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      Late Night Weighs In on Andrew Cuomo’s Resignation

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      “It’s gonna be tough for Cuomo. With a track record like this, his only future is either president or Supreme Court justice,” Jimmy Fallon joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Exiting the Governor’s MansionAndrew Cuomo’s resignation as New York’s governor was the talk of late night on Tuesday.“It’s gonna be tough for Cuomo,” Jimmy Fallon said. “With a track record like this, his only future is either president or Supreme Court justice.”“New York Governor Andrew Cuomo announced today that he will resign amid multiple allegations of sexual harassment. And this is, frankly, amazing — he made the announcement via book.” — SETH MEYERS“But during his remarks he said it was best that he step aside — and then every woman in the room took two steps aside.” — JIMMY FALLON“Don’t let the door hit you on the butt on the way out. But if it does, that door should also resign.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo announced today that he will resign amid multiple allegations of sexual harassment, so tune in to CNN tonight for, I don’t know, a rerun of ‘The History of the Sitcom.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Two Weeks’ Notice Edition)“For now, Cuomo’s still governor, because, for reasons I do not understand, Cuomo’s resignation will take effect in 14 days. Evidently, he gave himself two weeks’ notice.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’m sorry, is this really a two-week-notice type of situation?” — JIMMY FALLON“Cuomo’s replacement will be Lt. Gov. Kathy Hochul. And this is — yeah, this is strange. Right after she was announced as New York’s next governor, CNN offered a prime-time show to her sister.” — JIMMY FALLON“Hochul will be taking the seat vacated by Cuomo — hopefully, after putting a towel down first.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingMarlon Wayans, a “Tonight Show” guest, said he quit doing stand-up for 20 years after Chris Rock heckled him.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSarah Silverman will kick off a two-night stint as a guest host on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutJennifer Hudson, with Marc Maron, left, and Marlon Wayans, learned to play piano for “Respect.” Quantrell D. Colbert/MGMJennifer Hudson did a deep dive into her friend Aretha Franklin’s past to portray the Queen of Soul in “Respect.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Was Disinvited From Obama’s Birthday Party

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      “In the massive scaling back, I got massively scaled,” Colbert said of being cut from the former president’s guest list because of coronavirus concerns.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Access RevokedStephen Colbert opened “The Late Show” on Monday with a story of “being disinvited from the cool kid’s party” that was former President Barack Obama’s 60th birthday on Martha’s Vineyard over the weekend.“Here’s the thing — a hot ticket is what it was, but given the whole pandemic thing and the Delta variant, a celebrity mosh pit was maybe not the wisest choice, so Obama decided to scale back the guest list for his party,” Colbert explained.Colbert said there were reports claiming that fellow late-night hosts Conan O’Brien and David Letterman, Colbert’s predecessor, had been axed from the guest list, but that he made the cut.“Yeah, I mean, it makes sense — I am known to fill in when Letterman drops out of something.” — STEPHEN COLBERTColbert clarified that while he had planned to attend the party, “In the massive scaling back, I got massively scaled.”“By the way, Mr. Former President, my own 60th birthday is coming up in three years, and you, sir, are not … going to want to miss it. Please come. I’d be so honored if you came. I’ll scale me back to make room for you — and Michelle, obviously.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tokyo 2021 Edition)“The 2020 Tokyo Olympics ended yesterday, and the U.S. athletes brought home 39 gold medals, 41 silvers, 33 bronze and four new variants.” — SETH MEYERS“Well, last night was the closing ceremony for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics which, because of Covid, were actually held in 2021, which means it’s only three more years until the 2024 Olympics are postponed to 2027.” — SETH MEYERS“I hope you enjoyed them, because with global warming, even the Winter Olympics will soon be the Summer Olympics.” — DAVID SPADE, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“But it was a magical two weeks. Night after night, Americans gathered around the TV to see the events where we already saw who won on Twitter.” — JIMMY FALLON“Now that the Games are done, the only place for an athlete to get herpes in a foreign country is on ‘Bachelor in Paradise.’” — DAVID SPADE“Now if you want to witness physical excellence, you’ll have to watch a flight attendant duct tape a drunk guy to his seat.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingDavid Spade poked fun at Monday night’s finale of “The Bachelorette” while guest hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightBarbra Streisand will pop by “The Tonight Show” on Tuesday.Also, Check This OutKelia Anne MacCluskeyOn this week’s Popcast, The New York Times’s pop music team discusses the musical and personal evolution of the Grammy-winning chart-topper Billie Eilish. More

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      Seth Meyers Demands His Own Ben & Jerry’s Flavor

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      If Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon can be on ice cream containers, why not the “Late Night” host?Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More

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      Stephen Colbert Agrees With Mitch McConnell

