For example, back then, doctors said to cough directly into your elbow; now, doctors say just have fun out there.” — JIMMY FALLON“They added that today is basically over, so it’s really four days. Plus, Sundays don’t count, so three day — you know what? Just take the weekend.” — SETH MEYERS“They also said you can swim right after you eat, breaking a mirror only gives you four years bad luck, and stepping on a crack won’t break your mother’s back; her back will just be very disappointed.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Then the C.D.C. said to avoid large indoor gatherings. Now the C.D.C. says parties are fine as long as you set up a smaller ‘tested positive’ table.” — JIMMY FALLON“Also, back then you had to wash your hands for as long as it takes to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ twice. But now, you can sing it at the speed Applebee’s employees do when you can tell they’re not really into it.” — JIMMY FALLON“And, finally, back then they said to avoid misinformation by staying off the internet, but now the internet is where you live now — it is your home.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingA “Tonight Show” viewer spotted a White Sox fan resembling Jimmy Fallon during a recent game.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightSt. Vincent will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutSofia Kourtesis’s “La Perla” lands somewhere between hope and melancholia.Christopher BouchardThe Peruvian producer Sofia Kourtesis’s “La Perla” and “Paul Bearer” from the Michigan-based rapper BabyTron are just two of 15 underrated tracks from 2021. More

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      Seth Meyers Wants Fox News to Stop Saying ‘Big Meat’

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      As Fox hosts went after President Biden over rising prices, Meyers found their choice of words a little distracting.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Where’s the Beef?On his last “Closer Look” of the year, Seth Meyers tackled some Fox News coverage of President Biden’s response to inflation — specifically, rising meat prices.“Recently, the White House said the blame for rising meat prices rests in part with meat conglomerates, and then Fox News decided to repeat a term for those companies to deride Biden that — well, let’s just say the term was a little distracting,” Meyers said on Thursday.That term? “Big Meat.”“Why are they saying ‘Big Meat’ so much? Is this ‘Fox News After Dark’?” — SETH MEYERS“They sound like they’re on a press tour for a porno about a pizza delivery guy.” — SETH MEYERS“The worst part of that segment came when Rudy got confused and accidentally Googled ‘Big Meat.’”— SETH MEYERS“Maybe they’re just sticking up for Big Meat because that was Trump’s Secret Service code name.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Thong Edition)“If you fly Spirit, that’s the oxygen mask that drops down in an emergency.” — JIMMY FALLON, on a United Airlines passenger who wore a red thong on his face to protest mask requirements (and who later compared himself to Rosa Parks)“A few minutes later, an air marshal walked over and gave him a mouth wedgie.” — JIMMY FALLON“Rosa Parks? My man, don’t be so modest — you’re more than Rosa Parks. If anything, you’re the Martin Luther King of white dudes comparing themselves to Black heroes for no reason.” — TREVOR NOAH“You know, for real, sometimes I think conservatives are right: America shouldn’t be teaching the history of racism in schools, because then at least white people wouldn’t know who to compare themselves to when they get kicked off airplanes for doing dumb [expletive]. ‘I’m exactly the same as — huh, I can’t think of anybody, you know? Maybe I’m just a [expletive] wearing panties on my face. I need to re-evaluate my behavior.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And, by the way, can we all agree there’s no way this dude just starting sniffing thongs during the pandemic? I bet you he’s been going around for years like, ‘Looks like I got kicked out of the dorm because I’m once again the Rosa Parks of my sister’s friend’s underwear drawer.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingScarlett Johansson tells Jimmy Fallon about meeting Judge Judy (she was star-struck).Also, Check This OutOlivia Rodrigo, members of the cast of “Reservation Dogs” and a scene from “Sanctuary City.”Clockwise from left: Mat Hayward/Getty Images; Jeremy Dennis for The New York Times; Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesOlivia Rodrigo and the cast of “Reservation Dogs” are among the breakout stars of 2021. More

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      Stephen Colbert Holds the Republican Caucus in Contempt

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      Colbert noted that the House voted to hold Mark Meadows in criminal contempt, “and the rest of us can just keep holding him in regular contempt.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Consequences, ConsequencesOn Tuesday night, the House voted to hold Mark Meadows, who served as chief of staff to former President Donald J. Trump, in criminal contempt for refusing to cooperate with its investigation into the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol.“Yes, hell yes! Criminal contempt — and the rest of us can just keep holding him in regular contempt,” Stephen Colberts said on Wednesday.“The consequences are severe. Meadows could be sentenced to a year in prison, or even worse, another month working for Trump.” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, Meadows needs a good lawyer, so the first thing he did was pull up Rudy Giuliani’s number and delete it.” — JIMMY FALLON“The Republican caucus is an accessory to this coup, and we recently got more evidence of that in the form of text messages to Mark Meadows, like this one received on Jan. 7 from a Republican lawmaker: ‘Yesterday was a terrible day.’ Well, I mean, at least we can all agree on that.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT‘We tried everything we could in our objection to the six states. I’m sorry nothing worked.’ Oh, so he regrets not being able to drown Lady Liberty in a bathtub. It’s like sending a sympathy card that says, ‘My deepest condolences that you lived. I was rooting for the tumor!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So, who sent these messages? Well, the identity of these lawmakers was not being disclosed, so people on Twitter are now guessing names like Paul Gosar, Jim Jordan, Devin Nunes, Matt Gaetz, Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley — and you can play the home version in the fun new game ‘Clue-less.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“These messages have the ring of unfiltered truth because they’re taken from Mark Meadows’ two personal phones — and nothing says ‘innocent’ like a second cellphone.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Holiday Parties Edition)“The White House is skipping their annual holiday parties because of Covid this year — and because Joe Biden goes to sleep at 4 p.m.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is in stark contrast to the previous White House’s ‘Catch the holiday fever’ themed droplet jamborees.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The White House just announced, due to Covid concerns, instead of the traditional holiday parties, he’s inviting guests to come see the decorations on a 30-minute self-guided tour, which is just a fancy way of Biden saying, ‘Come if you want, but I ain’t gonna be there!’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, a self-guided tour of a historic Washington building. That’s basically how Fox News described Jan. 6.” — JIMMY FALLON“The Democratic National Committee held its annual holiday party last night outside of the Hotel Washington, due to the spread of the Omicron variant. Meanwhile, the Republican holiday party just added more mistletoe.” — SETH MEYERS“President Biden attended the D.N.C.’s annual holiday party last night and gave a 10-minute speech in just under an hour.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee modernized “’Twas the Night Before Christmas” to show support for elves and their unions.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe longtime friends Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen will appear on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe author bell hooks in 1995. Her work, across some 30 books, encompassed literary criticism, children’s fiction, self-help, memoir and poetry. Monica Almeida/The New York TimesThe pathbreaking Black feminist writer bell hooks died on Wednesday. She was 69. More

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      Late Night Praises Fox News Hosts for Their Acting Skills

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      The news that Fox News anchors sent texts on Jan. 6 urging President Trump to speak out against the insurrection while blaming antifa on air was the talk of late night on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Stop the InsanityLate night was aflutter on Tuesday with the revelations that the Fox News commentators Brian Kilmeade, Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham sent pleading texts to Mark Meadows on Jan. 6, asking President Donald J. Trump to speak out and stop the insurrection.Stephen Colbert joked that Meadows, Trump’s last chief of staff, “even got an Instagram post from Judge Jeanine’s box of wine.”“Gee, if only they had some sort of media outlet where they could have said that publicly.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is like finding out the flight attendant who’s been telling you that it’s just a little turbulence is going back into the cockpit, like, ‘Doesn’t anybody know how to fly this thing? We’re all gonna die!’” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, it came out that Fox News hosts were begging for Trump to do something. And today Fox News hosts lit their tree on fire again just to change the subject.” — JIMMY FALLON“So, the Jan. 6 attack scared Laura Ingraham — and keep in mind, her side gig is appearing in your bathroom mirror if you whisper ‘Medicare for all’ three times.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The records show that then-White House chief of staff Mark Meadows also received a text from Fox News host Brian Kilmeade that said, ‘Please get him on TV. Destroying everything we’ve accomplished.’ That is a shocking revelation — they had to beg Trump to go on TV?” — SETH MEYERS“Trump was like, ‘If I replied to every text that said “What you’re doing is crazy,” I’d never get anything done.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump didn’t want to hear it. Not only did Trump ignore texts from Fox News, he also dropped them from his family cellphone plan.” — JIMMY FALLON“And I love that they were so concerned that this could ruin Trump’s legacy: ‘If he gets somebody killed today, no one will remember that time he told everyone to drink bleach.” — TREVOR NOAH“If one person at your network has no integrity, that’s a problem. If nobody has integrity, that’s a company policy.” — TREVOR NOAH“If you’re looking for some silver lining here, I don’t think we give the Fox News gang enough credit for their acting — it’s really good.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (What’s His Number Edition)“According to newly released records, Donald Trump Jr. texted then-White House chief of staff Mark Meadows during January’s Capitol attack, urging him to make President Trump condemn the violence. Then he texted again, saying, ‘Fine, I’ll tell him myself — just give me his number.’” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, Trump ignored the advice of those closest to him and also Don Jr.” — JIMMY FALLON“And then this text: He said, ‘Dad, you have to stop this right now.’ He wrote back, ‘Who is this?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You cannot give Don that number. It’s too risky — he might give it to Eric.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Don Jr. texted Meadows, asking him to do something. Meanwhile, Eric Trump texted, ‘Does anyone know where my Paw Patrol slippers are?’” — JAMES CORDEN“Now clearly, Don Jr.’s texts didn’t work, which honestly I’m kind of glad about because the only thing worse than an insurrection would have been to thank Don Jr. for stopping the insurrection.” — TREVOR NOAH“Of course, Don Jr. has spent the last 11 months praising his father’s lack of action. And Eric — his son, Eric Trump, didn’t send any texts at all. He did not text Mark Meadows, because, well, in fairness he was stuck in a claw machine at a Dave & Buster’s in Silver Spring.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingWill Forte joined his friend and former “Saturday Night Live” co-star Seth Meyers for some day drinking on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night“The Late Show” will celebrate the 20th anniversary of “Lord of the Rings.”Also, Check This OutJamie Mccarthy/Getty ImagesJohn Cameron Mitchell takes inspiration from New Orleans, modern fairy tales and Mavis Staples. More