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      Colbert applauded the Senate minority leader for finally encouraging Americans to get vaccinated against Covid-19.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Late to the PartyStephen Colbert on Wednesday chastised Republicans who are changing their tune on the Covid-19 vaccines, including Mitch McConnell, the Senate minority leader, who is finally urging Americans to get vaccinated amid the spread of the more contagious Delta variant of the coronavirus.“Wow. I’ve got to say — and I hope no one ever takes this out of context — I agree with Mitch McConnell,” Colbert said.“The rising cases are being fueled by vaccine hesitancy, which itself is being fueled by a dangerous pathogen scientists are calling the Republican Party.” — STEPHEN COLBERTRepresentative Steve Scalise, Republican of Louisiana, also encouraged skeptics to get the shots after receiving his first dose this week, saying, “I’ve been vaccinated, many of my colleagues have been vaccinated, and the vaccine is safe, effective, and it’s widely available.”“Yeah, Steve, we know. We all got it months ago.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Steve Scalise is like the guy who just now found out about ‘Bridgerton’: [imitating Scalise] ‘You guys, it’s like Jane Austen, but with high, tight man butt. That Shonda Rimes has got a real future.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But Scalise seems to want it both ways, because he then criticized public health outreach, saying, ‘You’re seeing some people try to bully people into doing things instead of just encouraging them.’ OK, that’s a good point. Invite people in, entice them, don’t call them out. So tonight, we at ‘The Late Show’ have updated our prize for any unvaccinated Americans who go get the shot. You will now win a lifetime supply of ‘life’ and ‘time.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Inoculations have slowed dramatically, and less than half of the total U.S. population is fully vaccinated. So if you think of it like a pie, about half of the pie would be vaccinated while the other half wouldn’t be able to taste the pie because they have Covid.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bucking Tradition Edition)“Hey, I want to say congrats to the Milwaukee Bucks for winning their first N.B.A. championship in 50 years. Fifty years. That’s right, they beat the Phoenix Suns, 105-98. But of course, Arizona has demanded a recount.” — JIMMY FALLON“The game was such a disaster for the Suns, Chris Paul had to file a claim with State Farm to cover his losses.” — ANTHONY ANDERSON, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” referring to the Suns point guard“The finals’ M.V.P. was Giannis Antetokounmpo, who’s from Greece. Yep, a Greek N.B.A. superstar. He could be the first person to star in ‘Space Jam’ and ‘Mamma Mia.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingAnthony Anderson, the guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” sent cameras to Hollywood Boulevard to find someone who could spell “Giannis Antetokounmpo.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightHannah Einbinder, star of the HBO Max series “Hacks,” will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This Out“The Daily Show” became more politically oriented when it was hosted by Jon Stewart, pictured with Senator Bob Dole in 1999, the year Stewart took over from Craig Kilborn. Comedy CentralMadeleine Smithberg and Lizz Winstead, the creators of “The Daily Show,” look back as it turns 25 years old on Thursday. More

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      Late Night Sends Up ‘Space Cowboy’ Jeff Bezos

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      Stephen Colbert joked that the Amazon billionaire came back from space “extra divorced.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘A Mash-Up Between Buzz Lightyear and Woody’Late-night hosts had fun with the Amazon founder Jeff Bezos’s brief trip to space on Tuesday. Stephen Colbert welcomed his audience by saying, “So happy you could all join us tonight for a momentous day in the history of some people having way too much money.”Colbert noted that, despite the amount of coverage devoted to the event, it wasn’t all that newsworthy.“Here’s how I know it’s not important — I hosted the last one of these, OK? For Branson,” Colbert said, referring to the billionaire entrepreneur Richard Branson, who took his own trip to the edge of space last week. “Lot of fun, but talk show hosts don’t anchor historic events — except, of course, when Arsenio Hall interviewed the Berlin Wall.”The hosts couldn’t resist talking about what Bezos was wearing when he returned — a cowboy hat.“I guess space turns you into Kenny Chesney.” — JIMMY FALLON“You know you’re rich when you put that on and everyone who works for you goes, ‘Oh, it looks great, yeah. You’re a man of the people, just going to space.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He looks like a mash-up between Buzz Lightyear and Woody.” — JIMMY FALLON“He got the spacesuit and cowboy hat together by searching for the midlife crisis bundle: ‘Is a soul patch too much?’” — JIMMY FALLON“A cowboy hat? So he went into space and somehow became extra divorced.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Jeff’s Rocket Edition)“Today millions of people all over the world looked up and said, ‘Wow, that thing sure looks like a penis.’” — ANTHONY ANDERSON, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“I guess it’s true what they say, billionaires and their rockets end up looking just like each other.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s the only rocket that shrinks in the cold.” — JIMMY FALLON“They designed it at the Johnson Space Center.” — TARIQ TROTTER of The Roots, the house band on “The Tonight Show”“It looks like R2-D2 took some Viagra.”— JIMMY FALLON“They don’t keep it in a hangar, they keep it in the top drawer of a bedside table.” — TARIQ TROTTER“Next stop, the ‘O’ zone.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s not that hard to get to space.” — TARIQ TROTTERThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon challenged the Jonas Brothers to “Sing It Like,” with Nick Jonas having to perform Olivia Rodrigo’s “Good 4 U” like he just had his tongue pierced.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightLorde will go day drinking with Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This Out“I’m writing this not as the prince I was born but as the man I have become,” Prince Harry said in a statement accompanying the book’s announcement.Pool photo by Yui MokPenguin Random House promises Prince Harry’s forthcoming memoir will be “an intimate and heartfelt memoir from one of the most fascinating and influential global figures of our time.” More