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      Stephen Colbert Comments on the ‘Slides of Sedition’

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      Colbert couldn’t believe Congress is currently investigating a 38-page PowerPoint document detailing plans to overturn the 2020 election.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Slides of Sedition’The House committee investigating the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol is looking into a 38-page PowerPoint document sent to President Trump’s chief of staff, Mark Meadows, that included plans to overturn the 2020 election.“PowerPoint? They weren’t just trying to overturn democracy, they were trying to bore it to death,” Stephen Colbert said on Monday night.“So what was in these slides of sedition? We’re not exactly sure yet, but there is one deck that’s been circulating, that may be the deck in question, and one of the slides on that was a list of recommendations, including a plan to ‘declare a national security emergency.’ I’m sure exactly how you do that. I assume by breaking into every broadcast using the emergency [expletive] system.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They were also planning to declare electronic voting in all states invalid. Instead, they wanted to rely on ‘legal and genuine paper ballot counts.’ OK, so if you can’t trust computers, how are you giving your presentation, via PowerPoint pigeon? They’re staging a coup-coup!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, they wrote down their plans for a coup in a PowerPoint. You know what that means — Congress is going to have to subpoena Clippy. That’s from our new segment, ‘Jokes from 1995.’” — SETH MEYERS“Even the Mafia knows to use code words. If the Mafia ever made a PowerPoint presentation, it would say something vague like, ‘Plan for the guys at the place to do the thing.’ ‘OK, boss, what’s the next slide?’ ‘There’s no more slides. There’s just the one slide.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Elon Musk Edition)“Time magazine today unveiled their annual person of the year, and that person is Elon Musk or as I call him, Old Sheldon.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Person of the year is believed to be the highest honor ever awarded to a person who cuts his own hair.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In response to this, Jeff Bezos just bought Time magazine.” — JAMES CORDEN“He was going to go out and buy a copy, but then he realized he’d have to pay taxes on it, so it was, you know, not worth it.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s important to note this is not necessarily a compliment. Adolf Hitler and Donald Trump were also named person of the year. Time — for real — Time is basically your dad watching a bad Super Bowl commercial, and going, ‘Hey, love him or hate him, we’re all talking about him, right?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Man, I’m so happy for him. Like the guy could really use an ego boost, you know?” — TREVOR NOAH“And honestly you can’t argue with this. I mean, richest man in the world, who also control space, crypto and electric cars? Who would even be second place, like maybe Pete Davidson, maybe?” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, Musk received the honor for his work in space exploration and after he bought 10 million subscriptions to Time magazine.” — JIMMY FALLON“I’m kidding, although it was a little strange that everyone at Time drove into work today in a brand-new Tesla.” — JIMMY FALLON“Being named person of the year is a big deal. It’s basically ‘sexiest man alive,’ but you’re competing against the Dalai Lama and the pope.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingTom Holland, Regina King and Ted Danson are just a few of the celebrities reading mean tweets about themselves in a new edition of the popular recurring segment of “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightChelsea Handler will stop by Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutJim Henson with Big Bird, as seen in “Street Gang: How We Got Sesame Street.” The HBO documentary uses file footage and new interviews to detail the early years of the influential show.Sesame Workshop/HBOA new documentary about “Sesame Street” details how social purpose has always been a part of the long-running children’s show. More

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      Late Night Is Tired of Tucker Carlson’s ‘Foaming’ at the News

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      The Fox News host joined his network in insisting the company’s burned-down Christmas tree is proof of the war on Christmas.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fired UpOn Thursday, Fox News hosts continued their insistence that the Christmas tree outside its headquarters had been burned down as part of the war on Christmas.Jimmy Kimmel said the network must not have had anything else to talk about this week, “because they really went to town on this ‘We have been victimized’ jag, and no one did more phony foaming at the mouth than the little dumber boy,” referring to Tucker Carlson.“According to Tucker Carlson, this is not an isolated incident of some disturbed rando lighting their tree on fire,” Stephen Colbert said, even though the police have said the suspect was a homeless man, and that drugs or mental illness could have been a factor in the torching.Seth Meyers imitated Carlson during one of his monologues.“[imitating Carlson] When will it end? Will every new variant mean new powers for our political class? Will they be able to test you, trace you, come to your house and inject you with a microchip hidden in a vaccine that tracks your movements? And will that tracking microchip allow them to see that you went to the anime convention, in secret, of course, because you didn’t want your friends at Fox News to know you’re into that kind of thing. And will they find out about the time you asked Sean Hannity what he thought of ‘Dragon Ball Z,’ and he looked at you like you were crazy, and that hurt your feelings so much that you ran into the bathroom to cry, only to realize you had run into the women’s bathroom and you were so worried that someone would see you run out that you instead removed a ceiling panel and climbed into a heating duct for the purposes of shimmying back to your office, not knowing that the duct wouldn’t be strong enough to support your weight, causing you to, mid-shimmy, collapse through the ceiling, where you landed on top of Rupert Murdoch’s desk while he was sitting at it, causing him to look up from his soup and yell ‘Crikey!’ Will that happen to you? Well, I can tell you it will because it happened to me.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Hillary’s MasterClass Edition)“Oof, that is brutal! And the way she’s sitting like that, and she’s reading it to us, it’s like the world’s most depressing fairy tale: ‘Once upon a time, an ogre crushed the dreams of a princess, and nobody lived happily ever after. The end.’” — TREVOR NOAH“But, yes, Hillary Clinton is giving a master class on resiliency that’s now available everywhere —except in Wisconsin, for some reason.” — TREVOR NOAH“And in it, she reads the victory speech she never got to deliver. And I really love how she’s like, ‘I’ve never shared this speech with anybody before. it was too painful. You’re paying me how much? Oh, well, I guess I could read a few pages.’” — TREVOR NOAH“Wait, why? We don’t want to hear that. You know when we wanted to hear that? After the election in 2016.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What is this? What is she doing? Is this a Christmas present for Donald Trump?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s like she made him a cameo video for his birthday.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn their Thursday night episode, Desus and Mero tried to convince the actress Sandra Bullock to reboot “Miss Congeniality.”Also, Check This OutClockwise from top left: Norah Jones, Bryson Tiller, Kelly Clarkson and She & Him are entering (and in some cases, returning to) the holiday music scene this year.Kelly Clarkson and Bryson Tiller are just two artists with holiday albums redefining the genre. More

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      Late Night Has Some Ideas on Who Set the Fox Christmas Tree Ablaze

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      “The fire is believed to have started after Fox News’ pants caught on fire,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.We Didn’t Start the FireA 50-foot tree in front of Fox News’s New York City headquarters was set on fire early Wednesday.“The fire is believed to have started after Fox News’ pants caught on fire,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.“The fire is believed to have started because Judge Jeanine Pirro ate one too many rum balls and breathed on a cigarette.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’ve seen trees — this is not one of them. That is a hollow structure that sort of resembles a tree, in the same way Tucker Carlson is a hollow structure that sort of resembles a human.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And Fox News tried to warn us this was coming. Every time a store clerk says, ‘Happy holidays,’ a Christmas tree bursts into flames.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Authorities arrested a suspect last night, and police say that they believe he is homeless and mental illness may have played a factor. Homeless and mentally ill? Oh, my God — the fire was set by Bill O’Reilly!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“[To the tune of ‘It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas’] It’s beginning to look a lot like arson, everywhere you go. Take a look at the tree and then, the flames are roaring once again. Doocy, stop, drop, roll.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fired Up Edition)“Even though lighting trees on fire is very much in line with Fox’s position on climate change, the hosts of their morning show were very upset today.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And it is not clear how this happened. It could be an accident. It could be arson. It could be Santifa.” — TREVOR NOAH“Now, I know what you’re thinking, but the ghost of Hugo Chavez has an alibi.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, this never would have happened if the tree had a gun.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee got a tattoo to commemorate her 200th episode of “Full Frontal.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightMichael B. Jordan will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutAlexa VisciusThe “Hacks” star Meg Stalter loves Dolly Parton, Instagram Live and private karaoke. More