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      Late Night Jumps on Olympic Athletes’ Cardboard Beds

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      “That’s nice, you finally reach your Olympic dreams and have to sleep on an Amazon box,” Jimmy Fallon joked on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bedtime StoriesThere was rampant speculation on Monday that the beds provided to athletes at the Tokyo Olympics were designed to discourage intimate contact that could transmit the coronavirus. Though the social media theory was quickly debunked, the beds are indeed made of cardboard so they can be recycled after the Games.“That’s nice, you finally reach your Olympic dreams and have to sleep on an Amazon box,” Jimmy Fallon joked on Monday.“That’s right, a bed designed to discourage sex, or as it’s also known, an air mattress.” — JIMMY FALLON“Oh yeah, if there’s anything Olympic athletes hate it’s a challenge. Some of those people can do back flips on a three-inch beam. If you really want to stop them from having sex, do what I did in college and put ‘Star Wars’ sheets on them.” — SETH MEYERS“By the way, it turns out the beds were not made of cardboard to discourage sex, but to encourage people to recycle, which is another way to discourage sex.” — SETH MEYERS“I can’t wait for six months from now to read toilet paper labels that read ‘Made from 100 percent recycled Olympic sex bed.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And athletes, remember: If you’re recycling, you’ve got to break down your Olympic sex bed. Make sure to separate your sex bed from your sex bottles and your sex cans.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Consider the Source Edition)“This weekend President Biden went after big social media platforms like Facebook for not doing enough to stop the spread of Covid misinformation. Yeah, our country has gone from ‘The only thing we have to fear is fear itself’ to ‘Please don’t take medical advice from a meme.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, you know there’s a problem with Facebook when you can find more honest information on Tinder.” — JIMMY FALLON“Makes you miss the good old days when Facebook’s primary function was helping you find unflattering pictures of your ex’s new boyfriend: ‘Cargo shorts? There’s no way Diane’s happy with him — then why is she smiling?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, Biden doesn’t want Facebook to prevent young people from getting vaccinated. Everyone under 30 heard and was like, ‘That is so cute, but literally none of us use Facebook.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingIn Monday night’s “Closer Look,” Seth Meyers put the spotlight on Donald Trump and Bill O’Reilly’s struggle to sell tickets for their joint speaking tour.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightJason Sudeikis will be on Tuesday’s “Late Show” to talk about the new season of his Emmy-nominated show, “Ted Lasso.”Also, Check This OutOlivia Scott Welch, left, and Kiana Madeira play lovers and heroes in the “Fear Street” films.Netflix“Fear Street” allows a lesbian romance to blossom among the blood and gore of the new horror trilogy on Netflix. More

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      Jimmy Fallon: Trump Wanted a General With Coup Appeal

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      “You can tell a leader really knows his stuff when he uses the phrase ‘do a coup,’” Fallon said of Trump, who belittled a general for fearing he might try to stay in power.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘I’d Coup You’In a new book about Donald Trump’s final year in office, the authors write that Gen. Mark A. Milley, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, feared Trump would attempt to stage a coup to remain in power after losing the election. Trump responded on Thursday: “If I was going to do a coup, one of the last people I would want to do it with is Gen. Mark Milley.”“You can tell a leader really knows his stuff when he uses the phrase, ‘do a coup,’” Jimmy Fallon joked on “The Tonight Show.”“For the next 15 minutes, he named all the people he would do a coup with: ‘I’d coup you. I’d coup you. You’re coup-able.’” — JIMMY FALLON“OK, you’ve clearly put some thought into this thing you’re ‘not into.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“We really need to come up with a better early warning system than tell-all books. ‘We’re in danger — quick, get me a typewriter!’” — SETH MEYERS“In a new book, Milley reveals that following the election night, he thought the ex-president ‘was stoking unrest, possibly in hopes of an excuse to invoke the Insurrection Act and call out the military,’ saying, ‘This is a Reichstag moment.’ No surprise — the last president was very popular with the alt-Reich.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, the Reichstag fire was in 1930s Germany, when an attack on the country’s legislative branch was used as a pretext to solidify fascist control. What the MAGA crowd did this year was totally different — because it was in English.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Olivia Rodrigo Edition)“During a visit to the White House yesterday, pop star Olivia Rodrigo made a surprise appearance at the afternoon press briefing to help promote youth vaccinations, which should have a big impact on the millions of teens who watch the White House press briefings.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, pop star Olivia Rodrigo made a surprise appearance at the afternoon press briefings. It was almost as surprising as when Sarah Sanders would appear at one.” — SETH MEYERS“Side note here — it’s nice to see a real celebrity at the White House after the last four years, when the previous president could only manage to dig up the likes of Ted Nugent or Scott Baio.” — SETH MEYERS“Biden’s got huge celebrities helping him out with an unprecedented nationwide campaign to get Americans vaccinated against a deadly disease, and all Trump could muster was 18 holes with Kid Rock and his flag pants, which look like something you buy for six bucks at a truck stop because you tore the [expletive] out of your good pants rock-climbing on peyote.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingBarry Jenkins, an Oscar-winning screenwriter and director, talked to Desus and Mero about telling stories of Black trauma onscreen.Also, Check This OutDavid Byrne, center, with Chris Giarmo, left, and Tendayi Kuumba in “American Utopia.”Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesBroadway is finally back, with new Covid safety protocols and productions in previews still working out the kinks. More

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      Stephen Colbert Tackles Books About Trump’s Time in Office

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      Tell-alls about the Trump presidency include “Landslide,” “Betrayal” and “Nightmare Scenario,” “which is also how the former president describes having to read a book,” Colbert joked on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Good Reads“We’re learning a lot of new details about the last days in office of former president, the Turd Reich,” Stephen Colbert joked on Wednesday of Donald J. Trump. Those books have names like “Landslide,” “Betrayal” and “Nightmare Scenario,” which Colbert said was “also how the former president describes having to read a book.”“Other new books are using titles that are actually quotes of his, like ‘I Alone Can Fix It,’ and ‘Frankly, We Did Win This Election.’ Those, of course, join the ranks of other great titles, like ‘People Are Flushing Toilets 10 Times, 15 Times,’ ‘The Kidney Has a Very Special Place in the Heart,’ ‘Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV: The Book,’ and, of course, ‘In Europe, They Live, Their Forest Cities. They Are Called Forest Cities, They Maintain Their Forests, They Manage Their Forests. I Was With the Head of a Major Country — It’s a Forest City.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The big bombshell from these books is an account of the infamous moment during the D.C. Black Lives Matter protest when the big strong law and order president hid in an underground bunker. The ex-president was so embarrassed when his little hidy-hole adventure was leaked that he reportedly said, ‘Whoever did that, they should be charged with treason,’ adding, ‘They should be executed.’ Careful, sir, if you start executing people for leaking, you’ll have to find a new lawyer.” — STEPHEN COLBERTTonight’s Monologue: Trump says whoever ‘leaked’ info on his White House bunker stay should be ‘executed,’ the Olympics’ new weird medal rule, and Biden’s “red phone” with China. #FallonMono #FallonTonight pic.twitter.com/hm3CYZwVps— The Tonight Show (@FallonTonight) July 15, 2021
      “In Trump’s defense, he didn’t want to stay in that bunker, but once he went down all those stairs, there’s no way he’s going back up.” — JIMMY FALLON“Speaking of Trump, a new book just came out that describes ‘anarchy and chaos’ in the final days of his administration. Yeah, the final days were ‘anarchy and chaos,’ as opposed to the early days of Omarosa and Scaramucci that were a well-oiled machine, I guess.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Good 4 You’ Edition)“Pop star Olivia Rodrigo met with President Biden and Dr. Anthony Fauci today to discuss coronavirus vaccine outreach. That story, again: America’s No. 1 teen idol met with Joe Biden and Olivia Rodrigo.” — SETH MEYERS“Vaccination rates are especially low among the younglings, so today pop star Olivia Rodrigo went to the White House to promote vaccines. Rodrigo told everyone who has already been vaxxed, ‘Good for you, you look happy and healthy.’ If you didn’t get that reference, I’m guessing you’ve been eligible for a vaccine since December.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“There she is about to enter the same door used by historical figures like James Monroe, Abraham Lincoln and Kid Rock.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian Phoebe Robinson, who was the guest host on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” surprised the Scripps National Spelling Bee champion Zaila Avant-garde with an appearance from Bill Murray.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightLorde will perform her new single, “Solar Power,” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutIn “Ted Lasso,” Jason Sudeikis plays a character he helped create in 2013 for NBC Sports promos. “It was like, What about just playing a good guy?” he said.Daniel Dorsa for The New York TimesJason Sudeikis and the creative team behind the Apple TV+ show, “Ted Lasso,” which returns for a second season on July 23, talk about its surprise success. More